Last chance for Lily

We are new fosters.

Our agency recently placed Lily into our home. We are told that Lily is a difficult to adopt cat because of her extreme fearfulness and because she self groomed in the shelter to the point of being almost bald from her shoulders back. Very little else is known about Lily.

Initially we put Lily in our office to adapt for a week. Every day we fed her and gradually she came for a bit of petting. As a rule however she stayed to herself crouched in a corner. At the end of the week we opened the door and Lily rushed into the living room and hid under the couch. She hissed at our cats but our cats after a few negative interactions, left her alone.

We have three cats, all female. None of these cats are aggressive. Until recently we allowed Lily to remain primarily under the couch, feeding her in the office at night but leaving the door open. Our own cats spend the nights in the cat room. A few nights ago we spent special time with Lily after our cats had gone to bed. She seemed to love the extra attention but tended towards very painful biting when excited. After a couple of nights of doing this we noticed that Lily was attacking the paws of our cats which were extended out under the cat room door. When we opened the door and released our cats, Lily attacked them without being provoked.

We have placed Lily back into the office. She has a warm bed, fresh food, clean litter, and gets attention daily. The problems are:
1. This is a very small house! We never intended to sacrifice an entire room to one animal. Lily daily tries to escape the office to get to the couches so we now have to keep that door closed. She is very very fast! When Lily gets out during the day times, all of our cats must be corralled into the cat room until we can coerce Lily back into the office.
2. We are busy people. Socializing an animal that can can join our family is easy but it's not easy to find sufficient spare time for one that cannot incorporate itself into daily activities. Honestly we believe that Lily needs much more than what we are able to give in order to recover from her trauma.

This is becoming a little frightening (Lily's aggression) and very frustrating.
We need to know the following:
1. Is being isolated in the office going to help Lily?
2. Is aggression in this situation just a phase in the feral to non feral process? I.E. Are we needlessly afraid for the well being of our own cats especially when we are not there?
3. What would you do?

I am a retired therapist. My last employment was working with foster kids. I am reminding myself of those naive foster parents who thought that opening their homes to a little orphan would result in the child being happy and peaceful...and grateful. This cat is like those kids...totally traumatized, angry, and distrustful. And I, like lots of those foster parents, am suddenly faced with the unexpected! My own pets being "attacked", angry hissing, fights over who gets the sunny spot, and having to give up my peaceful office for something wild that cowers in the corner and curses at me under her breath!

I am gonna do this. I swear I am!
Deep breath!

Sorry I missed this!

I don't think Lily will be traumatized by being alone.  She may be like one of our cats, who had her own room!  She simply prefers being alone.

Now that we've moved and she is out with the group, 9.5 times out of ten, if there is hissing, it is because of her.  I am contemplating giving up my craft room to her but am sticking it out for the interim.  But honestly, if things don't calm down soon, she will be queen of her own room again.

I would try putting Lily back in and giving her plenty of toys and a tree if possible.  Ignore her when she is nasty to you and speak simply and honestly to her.  Your attitude will make a good deal of difference.

And like you said, deep breath.  You are making  difference, even if Lily doesn't seem to appreciate it.

Well first off, the introduction was gone about the wrong way, please read the article below.

http://www.thecatsite.com/a/how-to-successfully-introduce-cats-the-ultimate-guide

I just can't get over the fact that the agency put this kind of cat with a first time foster family! They seriously must be desperate or they don't know what they're doing. They usually don't put traumatized cats with someone that's not experienced. wow.

Ok so do you want to keep Lily or do you guys plan on giving her back? If you want to keep her, you're gonna have to be patient & it's really going to take time. You need to keep her in the one room, by herself for weeks. You will know when she trusts you, she won't be hiding anymore. That's when you can move to step 2 on how to introduce resident cats to the new one.

If you guys don't want to spend the time on her, please give her back before she gets accustomed to your home. You can call them up & tell them she's a lot more than what you guys were expecting & if you could bring her back that would be great.

One thing you can get to help her mellow out is a Feliway diffuser. I have the spray but the diffuser will work for the whole room. It sends out happy kitty smells which help calm them down.

Reading the title "Last chance for Lily" is a little disheartening 
Right now I would keep her in the safe room and focus on gaining her trust/decreasing her stress. 

Introducing cats right now...I wouldn't do. 

I suggest following this protocol when you feel she is ready to be around the others: " In cases of inter-cat conflict, for example, a reintroduction protocol could be used.The protocol is divided into three phases: olfactory habituation, visual habituation and direct contact habituation. The duration of each part is variable, depending on the severity of the conflict, the cats’ response and the owner disposition. In the olfactory habituation phase, each cat is confined to a different part of the household and all important resources (including food, water, litter box and scratching post) are provided in both areas. Each cat is then moved to the other area so that both animals are exposed to the other cat’s odor. Additionally, using a piece of cloth, the secretion of the facial gland of each cat can be applied to the cheeks of the other cat. The visual habituation phase can start when both cats are relaxed during territory exchanges. In the visual habituation phase, visual contact between cats through a mesh door, for instance, is provided when cats are engaged in a pleasant activity. Cats are otherwise kept separated and the duration of the visual contact sessions is gradually increased. Finally, in the last phase of the reintroduction protocol (direct contact habituation), the wire mesh is removed".

And if you don't have the time for this it's completely understandable. I think the other cats are a big obstacle.

First, I apologise for the title. We were told that unless socialized in foster care, most cats like this are euthanized.

Keeping Lily as a forever kitty would be difficult as that would make 4 cats together in a very small house. Our hope is to help her learn trust to the point where she could live with someone calm and gentle and few other cats. However long that takes is fine. Our agency gives us control over how she is advertised and when she is introduced to someone new. We also have the rights to find that person with the agency having the last say of course!

Lily has calmed down significantly since placement into the office. She sleeps in her bed, not cowering in a corner as previously. She comes to us when we visit. We pet her until it appears that she becomes excited and then we stop and just sit with her. She purrs and rubs against us. We spend time in the office with her several times a day. The office door has a large opening at the bottom. Lily can easily see everything going on in the living room and kitchen if she wants to look. Her bed is, however not in full view of our kitties peeking through. Sometimes when I worry about her, I cover that opening to give her more privacy. Today I brought in a toy and yesterday I brought in a scratching post. In the office setting, I notice very little grooming behaviors and it seems like her coat is returning...knock on wood!

Thank you for your helpful advice. I will return here to read this and will follow the stage suggestions carefully.

I think at first this was overwhelming and we felt somewhat unskilled. It's been now three days since Lily's return to the office and things are calm. We believe that we can do this. She is a really sweet cat and she deserves a good life. We are not going to give up on her.

Your doing a tremendous job, keep it up!!! Try putting a radio on so there's constant background noise/music. Calming music nothing o.t.t lol
Every day turn volume up slightly. It will allow her to adjust better maybe.
Xx

whew! Thanks for more of the story line. My only thing is if you guys don't plan on keeping her, she will learn to trust you & then who knows how long, she's gonna be shipped off again to somewhere different, which might start some behavior issues all over again.

She sounds like she's settling in just fine, the office was a good choice! I couldn't handle fostering, I cried & cried when I had to take them back. You get to know something & then have to let it go & you don't know how the new people are gonna be, it was too much. I won't ever do it again. Maybe you guys will fall in love with her & it will be a purrrrfect ending.