My little boy Bhanwra

I had never thought I would keep a pet unless my sweetheart 'babu' came into my life. She was injured so I started offering her food and she started visting everyday. I was unaware that she was pregnant until one day I felt something moving inside her. A few days later she delivered 3 beautiful kittens including my Bhanwara at a neighbour's house.

A few days later, she moved the kittens to my kitchen's loft. They remained there for about 20 days and she moved them again to a new house. She again brought her kittens back to my house few days later. I provided them food and a nice quite place to sleep and a big backyard to play. But my whole attention was on Tweety the newborn abandoned kitten I had adopted on my vet' request. So I could never spend much time with the other babies.

Yesterday my most beautiful and most sensible baby bhanwara sneaked out of a tiny hole in the wall while playing and was chased by two dogs and got killed instantly. I saw and rushed to him, but within 10 seconds my baby was gone. I managed to reach at the time he took his last breath. All this happened within 10 seconds.

I can't stop blaming myself for his untimely death. He was just 3 months old and deserved a good life. I had noticed that they had been snekaing out but I thought babu will take care as she was nearby. She knew there were dogs in the neighbourhood. she had fought dogs and Tom's to save her kids previously. I wish I hadn't taken it lightly. I wish I hadn't left it on babu alone to care for the kittens. I wish I had spent more time with him at least and could show him how much I loved him.

I now feel that by adopting another kitten, I did injustice to my own kittens. To save one, I neglected the others and eventually lost one of them.

My Bhanwra was such a sweetheart. He even befriended my little one while others hissed and growled at him. I had named him Bhanwra ( black bee) because he could never stop at one place for more than few seconds.

I can't forget his face. His beautiful coat was soaked in blood. His blue eyes had popped out. His lifeless body. I can't stop thinking about how scared he would have been when the dogs were chasing him and how much it would have hurted him when the dogs caught him. My poor boy succumbed to my carelessness and I will never be able forgive myself for this.


I can only hope he is at peace now and that he would forgive me for not being able to save him.



RIP Bhanwra

Oh dear. That's terrible. Nature can be unbelievably cruel sometimes. You did not cause the dogs to do such a thing. This sounds like just a terrible accident. God has the little baby now. I pray he is at peace and that you find peace. Such an awful story, Im sorry you had to see that and so sorry he did not get his shot at life.

RK 

Very sorry to hear this, and sorry that you had to witness such an awful thing. Don't be too hard on yourself, you can drive yourself crazy with the "I should have's" but that is quite natural, for some reason God needed this little one in Heaven early.

God Bless...

I pray that the dogs will be taken care of, they have to be kept from roaming, once they start killing domestic animals it is one step away from a child.

I,too, know the horrible pain of holding a little one while they die, I have went through the same feelings of guilt and remorse over something that should not have happened. I still cry four years later over the loss to my life. The only thing that helps is time, time will bring the realization that it was an accident, it was something you really had no control over, unless you held that tiny one 24 hours a day, horrible things can happen. No matter how much we want to go back and change things, it is not to be. You have to learn to live with the pain, to not let it take over your future, your little boy would never want that. You opened your heart to one who desperately needed someone or they would not have made it,. Don't blame the good that you took on for evil happening, evil still happens no matter what, to the best of people and without warning. Grief brings on all this guilt and all the should haves, could haves. It does nothing but bring heartache and pain to dwell on something you cannot change. Keep your mind occupied, love those little ones still in your care, they need you so very much. The bond you have with little Bhanwra can never be taken from you, he loves you too much to bring such sadness into your life. He would only want happiness for the one who cared about and loved him. He is at peace now, there is nothing to forgive when it was something that happened unintentionally, you would never bring harm to your little ones intentionally, so how can you take the blame for something you would never want to happen? Little Bhanwra shared your life's journey fro a short while, now he takes another path that will parallel yours until the end. He was in your life for a reason, celebrate that sweet little boys life, it would have been far more tragic to have never known him at all. Do good in his name, love ta ht orphan kitten, it is certainly innocent in this tragedy. Know that we all here feel your pain, some like me, have felt that guilt, but life is for the living and your future is what you make it, don't make it one of bitterness and pain. Give all your little family a kiss from me and grieve your loss with them, it helps to have family around at a time like this. Take care.......RIP sweet baby Bhanwra, you were an innocent that tragedy took far too soon. Know that you were so very loved and will never be forgotten, sleep tight sweet Prince!     

Thank you so much @JamesTheCat les26 and di and bob for the kind words and sharing my pain.

I know such things happen in nature all the time. I also know that if my cat hadn't brought them to my house probably all 3 of the kittens would have died. But since Bhanwra was my favourite baby and I saw him die, my heart aches for him.

My heart is still full of guilt. The fear and hurt he had to go through during those 10 seconds could have been avoided. I wish i could have given him a good life and lots of love.

I couldn't spend much time with him either, however in the last few days he had started playing with my little one and we spent some fun moments together that I will always cherish.

I unintentionally try to look for him at the spot he used to sit and stare at me and then slowly crawl upto my tiny kitten to play. He was such a gentle soul. May God give him all the love and happiness my sweet baby deserves in his the next life.

I now am focusing on giving the mom and the remaining kittens a better life however I doubt the kids won't escape since they have been raised by a feral and they don't want to stay indoors at all. However I will try my best.

All any of us can do is love them and care for them the best we can. Our hearts know the greatest joy and the greatest pain. 

your sweet boy would never want you to blame yourself. RIP sweet boy