My sweet, sweet baby girl is gone...

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We had to put the sweetest cat in the world to sleep Monday morning, our fur baby, Turtle. She was over 17 years old. Our home-visit vet came to the house, so it was less stress for Turtle. The last 18 months have been difficult for her, with a new health issue popping up every 4 or 5 months. She still managed to get around, but slowly. Showed interest in only a couple of the things she once did, but continued to follow me around as best she could. These last few months, she’s had to be with me almost all the time. (Although she would go to my husband, too, and sit on the stool next to his chair.) I work from home and she’s always there. Eating had dwindled to her treats and only human tuna, if I held the plate for her, and then still not much. She would drink water on her own and still take her mashed-up pills in tuna juice. She was losing too much weight. Loved to be petted and brushed all the time, and tolerated me carrying her outside in the sunshine and breeze to try to liven her spirits a bit. (She was a total indoor cat.)

The pain is unbearable. I feel like by going on with my life, doing the things that need to be done, it’s almost like she never existed, that I don’t mourn her passing. By removing a lot of “her” stuff to a keepsake place, that’s like removing her. I’ve lost animals before and although felt bitter sadness for months, I don’t remember it ever being this bad. I don’t really enjoy doing anything, and feel like I shouldn’t. Every time I do something or see something that reminds me of her, I start bawling. I grab the vacuum handle and the thought races through my mind, oh where’s Turtle, I don’t want to vacuum where she is (she was terrified of the vacuum).

Is all of this normal? My mind knows some of my thinking is incorrect, but my heart feels nothing but pain and emotion. I know it’s been less than 48 hours, but I honestly don’t see how anyone gets through this. 

I'm so heart broken for you and the loss of your darling Turtle. I can understand the pain and grief you are feeling: Turtle was your beloved companion for 17 years...Turtle was your family. Please allow yourself to grieve and honor Turtle in whatever way feels right to you. There are no rules when it comes to loss.
Turtle was loved and treasured every day of her life. Take comfort in knowing that you gave her the ultimate gift of love in easing her transition across the Rainbow Bridge while she was safe in the comfort of her home and your love. Turtle is at peace and is running free and healthy. I'm deeply sorry for your loss of your beloved girl. Thank you for sharing her with us.

[emoji]128149[/emoji]RIP Sweet Baby Turtle[emoji]128149[/emoji]

I'm so sorry @TurtlesMom  !  Hugs.  The first few days are the worst.  Because you miss them so bad.  We do understand having lost some of our own kitties too like you. You are completely normal, grief is just hard.  I'm so sorry.  Turtle was and always will be a beautiful kitty.  I'm so sorry! 

I started crying as soon as I saw your screen name and knew it was Turtle.  I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girl.  Your feelings are perfectly normal.  It's going to take time.  You will be in my prayers.

What a beautiful girl, I am so sorry.  I hope you find comfort in knowing you gave her a wonderful life full of love. RIP sweet girl you will always be loved and missed 

I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my Momma Girl last Wed. unexpectedly. I thought I was going to die. I didn't even want to love on my 20 month old son it was so bad. Grieving comes in different forms. Please share your feelings and thoughts, don't keep it in. What you are going through is totally normal. The first few days are The hardest. I hope you are able to find peace. Many hugs, you are in our thoughts.

I went through the EXACT same emotions, total breakdown when I found a hair, receiving symphony cards and calls and not being able to talk. I still touch her face in the picture I have hanging by my bed, the bed she so happily jumped onto at bedtime, purring and chasing the boys off. Your heart and your home are empty right now, grief is filling your life and right now grief IS your life.  Your heart does not know the difference between animal and human, you developed  love and a long relationship with Turtle, when she left she took a piece of your heart with her, but she left a piece of hers behind to give you comfort. Now your relationship has developed into a spiritual one, love cannot be held or touched but it is still there. Her life's journey has taken another path from yours, but it will always parallel  yours and she will always be nearby, sending her love along the bond that will tie you together for the rest of your life. Try not to dwell on the end, but celebrate having that precious girl in your life. She brought much into it, happiness and companionship that will never be duplicated.

All she ever wanted was your love, and she received so much more. A wonderful home and the exceptional care you provided, the comfort and concern you provided her at the end, the mourning after she left. Try to remember she would NEVER want you to be so sad, she loves you too much to bring darkness into your life. You would never want her to spend the rest of her life in mourning if you were the first to go, and she only wants the same for you. Time is the great healer of hearts, time is the only thing that helps. You must mourn right now, for you suffer from a broken heart, but in time that pain will soften, the sunshine will come back into your life, you do not want the heart that holds your precious girl to be cold and dark. When the time comes, honor her name by passing on the legacy of love she left for you. If you are unable, do good things in her name, it does help to make the heart happy once more. Pay for the adoption of a long term cat at your local shelter, donate your time to socialize kittens, give cat food to your local food pantry for those in need. 

My heart goes out to you, I'll pray for you all. Accept my sincere condolences, I know the pain of a shattered soul. Take care.......RIP dear Turtle, you brought so much into the lives of those who loved you, please send what comfort you can on the pure light that shines from your star in the heavens. The angels open their hearts and their arms to you, here on earth you will always be held in loving hearts. Sleep tight little princess!

So sorry for your loss.

We all here completely understand how you feel and what you are and will be going through, you gave her 17 GREAT years, but unfortunately her health was failing but she is not suffering or in pain anymore, she is happy and healthy and running and playing at the Bridge in her new life, and you will see her one day when the time comes down the line and you will have tears of joy not sorrow like now, you did everything right, have no regrets but it still hurts so bad you want to die yourself, but we hang on and get over the hump and start to slowly rebuild our lives.

When Simon passed May 2015 from stomach cancer, it hit me so hard, and he even came running up the stairs to come see me when I called him, one last time before he got worse quickly, just like your kitty still followed you around. We had to put him down, and I had such panic and anxiety later that night I felt I was going to suffocate, and for awhile after that I couldn't stand to be in the dark or enclosed areas like the shower, but it slowly passed. When Sebastian passed almost a year ago I had physical symptoms of stress for quite awhile, but that too has passed, so what you are feeling is normal grief. I also felt guilty eating, so did Deb, because we felt they couldn't eat we felt guilty when we did, also a sign of grief as we started to realize they WANTED us to eat and carry on, and this too passed. You come up with all kinds of strange behavior like this under the stress of the grief, it is normal, just let it happen, don't try to ignore it or "squelch" it as it will only make it worse and take longer to go away, as hard as it is just recognize it, look it straight in the eye and deal with it, and with time and love you will heal, and hopefully one day you will be able to share your life with another cat in need of a good home and a good "mommy" like you.....

God Bless, hang in there and you will get better, albeit slowly, but you will, and you will never forget her, memories last forever....

Thank you all SO much! Sometimes the pain and grief is so bad, I just don't think I can make it through. Other times of the day, it lessens. Since I work from home, we were always together, and now it's so empty I can barely concentrate on anything. When my husband is home, that part is better at least. KittieKitten, I know the "think I'm gonna die" feeling myself.

Di and Bob, that's me exactly...I find a whisker, a hair, or a toy underneath something, I completely lose it. Certain things I do that she would respond to, I lose it.The opening of her treat bag always perked her up and she looked so cute as she waited expectantly. Many other bags make that same type of noise when I open them, and find myself avoiding opening them (like a bag of cashews, etc.) because of that. And she would walk over to the vent to smell the air when the heat or air turned on...less and less over the last month, though. So now whenever the air/heat turns on...you get the picture...

HelloMissKitty, yes, she definitely was my companion and family. Les26, that's one of the things that makes this so hard, she was still following me (very slowly), eating treats, purring when petted and brushed...I tend to focus on that instead of the illnesses, not eating, etc.

Nurseangel, thank you for the prayers and for affirming that my reactions and feelings are normal.

Oh, this is going to be a long one.

I'm so sorry for the losses all of you have experienced, but I so thank you for sharing your experiences. I know I'll be back here.

Pam

Turtle would not want you to be unhappy. It's hard to do, but try to focus on the 17 wonderful years you had together & not on her last days.

It's getting a little better. At least I'm not bawling three or four times a day now. I started lighting a candle in her memory for several hours a day, and that has helped. Putting most of her things away made me feel like I was packing her away, so the candle thing definitely helps. Thanks again.