Ethics of choosing a new cat

arouetta · Nov 29, 2016

My cats are at an age (and in one case, health) to where my husband and I have had talks about when they go. We agree on the basics - there will be another cat. However, after that we can't agree.

I am ethically and practically opposed to getting a kitten. I don't want my blinds shredded, I don't want to have to yank a kitten out of the Christmas tree, I don't want to have to deal with the claws that are so sharp that they could be used as hypodermic needles, I don't want to litter box train (BIG!!!), I don't want to deal with crazy amounts of energy. I also know that kittens are the first thing swooped up in a shelter while the older cats are put down. I prefer to get a cat at least a year old, and I won't turn my nose up at 3 or 4 years, because I know so few people want them. Plus, bigger chance they are already altered, because I hate knowing my poor kitties are in pain after surgery.

My husband has already said we're getting a kitten. So, yeah, ethics and practicality hit marital compromise.

The obvious compromise, two cats, is not a good one. We've got three now, and two have no health problems. Losing one and gaining two....it'll be a disaster. We're already dealing with territory issues and we rent, so sneaking in a third cat is hard, two extra cats would be impossible. And I really don't want to literally become a crazy cat lady.

Obviously the greatest advice would be arguments for swaying my husband to my side. Other than that, suggestions for compromise?

boney girl dad · Nov 29, 2016

Relax. Enjoy the kitties you have now. When the next right for you kitty comes along, you'll know it.

arouetta · Nov 30, 2016

Lol, our standards of "right kitty for us" is pretty loose, which is probably why we have such headaches with the three we have. Pretty much, if it isn't sick when initially presented, we can make the relationship work.

Primula · Nov 30, 2016

arouetta said:
Obviously the greatest advice would be arguments for swaying my husband to my side

Why would we do that?

catwoman707 · Nov 30, 2016

Primula said:
Why would we do that?

Because her views are much kinder and practical.

Take it from someone like me, who has had a cat rescue group for many years, and is on the board of directors for the local Humane Society and their cat advocate, with direct contact with incoming and long term residents.

Kittens go, period. Small, kids want them, darling little antics, etc. Kittens do NOT stress in a kennel, as long as they have a sibling and toys, it's all good.

Any colors go.

On the other hand, there are the adults. They are stressed out, get depressed/how did I end up here/unwanted??

Homesick often, they are mostly only adopted when it is off-kitten season so the competition is lower.

Adults can not compete with kittens.

They live in a kennel day in and day out, and unless they are exceptionally attractive, longhaired/Siamese, etc then they are constantly overlooked.

The longer they are waiting, some will become depressed and withdrawn.

Adopting an adult cat is much more rewarding and it shows in their behavior, they are SO grateful.

Kittens will only be small for a couple months and then before you know it are teenagers, then adults.

Kittens you won't know what personality you are going to get.

Adults would tell you how they have that kitten inside of them too, but without all of the destruction and training needed, they already know the deal.

Kittens can be whiny, needy, destructive and super rowdy.

Bringing home a kitten to older adult residents causes the adults to feel replaced because kitten gets constant attention..

Adopting an adult black cat is the kindest thing possible.

Also the slowest to be adopted, yet in studies, black cats are the most easy going in multi cat homes.

So that is why we would do that!

NewYork1303 · Nov 30, 2016

I work at a shelter. As far as I have seen, the kittens are gone in a flash. A few days max. In our shelter, it is almost impossible to scoop one up at all. The cats that hang around at the shelter for a very long time are cats 6 months-1 1/2 years and then around 5+. For some reason cats between 2 and 4 are adopted really fast as well, I think its because kittens are obnoxious and people want adult cats that aren't too old yet. Many of our kittens are returned several months later since people can't deal with the energy of a kitten.

Primula · Nov 30, 2016

Kittens are "obnoxious"?

NewYork1303 · Nov 30, 2016

Primula said:
Kittens are "obnoxious"?

Oh yes. They are more prone to behavioral problems such as scratching on furniture and peeing on things. Beyond this they are so incredibly needy. They have to be played with, picked up, and taken care of all the time. It isn't like adult cats cannot act like this also. But almost all kittens are annoying until they get to be a bit more mature. It is like having a baby. They wake you up at night, they need all kinds of training, and if you aren't home for most of the day you're really making it hard for them to grow up to be well adjusted cats. They have endless energy which is really hard for a lot of people to deal with. These are all the reasons that they get returned to us often.

Kieka · Nov 30, 2016

To the OP, I say just wait. Be open to the right cat when it crosses your path. My Mom went to the shelter weekly for almost a year looking for the right cat when I was a kid. When she thought she found him she took me in and asked me to look around. When I picked the same cat she knew it was right. He was 6 months old then and was taken too soon by cancer at 8 years old. But I will never forget him and even have a memorial tattoo of him because he was so perfect.

So I'd wait and see what happens. If you do want to go looking spend time with cats of all ages and don't force it. Be open to whichever cat or kitten fits you and your husband equally. Personally, I'd do what my Mom did until you both agree on the same cat being right separately.

pusheen · Dec 2, 2016

Wait and see who the right cat is when the time comes.

I adopted a senior cat a couple of years ago. He was ill at the shelter and had been waiting two months for a home. I knew he was someone I could help. Six months ago I made the decision to adopt a second senior cat. I am committed to adopting older cats for the recuse reasons you touch on--they are often overlooked and become dejected waiting for a home in the shelter. I also didn't want to subject my old kitty to a little bundle of energy. But, last month I met a 6 month old kitten with an ulcerous eye, a terrible URI (she could barely breathe), who wasn't eating at the shelter and was very small for her age. It went against the standard I had set for myself, but I adopted her. She had been tossed on the street, her cold had gotten so bad that her eye ended up needing to be removed due to the ulcer. I knew I could help her.

Is she crazy? Yes. There's a reason people return kittens to shelters so often (in my view cats between one and four years tend to be adopted as quickly as kittens and they are more likely to remain adopted). But I saw her and connected with her and she is now recovering from her cold, gaining weight quickly, and is a very happy little girl. My other cat is growing used to her, too.

The best compromise I can see here is to enjoy the cats you have. If you are sneaking in the third cat already, and two of your cats are in good health... should you even adopt a third?

(Oh, and I must say, I have fostered and cared for many kittens and I haven't ever had to train one to use a litter box...)

Primula · Dec 2, 2016

NewYork1303 said:
Oh yes. They are more prone to behavioral problems such as scratching on furniture and peeing on things. Beyond this they are so incredibly needy. They have to be played with, picked up, and taken care of all the time. It isn't like adult cats cannot act like this also. But almost all kittens are annoying until they get to be a bit more mature. It is like having a baby. They wake you up at night, they need all kinds of training, and if you aren't home for most of the day you're really making it hard for them to grow up to be well adjusted cats. They have endless energy which is really hard for a lot of people to deal with. These are all the reasons that they get returned to us often.

Amazing how people differ in their opinions. To me there is NOTHING more delightful than a kitten.

Kat0121 · Dec 2, 2016

catwoman707 said:
Because her views are much kinder and practical.

Take it from someone like me, who has had a cat rescue group for many years, and is on the board of directors for the local Humane Society and their cat advocate, with direct contact with incoming and long term residents.

Kittens go, period. Small, kids want them, darling little antics, etc. Kittens do NOT stress in a kennel, as long as they have a sibling and toys, it's all good.

Any colors go.

On the other hand, there are the adults. They are stressed out, get depressed/how did I end up here/unwanted??

Homesick often, they are mostly only adopted when it is off-kitten season so the competition is lower.

Adults can not compete with kittens.

They live in a kennel day in and day out, and unless they are exceptionally attractive, longhaired/Siamese, etc then they are constantly overlooked.

The longer they are waiting, some will become depressed and withdrawn.

Adopting an adult cat is much more rewarding and it shows in their behavior, they are SO grateful.

Kittens will only be small for a couple months and then before you know it are teenagers, then adults.

Kittens you won't know what personality you are going to get.

Adults would tell you how they have that kitten inside of them too, but without all of the destruction and training needed, they already know the deal.

Kittens can be whiny, needy, destructive and super rowdy.

Bringing home a kitten to older adult residents causes the adults to feel replaced because kitten gets constant attention..

Adopting an adult black cat is the kindest thing possible.

Also the slowest to be adopted, yet in studies, black cats are the most easy going in multi cat homes.

So that is why we would do that!

You just save me a bunch of typing. I was about to say the same. I also believe that adult cats appreciate being chosen more than a kitten. They know what it's like to be passed over.

Adult black cats are like the little black dress of the cat world. They go with everything and are always appropriate. They are timeless classics.

margd · Dec 2, 2016

Kat0121 said:
You just save me a bunch of typing. I was about to say the same. I also believe that adult cats appreciate being chosen more than a kitten. They know what it's like to be passed over.

Adult black cats are like the little black dress of the cat world. They go with everything and are always appropriate. They are timeless classics.

The little black dress of the cat world? That's brilliant. I can see myself using this one myself in the future!

banana queen · Dec 2, 2016

Yes, go for a black cat. Black cats are beautiful, silky soft and perfect, and they are less likely to be adopted than any other colour.

How could anyone resist something so cute?

amber23_zpswnyht79s.jpg

banana queen
Nov 28, 2016

profdanglais · Dec 4, 2016

Kat0121 said:
She's still just a kitten (7 months) but she gets more elegant and beautiful by the day.

arouetta · Dec 5, 2016

Weird. One of the times I went to the local shelter, there was an all black cat that was polydactyl to boot. Almost a year old. The name was Mischief. When I saw him, he was not yet available for adoption. The day he became available I called; he was already gone and I was the sixth person that day they had to tell sorry to.

catwoman707 · Dec 5, 2016

The polydactyl cats are considered to be lucky to some people, that may be why, unless of course he had an overly friendly outgoing personality that shined through the kennel bars

NewYork1303 · Dec 5, 2016

Angua is a black polydactyl cat. Most of the litter she was a part of was black and polydactyl. Her brother took forever to be adopted. Black kittens sometimes get adopted fast, but often don't. Being polydactyl, having a white spot, having striking eyes, all these things can make it easier for them to be adopted whether they are kittens or adult cats.

IMG_3938.JPG

NewYork1303
Dec 5, 2016

sargon · Dec 17, 2016

I prefer cats to kittens, as well, and agree adopting a young adult cat is a great choice. maybe your husband prefers kittens, and you could compromise on a 6 month old or so; old enough to not be very desirable to adopt, but still full of kittenish energy?

catmom marcia · Dec 17, 2016

I personally prefer seniors to kittens or cats - although I foster kittens. As to litter training, you really don't need to worry about that. Unless your house is 5Ksf, the cat will find the litter box (a smart person puts 2-3 down when they are very young). Until you are ready to adopt, shelve any discussion of kitten vs adult. When the time is right to adopt, I would take hubby to visit many shelters, especially if they have open rooms with free roaming cats you can visit. Sit on the floor and see who speaks to your heart. That is the BEST way to find your new best friend. At our shelter we have 2 rooms of free roaming cats that love visitors. Sitting on the floor is a great way to get to know them. Personally, I adore seniors - I'd rather have a cat I adore for 2-3 years than a snit for 15. Trust me, I've had both! With an older adult its WYSIWYG - what you see is what you get. They are more settled, more trained, more set in their ways. A kitten may or may not grow up to be a lap cat. An adult either is or isn't (for the most part). Give me a senior or older adult any day - that's just my two cents.

Now having said all this - a key to marital bliss (I have been married for almost 32 years now) is to sometimes give in and let go. Why not choose 2 next - an older adult and a younger boy or girl. Chances are they will become friends and there will be peace in the kingdom.

Ethics of choosing a new cat

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