How do you deal with the grief of losing a beloved cat?

LittleQuill

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It's been almost a year since I lost my baby girl Aria. Since her death, I've felt a heavy, void-like feeling. Like part of my soul is missing. I have good days and bad, but when it's bad, it's all consuming and I feel like I can't function without her around. I've had her since she was 2 months old, and we developed a bond very quickly. She was the runt of the litter, and thus was very small, (She stayed that way) she also went through some hard times, and because we had such similarities, we were always close, and she was ALWAYS on my lap. I remember, she used to jump up, place both her paws on either side of my neck and nuzzle me.She'd stay that way for hours, purring and drooling. I've never had a connection like that with any other animal, either before, or since, and I feel like something is missing. 

Last night, when I was supposed to be sleeping, I was thinking about her, and came up with an idea that I hope will help with the pain. It might sound weird, but I thought to write her letters. I know she's a cat, not a human, but I'm tired of feeling like this, and at this point, I'm willing to try anything to try and feel better. So I wrote her one, then I got to wondering how and what you guys do to deal with the grief? I'm curious to find out. :)

Thanks for listening!
 

catlover73

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Everyone has their own way of dealing with grief.  If writing letters to your baby is helpful to you then that is great.  Sometimes writing things out can help sort out feelings.  There is really no time limit on how long the grief process can take.  I understand what you mean about good days and bad days.  I lost two brothers that passed away as seniors but had been in my life since birth years ago. There are things that happen to this day that remind of them and I wind up in tears sometimes.  We all form very unique bonds with our fur baby's and those bonds even transcend death. I just wanted to offer you some hugs and let you know that there are people here who understand what you are going through.  
 
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LittleQuill

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Thank you. I'm sorry for your own losses. Being on this forum is definitely helping. It's nice to see people who treat their own cats like the special family members that they are. I find it oddly comforting. I feel like I can talk about stuff like this and no one will go: "That's weird! Get over it already! It was just a cat! Who writes letters to a dead cat? Ew!" Our cats aren't 'Just cats' to us. They have souls, do all the things we need to do to survive (only on four legs, not two), they have needs and emotions. To most of us, they're children, and when one of them is lost, it's devastating. I wish more people understood this.
 

DreamerRose

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I am so sorry you lost your soul mate, and writing the letters is a very good way to let go of the pain of missing her. I've done that in the past when things were difficult, and it helped a lot. Have you thought about doing some volunteering at a rescue or shelter? Being around other cats might help you too.
 

keyes

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Actually you never do really get over it.  Not when they're part of your family.  There are times when I don't think about them and other times, something will bring  them to mind.  They were loved and they are missed. 
 

di and bob

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I agree with keyes, you never get over it, you learn to live with it. A year is not long in the grieving process, I always compare it to the ocean, at times it is calm and you feel you are being good at staying on top of the gentle waves, and then WHAM, a tsunami of grief will wash over you and drown you in it's pain with little or no warning. I had to keep busy and keep my mind occupied, it helped to keep me from being overwhelmed with all those should haves, could haves. I would be walking into another room, and break down and cry when I thought of my little girl laying under the snow, she hated so to be cold. Then I would think that her physical presence is not truly her anymore, now it is spiritual, love cannot be touched or handled, it is a part of our very being. The bond you formed will always be with you, concentrate on that. The one thing I cling to the most is that I know that true love would never want to bring unhappiness. If I was the first to go, I would never want those who love me to live the rest of their life in sadness and grief. Love is selfless and wants only happiness to be in the lives of those we love. Aria wants the same for you.  You feel that 'void', because a piece of us leaves with them when they go, they take it to hold and to comfort themselves. But they leave that part of them behind for us to use too, that 'essence' of them that made them so special and a part of our very soul, the 'essence' of us.

When we are grieving, sometimes it takes a while, sometimes years, to find that special gift they leave behind and find peace in knowing the love we shared will never die as long as we are alive to remember and cherish it. They leave behind a legacy of love for us to use/ I do good things in my little girl's name, I pay for the adoption of the cat that has been at my local shelter the longest to improve their chances of adoption. The shelter tells me it works. Bring cat food to a pantry or shelter, or litter, it is greatly appreciated and may help a cat from being placed in a shelter because of someone being short on money. It helps to make you feel better about yourself by bringing happiness to someone else. 

Bring another little one into your life, the love would never be the same, it can't be, but it brings distraction and joy and in time, like a mother with many children, you can open your heart and learn to love again.

Aria was in your life for a reason, nothing lasts forever but the love she gave you. You were both meant to be, you both shared life's journey for a while, and although it hurts so very much when she left you, the joy and love she brought to you is a far more greater treasure than to have never known her at all. 

My heart goes out to you, I know this pain of a broken heart. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, know we all share your pain and will try to make the burden lighter by doing so, take care................
 
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LittleQuill

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I agree with keyes, you never get over it, you learn to live with it. A year is not long in the grieving process, I always compare it to the ocean, at times it is calm and you feel you are being good at staying on top of the gentle waves, and then WHAM, a tsunami of grief will wash over you and drown you in it's pain with little or no warning. I had to keep busy and keep my mind occupied, it helped to keep me from being overwhelmed with all those should haves, could haves. I would be walking into another room, and break down and cry when I thought of my little girl laying under the snow, she hated so to be cold. Then I would think that her physical presence is not truly her anymore, now it is spiritual, love cannot be touched or handled, it is a part of our very being. The bond you formed will always be with you, concentrate on that. The one thing I cling to the most is that I know that true love would never want to bring unhappiness. If I was the first to go, I would never want those who love me to live the rest of their life in sadness and grief. Love is selfless and wants only happiness to be in the lives of those we love. Aria wants the same for you.  You feel that 'void', because a piece of us leaves with them when they go, they take it to hold and to comfort themselves. But they leave that part of them behind for us to use too, that 'essence' of them that made them so special and a part of our very soul, the 'essence' of us.
When we are grieving, sometimes it takes a while, sometimes years, to find that special gift they leave behind and find peace in knowing the love we shared will never die as long as we are alive to remember and cherish it. They leave behind a legacy of love for us to use/ I do good things in my little girl's name, I pay for the adoption of the cat that has been at my local shelter the longest to improve their chances of adoption. The shelter tells me it works. Bring cat food to a pantry or shelter, or litter, it is greatly appreciated and may help a cat from being placed in a shelter because of someone being short on money. It helps to make you feel better about yourself by bringing happiness to someone else. 
Bring another little one into your life, the love would never be the same, it can't be, but it brings distraction and joy and in time, like a mother with many children, you can open your heart and learn to love again.
Aria was in your life for a reason, nothing lasts forever but the love she gave you. You were both meant to be, you both shared life's journey for a while, and although it hurts so very much when she left you, the joy and love she brought to you is a far more greater treasure than to have never known her at all. 
My heart goes out to you, I know this pain of a broken heart. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, know we all share your pain and will try to make the burden lighter by doing so, take care................
Wow, thank you so much, firstly for taking the time to write that, and second for showing me a different way to view the whole thing. You're right. She wouldn't want me to be upset. She was always good at comforting me. I like to think that she's there. So whenever I get to see somewhere new, I "show" her, since I didn't like her going outside. Now she gets to see everything I do.

I really like what you do for the cat at the shelter. When most people want cats, they get kittens, and the ones at the shelter are forgotten cause they're not "cute". When I was looking for a new cat for Oscar (Aria's half brother), I went to the nearest shelter. I found a small grey one named Koshka. She was 11 months and sooo tiny. She had cat flu that had been treated, and she was recovering from a paralysis tick. Even though she went through all that, all she wanted was cuddles. I wanted to adopt her right then and there, but sadly, I rent, and the owner said she didn't want us having another cat. I was gutted. Unfortunately, to adopt from shelters you need owner approval if you're a renter. I'm still bummed about that, but there's nothing we can do about it.

Again, thanks for your words. I'll remember them. :)
 

zed xyzed

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I hope you find some comfort soon. Your sweet girl would never want you to suffer. You gave her a life full of love, and there is no greater gift you could have given her. 
 
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