Desperately need some wisdom.

amaruuk

TCS Member
Thread starter
Adult Cat
Joined
Aug 23, 2005
Messages
121
Purraise
61
Location
Canada
I've been reading this site, and lurking for quite some time. I've gained a lot of wisdom from these forums - general behavior, switching to raw, what to look for in a sick cat - and until now, didn't need to reach out for help. Until now. 

A (hopefully) short-ish intro. 

When my partner and I temporarily broke up 2 years ago, I went to find cuddles from the cats at the humane society. I wasn't intending to find my cat soul mate, but there she was. She and I bonded like no other animal I've ever, ever had. She immediately was at home in my apartment. All she wanted to do was snuggle and curl up on my lap, slide under the covers with me at night to spoon me ( little paws around my neck, head tilted down under my chin. ALL night ), greet me every day at the door when I come home from work with purrs and chirps and long belly rub sessions. 

She has never missed the litter box. She has never hissed, bit, scratched anyone. She doesn't jump on counter, she doesn't knock anything over. She ignores human food even if it's on the ground (with a look of 'that's...that's disgusting what is wrong with you'), she scratches ONLY her scratching post and she barely sheds. 

She may be a dog. Actually. 

But she and I were thick as theives. She has been my solace through a broken heart, she has been my rock when the days got truly dark and frightening. 

She never liked my partner. 

My partner wanted a cat that he could bond with, like my cat and I had. He felt left out. 

So we got a 5 month old kitten in late summer. Siamese. Cute as a button. 

The adult cat (she's 6 yrs old), she mostly tolerated the kitten. Some hissing but no real fighting. That's not where the issue has come up. 

The Story:

My partner is now my ex partner. Being a cheating, lying sorry excuse for a man, he was promptly expelled from my life. And as the kitten was his, he swore up and down he wanted this kitten and would take him within weeks. 

Until, of course, the kitten got sick. Lily poisoning, on top of an existing bacterial infection. 

I took out a bank loan to pay for the vet bill, a week long stay in the hospital, and saved his life. 

A month he was on medication and antibiotics. Thousands, and thousands of dollars I've paid out of pocket in addition to the loan, in the first 6 weeks I had him. While I was dealing with all the betrayal discovering, the breaking up, the kicking out of said liar and cheater, the therapy that had to be started due to year upon year of emotional abuse stripping away who I was. 

And of course, when I showed the recent ex the bills for his cat, well, wouldn't the kitten be better off with me anyway? He suddenly couldn't take his kitten, and couldn't pay any of the bills. So I stepped up, and thought well, ok. Now I have 2 cats. Not the kitten's fault my ex is an ass. 

In the months that have followed, the kitten has destroyed nearly everything in my home. I've had and been treated for cat scratch fever twice, with what I suspect is a third time festering on my hand as I type. He's scarred my arms and hands. He's eaten nearly all my books, 3 umbrellas, 4 pairs of shoes, 2 pairs of boots, 1 pair of rainboots, all my socks, all my jeans (figured out how to open the drawers and chews the ends until inches are missing), the couch, the chaise, a brand new leather office chair i didn't even get to sit in or use. Cords, he mostly leaves alone. Thank god. He tries to eat everything - and I mean everything - else. Plastic bags. Dishcloth. Sponge for the sink. Spoon ends, plastic anything (handles, drawer pulls, couch feet - things I can't move.

Everything in the house I can move, is now 6 feet off the ground - so no clothes in dressers, no glassware in cupboards that don't have child locks because the little demon figured out how to get into the high kitchen cupboards, nothing on the floor - no broom, he eats it, no mop, no bags, shoes, towels, clothes, no clothes hanging in the closet because he destroys anything hanging down. He recently ate all the pom poms off a scarf that was hanging 7 feet off the ground. I found little puddles of pom poms everywhere when i got home. 

He has even chewed through the corner of my laptop and cracked the screen. 

I am at a point where I can't replace what he destroys. Every. Day. 

I come home every day now, and he has found something else to ruin. 

Today, it was the custom blinds on the sliding door that he scaled the drapes to get at. And $40 in tampons after he figured out how to open a drawer in the bathroom. I can't childlock those, so I now have no clue where to put those, or the toilet paper. Toothbrush, brush, all containers in the bathroom - I live out of a very small cubby 7 feet up in my closet. 

He has a clean bill of health now. No medical reason to be insanely eating through everything. 

I've tried rotating toys. It takes minutes for him to chew through traditional cat toys. Even Kong toys for puppies. And he eats the fluff, catnip, bells, rattles - all of it, resulting in yet more vet bills. I got him a 'calming collar'. He ate through it in 12 minutes. He does seem to like rawhide bones, the organic ones, though they last at most a few days. They run about $15 a pop. 

I got him a cat tree. He ignores it. I set up boxes with unbleached organic paper, knowing how much cats like boxes. It takes him about 24 hours to actually eat through them. 

He wakes me all through the night, walking all over me. Fighting with the adult cat. My bedroom is a warzone. 

More often than not he flees from the kitty litter box when he's doing his business, resulting in more mornings than not waking up to poopy paw prints all over my bed, my pillow, and I'm starting to get sick from it. 

On top of all of this - the adult cat is being bullied. She no longer greets me at the door. There are no more belly rubs, there is rarely any cuddling. She hides most of the time, when she's not being chased by him and hissing at him. He will take her food the moment i don't hold him physically back. 

He also has a massive allergy to chicken. So he's on a completely raw, organic diet of kangaroo. Which is running me hundreds a month. 

Ok. That wasn't short. I'm sorry. 

I don't know what to do. 

I'm devastated by what my partner has done, I'm heartbroken and depressed, on meds for anxiety and depression, barely hanging onto my job and my sanity and instead of being a peaceful refuge to reclaim, my home has become the most stressful place I can be. 

I've lost the bond I had with my beloved cat. She's distant, barely lets me touch her anymore, avoids being in the open most of the time. 

But I took my role as cat mama seriously, even if he was unplanned. I didn't want to just hand off the kitten to a shelter. I thought I could nurture him back to health, take care of his special needs; I did a lot of research on his tummy issues, tried different proteins before finding a primary that worked and a secondary to fill in the nutritional gaps. I thought he would settle down (he was neutered 2 months ago), settle into the peaceful life that the adult cat and I have here, adapt. But he's not. And I don't know that I'm the best home for him anymore. I'm at my wit's end. 

I have tried everything I can think of doing, to calm him down, to get him to stop destroying my things and my home, to just...to be happy. I don't know that he is. I know the adult cat and I certainly aren't happy. 

I just...ugh. I don't know what to do. 

I feel like giving him to a shelter here would be admitting defeat, giving up on him. But I don't know what to do. 

I want my peace back. I want the really close bond I had with my adult cat back. God, I miss her presence so much - she's calming and soothing to my shattered heart, she's brought me back from the dark edge of suicide before and now she's nothing but a ghost in the apartment. I can barely get near her to pet her anymore. 

Am I horrible for wanting to give the kitten up? (he's 8 months old, by the way)

Am I more horrible if I try keeping him and end up traumatizing the wonderful cat I already had *and* me? I don't know that I'm the best place for him anymore. 

I got him through a very near death time of his life, got him healthy and medical attention he desperately needed. Maybe that was my role in his life? 

I'm struggling with a lot of guilt over wanting to give him up. Though I do know the turnover rate for beautiful kittens (which he is) in my city is less than a day. He'd be in a home in hours, no doubt with a waiting list of people who'd want to reserve him. So him languishing in a shelter cage really isn't an issue. 

Is it arrogance maybe that keeps him here, me thinking that no one could be as diligent with food and his toys as I am? 

He would thrive in a home with a stay at home parent, with kids, with a dog, with a cat who could handle him. He's lovely and sweet and purrs and cuddles when he's not tearing the world apart by the seams. (which he does while I'm at work, when I'm not here to stop him)Maybe a home with far more supervision would be better for him?

Logic knows what I should do.

The mother in me wants a great and happy life for him. The mother in me also wants a great and happy life for my existing cat, and I know I'm failing her right now on that. She's miserable. 

The realist in me isn't convinced a unified life is going to happen, but there's something in there that takes the responsibility of pet ownership very very seriously and has a very hard time with giving him up. That feeling of intense failure. The wracking guilt at the very thought.

I don't know what to do. I desperately need some wisdom from those that know better, and that's you.

I'm coming apart at the seams, please, please -  is there anything I've missed doing that will create harmony in my home again? 

Or should I give him a more focused home elsewhere, and get to repairing the bond with my adult cat again? I miss who she was so, so much. I need her stability because right now, my world is truly fallen apart. 
 

profdanglais

TCS Member
Adult Cat
Joined
Jul 12, 2016
Messages
150
Purraise
135
Location
Dorset, England
Well, I can think of a few words I'd like to say to your ex. What a £$&@*$^. 

If it were me, I think I'd rehome the kitten, if as you say he'd find a good home quickly. Your poor adult cat must be feeling like she's not welcome in her own home, and it sounds like she needs to be your priority since you had such a strong bond with her. It's a terrible situation, though, I'm so sorry you're going through it. Whatever happens with the kitten you did absolutely everything you could for him even though he was a responsibility you didn't ask for. That's really admirable and you should feel good about it. Not everyone would do what you did. 

Sometimes you just have to say "This is too much, I need a break," and then give yourself the break. If the kitten would be happy and loved in another home then giving him away might be the break you need. 
 

primal cat

TCS Member
Young Cat
Joined
Apr 20, 2016
Messages
29
Purraise
4
You're in an area where he wouldn't be at risk of euthanasia? Wow, that's lucky. I'd normally tell someone to try to keep figuring it out because of the high risk to an innocent animal. In this case I agree with profdanglais. I'm sure the little guy will calm down in time as he's only a kitten, but that's quite an extreme case of pica! Here is a link about it http://www.m.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/unusual-cat-cravings That mentions the nursing behavior as well. You might already know all of it from research, but I figure it wouldn't hurt. It might give you new ideas and directions to research. Is there a cat behaviorist in your area?

People might disagree with me here, but you might try crating him while you're gone, so you can supervise him when you're home. Give him his food and chew things in there so he learns to like it and can't steal from your other cat. He might throw a fit for a little while, but will come to accept it with food association. I have a cat who can open wire crates, so you could put a metal padlock on the slide lock if he turns out too crafty. You could also try a closed hard plastic one, but I hope he can't eat it... Put a litter box in there. That sounds horrible, but it's not. Litter retraining is done this way. Better yet, you could give him his own cat proofed room to keep him from terrorizing your sweet adult cat, without restricting his energy, and maybe begin reintroduction when he is older.

You could try a dog toy by Gonuts. The company will replace it for life if the dog (er, cat) chews to the red center. They are expensive, but the fact that you never buy more makes it actually much cheaper. I have one for my pit bull and newfoundland. I'm sure he wouldn't focus solely on one toy, but he might if it's his only option... or maybe he will decide he likes walls.

At any rate, I think you have done well for this kitten, but if you need a break here, it's understandable. It's great that you take pet ownership so seriously, and care about this little cat beast so much. You're keeping him out of harm's way, so don't be so hard on yourself. I hope it all works out. Take care.
 
Last edited:
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #4

amaruuk

TCS Member
Thread starter
Adult Cat
Joined
Aug 23, 2005
Messages
121
Purraise
61
Location
Canada
Primal Cat - There are very few kill shelters where I live, actually. Lots of cat sanctuaries. I did look into pica, and talked to my vet about his behavior weeks ago, but they said it would be more tests, possibly daily medication that, where I live, is horrifically expensive. I'm out of money, I'm in debt thousands already and now I can't even replace the laptop that I work on. I've given financially all I have. And the adult cat needs dental work that's now on hold because all my money poured into the kitten. 

I did look into pica a month ago. That's where the mass-exodus of all my things went to 6 feet plus so he can't reach them. Yet. But he'll chew on the corners of bookshelves, drapes, anything. He's mostly ok when I'm home - I can divert him - but I work 10+ hrs a day and I can't just be here all the time to supervise him. 

Profdanglais - Yeah I was so angry with the ex for doing this. He wanted a kitten for so long, and initially was so close with Leo when he was brought home. The kitten was very obviously 'his' emotionally. Though, if the idiot was willing to throw away a lifetime over the hussies he found on craigslist, I shouldn't be surprised he'd abandon a kitten when it no longer served his purpose. 

Thank you both for your input. I'm contacting the no kill shelters here and finding out if I can get him someplace that'll find him the home he deserves. My heart is still breaking, there's still part of me that stubbornly wants this to work, but wanting it to doesn't make it the best thing. :(
 

kittens mom

Kittens life was lost to a negligent veterinarian.
Top Cat
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
6,198
Purraise
3,964
Location
Moriarty, New Mexico

Have you discussed the use of medication in your kitten with the vet ? Sometimes animals show stress in ways we don't connect the dots easily. Your own stress along with the illness your kitten might benefit from Prozac type medication.  This is the crate I have for my 9 week old kittens. Mercy is just squatting in there playing she's a baby. For a really determined cat you might need to add extra security on the door latches. If you keep him I suggest a set up like this filled with objects he can unleash his destruction on but not ingest. Again I would look into medication to break the cycle of behavior and try and reset him. And sometimes we reach the end of what we can deal with and have to find solutions that are not to our liking. We had to surrender the mother of our baby kittens ( she was a stray not mine) because of the violent outbursts my resident cat was having over her being in the back room. We found a good rescue/shelter that required a fee to take her. It was painful but she's now with people who if they can't find her a home will provide an enriched life for her. Right now you are being held hostage in your own home.
 
Last edited:

JamesCalifornia

Mr.Mom to a house of cats 😇😼
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 1, 2016
Messages
4,034
Purraise
8,146
Location
Los Angeles
Hello Amaruuk~

I am not a very experienced cat care giver - BUT I am learning a lot very fast. This is something I have done with a few of my "nervous" cats. Theanine with melatonin soft gels by Nature Made. I slice open the capsule and add it to the food. Or you can buy theanine kitty chews at the pet store. ( too expen$ive ! )
It seems to have a calming effect and it's cheap and easy to do .
Good for you taking such good care of kitty ! It will all come back to you in some way or another. ( maybe meeting the right person next time )
All the best to you.
 

Willowy

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 1, 2009
Messages
31,885
Purraise
28,282
Location
South Dakota
Is he a purebred Siamese, or a pointed domestic? If purebred, or even half purebred, contact a Siamese rescue. Breed rescues are better because the people who adopt from them are prepared for breed traits like being extremely active or pica. Whereas people who go to a regular shelter probably want a "normal" cat :tongue2:.
 

foxxycat

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 31, 2014
Messages
8,089
Purraise
13,358
Location
Honeybee on my lap, music playing in background
I know how hard this is. I think you can try medication or rehoming. It almost seems like kitten would do best in a 1 pet household. The destroying sounds like territory issues. Like someone mentioned=a Siamese rescue would be best. Poke around on Facebook and search for those. There could be one right in your town. Or maybe the kitten is missing your expartner? Was he close to the kitten?

At least the diet is working out for you now.

I like the suggestion about about crating him. This is how we start out with ferals and give them a safe place. Oviously need to use actual keys and padlock to keep him from opening the door. But at night I would set him up in a crate like this. Craigslist has people selling them all the time. Don't pay full price at the stores. Poke around on craigslist. I think they call these dog pens. you can try this when you go to work. This would help two things: Not overwhelm kitten with too much area to monitor and help your resident cat not worry about getting chased. Keep them separate. Do they each have their own litter/food etc? Feed them in separate rooms. Install some of those sliding locks into those hook thingies. that will at least keep the door shut on one side.

Too bad you don't know his history from the prior home he came from.

Prozac is another option. Learning to pill said cat daily may help. I have heard several members here try Prozac for urine marking and aggressiveness. A combination of Prozac and crating at night could be would you need for a few hours of relief. Sometimes cats feel overwhelmed with too much space to monitor so often we keep them in a room or crated. He may meow and try to shake the cage=that's ok. The more we give in to their whines the more they know how to get our attention. Almost like dealing with a bratty teenager. you have to set up ground rules and stick to your guns. Even if the kitten makes a big fuss don't give into the attention. Sometimes we have to set up boundaries for our health.

Let us know how you are doing.

If you decide to find a new home for him=just remember=YOU stepped up to the plate and did the best you could. If I was you I would highly consider rehoming IF you can find a rescue. He may do better in a home with other young kittens-maybe he is lonely and destroys objects because he's lonely. Adding another cat to your mix is not the best thing right now. But if you can find a home with younger kittens maybe he will integrate better?
 
Top