Guilt over moving & leaving feral cat behind

For the past 5 years, I've been taking care of a female feral cat at my apartment building. She had kittens one year, and I ended up catching the kittens, putting them in foster care (they were all adopted!) & having her spayed & released back behind my apartment (this was all with the help of a local-ish feral cat organization). I've been feeding her ever since.

I've been thinking of moving for a little while now to an area about 30-40 minutes away from the town I'm in currently, but one of the main factors holding me back is the guilt I feel over leaving her behind. I've never been able to touch her and she runs away if I get too close, but she's often waiting for me to be fed. I think she's getting up there in years - she's likely a senior cat by now.

She does spend a lot of time next door at another apartment building, where I think she finds some sort of shelter outdoors with a few other ferals in the neighborhood. I'm unsure if they feed the cats as well.

Can anyone give advice on what to do in a situation like this? I can't try taking her in currently because I have my own indoor cat with feline leukemia - & I couldn't have more than one cat in an apartment anyway, it seems. But I also can't help but think that taking her in at this point in her life (or rehoming her) & trying to domesticate her might not be the best thing for her - it might even be traumatic.

Is there someone else in the neighborhood who will take over feeding? If the answer is yes, don't feel guilty.

If you can find a neighbor to feed her and they are willing to take care of everything that would be best. The second best would be if a neighbor allowed you to set up a feeding station and you stopped by every few days to drop off food for her. If you've been at the current apartment that long I hope you have a good relationship with the landlord so maybe they would take over or help with it if you supplied the food. I love cats but the reality is she isn't your cat; she's a feral. You've done everything in your power to make her life better but you have your own life and responsibilities.

I know there are people who will say I am being heartless; but just because I love cats doesn't mean I become responsible for every cat that crosses my path. I've had fosters and fosters fails (running about 50-50 there, lol). I've given homeless people food for their pets. I've donated to help animal groups. I've stopped to scoop a struggling kitten off the road. But just because I helped someone or some cause at some point doesn't mean I am then responsible for it forever or have ownership of it. 

She is older so adjusting to indoor life would be challenging. If the new apartment doesn't have a separated space where you can keep her, socialize and keep her then I don't really see as you can do much more for her. If you were to trap and bring her to your new neighborhood it would likely be a traumatic experience for her. Feral cats just do not handle relocation well and frequently die because they don't know the territory. Even with you feeding her at the new location she would have trouble knowing what is safe, where to go, fitting in, etc. 

Ultimately though, it becomes what you can live with. If you can find someone to take over her feeding, great. If you go back periodically to feed her or send money for her food, great. If you try to trap her and move her, great. If you do everything you think you can and end up moving and leaving her behind, great. Whatever anyone on here says it really comes down to what you can live with and what you decide is best after exploring options. I hope that I or someone else is able to come up with something that helps you decide and helps you figure out the best solution for you. 

My view is that since you have been feeding and caring for her for the past 5 years, she is your owned cat.  It would be abandonment if you left her all alone without care.  I do realize how hard it would be to take her along.  The best solution is to find someone to take over feeding her.  You could offer to buy the food if needed.  I would begin by asking around to see if you can find if anyone else feeds or if anyone else cares for the other feral cats.  Then explain that you will be moving, but that she needs care.  It would be very cruel to just up and leave and not have her taken care of since she has learned to rely on you for food. 

I myself am planning a move within the next year.  I care for 4 ferals.  Each of them will be going with me.  I would never leave them behind.  It is going to take careful planning, but moving with a feral cat can be done. 

You also could look for an apartment that allows more than one cat.  She would need her own space and it might be difficult, but she would be safe and have a loving home. 

A shelter is not an option for her as most would find her unadoptable and she would be euthanized. 

If you do decide to move and take her with you to socialize.  Many of us here have socialized feral cats and brought them into our homes.  It does take work.  It can be challenging, but it can be done.  So if the time comes, ask for help here. 

You have done so much for her.  Spaying her was a great gift.  I wish the best for you both.

I agree with Shadow--she is not just a feral cat, she is your cat and has come to depend upon you for food and care. If you move, I think the best option would be to re-trap her and take her with you, unless you're moving to a inner city where she would not adjust to life around lots of people and cars. You would need to keep her in a room by herself for a while before letting her go outside, if she were to go outside again. Not all adult ferals desire to return to life outside once taken inside by their caregiver.  There is a vaccination for Feline Leukemia you could give her if you decided to keep her inside. The other option is to find her another caregiver--someone whom you could completely trust to care for her in your absence. I know I could never leave an outdoor feral cat behind whom had become dependent on me for food and care without being assured someone would care for it. It is hard taking in a feral cat and socializing it, but many of us have done it and can offer help and advice and support every step of the way.

We've been struggling with this same issue recently - as discussions have begun between myself and my hubby as to how much longer we can stay in the multi-stories house we're currently in. Realistically it'll be 5 years before moving is an option - - -but it's not just us we have to consider - we currently have 4 indoor kitties (one was a previous TNR of ours that we brought in)----and 5 of  the many cats we've TNR'd have chosen our house as their permanent home. We're working on socializing all - in hopes that all could eventually be adopted as indoor kitties, but since they came to us as adults, it's a slow process that may never be completed to many adopter's satisfaction. And some might say "why don't YOU take them all in since they know you!" - - but since we'd be looking at downsizing - - - 9 indoors is a bit much even for me

ON the other hand - once we realized that we didn't plan on being in this house forever - we began talking to immediate neighbors that we knew were cat lovers, and trustworthy. Both neighbors already have shelters on their property already. Three homes have already agreed to continue providing food/shelter/water/etc if/when we need to leave. They've started slowing woking on approaching the group of 5 so that the group feels less threatened by them.

So we feel like we're as covered as possible - but I know we'll always worry about any we can't take (or get ito homes before we'd move). I do agree that at this point - their as close to "our cats" as feral cats can be. They depend on us for food, for shelter, for water, for security. Just as aem5285  - yours do. Finding a home for  her - especially since it's a single cat and not a large colony - - does seem like far and away the best option. There are many people on this site who could help you and the adopter though the process.  I'm sure you know this - - - but at this point she's fully dependent on provided food- - a sudden switch forcing her to fend for herself would likely not end well for her.  But as a single cat - - - you've got options - - - good luck and keep us posted!

Hi everyone, I apologize for not responding until now after all this time. I decided to put the apartment search on hold because I just couldn't bring myself to leave her behind. I've continued feeding her & have a shelter out there for her. But unfortunately this morning in the freezing temperatures around here, I found her outside my apartment barely moving. I currently have her wrapped up in blankets and am trying to warm her up and will be bringing her to the vet. I'm afraid this might be the end for her and will have to put her down if she is suffering. If she is able to recover, I don't think I could bring myself to put her outside again, so I'm unsure what to do in that event (which, to be honest, doesn't seem like it'll happen). If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know. On the slim possibility that she does recover: I don't know if she would be able to adjust to indoor life & if that would be cruel to force it, but at the same time, I think it would be cruel to put her back outside this winter.

Oh I'm so sorry. I hope she survives. Do you still have your other cat? I don't think it would be too hard for her to adjust to indoor life. My Demi cried for 2 weeks straight when I brought him inside for good, but he's fine now.

If you recovers please try to bring her inside. It can be done. I have brought 2 feral boys inside and just the other day I brought my 3 outside feral boys inside as I am moving in February and could never leave them behind. They are now in a cleared out guest room adjusting to inside life. I cleared the room of all furniture and put some of their furniture from outside in the room.

I would never think of putting her outside. Hopefully she can recover and you can find a place for her. We can all help you through the process.

I know what you're going through. I had a colony of 9 I had raised from kittens and fed every other day for over two years and because of destruction of their little home I had to surrender all but one as "barn cats" where farmers supposedly agree to supplement food. But there is not a day goes by that I don't think of them, are they cold, starving, scared....?

All that said I have one still at the construction site I can't trap... she has never let me get within 3 feet of her even with food. I know what's coming and for a cat person it never is going to feel as if you made the right choice. To me the right choice is to take all of them home where they can be loved, fed and warm.... but a lot of times that's not real life.

But it sounds like you can at least handle her so perhaps a " no kill" shelter even if you had to drive a ways to surrender her? At least she could live out her days warm and well fed.

I wish you well my friend whatever choice you have to make.

Any news?

She died. She died by the time I got to the vet's office. I feel really terrible. I wanted to see if I could rehabilitate her depending on the advice of the veterinarian of what the humane thing to do would be, but her condition was too bad.

My neighbors next door - a car garage - said that they tried to get her to come in yesterday, but she wouldn't. The owner also has a truck out back that she has slept in over the years - he kept blankets in there. She'd also been using the shelter I had for her outside, but I'm not sure why she didn't last night. He was happy I was able to get her and said he wanted to take her in if she recovered, which made me feel good, to also know that he has been caring for her all these years.

I feel so awful for her. I'm glad that she didn't die outside, but at the same time, I am beating myself up over this. I was never able to touch her - that's how I knew things were bad yesterday. After years of feeding her, she had at least begun to tolerate my presence to the point that I could get fairly close to her. But the fact that I could grab her yesterday meant that she was in really terrible condition. I'm not sure what I should have done, if I did the right thing for her.

Realistically, I don't think I could have taken her into my apartment. I still have my indoor non-feral cat who has leukemia and who also developed some behavioral issues over the past year (she has stopped using the litter box entirely...) that I am still trying to figure out (don't worry, her vet is very much involved in this and I have done all of the usual things that people recommend). I didn't think bringing another cat in would help her - it would likely be a high stress situation for both of them.

Stella (the feral) was an old cat. Definitely a senior. I'm guessing around 15-16 based on what neighbors have said and how long I had known her.

I am really upset about this. I struggle with depression and this has hit me really hard. I am getting her cremated and I think I will spread her ashes in the spring or summer when it is warm.

Thank you, everyone, for your advice and support.

So sorry. I know when you put part of yourself into an animal you form an unwritten bond and now to lose her....I know what you're going through but try to focus on not what might have been but on the good times when you enjoyed each other.

You fed her, Provided shelter for warmth , made her life easier by having her spayed, gave her love to the point of putting your life plans on hold.... I think she knew.

If all people proved this much for ferals the world would be a better place.

Sleep well

I'm so sorry. You and your neighbor did everything you could.

I'm so sorry. But don't beat yourself up over this. You did so much for her over the years. And it sounds like she was a tough girl who did things on her terms. And maybe she came to you at the end so you'd know what became of her and wouldn't always wonder. RIP sweet Stella.

Maybe if you eventually feel up to it, you could write a memorial for her in the Crossing the Bridge forum.

And also maybe consider sticking around the site. There are a lot of wonderful posters here, and maybe being around a bunch of people who love cats as you do might help ease the pain you are going through.

I am very sorry for your loss. You did the kindest thing for her. She was probably suffering, but you gave her a peaceful passing, and she didn't die alone, you were with her. Fifteen and 16 years is a good long life for any cat, and a very long one for an outdoor feral cat. I know how hard the grieving process is. I hope you can find some comfort in knowing she is at peace now, and very grateful for everything you and your neighbor have done for her.

A aem5285 the TCS team would like you to know that we are so very sorry for your loss.

Threads are locked after someone has suffered such a loss, as a sign of respect.
We invite you to place a tribute at our Crossing the Bridge forum as an enduring testimony to your friend.

RIP sweet Stella



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