I've been reading this site, and lurking for quite some time. I've gained a lot of wisdom from these forums - general behavior, switching to raw, what to look for in a sick cat - and until now, didn't need to reach out for help. Until now.
A (hopefully) short-ish intro.
When my partner and I temporarily broke up 2 years ago, I went to find cuddles from the cats at the humane society. I wasn't intending to find my cat soul mate, but there she was. She and I bonded like no other animal I've ever, ever had. She immediately was at home in my apartment. All she wanted to do was snuggle and curl up on my lap, slide under the covers with me at night to spoon me ( little paws around my neck, head tilted down under my chin. ALL night ), greet me every day at the door when I come home from work with purrs and chirps and long belly rub sessions.
She has never missed the litter box. She has never hissed, bit, scratched anyone. She doesn't jump on counter, she doesn't knock anything over. She ignores human food even if it's on the ground (with a look of 'that's...that's disgusting what is wrong with you'), she scratches ONLY her scratching post and she barely sheds.
She may be a dog. Actually.
But she and I were thick as theives. She has been my solace through a broken heart, she has been my rock when the days got truly dark and frightening.
She never liked my partner.
My partner wanted a cat that he could bond with, like my cat and I had. He felt left out.
So we got a 5 month old kitten in late summer. Siamese. Cute as a button.
The adult cat (she's 6 yrs old), she mostly tolerated the kitten. Some hissing but no real fighting. That's not where the issue has come up.
The Story:
My partner is now my ex partner. Being a cheating, lying sorry excuse for a man, he was promptly expelled from my life. And as the kitten was his, he swore up and down he wanted this kitten and would take him within weeks.
Until, of course, the kitten got sick. Lily poisoning, on top of an existing bacterial infection.
I took out a bank loan to pay for the vet bill, a week long stay in the hospital, and saved his life.
A month he was on medication and antibiotics. Thousands, and thousands of dollars I've paid out of pocket in addition to the loan, in the first 6 weeks I had him. While I was dealing with all the betrayal discovering, the breaking up, the kicking out of said liar and cheater, the therapy that had to be started due to year upon year of emotional abuse stripping away who I was.
And of course, when I showed the recent ex the bills for his cat, well, wouldn't the kitten be better off with me anyway? He suddenly couldn't take his kitten, and couldn't pay any of the bills. So I stepped up, and thought well, ok. Now I have 2 cats. Not the kitten's fault my ex is an ass.
In the months that have followed, the kitten has destroyed nearly everything in my home. I've had and been treated for cat scratch fever twice, with what I suspect is a third time festering on my hand as I type. He's scarred my arms and hands. He's eaten nearly all my books, 3 umbrellas, 4 pairs of shoes, 2 pairs of boots, 1 pair of rainboots, all my socks, all my jeans (figured out how to open the drawers and chews the ends until inches are missing), the couch, the chaise, a brand new leather office chair i didn't even get to sit in or use. Cords, he mostly leaves alone. Thank god. He tries to eat everything - and I mean everything - else. Plastic bags. Dishcloth. Sponge for the sink. Spoon ends, plastic anything (handles, drawer pulls, couch feet - things I can't move.
Everything in the house I can move, is now 6 feet off the ground - so no clothes in dressers, no glassware in cupboards that don't have child locks because the little demon figured out how to get into the high kitchen cupboards, nothing on the floor - no broom, he eats it, no mop, no bags, shoes, towels, clothes, no clothes hanging in the closet because he destroys anything hanging down. He recently ate all the pom poms off a scarf that was hanging 7 feet off the ground. I found little puddles of pom poms everywhere when i got home.
He has even chewed through the corner of my laptop and cracked the screen.
I am at a point where I can't replace what he destroys. Every. Day.
I come home every day now, and he has found something else to ruin.
Today, it was the custom blinds on the sliding door that he scaled the drapes to get at. And $40 in tampons after he figured out how to open a drawer in the bathroom. I can't childlock those, so I now have no clue where to put those, or the toilet paper. Toothbrush, brush, all containers in the bathroom - I live out of a very small cubby 7 feet up in my closet.
He has a clean bill of health now. No medical reason to be insanely eating through everything.
I've tried rotating toys. It takes minutes for him to chew through traditional cat toys. Even Kong toys for puppies. And he eats the fluff, catnip, bells, rattles - all of it, resulting in yet more vet bills. I got him a 'calming collar'. He ate through it in 12 minutes. He does seem to like rawhide bones, the organic ones, though they last at most a few days. They run about $15 a pop.
I got him a cat tree. He ignores it. I set up boxes with unbleached organic paper, knowing how much cats like boxes. It takes him about 24 hours to actually eat through them.
He wakes me all through the night, walking all over me. Fighting with the adult cat. My bedroom is a warzone.
More often than not he flees from the kitty litter box when he's doing his business, resulting in more mornings than not waking up to poopy paw prints all over my bed, my pillow, and I'm starting to get sick from it.
On top of all of this - the adult cat is being bullied. She no longer greets me at the door. There are no more belly rubs, there is rarely any cuddling. She hides most of the time, when she's not being chased by him and hissing at him. He will take her food the moment i don't hold him physically back.
He also has a massive allergy to chicken. So he's on a completely raw, organic diet of kangaroo. Which is running me hundreds a month.
Ok. That wasn't short. I'm sorry.
I don't know what to do.
I'm devastated by what my partner has done, I'm heartbroken and depressed, on meds for anxiety and depression, barely hanging onto my job and my sanity and instead of being a peaceful refuge to reclaim, my home has become the most stressful place I can be.
I've lost the bond I had with my beloved cat. She's distant, barely lets me touch her anymore, avoids being in the open most of the time.
But I took my role as cat mama seriously, even if he was unplanned. I didn't want to just hand off the kitten to a shelter. I thought I could nurture him back to health, take care of his special needs; I did a lot of research on his tummy issues, tried different proteins before finding a primary that worked and a secondary to fill in the nutritional gaps. I thought he would settle down (he was neutered 2 months ago), settle into the peaceful life that the adult cat and I have here, adapt. But he's not. And I don't know that I'm the best home for him anymore. I'm at my wit's end.
I have tried everything I can think of doing, to calm him down, to get him to stop destroying my things and my home, to just...to be happy. I don't know that he is. I know the adult cat and I certainly aren't happy.
I just...ugh. I don't know what to do.
I feel like giving him to a shelter here would be admitting defeat, giving up on him. But I don't know what to do.
I want my peace back. I want the really close bond I had with my adult cat back. God, I miss her presence so much - she's calming and soothing to my shattered heart, she's brought me back from the dark edge of suicide before and now she's nothing but a ghost in the apartment. I can barely get near her to pet her anymore.
Am I horrible for wanting to give the kitten up? (he's 8 months old, by the way)
Am I more horrible if I try keeping him and end up traumatizing the wonderful cat I already had *and* me? I don't know that I'm the best place for him anymore.
I got him through a very near death time of his life, got him healthy and medical attention he desperately needed. Maybe that was my role in his life?
I'm struggling with a lot of guilt over wanting to give him up. Though I do know the turnover rate for beautiful kittens (which he is) in my city is less than a day. He'd be in a home in hours, no doubt with a waiting list of people who'd want to reserve him. So him languishing in a shelter cage really isn't an issue.
Is it arrogance maybe that keeps him here, me thinking that no one could be as diligent with food and his toys as I am?
He would thrive in a home with a stay at home parent, with kids, with a dog, with a cat who could handle him. He's lovely and sweet and purrs and cuddles when he's not tearing the world apart by the seams. (which he does while I'm at work, when I'm not here to stop him)Maybe a home with far more supervision would be better for him?
Logic knows what I should do.
The mother in me wants a great and happy life for him. The mother in me also wants a great and happy life for my existing cat, and I know I'm failing her right now on that. She's miserable.
The realist in me isn't convinced a unified life is going to happen, but there's something in there that takes the responsibility of pet ownership very very seriously and has a very hard time with giving him up. That feeling of intense failure. The wracking guilt at the very thought.
I don't know what to do. I desperately need some wisdom from those that know better, and that's you.
I'm coming apart at the seams, please, please - is there anything I've missed doing that will create harmony in my home again?
Or should I give him a more focused home elsewhere, and get to repairing the bond with my adult cat again? I miss who she was so, so much. I need her stability because right now, my world is truly fallen apart.
A (hopefully) short-ish intro.
When my partner and I temporarily broke up 2 years ago, I went to find cuddles from the cats at the humane society. I wasn't intending to find my cat soul mate, but there she was. She and I bonded like no other animal I've ever, ever had. She immediately was at home in my apartment. All she wanted to do was snuggle and curl up on my lap, slide under the covers with me at night to spoon me ( little paws around my neck, head tilted down under my chin. ALL night ), greet me every day at the door when I come home from work with purrs and chirps and long belly rub sessions.
She has never missed the litter box. She has never hissed, bit, scratched anyone. She doesn't jump on counter, she doesn't knock anything over. She ignores human food even if it's on the ground (with a look of 'that's...that's disgusting what is wrong with you'), she scratches ONLY her scratching post and she barely sheds.
She may be a dog. Actually.
But she and I were thick as theives. She has been my solace through a broken heart, she has been my rock when the days got truly dark and frightening.
She never liked my partner.
My partner wanted a cat that he could bond with, like my cat and I had. He felt left out.
So we got a 5 month old kitten in late summer. Siamese. Cute as a button.
The adult cat (she's 6 yrs old), she mostly tolerated the kitten. Some hissing but no real fighting. That's not where the issue has come up.
The Story:
My partner is now my ex partner. Being a cheating, lying sorry excuse for a man, he was promptly expelled from my life. And as the kitten was his, he swore up and down he wanted this kitten and would take him within weeks.
Until, of course, the kitten got sick. Lily poisoning, on top of an existing bacterial infection.
I took out a bank loan to pay for the vet bill, a week long stay in the hospital, and saved his life.
A month he was on medication and antibiotics. Thousands, and thousands of dollars I've paid out of pocket in addition to the loan, in the first 6 weeks I had him. While I was dealing with all the betrayal discovering, the breaking up, the kicking out of said liar and cheater, the therapy that had to be started due to year upon year of emotional abuse stripping away who I was.
And of course, when I showed the recent ex the bills for his cat, well, wouldn't the kitten be better off with me anyway? He suddenly couldn't take his kitten, and couldn't pay any of the bills. So I stepped up, and thought well, ok. Now I have 2 cats. Not the kitten's fault my ex is an ass.
In the months that have followed, the kitten has destroyed nearly everything in my home. I've had and been treated for cat scratch fever twice, with what I suspect is a third time festering on my hand as I type. He's scarred my arms and hands. He's eaten nearly all my books, 3 umbrellas, 4 pairs of shoes, 2 pairs of boots, 1 pair of rainboots, all my socks, all my jeans (figured out how to open the drawers and chews the ends until inches are missing), the couch, the chaise, a brand new leather office chair i didn't even get to sit in or use. Cords, he mostly leaves alone. Thank god. He tries to eat everything - and I mean everything - else. Plastic bags. Dishcloth. Sponge for the sink. Spoon ends, plastic anything (handles, drawer pulls, couch feet - things I can't move.
Everything in the house I can move, is now 6 feet off the ground - so no clothes in dressers, no glassware in cupboards that don't have child locks because the little demon figured out how to get into the high kitchen cupboards, nothing on the floor - no broom, he eats it, no mop, no bags, shoes, towels, clothes, no clothes hanging in the closet because he destroys anything hanging down. He recently ate all the pom poms off a scarf that was hanging 7 feet off the ground. I found little puddles of pom poms everywhere when i got home.
He has even chewed through the corner of my laptop and cracked the screen.
I am at a point where I can't replace what he destroys. Every. Day.
I come home every day now, and he has found something else to ruin.
Today, it was the custom blinds on the sliding door that he scaled the drapes to get at. And $40 in tampons after he figured out how to open a drawer in the bathroom. I can't childlock those, so I now have no clue where to put those, or the toilet paper. Toothbrush, brush, all containers in the bathroom - I live out of a very small cubby 7 feet up in my closet.
He has a clean bill of health now. No medical reason to be insanely eating through everything.
I've tried rotating toys. It takes minutes for him to chew through traditional cat toys. Even Kong toys for puppies. And he eats the fluff, catnip, bells, rattles - all of it, resulting in yet more vet bills. I got him a 'calming collar'. He ate through it in 12 minutes. He does seem to like rawhide bones, the organic ones, though they last at most a few days. They run about $15 a pop.
I got him a cat tree. He ignores it. I set up boxes with unbleached organic paper, knowing how much cats like boxes. It takes him about 24 hours to actually eat through them.
He wakes me all through the night, walking all over me. Fighting with the adult cat. My bedroom is a warzone.
More often than not he flees from the kitty litter box when he's doing his business, resulting in more mornings than not waking up to poopy paw prints all over my bed, my pillow, and I'm starting to get sick from it.
On top of all of this - the adult cat is being bullied. She no longer greets me at the door. There are no more belly rubs, there is rarely any cuddling. She hides most of the time, when she's not being chased by him and hissing at him. He will take her food the moment i don't hold him physically back.
He also has a massive allergy to chicken. So he's on a completely raw, organic diet of kangaroo. Which is running me hundreds a month.
Ok. That wasn't short. I'm sorry.
I don't know what to do.
I'm devastated by what my partner has done, I'm heartbroken and depressed, on meds for anxiety and depression, barely hanging onto my job and my sanity and instead of being a peaceful refuge to reclaim, my home has become the most stressful place I can be.
I've lost the bond I had with my beloved cat. She's distant, barely lets me touch her anymore, avoids being in the open most of the time.
But I took my role as cat mama seriously, even if he was unplanned. I didn't want to just hand off the kitten to a shelter. I thought I could nurture him back to health, take care of his special needs; I did a lot of research on his tummy issues, tried different proteins before finding a primary that worked and a secondary to fill in the nutritional gaps. I thought he would settle down (he was neutered 2 months ago), settle into the peaceful life that the adult cat and I have here, adapt. But he's not. And I don't know that I'm the best home for him anymore. I'm at my wit's end.
I have tried everything I can think of doing, to calm him down, to get him to stop destroying my things and my home, to just...to be happy. I don't know that he is. I know the adult cat and I certainly aren't happy.
I just...ugh. I don't know what to do.
I feel like giving him to a shelter here would be admitting defeat, giving up on him. But I don't know what to do.
I want my peace back. I want the really close bond I had with my adult cat back. God, I miss her presence so much - she's calming and soothing to my shattered heart, she's brought me back from the dark edge of suicide before and now she's nothing but a ghost in the apartment. I can barely get near her to pet her anymore.
Am I horrible for wanting to give the kitten up? (he's 8 months old, by the way)
Am I more horrible if I try keeping him and end up traumatizing the wonderful cat I already had *and* me? I don't know that I'm the best place for him anymore.
I got him through a very near death time of his life, got him healthy and medical attention he desperately needed. Maybe that was my role in his life?
I'm struggling with a lot of guilt over wanting to give him up. Though I do know the turnover rate for beautiful kittens (which he is) in my city is less than a day. He'd be in a home in hours, no doubt with a waiting list of people who'd want to reserve him. So him languishing in a shelter cage really isn't an issue.
Is it arrogance maybe that keeps him here, me thinking that no one could be as diligent with food and his toys as I am?
He would thrive in a home with a stay at home parent, with kids, with a dog, with a cat who could handle him. He's lovely and sweet and purrs and cuddles when he's not tearing the world apart by the seams. (which he does while I'm at work, when I'm not here to stop him)Maybe a home with far more supervision would be better for him?
Logic knows what I should do.
The mother in me wants a great and happy life for him. The mother in me also wants a great and happy life for my existing cat, and I know I'm failing her right now on that. She's miserable.
The realist in me isn't convinced a unified life is going to happen, but there's something in there that takes the responsibility of pet ownership very very seriously and has a very hard time with giving him up. That feeling of intense failure. The wracking guilt at the very thought.
I don't know what to do. I desperately need some wisdom from those that know better, and that's you.
I'm coming apart at the seams, please, please - is there anything I've missed doing that will create harmony in my home again?
Or should I give him a more focused home elsewhere, and get to repairing the bond with my adult cat again? I miss who she was so, so much. I need her stability because right now, my world is truly fallen apart.