Shy cat - mixed messages

elaina

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New cat, Nero, 1-1/2yr old neutered male, domestic shorthair solid white with grey tail, adopted from shelter last week, treated for giardia but no signs of diarrhea since we brought him home. 2 other cats in household, Chico, 16yr old neutered male, and Nikki, 8mo spayed female.

Main problem - shy behavior doesn't give me a clear idea how he wants me to befriend him.

I've owned many cats over a couple decades, so I am not a newbie when it comes to dealing with them. I know most of the basic rules when it comes to shy cats, but Nero is not giving me a clear idea of what to do. His reactions are different than what I'm used to.
I am trying to find his 'currency' to no avail. Not food nor play nor petting, not even catnip. He doesn't mind our other cats, but just tolerates their presence with no particular fear or affection. Our youngest cat tries to play with him, but at worst he finds her mildly annoying.
Nero shows no aggression whatsoever, even when I clipped his overgrown nails. I gently wanted to push his limits to see how he reacts, so I softly held him, and he allowed it for a good half hour! He was not stiff, but at no point did he relax. At most he just allowed it. All it took was the weight of my hand to keep him in place, but once he figured out there was an 'out', he wanted to bolt! Strangely, he would nose and push, but at no time did he fuss or struggle. As soon as I made it clear I wanted him to stay, Nero stood down, until the next opportunity.
If I had to 'speak for him', his body language tells me, "I'm a good cat. I don't wanna hurt anybody. Please don't hurt me!". But he's not terrified in the way I'd expect an abused or feral cat to be. He has meowed a couple times at me, and then slunked off to be away. We are trying to 'ignore' most of the time so he doesn't feel stalked by us. But we do have training sessions so that he sees we are safe and will not hurt him. We don't want overload him with stimulus all the time!
It were as if Nero is being as neutral as possible, not aggressive or violent, but not frozen or stiff, but not friendly or affectionate (I understand that part may take a while and a lot of patience!). Nero doesn't give me much to go on. I can accept if he is just not a 'cuddly cat', but I get the sense that he is lonely and doesn't know how to connect right now. I want him to be happy, however that manifests itself.
I don't have much experience with this cat personality type. I don't know how to read Nero in order to bring him out of his shell, especially since the typical lures and motivations seem to have no effect on him. Not even treats, although there is evidence he does eat dry food when we're not watching.
If anyone can tell me what his behaviors mean, or better yet what to do about them, your help would be so appreciated!! I sensed at the shelter that at heart Nero is a good kitty, and he just needs a connection bring him out. I have to figure out the key to open that door. Does anyone understand where Nero is coming from emotionally?
 

Columbine

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Hi, and welcome to TCS :wavey:

I think you just need to give Nero some time. Some cats are naturally slower to warm up to people than others, and it sounds like Nero falls into this category.

Keep offering play, and maybe work towards hand feeding him some or all of his meals, as this will help to create a bond. Don't keep pushing boundaries by physically restraining him, but do keep offering petting. I'm sure he will relax and warm up to you in time - he's just not at that point yet.

He's very lucky to have found such a sympathetic and understanding home :D [article="32735"][/article][article="32656"][/article][article="32804"][/article][article="30316"][/article]
 
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elaina

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Thanks for your answer Columbine! I guess it will take time to see how this pans out. Even in the past couple hours, Nero was sniffing Chico who trotted into the bedroom, and Nero went 'skipping' after him! Not exactly affection directed to us humans, but it seems to me he is beginning to relax around here! Hopefully rubbing shins can't be far behind (on his terms, of course!)

Because Nero hides so much, i haven't gotten a pix of him yet. But amazingly he looks EXACTLY like the logo cat from the old Kozy Kitten can catfood labels!! And I don't just mean that his fur is all white, but right down to the snout shape and size, proportion and placement of eyes, and lovely round face! If I posted a pix of him, it would be the same (minus pearl necklace)!!

(How do I post a pix once I've published the orig posting? I wanna show you! Lol!)
 

Columbine

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This explains about how to post pictures :D [article="24985"][/article]

It sounds like Nero is more comfortable around cats than humans at the moment. That will really help you long term, as he'll see your other cats trusting you and enjoying affection and that will (eventually) give him the courage to interact with you more :)
 
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