Making kitten more affectionate

matea

matea

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Hi everyone,

I have a little kitten (3 and a half months old) and she's just wonderful. However I'm trying to get her to be more affectionate - she comes to me for play time all the time (and does not express interest in toys unless I interact with them and her) but otherwise she seems very "independent".

I tried giving her treats from my lap while cuddling her to create an association but that lasts for total of 10 seconds it takes her to eat the treat :) may I mention she has no problems jumping on me to play so she seems comfortable with the physical closeness. She also follows me around the house but never touches me or rubs against me.

Whenever she's not playing near me/with me she always keeps her distance and I just can't get her to come to me for cuddle time.

Any advice?
 
orientals

orientals

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Hi matea, That is a bit frustrating, I can imagine. Kittens are usually quite willing to cuddle up with their human. There are a few things that I think of. Do you know the history of this kitten before you got her? Has she been with mom and siblings long enough? Is she your only cat? Is it an option to get her a buddy? Kittens don't do as well on their own developmental wise and will mostly be a whole lot happier with a play mate.

Like with humans, the more you want her to come to you, the more she won't want to. Try not to pursue her too much. She may have difficulty feeling comfortable with a human. What you can do is created a couple of rituals. I have them with my cats. See if there is a certain spot in the house she likes and when she is there, cuddle with her, so she will start to associate you with relaxation. Also have daily play sessions with her, this will relieve her stress and bond her more to you. Don't make catching "the prey" to easy for her though, she will lose interest. And cats don't really run after their prey a lot, they like to stalk and pounce, so give her plenty of upportunity to do that while you play with her.

I have four cats. Not all of them are equally fond of sitten in my lap. Some are, but will also at times sleep on their own. If you are her main care giver and play with her, and cuddle her every day, she will bond with you. Some kittens just need more time. Try to be patient and trust that she will come to you in her own time, don't force it (this will make only make her turn away from you). Just pretend she is a shy girl and that you have to win her love. 
 
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matea

matea

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Orientals said:
Hi matea, That is a bit frustrating, I can imagine. Kittens are usually quite willing to cuddle up with their human. There are a few things that I think of. Do you know the history of this kitten before you got her? Has she been with mom and siblings long enough? Is she your only cat? Is it an option to get her a buddy? Kittens don't do as well on their own developmental wise and will mostly be a whole lot happier with a play mate.

Like with humans, the more you want her to come to you, the more she won't want to. Try not to pursue her too much. She may have difficulty feeling comfortable with a human. What you can do is created a couple of rituals. I have them with my cats. See if there is a certain spot in the house she likes and when she is there, cuddle with her, so she will start to associate you with relaxation. Also have daily play sessions with her, this will relieve her stress and bond her more to you. Don't make catching "the prey" to easy for her though, she will lose interest. And cats don't really run after their prey a lot, they like to stalk and pounce, so give her plenty of upportunity to do that while you play with her.

I have four cats. Not all of them are equally fond of sitten in my lap. Some are, but will also at times sleep on their own. If you are her main care giver and play with her, and cuddle her every day, she will bond with you. Some kittens just need more time. Try to be patient and trust that she will come to you in her own time, don't force it (this will make only make her turn away from you). Just pretend she is a shy girl and that you have to win her love. 
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Thanks a lot Orientals. I got her when she was 3 months old. I don't know if she got enough mommy time but she did share a cage with her siblings.

So far I don't see any behavioral problems per se and she seems very happy on her own. She does not mind climbing all over me when she's playing so I don't think it's a human closeness issue. Unfortunately for the time being getting another cat is not an option for me :(

But yes I've been trying not to be pushy with her and just let her be. We enjoy play time together and hopefully one day she'll snuggle up to me as well :)
 
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elliesvictim

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Completely ignore her. Don't come when she calls, don't chase her don't engage her and watch how fast she turns around. She'll start following you.
I have done this to my 1 yr old when she was a kitten because she was soo independent. She would get cut and howl and follow me around and try to get my attention.
 
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matea

matea

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Hahaha my kitty actually comes to me for play and follows me around when i walk around the house. She just does not come to me for cuddles. But yes will give it a try!
 
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elliesvictim

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I try not to do it too often coz it feels mean. But then I remember how often she manipulates me and I'm ok with it.
 
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Kittens go through several stages of development in the first six months of life. The most important are the dependence, independence, and codependent stage. She's still in the independence stage of development. In this stage she'll learn how to hunt and fend for herself. Cuddling is just not something she's interested in right now. It's all about play time. She'll start to slide into the codependent stage soon once she realises that manipulating you has mutually beneficial consequences. Just give her time, play with her often, and make overtures of friendship.
 
orientals

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@Elliesvictim  I have never seen cats as manipulative or having any other human trait for that matter. I read here sometimes that people feel their cat is hurting them on purpose or peeing on their clothes to retaliate or waits to do something at the most inconvenient time. I think they confuse their cat with a human being.
 
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matea

matea

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MingsMongols said:
Kittens go through several stages of development in the first six months of life. The most important are the dependence, independence, and codependent stage. She's still in the independence stage of development. In this stage she'll learn how to hunt and fend for herself. Cuddling is just not something she's interested in right now. It's all about play time. She'll start to slide into the codependent stage soon once she realises that manipulating you has mutually beneficial consequences. Just give her time, play with her often, and make overtures of friendship.
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Oh wow never heard of these stages before. Thanks a lot for sharing. Do you have any advice on how to ease her into the codependent stage? Maybe I worry a bit too much because I love her but I don't want her to grow up without having learned some down time with her human companion :)

Also i don't know if what im doing is wrong but when she's really sleepy I put her into my arms and onto my chest and she sticks around because I think she's too sleepy to move so I sneak in some cuddle time hahaha
 
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elliesvictim

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Orientals said:
@Elliesvictim
 I have never seen cats as manipulative or having any other human trait for that matter. I read here sometimes that people feel their cat is hurting them on purpose or peeing on their clothes to retaliate or waits to do something at the most inconvenient time. I think they confuse their cat with a human being.
Click to expand...
Cats have learnt to mimick human babies. Their tone and pitch has been shown in research to match human babies to illicit the best response. Probably through trial and error.
 
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elliesvictim

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The first night I brought my girl inside she ran under the couch and crouched in a ball (scared body language) and yelped (cat for I'm scared) for about an hour and a half. I let her be, then patted her then sung her to sleep.
She slept for an hour then started yelping again. After half an hour I snuck a peek. She was splayed out (relaxed body language) and casually cleaning herself only stopping every few seconds to yelp (oh I'm so scared). I watched her for a minute as she did this. As if to confirm her manipulation she did this until she saw me quickly change from splayed out to crouched in a ball them re started yelping, caught red handed. I said to her cinically "give it up" and she did. Casually walked and checked out the rest of the apartment.
I too might have said that perhaps I was amperphermorphising her actions until she changed her body language when I caught her. Otherwise why do that, like I said caught red handed.
 
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