Foster asking for me to bring kitten back

hi all! Been a while since I have posted here but I see it's still the same wonderful site!

I needed some advice on an uncomfortable and awkward situation... I recently adopted a kitten through a friend of a friend that is fostering sibling kittens for the county animal shelter. I bonded with one of the kittens almost immediately. She said that she had gotten attached to the little one but couldn't keep her because she didn't need another cat and how upsetting it would be for her other kitties to bring a new kitten into the family. The next day I pick the kitten up. She seemed sad to see her go but didn't seem too upset...not even any tears. I stayed home alone thanksgiving because I didn't want to leave her alone in a new place so soon. My paperwork with the shelter is done and I have officially adopted the kitten. She has messaged me via text and social media asking me multiple times to switch my kitten with another kitten she has and she regrets letting the kitten go...I haven't responded to any of the requests after the first one because to be honest I feel a little uncomfortable and awkward about her even asking that. I am attached to the kitten now, she is happy and settled in my house and my kitties are settled with her. Since I haven't responded to her additional requests to have the kitten back she is furious and has been messaging our mutual friend about how rude I am and how it is a slap in the face that I haven't responded. I responded the first initial time she asked if I would take another kitten instead AFTER I left with my kitten. I respectfully declined. I really didn't feel that she should keep contacting me after that. My intentions were not to be rude or mean but really didn't know how to handle a situation like that. I thought about messaging her and apologizing for her feeling that I was mean or rude but from what my friend told me she seemed rather hostile about it....even mentioned that she could have called the shelter and told them not to let me adopt (she didn't but still, the thought ran through her mind) [emoji]128563[/emoji][emoji]128563[/emoji]
Would I be better off messaging her and apologizing for her feelings being hurt or cease all contact [emoji]128514[/emoji]?

You could do one message and let her know your sorry about the situation but that you've grown very attached as well and have gone through all the proper procedures. Don't drag it out though, especially if she gets ugly. Some people can't be reasoned with and she might not be in the right emotional state.

I would email her one last time to explain that you didn't mean to be rude - you simply felt you had already answered her question.  Then mention everything you've said here, about how the kitten is settled and happy and how attached you are.  Tell her you're sorry she's hurting but you are going to keep the kitten and will not be changing your mind.  That's very final and should stop the requests for the kitten's return.

Wow. At this point, since you went through all proper channels and you've bonded with your kitten, text her once more and tell her exactly that. You went through the proper channels, you've bonded with your kitten and now is not the time for her to request that you bring the kitten back. You don't exchange kittens like sweaters, for crying out loud. 

And then, at that point, let it go. If necessary, block her number from your phone. What she does from then on is not your problem. Realize that she is going to be nasty about you to your mutual friends, but please let that go, too. 

If she's not in charge of the shelter from where you got your kitten, you might want to call the shelter....if she continues to hassle you. They might need to know what's going on. 

This is just my opinion. I'm truly sorry you're going through all this.

Thanks sooooo much for the advice! This situation felt very awkward for me and I wasn't quite sure what to do. She isn't in charge of the shelter, she is a volunteer. I think maybe she is new to fostering and wasn't prepared to let go of her charges. I truly feel bad that she is sad but also feel like she might be a little emotionally unstable.

When our Whisper gave birth to five kittens in our bedroom (this was years ago), we agreed to let the kittens go. Rick knew a couple who wanted a kitten and he knew they were good people. They came to the house and they picked out Spike. Well, we had already agreed that BooBoo was staying with us as well as Ms. Pepe. But when the people chose Spike, I stood up and said, "I'm sorry. Spike is staying with us. Please choose another kitten. Please." Rick was very surprised, but Spike had taken my heart and I couldn't let him go. Thankfully, the couple understood and they ended up taking Taffy (and I would like to add that they were wonderful pet parents; they had Taffy for 17 years before she passed away). But when I made the decision to keep Spike, it was before they took him home with them, while he was still in our house. Had he gone with them, I would have never asked them to return him. No way.

No, you keep your baby. And I wish you the best of luck with your little kitten! 

Ok here is the email I sent her::
I'm sorry I didn't text you back earlier. I didn't really know what to say. I'm so so sorry you're heartbroken. Maxi is settled and happy here and my other kitties are settled with her. I would hate to move her around again and introduce my cats to a different "terrifying" kitten lol. And I'm so so so attached to her I couldn't bear to let her go. I didn't text you earlier because I knew I wanted to keep her and nothing I could say would make you feel less heartbroken and I would have just ended up feeling more guilty than I already do. But just know she will always be loved and treasured by me. I would do anything I had to do to make sure my babies have what they need. She will always have a home with me, I have never rehomed any of my kitties, I have always figured out a way to adjust my life and home around them. So you never have to worry that she will be any less than a queen.

Oh and thanks again for your help guys! Much appreciated. I am socially awkward in any situation where I can't fall back on humor [emoji]128514[/emoji]

That's a great email. You have the makings of a great speech writer.

Excellent email.  You managed to very nicely say "no" while still acknowledging her pain and any worries she might have.  At the same time, there is a finality about it so she should understand that further requests on her part are pointless. 

It's good. Great job!

Well the lady was unmoved by my message...she replied back snarky and hostile. She said I knew she wanted to keep the kitten and I took her anyway...(she posted the kitten on fb as adoptable through the shelter and told me multiple times she could NOT keep her [emoji]128563[/emoji]) she said she only let me take the kitten because she felt sorry for me because I was going through a divorce and that "she could have called the shelter and had them deny the adoption". Which is absurd because there would be zero reason I would be denied other than her interfering at which point I would have gladly informed them of what was going on with her. Oh well I tried to end on a positive note...at least I know I tried!

MingsMongols said:

That's a great email. You have the makings of a great speech writer.

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Oh thanks! It took me forever to write that :lol3:

Margd said:

Excellent email.  You managed to very nicely say "no" while still acknowledging her pain and any worries she might have.  At the same time, there is a finality about it so she should understand that further requests on her part are pointless. 

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thanks. That's exactly what I was going for!

Winchester said:

It's good. Great job!

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Thanks! I tried to be diplomatic

Kellyyfaber said:

Well the lady was unmoved by my message...she replied back snarky and hostile. She said I knew she wanted to keep the kitten and I took her anyway...(she posted the kitten on fb as adoptable through the shelter and told me multiple times she could NOT keep her [emoji]128563[/emoji]) she said she only let me take the kitten because she felt sorry for me because I was going through a divorce and that "she could have called the shelter and had them deny the adoption". Which is absurd because there would be zero reason I would be denied other than her interfering at which point I would have gladly informed them of what was going on with her. Oh well I tried to end on a positive note...at least I know I tried!

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Just read through all of this.

Kelly, you've gone over and beyond what many would have done in the same position.  

Her last response shows she isn't be reasonable, nor particularly rational about the adoption. Some people are just that way and it's no fault of yours.

It is time to block her from all further avenues of communication; email, text, Facebook etc.  I'd also call the shelter to let them know what has happened.  I'm sure they care about the type of people they have fostering the cats and kittens in their care.  

Good luck and post photos of your new baby. I'm sure we'd all love to see her and we're here for you if you need any further help and assistance.

Kellyyfaber said:

Well the lady was unmoved by my message...she replied back snarky and hostile. She said I knew she wanted to keep the kitten and I took her anyway...(she posted the kitten on fb as adoptable through the shelter and told me multiple times she could NOT keep her [emoji]128563[/emoji]) she said she only let me take the kitten because she felt sorry for me because I was going through a divorce and that "she could have called the shelter and had them deny the adoption". Which is absurd because there would be zero reason I would be denied other than her interfering at which point I would have gladly informed them of what was going on with her. Oh well I tried to end on a positive note...at least I know I tried!

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OK, so she could have called the shelter and told them not to allow you to adopt the kitten. She may have felt sorry for you because of the divorce. Yada yada yada. She's trying to make you feel bad. Do NOT let her do this to you.

You've done what you could....and you did it well. So let it go. I know it's going to be difficult for you for a while, but  let it go. As Sivyaleah said, block the woman on FB and other social media; that way you won't see what's going on. If things get really bad, again, you might want to contact the shelter because the shelter deserves to know what's going on and what kind of people are fostering for them. But I'd let it go for now and see what happens from this point forward. And remember that any badmouthing on her part shows people what she's really like. 

Now go give that little baby of yours a big hug.   

Kellyyfaber said:

Well the lady was unmoved by my message...she replied back snarky and hostile. She said I knew she wanted to keep the kitten and I took her anyway...(she posted the kitten on fb as adoptable through the shelter and told me multiple times she could NOT keep her [emoji]128563[/emoji]) she said she only let me take the kitten because she felt sorry for me because I was going through a divorce and that "she could have called the shelter and had them deny the adoption". Which is absurd because there would be zero reason I would be denied other than her interfering at which point I would have gladly informed them of what was going on with her. Oh well I tried to end on a positive note...at least I know I tried!

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 Sigh.  You tried to do the right thing and wrote a very gracious email to her.  It seems she has no concern for what's best for the kitten or your email would  have been enough to let her know the kitten was settled in a loving home.  Instead it seems she's all about "her" and I agree that it's time to block her everywhere you can.  You don't need this unpleasantness.  

What is the kitten's name? And do you have photos?  We'd love to see them! 

This is Maxi. She's about 6 weeks old. Full of love and personality. Fears NOTHING

She's doing the same thing kids do when they don't get their way. Trying to manipulate you and make you feel bad by bringing up things that have no bearing on the matter at hand. I agree with everyone else. Don't respond to any more messages, you did the right thing and let her know very graciously where you stood. She's obviously not in the right space emotionally at this time and that's not your problem. Congratulations on the new kitten!