Tips for intro to a new cat

So we decided to get a third cat. I have two ragdolls who are both two years old. And are half siblings. A boy and girl. Theyre both fixed, very calm and adaptive to almost any situation (or so I thought) and always been content. Never questioned anyone or anything that walked into our home. We even had a friends cat stay with us for a while. And they both wanted to be friends with her cat. But the cat didn't like them and hissed a lot so that didn't work out. But never did my cats hiss at her. Become fearful or anything of the sort. Another friend brought his male chihuahua mix dog over and again. No hissing. They were mostly shy but eventually warmed up to the dog. Even when I first brought my girl home. She never hissed at my boy. She would only come to me for comfort and within a few hours they were sleeping together and by the next week. They were playing and running together.

Anyway we welcomed a third whose a ragdoll himself. He's 5 months. Very shy and hasn't been neutered yet. He goes in next month since my vet place doesn't do it till then. I excitedly thought this would work. And put my two cats away in my bedroom and let our third roam the living room. He hid and would come out here and there. So once he got used to me and was purring I thought okay let me bring one of my cats. I brought my girl out and let her see him. She was okay at first until he approached her. Something changed and she stared to spit, hiss, and growl. She didn't attack and I took her away. To put her back in our room. Once she saw her brother. She hissed at him too! This confused me. And I took her brother out of our room to meet the new cat. He hissed barely. But tolerates him. Walks around with him so it's working out between the two boys. But my girl doesn't like either of them anymore...I'm scared to lose my sweet girl and I feel like it's my fault for not introducing them correctly. And having hope that since they had a past of liking most animals (at the vet they never hissed at any of the animals either who approached them) right now I have them all separated in the time being so I can relax and try all this again but slowly now. I'll do whatever it takes for them cause they're my babies. And I want what's best for them. Anyone have any tips? Experience? Anything that can help. I take full responsibility for this and I know I messed up...

Congrats on your new family member!  You can work this out.  You didn't mess up, unless you've been through an intro you really don't know.  I definitely did not until I was in that position!!

First, read this:

http://www.thecatsite.com/a/the-ultimate-yet-simplified-guide-to-introducing-cats

And take it slow.  I have experience with two males, however, I have seen posts from people introducing a new cat into their household and it seems common that the female of the house has the hardest time forming the new relationship.  Use the search bar to find threads on introducing cats (you'll probably find my journey there as well!) 

It's wonderful the boys are tolerating each other.  Honestly, that is a HUGE positive thing--most often nobody likes each other at first!!  So you have a big positive working in your favor already!

As for your girl's hissing at her brother---read this. 

http://www.thecatsite.com/a/re-directed-aggression-in-cats

It's also covered in the introducing cats article.

Congratulations on your new kitty! Don't beat yourself up. It's so hard to know how kitties will react. Most of the advice that I read suggests that slowly introducing the new kitties is best. Making their first interactions face-to-face is perceived as threatening to the old cat, and your pretty girl was probably more scared than anything. We followed advice from the SPCA when we brought home our second kitten, and it was helpful. 

http://www.humanesociety.org/animal..._new_cat.html?referrer=https://www.google.ca/

It was hard to follow, though. We ended up having to make a barricade in the middle of the house so that our kitten could run around and the resident cat could still have her own space. They would peek and meow at each other through the boxes. 

I've also had good luck with the Feliway Multi-cat Dispenser. If it's in your budget, I'd recommend giving it a try! 

Good luck!! Let us know how it goes.

We also did what @Tiggers  recommended, although we used 3 baby gates stacked on top of each other to completely cover a doorway, since my resident cat was intent on murder.  His 12 year old butt scaled over two baby gates, so it was a necessary evil for us to completely barricade the door, while still allowing visual access.

We also did site-swapping.  We swapped who was in "their room" and who had free run of the house.  This allowed them both to get used to each other's scent on everything.  You could do this with the one boy who is accepted by all out at all times.  He could even act as "tour guide" and "welcome committee" for the newcomer!!

It took us 7 months.  SEVEN.  But, as I said, we had some major setbacks due to the hardship in communication because old dude is deaf as a doornail.  And he was also a very territorial male, even though he was neutered at under age 1, he lived outside the first 7 years of his life and ruled the entire property.  He just was very hard to convince that the new cat was truly staying and was going to be part of the household.  He's great now.

The Feliway calmed our newcomer within hours, however, since my resident cat is deaf (many intro issues focused around that) I had problems with him with the Feliway.  He reacts very differently, apparently because he has a heightened sense of smell.  He roamed the house screaming and howling, focused in on the plug-in diffuser, and just sat and howled at it.  So we had to scrap that tool LOL

Here's a picture of my two boys, 9 months after the newcomer came inside to live forever.  Two months so far of harmonious cohabitation!!

This was today, off my "nanny-cam" set up to watch their cat tree!  Don't give up!!!

hbunny

Thank you for the reply! It helps cause I really haven't been through this kind of intro. Kaito (boy) was my very first actual pet after hubby and I moved in together and decided to get one pet. And once he needed a playmate we got Natsumi (girl) and their intro wasn't so bad at all! She wasn't spayed so she was overactive and yelled everything he was nearby but the first night they were sleeping together and things were pretty calm. After she was spayed it was furever friends from then on. I've come to realize with much reading that their intro must have been different because kaito was the sole alpha of the house so when she was brought in. She probably had no choice and warmed up to him. Since he was very welcoming and confident made it so much easier. I guess now with our new boy she's obviously territorial. From the day I posted this I thought there was probably no hope. But we are on Day 7 and oh goodness I feel so much better now. We did the site swapping and now we can finally keep the doors open! They aren't the best of friends yet. She hisses but it's quick and she smells him. Im lucky the new kitty doesn't mind the hissing or anyone getting near him. He just ignores her and walks away. Plus I discovered that my older boy is protective of his new brother. The first days when my girl was hissing really badly, my boy would come to his rescue and swat at my girl. Or he would block her from getting near the baby. It was very interesting to watch! The dynamics in play are funny and intriguing to me. Either way the baby likes to sleep with hubby and I and is more attached to me. I give them all attention and Ill share a photo below that made me believe that with patience and hope, anything is possible.


tiggers
Thank you for the advice! I haven't had time to reply since I've been busy running around trying to make them all comfortable and took all the suggestion into consideration. I told myself if things weren't better by this week I would try the barricade and if things were too bad the feliway. But its been a week and things are starting to look up. honestly didn't think it would progress so quickly. I thank you so much cause I thought that maybe we made a mistake but I feel so much better now. Posting below a lovely pic

@sabi0194   Oh, yeah, you got this thing whipped!!  Looking very good!!!  If they can all cohabitate at this point, you have got the hard part beat.  Just let them work out their relationship dynamics and all will soon be well. 

Just remember--sometimes cats can live together forever and not be BFF's.  It just happens.  It's like there are people that will NEVER get along, but they tolerate due to societal expectations and acceptable behavior.  Luckily, most animals are more accepting than people.  I grew to look at it as if you took two human strangers that had never laid eyes on each other before and forced them to live together. 

For example, I own a house that I've lived in most of my life, and suddenly I am forced--with no say in the matter whatsoever and no escape route for me-- to have this complete and utter stranger come to me live with me forever.  I have no choice in the matter.  The first few nights...possibly weeks....I might be afraid to even lay down and go to sleep and never take my eyes off them out of distrust and/or fear.  I am afraid they will take my things.  There is a stranger in my house and I don't know what they might do or what they are capable of.

It just helped me put so much in perspective thinking of it in this way.  I know cats and humans aren't the same critters at all, but when it comes down to it--they know what is theirs and what is not, and like us, they defend what is theirs.  So maybe not as different as we think!

hbunny
Definitely that definitely puts it in perspective. I can live with them coexisting. So that's good. I just never thought my girl would be so pissy since in the past she showed no signs of aggressiveness to other animals that have been brought here. She always wanted to play with them. Guess things change. Thank you tho. At least the hard part is done. Phew!

I have 4 cat household consisting of three males and one female.  The age range is 10-2 years old.  My female Starbuck is the 10 year old and also the smallest of the group. Starbuck has always taken the longest to adjust to new family members. She does not like to play with the other cats unless she starts it.  She plays with toys with us but does not want to play with the other cats.  It has been two years since my last introduction and things are still not perfect but they are going well.  My biggest cat is a  male named Sonny.  He was raised in a mutli-cat household and is friendly to everyone and likes to play.  I have had Sonny for 6 years and she still hisses and growls at him when he tries to play with her. Sonny is a big cat and I think his size scares a little.  When Sonny starts chasing her I re-direct his attention with a toy or cuddle time. Starbuck will usually run and jump in our lap if we are home and Sonny is bothering her. She is also a small cat so she has plenty of places she can hide to get away from Sonny when she needs to.  She gets along much better with my younger males who are not as large as Sonny.  Even though Starbuck sometimes has issues with Sonny both cats sleep on our bed with us.  Sonny has never tried to hurt Starbuck and he would actually love to cuddle with her and groom her but it rarely happens.  We had a lot of loud arguments when those two were introduced.  They still have loud arguments once in a while but I think Starbuck is finally starting to realize that Sonny wants to play and is not trying to kill her. You can make this work. You have already made excellent progress.  As far as your female cat hissing her brother you could try taking a piece of dirty laundry and rubbing it on both of them.  He may smell different to her and that is why she is hissing at him.  You could also wipe down the new baby with a piece of dirty laundry too it may help things if all they smell like you.  I have used this technique to stop hissing between my cats after vet visits.  One of my friends who has a multi-cat household told me to try the dirty laundry wipe down when my Apollo would not stop hissing and swatting at Sonny after a vet visit.  It worked and things went back to normal between them quickly.

@catlover73   I love your kitties' names!! 

Yay!!

They look so, so sweet together! I'm so glad that everything is progressing nicely with them.  

@catlover73  

Awesome names! And yeah sounds like they're more like tolerable than anything. I am glad they co exist well enough without major issues. My husband had this fear that it would be like how it is was in his mum's house...it was terrible. I can't even begin to explain how terrible it was and when they did have a good day it was only cause the cats were mostly separated. Anyway, thank you I might actually try that since my girl loves to hang around us a lot. My babies mean everything to me and I only want what's best for them. I have so much patience for them and love seeing them all at peace at some point in the day makes everything so worth it.

@Tiggers  

Thank you! Im amazed as well! It really swells my heart with joy seeing them together at least at meal times.