2 male cats...

...from different litters, in one household. UGH!

My 2 cats:

Gustav. Age 8. Not neutered. 

Sonny. Age 3 months. Neutered. 

Gus has been with us 8 years. 

Sonny has been with us 3 weeks. My husband Joe adopted him "behind my back." Joe went and got him while I was at work and he had a day off. 

So now we have this tiny kitten now, and Gus sometimes get almost TOO aggressive and dominant with him, to the point where I worry Gus will literally rip Sonny's throat out. 

We never leave them alone together; the only times they are together are when they are supervised. 

I plan to have Gus neutered in December. I will be on vacation at that time and can stay at home with him as he recovers from surgery. 

I'm debating on getting a Feliway diffuser, but I've heard they can melt and be a fire hazard. 

Will the neutering be enough to slow down Gus' aggression? 

Joe believes that as Sonny gets bigger, he will also learn how to defend himself against Gus. 

Will there EVER be peace in my home again? 

I am losing. my. freaking. mind. over. this. 

Getting Gus neutered should help. So glad you are doing that.

I would keep them separated until the spring when all the hormones are out of Gus. During that time I would go through the formal introduction process. http://www.thecatsite.com/a/the-ultimate-yet-simplified-guide-to-introducing-cats

We want to associate Sonny with good things and Gus with good things. Food works wonders. So start feeding on each side of the door of the room Sonny is being housed in. Move the food closer every few days. This way each can get the scent of the other and associate the scent with good things (food) and still be safe. During this process you can also do some scent swapping. Get old shirts and get the other cats scent on it and place it in places where the other cat eats, sleeps, hangs out, etc. The more they smell the other cat and are safe the more trusting they will be. During this you want to build each cat's confidence. We build confidence with play, food, height and love. Play with each cat in their respective areas and after play feed (either food or treats). Give them places to go high like cat trees (as long as the kitten is old enough - ask your vet when that would be). And give love if possible. Try to get them to purr.

Then at some point you'll want to expose them to seeing each other (through a screen door or baby gates they can't get through or over. See how they react then eventually they will meet.

I am happy to help answer any question during this process.

I hope that makes some sense. Please feel free to ask anything anytime and hopefully I can help you get them to live together peacefully and happily.

Yes this makes a lot of sense. 

Problem is - my husband.

He believes these cats should interact and even play for limited periods of time, with supervision. 

He does not want to keep them completely separated. 

And they do play. I hope they will continue to play after I have Gus neutered (appointment is set). There are occasions when things get a little crazy so we separate them. 

When I tried to keep them separate this morning, Gus looked kinda unhappy, that he and his little friend could not play together. 

He's been alone for 8 years and I wonder if he's been kinda lonely. 

Are the two cats hissing or growling at each other? Also does Sonny seem fearful of Gus or does he go up to him? Reason I am asking is you mentioned that they are playing with each other. Cats can play rough and it can seem like they are really fighting when in reality they are not.

I used a couple of Feliway plug ins when acclimatising my two to each. It seemed to help and neither melted of caught on fire!

TrickyTree said:

Are the two cats hissing or growling at each other? Also does Sonny seem fearful of Gus or does he go up to him? Reason I am asking is you mentioned that they are playing with each other. Cats can play rough and it can seem like they are really fighting when in reality they are not.

I used a couple of Feliway plug ins when acclimatising my two to each. It seemed to help and neither melted of caught on fire!

Click to expand...

The only time I've heard even a hint of aggressive "speech" (meowing or vocalising) from Gus is when Sonny gets a little too crazy. We separate them at that time. But most of the time, Sonny seems absolutely fearless of approaching Gus. 

Otherwise, there's no ears pinned back...there's no hissing or growling...but sometimes when Gus has Sonny by the neck and pinned to the floor, Sonny either peeps or SQUEALS for mercy. 

But most of the time, they seem to chase one another round the house....

Sometimes Sonny tries to get "dominant" with Gus by ninja-jumping on him...as cats will do...but Gus does it back. I'm a bit concerned because Gus is a BIG, strapping male cat and he might accidentally hurt Sonny. 

Sometimes Sonny chases Gus, sometimes Gus chases Sonny and I don't see fluffed, fearful tails or hackles raised. They seem to be having a happy romp. But how can I tell the difference? Sonny has a stumpy tail, but Gus has a long tail, and usually his tail is high in the air and his ears are up. He SEEMS cheerful. 

I've heard street cats fight  - you know how they screech at each other? I don't hear anything like that from these two. 

TrickyTree said:

Are the two cats hissing or growling at each other? Also does Sonny seem fearful of Gus or does he go up to him? Reason I am asking is you mentioned that they are playing with each other. Cats can play rough and it can seem like they are really fighting when in reality they are not.

I used a couple of Feliway plug ins when acclimatising my two to each. It seemed to help and neither melted of caught on fire!

Click to expand...

OH and they have touched noses and there was no hissing, spitting, growling, smacking, nothing like that. 

Just....touching noses.

It sounds like to me they are getting along great!

My female, Boudicca, used to squeal she wanted to tell my male, Horatio, was too rough. Once he figured he was a little too rambunctious, it stopped.

From what you have written, I don't think Gus has any intention of hurting Sonny and actually quite likes him an enjoys his company. I say let them play together and perhaps start to leave them alone with each starting for a few minutes and increasing it from there.

TrickyTree said:

It sounds like to me they are getting along great!

My female, Boudicca, used to squeal she wanted to tell my male, Horatio, was too rough. Once he figured he was a little too rambunctious, it stopped.

From what you have written, I don't think Gus has any intention of hurting Sonny and actually quite likes him an enjoys his company. I say let them play together and perhaps start to leave them alone with each starting for a few minutes and increasing it from there.

Click to expand...

I really hope they're having a good time. I'd cry happy tears if I knew my Gus-Gus was happy to have this new roommate. 

My husband adopted Sonny out of the blue one day, while I was at work. He knew:

a: Gus had never liked him

b: Gus seemed lonely when we were out of the house and he was left alone all day

So thus came Sonny. 

Maybe it's doing Gus some good, to have a playmate. 

It does sound like they are getting along a lot better than I thought.

I do worry about an intact male and a kitten even though they seem to be getting along well (playing). I don't like that Gus has Sunny by the neck but glad that Gus knows where the line is at least so far.

Was Gus raised by his mother and his siblings?

I tend to be on the conservative side and take things very slowly. I never move this quickly so I may not be the best person for this situation. I just do not want anything to happen to Sonny.

There are a lot of knowledgeable people on this site and I hope they add their advice. If not on this thread you may have to start a new thread. 

CalicosRSpecial said:

 
It does sound like they are getting along a lot better than I thought.

I do worry about an intact male and a kitten even though they seem to be getting along well (playing). I don't like that Gus has Sunny by the neck but glad that Gus knows where the line is at least so far.

Was Gus raised by his mother and his siblings?

I tend to be on the conservative side and take things very slowly. I never move this quickly so I may not be the best person for this situation. I just do not want anything to happen to Sonny.

There are a lot of knowledgeable people on this site and I hope they add their advice. If not on this thread you may have to start a new thread. 

Click to expand...

Oh believe me I am a huge worry wart and I've cried rivers of tears - I've sobbed hysterically in my car - I've argued with God - and freaked out over this since Sonny came home...but so far, no hissing, etc. They may be taking this much better than I am. I may be anticipating the worst and thus, unable to see how WELL things are actually going. 

This is how I got Gus: in August of 2008, one of my coworkers put up some pictures of a tiny black kitten, about 3 months old at the time, that she found crying on her house's rooftop during Tropical Storm Fay. She took him in, but she could not keep him; she was pregnant, and had 2 other cats. 

My husband - who worked in the same place as me and this coworker - saw the pictures and said we should take him in. The cat I'd had previously had recently died, age 14, from gastrointestinal cancer. Joe (my hubby) thought having this kitten would help me heal from the loss of Bean (my previous cat). He thought it would do me good. 

I said, "OK" and we brought him home. I named him Gustav after the next storm on the hurricane list that year. (I knew "Fay" was no name for a male cat.) We call him Gus for short. 

That's how we got him, and that's how he got his name. So I have no idea what his family history was. 

Gus is a lucky cat to survived and to have found such a great home.

Cats do take on our emotions so always try to be as calm and confident around the cats. I know it is hard but it is important.

I would like to get Shadows Rescue view on this. If you see Shadows Rescue in a post I would send a message and ask what they think. I have a lot of respect for Shadows Rescue.

It does sound like things are going fairly. well.  Yet I would be quite concerned that Gus is not neutered.  Unneutered cats act on pure hormones.  They can flip on a dime if they feel threatened by another male.  I would consider getting Gus neutered ASAP.  A neuter surgery is so simple and requires little to no down time.  I have had 8 males neutered and all were neutered around noon, came home that night and released the very next morning less than 24 hours after surgery ( I care for many feral cats and participate in Trap Neuter Return aka TNR).  So there will be little down time needed.  You could have him neutered on a Friday and be back to work easily on Monday.  If possible I would schedule the neuter sooner than later.

Here are a couple of great articles on cat to cat intros as well as a great video by Jackson Galaxy.  The key is to take intros slowly.  Most of us rush the process and end of having to start over.  We so want our kitties to get along and be best friends.  Watch the cats for cues. 

http://www.thecatsite.com/a/the-ultimate-yet-simplified-guide-to-introducing-cats

http://www.catbehaviorassociates.com/a-simple-little-trick-to-use-during-new-cat-introductions/

http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/virtual-pet-behaviorist/cat-behavior/introducing-your-cat-new-cat

http://jacksongalaxy.com/2010/10/01/cat-to-cat-introductions/

Yeah as I watch these cats, it seems that Sonny, the 3 month old, is more aggressive (physically) than Gus is. 

On the one hand it's odd that Sonny is always "ON." He's neutered!! He doesn't have testosterone! But I suppose I could put this down to Sonny being 3 months old and full of piss and vinegar. It's going to take some time for him to calm down, period. He's like a very active, ADHD kid. I am considering some Feliway spray, but the stories of the diffuser melting down disturb me. Maybe I'll spray it on unscented dryer sheets and keep them in the rooms nearby.

But when they play, there are moments when Sonny just gets a little TOO out of control - and Gus lets him know "ok that's enough." And we put Sonny into his room for some cooling off time. But you'd be surprised at how patient Gus has actually been. It's like he knows that Sonny wants to play with his tail, so he'll allow it for a few moments. When he's tired of the game, he gives Sonny a little swat and marches off. No hiss. No growl. Just "ok you can stop now" and off he goes. It's almost like Gus, at 8 years old, is mature enough to know Sonny is just a kid and will want to play but also needs discipline. 

We do try to distract Sonny with toys as much as possible. 

We do not punish them for being cats. We speak affectionately to them. Still haven't heard any hissing, growling, etc. I've heard small chirps as they play; that's about it. 

I've seen this video and...I'm not sure this is going to work for us. They've already had most of a month together. They've smelled each other. They've played together. If I take Sonny away from Gus, he actually looks a little bit lonely. Plus, we don't have baby gates; we have no children. Sonny can jump over that easily anyway. We live in a third floor apartment, with no screen doors. Not only that...

1: I can't convince my husband to cooperate with this - and due to his work schedule, he may not be able to

2: He cannot handle Gustav at all; Gus has never liked him

We may have to just do our best with what we've got. 

I have an appointment to neuter Gus on 27 Oct. 

Thank you so much Shadows Rescue for the post.

GREAT that you are getting Gus neutered sooner. Gus has been very good so far. It does take a little time for the testosterone to leave their systems. Just keep a very close eye on them.

Sonny is being what he is, a kitten. Boundless energy. It is hard to tire them out. Very normal.

How are these two getting along, after Gus's neutering?