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Rules of the House, yeah right!!

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 
This was sent to me by Greg from Indy Freal as a much needed chuckle....

Dear Dogs and Cats,

When I say to move it means go someplace else, not switch positions with eachother so that there are still two of you in my way.

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note: Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find it asthetically pleasing.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a race trace. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me does not help because I fall faster than you can run.

I can not buy anything larger than a California King size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in to a ball.

It is not necessary to sleep perpindicular to eachother, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tounges hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.

My compact disks are not Frisbees.

For the last time there is not a secret exit to the bathroom. If by some mirical I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try and pull the door open. I must exit throught the same door I entered.
In addition I have been using bathrooms for years, canine and/or feline attendence is not mandatory.

The proper order is to kiss me, then go smell the other dog/cats butt. I can not stress that enough. It would be a simple change for you.

post #2 of 10
Thread Starter 
Continued from House rules...

To pacify my cat and/or dog I have posted the following message on our front door...

Rules for no pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:
1. They live her. You do not.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, don't sit down.(that's why it's called FUR-nature)
3. I like my pets alot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Dogs and Cats are better than children. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to trian, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't smoke or drink. They don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gizillion dollars for college, and if you get pregnant, you can sell the results.
post #3 of 10
GOOD Story!

Tells it like it is. Now, if we could just get the Cats and Dogs to READ it!

Thanks for the laughs.
post #4 of 10
Funny and cute. Any more rules?
post #5 of 10
post #6 of 10
I particularly like the part about the bathroom.
post #7 of 10
Very Funny
post #8 of 10
I am still laughing
post #9 of 10
to funny I think any of our animals are guilty of theses.
post #10 of 10
Hee hee, how true, but think how boring life would be without those little "annoyances" to liven things up!!
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