I Lost My Merlot This Morning

merlotandasti · Dec 14, 2016

I lost my first, precious cat (almost 10 years old), Merlot, at 3 this morning. I had to euthanize him because of saddle thrombosis. He was in awful condition. Just a week ago, he was running around & playing as normal. This was probably one of the most horrid experiences I've ever had. Does anyone have tips on getting over this? My home feels so empty without him prancing around. Also, my second cat, Asti, who has been with Merlot his entire life seems sad. Are there any tips on keeping him as happy as possible?

marrin713 · Dec 14, 2016

I'm sorry. We lost Will suddenly in October.

merlotandasti · Dec 14, 2016

I'm sorry to hear that. I never imagined that it would be this hard. I'm not sure how to handle it

catlover73 · Dec 14, 2016

I understand your pain from this sudden loss. I lost two senior cats that had been in my life since the day they were born to the same medical condition you mentioned years ago. It really does happen out of nowhere and there are no warning signs that anything is about to happen. Please know that there is absolutely nothing you could have done to change this situation.

I am sorry your Merlot is gone. Our baby's are never with us long enough. Merlot is now an angel looking down on both you and Asti. Merlot knows how much you love him. The love between you and Merlot is a bond that will never be broken. His love will live on in a special place in your heart through the memories from the time you shared together. Merlot has taken a piece of your love with him and that helped light his way to the rainbow bridge.

Asti is also grieving for the loss of his friend Merlot. One thing you can do is give Asti as much extra attention as he will let you. If you notice Asti searching for Merlot call to him to come to you or try getting out his favorite toy to distract him. Cats do grieve in their own way just like humans do. This may be hard for you to do but try explaining to Asti that his friend is now at the rainbow bridge helping other kitties that have passed away. It may seem odd but Asti will understand this. I share your tears. I also offer hugs to both you and Asti during this very difficult time.

merlotandasti · Dec 14, 2016

catlover73 said:
I understand your pain from this sudden loss. I lost two senior cats that had been in my life since the day they were born to the same medical condition you mentioned. It really does happen out of nowhere and there are no warning signs that anything is about to happen. Please know that there is absolutely nothing you could have done to change this situation. It took me a long time to realize that. I hope you realize that and do not spend time beating yourself up over what if's you could not control.

I am sorry your Merlot is gone. Our baby's are never with us long enough. Merlot is now an angel looking down on both you and Asti. Merlot knows how much you love him. The love between you and Merlot is a bond that will never be broken. His love will live on in a special place in your heart through the memories from the time you shared together. Merlot has taken a piece of your love with him and that helped light his way to the rainbow bridge.

Asti is also grieving for the loss of his friend Merlot. One thing you can do is give Asti as much extra attention as he will let you. If you notice Asti searching for Merlot call to him to come to you or try getting out his favorite toy to distract him. Cats do grieve in their own way just like humans do. This may be hard for you to do but try explaining to Asti that his friend is now at the rainbow bridge helping other kitties that have passed away. It may seem odd but Asti will understand this. I share your tears. I also offer hugs to both you and Asti during this very difficult time.

:grphug2:

Thank you so much for the reply. It's really hard. My main regret is that I let it get this far. I kept thinking "he'll get better" & "he can't leave so quickly." But I just know he suffered so much before I let him go to sleep. It was absolutely devastating to watch him struggle. I live alone & I'm actually really afraid to sleep because I feel like it'll haunt me in my sleep. My poor baby. I'm trying to take it as a learning experience. I now know what I need to do to be a better cat "parent" & when to let go. Our bond is so strong. I love him with every ounce of me so it feels like I'll never be right again.

& Asti. I think he knew it would happen soon because he watched over him moments before Merlot's seizure. He also saw it so I'm so afraid he'll react badly. He's also my sweet baby. I'm sure he knows Merlot is gone. It's so sad.

growlithe66 · Dec 14, 2016

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I can only say that it gets better, even if it seems impossible. We lost a kitty a few months ago, after just having adopted him a few months prior. Out of the blue he seemed to have trouble breathing. I brought him in right away and we found it was late stage heart failure, and within three weeks he had deteriorated so rapidly we had to euthanize to prevent suffering. It was a total shock and felt awful, like a nightmare. I understand how terrible it is because you do not get to adjust before you have to say goodbye. The days before his death, he would be okay during the day but struggle at night. He would play gently, but begin to breathe very hard, and it would make me feel sick. It must have been awful for you- I assume you had even less time to adjust

when we finally did it, I felt numb for a bit after, but sometimes it would hit me again out of nowhere and I would cry. I still get really sad sometimes. So my advice is to expect these moments, and don't try to prevent them. Let yourself grieve. When something this sudden happens, a lot of the normal grieving that would happen before has to all be processed after. I had some sad dreams that left me questioning my decision a lot, but you have to know in your heart that you did the right thing. You gave your baby the greatest gift of peace. If you ever need to talk, please message me. My condolences

merlotandasti · Dec 14, 2016

growlithe66 said:
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I can only say that it gets better, even if it seems impossible. We lost a kitty a few months ago, after just having adopted him a few months prior. Out of the blue he seemed to have trouble breathing. I brought him in right away and we found it was late stage heart failure, and within three weeks he had deteriorated so rapidly we had to euthanize to prevent suffering. It was a total shock and felt awful, like a nightmare. I understand how terrible it is because you do not get to adjust before you have to say goodbye. The days before his death, he would be okay during the day but struggle at night. He would play gently, but begin to breathe very hard, and it would make me feel sick. It must have been awful for you- I assume you had even less time to adjust when we finally did it, I felt numb for a bit after, but sometimes it would hit me again out of nowhere and I would cry. I still get really sad sometimes. So my advice is to expect these moments, and don't try to prevent them. Let yourself grieve. When something this sudden happens, a lot of the normal grieving that would happen before has to all be processed after. I had some sad dreams that left me questioning my decision a lot, but you have to know in your heart that you did the right thing. You gave your baby the greatest gift of peace. If you ever need to talk, please message me. My condolences

di and bob · Dec 15, 2016

My heart breaks for what you are going through, I cry for your pain. Your heart loves that little boy as much as any human, and he loved you so much in return. You couldn't leave him suffering, and he thanks you for releasing him from his pain. He was surrounded by your love and I'm sure was much comforted by remembering how much you and Asti loved him. He would never want you to be so sad when remembering him, try to concentrate on the good times you shared, his sharing of your life's journey, the love that surrounded you all, it would have been far more tragic to have never had him in your life at all. You would not want him to mourn overlong if you were the first to go, he wants only the best for those he loves so much. The bond you have with him is spiritual, it can never be taken from you. It is as much a part of your soul as the other loves there, use it to send your love and comfort and to receive your own. Your good memories will help to bring comfort, they are precious and will help you through this difficult time. Do good things in your little one's name, give cat food to the local pantry, pay for another little one's adoption, or give your time at your local shelter to give attention to those who so desperately need it. It would help you to feel better, doing good for those in need.

Time is the only thing that really helps. It softens the hurt so you can learn to live with the emptiness and loss, lean on Asti, he feels the loss too, you can help each other. You will never replace what you had with Merlot, that is impossible. His love and place in your lief is as unique and rare as the most priceless jewel. Be grateful for each day you had him in your life. You haven't 'lost' him, he will always be a part of your life, a part of you. His place in your heart and soul is there for as long as you are alive. Asti's place is just as unique and just as permanent. Each love is.

You will be blessed for giving Merlot such a wonderful home and your love, let us share your pain and let you know we understand your pain and acknowledge it. We have lived through it ourselves and know how much it hurts and how empty our homes can feel. But know one day the pain will lessen, and you would honor your little Merlot by showing him you can open your heart again and share the legacy of love he left you. Take one day at a time, don't dwell in the past and the future is what you make it from what you do today, if you have to, take one minute at a time, it's the little things that make a life worth living. Take care..........RIP beautiful Merlot, you will never be forgotten, a heart holds you tenderly for eternity. Sleep tight, sweet Prince!

rubysmama · Dec 15, 2016

Condolences to you (and Asti) on the loss of Merlot. RIP sweet Merlot.

Would you have a picture of Merlot you could post so we can see your sweet boy?

merlotandasti · Dec 15, 2016

20160623_211640.jpg

merlotandasti
Dec 15, 2016

This is of Merlot when he was healthy. He was such a sweet boy

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merlotandasti
Dec 15, 2016

This is one of him & Asti together.

merlotandasti · Dec 15, 2016

Di and Bob said:
My heart breaks for what you are going through, I cry for your pain. Your heart loves that little boy as much as any human, and he loved you so much in return. You couldn't leave him suffering, and he thanks you for releasing him from his pain. He was surrounded by your love and I'm sure was much comforted by remembering how much you and Asti loved him. He would never want you to be so sad when remembering him, try to concentrate on the good times you shared, his sharing of your life's journey, the love that surrounded you all, it would have been far more tragic to have never had him in your life at all. You would not want him to mourn overlong if you were the first to go, he wants only the best for those he loves so much. The bond you have with him is spiritual, it can never be taken from you. It is as much a part of your soul as the other loves there, use it to send your love and comfort and to receive your own. Your good memories will help to bring comfort, they are precious and will help you through this difficult time. Do good things in your little one's name, give cat food to the local pantry, pay for another little one's adoption, or give your time at your local shelter to give attention to those who so desperately need it. It would help you to feel better, doing good for those in need.
Time is the only thing that really helps. It softens the hurt so you can learn to live with the emptiness and loss, lean on Asti, he feels the loss too, you can help each other. You will never replace what you had with Merlot, that is impossible. His love and place in your lief is as unique and rare as the most priceless jewel. Be grateful for each day you had him in your life. You haven't 'lost' him, he will always be a part of your life, a part of you. His place in your heart and soul is there for as long as you are alive. Asti's place is just as unique and just as permanent. Each love is.
You will be blessed for giving Merlot such a wonderful home and your love, let us share your pain and let you know we understand your pain and acknowledge it. We have lived through it ourselves and know how much it hurts and how empty our homes can feel. But know one day the pain will lessen, and you would honor your little Merlot by showing him you can open your heart again and share the legacy of love he left you. Take one day at a time, don't dwell in the past and the future is what you make it from what you do today, if you have to, take one minute at a time, it's the little things that make a life worth living. Take care..........RIP beautiful Merlot, you will never be forgotten, a heart holds you tenderly for eternity. Sleep tight, sweet Prince!

Thank you so much. I really get so much comfort from reading everyone's replies.

di and bob · Dec 15, 2016

It always helps to have someone who has been there, no one will go through life without losing someone they love. Every living thing is born and will die.

merlotandasti · Dec 15, 2016

You are very right.

rubysmama · Dec 15, 2016

Merlot was very a very handsome boy. Thanks for posting so we'd have a face to go with his name.

Asti is very handsome too. Give him a hug from me and Ruby.

les26 · Dec 15, 2016

So very sorry to hear of your loss, you did the right thing for him even though you didn't want to, but you had no choice, but he thanks you for doing it, he was in bad shape and you helped him out of that pain and he is relieved now! It is extremely hard to deal with, but you and your other kitty will lean on each other and get through it, but it does take a long time.

I hope that your heart heals a bit each day. God Bless......

merlotandasti · Dec 15, 2016

Les26 said:
So very sorry to hear of your loss, you did the right thing for him even though you didn't want to, but you had no choice, but he thanks you for doing it, he was in bad shape and you helped him out of that pain and he is relieved now! It is extremely hard to deal with, but you and your other kitty will lean on each other and get through it, but it does take a long time.

I hope that your heart heals a bit each day. God Bless......

Thank you. It still really hurts. I came home from work today & he usually greets me when I walk in. Asti was there though, which warmed my heart. He has been clinging to me since yesterday. He walks around & sniffs spots where Merlot used to stay at. It's heartbreaking

catlover73 · Dec 15, 2016

MerlotandAsti said:
Thank you very much. That's what happened to Merlot. He was fine & then stopped eating a lot & having breathing problems. His vet didn't give me much information or medication so I thought he'd last at least a little while. But his health deteriorated so rapidly. I wish his vet would've given me some kind of clue of what was happening so that I knew to let him go before his blood clot.... but when I took him to the ER, I was told he has some sort of immune system problem that contributed so there was really no hope at all. I love him so much. I'm really glad I found this site. It's nice to have people that love there cats just as much as I do. People usually look at me like I'm insane when I say they're like my children. But they're really just so important to me. I'm sorry your baby had to go through that as well. I wish no animal or human had to suffer such a heartbreaking disease.

MerlotandAsti said:
Thank you so much for the reply. It's really hard. My main regret is that I let it get this far. I kept thinking "he'll get better" & "he can't leave so quickly." But I just know he suffered so much before I let him go to sleep. It was absolutely devastating to watch him struggle. I live alone & I'm actually really afraid to sleep because I feel like it'll haunt me in my sleep. My poor baby. I'm trying to take it as a learning experience. I now know what I need to do to be a better cat "parent" & when to let go. Our bond is so strong. I love him with every ounce of me so it feels like I'll never be right again.

& Asti. I think he knew it would happen soon because he watched over him moments before Merlot's seizure. He also saw it so I'm so afraid he'll react badly. He's also my sweet baby. I'm sure he knows Merlot is gone. It's so sad.

Merlot was just as

MerlotandAsti said:
Thank you very much. That's what happened to Merlot. He was fine & then stopped eating a lot & having breathing problems. His vet didn't give me much information or medication so I thought he'd last at least a little while. But his health deteriorated so rapidly. I wish his vet would've given me some kind of clue of what was happening so that I knew to let him go before his blood clot.... but when I took him to the ER, I was told he has some sort of immune system problem that contributed so there was really no hope at all. I love him so much. I'm really glad I found this site. It's nice to have people that love there cats just as much as I do. People usually look at me like I'm insane when I say they're like my children. But they're really just so important to me. I'm sorry your baby had to go through that as well. I wish no animal or human had to suffer such a heartbreaking disease.

MerlotandAsti said:
Thank you so much for the reply. It's really hard. My main regret is that I let it get this far. I kept thinking "he'll get better" & "he can't leave so quickly." But I just know he suffered so much before I let him go to sleep. It was absolutely devastating to watch him struggle. I live alone & I'm actually really afraid to sleep because I feel like it'll haunt me in my sleep. My poor baby. I'm trying to take it as a learning experience. I now know what I need to do to be a better cat "parent" & when to let go. Our bond is so strong. I love him with every ounce of me so it feels like I'll never be right again.

& Asti. I think he knew it would happen soon because he watched over him moments before Merlot's seizure. He also saw it so I'm so afraid he'll react badly. He's also my sweet baby. I'm sure he knows Merlot is gone. It's so sad.

MerlotandAsti said:
Thank you very much. That's what happened to Merlot. He was fine & then stopped eating a lot & having breathing problems. His vet didn't give me much information or medication so I thought he'd last at least a little while. But his health deteriorated so rapidly. I wish his vet would've given me some kind of clue of what was happening so that I knew to let him go before his blood clot.... but when I took him to the ER, I was told he has some sort of immune system problem that contributed so there was really no hope at all. I love him so much. I'm really glad I found this site. It's nice to have people that love there cats just as much as I do. People usually look at me like I'm insane when I say they're like my children. But they're really just so important to me. I'm sorry your baby had to go through that as well. I wish no animal or human had to suffer such a heartbreaking disease.

MerlotandAsti said:
Thank you so much for the reply. It's really hard. My main regret is that I let it get this far. I kept thinking "he'll get better" & "he can't leave so quickly." But I just know he suffered so much before I let him go to sleep. It was absolutely devastating to watch him struggle. I live alone & I'm actually really afraid to sleep because I feel like it'll haunt me in my sleep. My poor baby. I'm trying to take it as a learning experience. I now know what I need to do to be a better cat "parent" & when to let go. Our bond is so strong. I love him with every ounce of me so it feels like I'll never be right again.

& Asti. I think he knew it would happen soon because he watched over him moments before Merlot's seizure. He also saw it so I'm so afraid he'll react badly. He's also my sweet baby. I'm sure he knows Merlot is gone. It's so sad.

I know it is hard to see this when you are grieving and the pain is so raw but you did not do anything wrong here. The extra time together gave both you and Asti a chance to say goodbye to Merlot. All you ever did was share your love with Merlot. The what if's and blame are unfortunately part of the grieving process. You have nothing to feel guilty about. I honestly do not think that Merlot would haunt you in your sleep and if anything he might send you a sign that he is at peace and no longer suffering. You letting go of Merlot was your final act of love for him. You are already a great cat parent because you put Merlot's needs ahead of yours by releasing him from his suffering. We all understand not being ready to say goodbye and no one will ever be ready no matter how much we know it needs to be done.

Asti had the chance to be with his friend one last time and it may actually help him with the grieving process because he truly does understand that Merlot is gone. Asti will get through this in time just like you will.

Nothing but time will ease the pain you are feeling. As others have said Merlot would not want you to beat yourself up. Sometimes doing something to honor the memory of your baby is great way to force yourself to move forward when you feel stuck after a sudden loss. I can not tell you when this will happen but things do get better and in time the moments you shared with Merlot will bring you joy again instead of just sadness. I am sending you more hugs during this difficult time. You do not have to carry this pain alone you have people here to offer you support any time you need it.

merlotandasti · Dec 15, 2016

Thank you, catlover73. I keep reading everyone's posts when I start to feel angry at myself. It makes me feel so much better. I should get my baby's ashes tomorrow. I bought a necklace that you can put some ashes in & I just know I'll feel so much better when I get them. I'll always get to carry part of him with me. I also wrote down all of the things he used to do so that I'll never forget them.

reddice · Dec 17, 2016

Same thing happened with us. We euthanized my Socks yesterday and I feel terrible and empty. He was the only cat left in our house a real family cat who loved anyone even strangers.

merlotandasti · Dec 17, 2016

reddice said:
Same thing happened with us. We euthanized my Socks yesterday and I feel terrible and empty. He was the only cat left in our house a real family cat who loved anyone even strangers.

I completely feel the same way. When I go to sleep, I expect him to jump up & try to get under the covers. I'm so sorry you had to go through the same thing.

I Lost My Merlot This Morning

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