How do you know when you are ready to adopt again after suffering a loss

fearlessbenjamn

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My family was crushed by the loss of our kitty, Ringo.  We had to have him put to sleep due to FIP about 2 months ago.  My husband and I still have not fully recovered.  I still shed a few tears when I think about him.  We talk about Ringo on a daily basis. He was not just a cat.  He was a bright light in our lives.  As a way to honor Ringo's memory, I want to adopt again.  We currently have 3 other kitties at home and since Ringo has passed on there is an empty space.  Is it too soon to adopt?  My husband says that with every new kitty he sees he thinks of Ringo and because of that he is just not ready.  Ringo is irreplaceable.  I don't want to rush into an adoption but I know we would love the newbie like we love the rest of our gang.  I don't want to rush it if my husband is not ready.
 

catlover73

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My family was crushed by the loss of our kitty, Ringo.  We had to have him put to sleep due to FIP about 2 months ago.  My husband and I still have not fully recovered.  I still shed a few tears when I think about him.  We talk about Ringo on a daily basis. He was not just a cat.  He was a bright light in our lives.  As a way to honor Ringo's memory, I want to adopt again.  We currently have 3 other kitties at home and since Ringo has passed on there is an empty space.  Is it too soon to adopt?  My husband says that with every new kitty he sees he thinks of Ringo and because of that he is just not ready.  Ringo is irreplaceable.  I don't want to rush into an adoption but I know we would love the newbie like we love the rest of our gang.  I don't want to rush it if my husband is not ready.
I am sorry for your loss of Ringo.  No matter when you adopt again the new kitty will never replace Ringo.  He will live on in a special place in your heart through all the memories of the times you shared together. It sounds to me like you are ready to adopt but your hubby may not be.  Perhaps you could try mentioning to your hubby that you are not replacing Ringo but you are honoring his life by giving another baby a chance to have a safe and loving home like you provided for Ringo.  I remember the first time I lost one of my fur kids.  We had the opposite problem my hubby was ready to adopt and I was not.  We never actually went looking to adopt but a very young kitten needed our help unexpectedly.  Looking back on this now I think that Baby-T sent Starbuck to us to help me with losing her.  She was a surrogate mother to some of my other cats when they were kittens and I think she sent us Starbuck to rescue.  Starbuck was 6 weeks old when I adopted her and will be 10 years old soon.
 
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hellomisskitty

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I remember when you lost your Ringo and the words of devastation you wrote fearlessbenjamn fearlessbenjamn . I think adopting again would be a lovely way to honor Ringo and agree that might be a way to have your husband look at it that way as well.
Not too long ago, a co-worker of mine lost her cat very unexpectedly. She and her daughter were both devastated. My co-worker was ready to open her heart to a new cat before her daughter was so they started out by just visiting area shelters and rescues just to be able to interact with the cats. There was no committed intent to come home with a cat. After a few weeks of visiting shelters, it happened: in walked Remi and they both fell in love. A few months later, both still miss, talk and cry about the loss of their boy but their lives and home is now warmed by the joy Remi brings. My point in telling you this story is that my friend's daughter's heart was more open to a new cat than either of them thought and that the "let's just see what cats are available" no pressure approach helped her daughter realize that she was ready.
I wish you all the best. Please let us know what you all decide to do.
 
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fearlessbenjamn

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Thank you all..I don't know if I could survive being a cat mom without this site. In good times and bad everyone offers encouragement and sympathy..

I think I will just be open and let things happen..Each night before I go to sleep, I ask Ringo to connect me with the kitty that needs us most..I will not put any pressure on myself.  I know the right little fur ball will make his way to us and we will have Ringo to thank for it.
 

kittens mom

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You can never replace one with another. Mercy came home to us 3 days after being devastated after Kitten was murdered by a negligent vet. I have always said she was the perfect cat at the worst time. Mercy was my cat from the moment she showed up in my email. When you see the right one you'll know and that will be it.
 

Kat0121

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My family was crushed by the loss of our kitty, Ringo.  We had to have him put to sleep due to FIP about 2 months ago.  My husband and I still have not fully recovered.  I still shed a few tears when I think about him.  We talk about Ringo on a daily basis. He was not just a cat.  He was a bright light in our lives.  As a way to honor Ringo's memory, I want to adopt again.  We currently have 3 other kitties at home and since Ringo has passed on there is an empty space.  Is it too soon to adopt?  My husband says that with every new kitty he sees he thinks of Ringo and because of that he is just not ready.  Ringo is irreplaceable.  I don't want to rush into an adoption but I know we would love the newbie like we love the rest of our gang.  I don't want to rush it if my husband is not ready.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Ringo sounds like a very special boy. May he RIP and continue to watch over all of you with much love 


When the time is right, the cat for you will cross your path. It always works that way. They find their way to us. They choose us, not the other way around. It sounds like your mind is made up and you need encouragement.

Here it is: Follow your heart. If you feel like you are ready to give another lucky kitty a chance at having a loving forever home, go for it. Visit shelters and rescues and meet the kitties. The right one will find you. This will NEVER take anything away from what you had with Ringo. A new kitty will never replace Ringo and his place in your heart will be there forever just as your place in his heart will. Ringo would never be angry, jealous or upset if you got another kitty. He'd be pleased that another cat will get to experience the same care, friendship and unconditional love that he did. Ringo knows that the day will come when he is reunited with the family he will always love and he's OK with your decision. 


Talk to your husband and let him know that you are ready whenever he is. You might be surprised to hear that he's ready but wasn't sure if you were. 
 

donutte

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I'm so sorry for the loss of Ringo. I still mourn the loss of my Lucky, and he died almost a year ago. I already had other kitties, but I chose to adopt again two and a half weeks after he died. I felt the best way to honor him was to give another life a forever home. Not a replacement by any means - Lucky was absolutely irreplaceable. But he was so special I felt I had to do something exceptionally special to honor him.

Just wanted to share my experience. I know you will follow your heart. I know it's cliche to say you'll know when the time is right, but that is the truth.
 

darkmavis

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I agree with the other posters, I think you'll know when it's time. We lost our Genever about a month and a half ago, and I still cry almost everyday, but that's another subject entirely. I forget if it was my boyfriend or I who first mentioned adopting another kitty, it was and still is kind of a reluctant conversation, but we know we'll get another sister or brother for Rose, and we both feel like we'll know when it's time, and like people say, they pick us. I will never ever replace Genever, like you will never replace Ringo. If your husband isn't ready, then it's probably not time yet, but I think it's good to talk about it, it helps, it's helped me I know, it makes it not seem like taboo to be considering adopting another cat. Our hearts are hurting, but we know they're capable of loving another cat. I don't know when you know when it's the right time, I don't know myself, but I do feel that when it is the right time,you (and i) will know. Hugs to you both. :)
 
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taboobleu

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​TabooBleu belongs to me. Prior to him I had a female torti I rescued From my sister's barn, she had been tossed out a car door in her driveway. Against my sister's advice (it prob has rabies) I ran into the barn to search her out. She was meowing @ me from the rafters. I told her to come down if she wanted some love. She jumped into my arms! I told her her name was Annabella and she was coming home with me! She died @ 13 with stomach cancer. Our family's first cat got a funeral & burial. I went without a feline love for almost a decade. Then, @ work, everyone was adopting kittens. I had been pining away for the biggest grey male cat I could find. A friend told me she had a friend who breeds maine coons & had a litter of 3 grey males. Then enters SteelyDanBleu. 25lbs of feline with a lion's disposition! The message was clear, Do Not Mess With ME. I raised him to 14yrs old and then a criminally insane ex-boyfriend STOLE him from me! I drove myself crazy wondering if he was still alive, dead, or worse. My spirit was crushed. A few yrs passed & I was living in a totally different situation, and my roommate asked me if I was ready for another cat. At first I said no, but changed my mind. His girlfriend's female was pregnant, and I got first picks. 5 males. Taboo was the 4th I looked at. He slept in my cleavage for an hour and bitched when taken away from me. His Christian name is Taboo Tuesday Bleu, and Baptized as such. He is completely out of this world! The best way to describe him, if I were to compare him to someone it would be "Tigger" from Winnie the Pooh. I could not possibly tell you all the crazy things this cat does! He deserves a BOOK. The attached pic I named The Face I Love, cuz I better love it cuz that's what I see everytime I wake up! And I do! It's hard to say when a human looses a cherished life, when they can commit to another one. House cats lifespan is obviously shorter than a human's, so I believe we were meant to share our special love with many animal companions. Everything happens for a reason and God places us and them in situations where we can find new love. Taboo was a complete surprise to me! I mean the way he is, his personality. He makes everything about ME! His love for me. I've heard other's comments on Taboo & me. I've heard: I've never seen a cat love someone as much as he loves her; Does he always sleep on top of her like that?. Taboo is a dream come true, a prayer answered. I truly pray all you animal lovers out there have your prayers answered too. God Bless...
 

msserena

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I had a cat for 17 years, she died in Oct & in Nov I went to the Humane Society. Every day I realized my little friend wasn't around, no fur ball to sleep with, no one following me around & sitting with me at night. I knew I couldn't live without a cat & that's when I got my 3 little fur balls. They've kept me busy & I love them, but it's nothing like the bond I had with my girl that died. What I wouldn't do to have her back! It is what it is though, they die & we still have to maneuver through life.

I would highly recommend getting something to love on, it really does help with the feeling of loss & sadness.
 

blueyedgirl5946

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When you lose a cat, nothing ever replaces the spot that cat holds in your heart. I don't think there is a clear answer to your question. You will know when the time is right. :nod:
 
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