Adjusting.

Hello! I'm new to the forum and am in desperate need of guidance!

I have 3 cats. Kel a DSH 12y, Gil a DSH 11y and Aus DLH 3ish months.

Kel and Gil have been together their entire lives, Gil was born to a stray I fostered when i noticed she was pregnant. He's been VERY attached to me and Kel since he was little. He is very temperamental and shows his displeasure in something by pooping in my room or by my door if he can't get in. Once whatever has annoyed him is gone - he resumes normal litter functions. This has been our annoying behavior since he was a kitten. Anywho, Aus has been a member of the family all of 2 weeks. This has stressed Gil to the max. He has been having stress loose stools for a week. I've got him locked in his room with his litter box and he's going in his box & by the door. The vet says it's stress and to just keep them separated for the time being. I put a pheromone collar on Gil whenever things will be stressful and it doesn't appear to be working. Please! Someone tell me how to reduce the stress for Gil?! Aus is a therapy cat for my autistic child, so re-homing him (or Gil) is out of the question.

Many thanks!
Mare

Did you go through the formal introduction process with Ash? http://www.thecatsite.com/a/the-ultimate-yet-simplified-guide-to-introducing-cats

So Gil is now in a room? Did he have free run of the house before? Losing territory can be traumatic for a cat. Does Gil have access to Kel currently? 

Does Aus have full roam of the house or is he in  his own room during the introduction process?

Cats can take on our emotions so it is really important to stay calm and confident. I know it is stressful but cats can take on our stress so it is really important to be cognizant of our stress levels. I know it is easier said then done to try to stay calm and confident but it is really important.   I am not sure if this is an issue but let me know if stress levels are higher now given his behavior.

I have some ideas but will wait for these answers. We'll try to help you through this. Hang in there, we;ll do our best.

Gil did have free roam of the house until he started to protest and stopped using the litter. Aus had been in the guest room since his arrival and they've only crossed paths a couple times. Kel has refused to leave the room Gil is in. Right now Aus gets to roam during the day when my son is awake, and Gil & Kel come out at night when everyone (including Aus) are in bed. I guess I'll just sit and wait. I put a blanket Aus had been using in the room with Gil and he pooped on it [emoji]128529[/emoji].

And yes. Gil is stressing me out. I'm worried about his health and I want him to be happy!

I do not have enough time to respond right now but will tomorrow.

I just want to make sure, the behavior has changed since Aus has come into the house, correct?

I am guessing your attention is a bit less towards Gil then before Aus came into the house, correct?

I'll respond with some ideas tomorrow as I do have to run right now and we'll try to get this problem fixed. Hang in there. In the meantime, try to give Gil some extra love and attention tonight and if he likes to play try to get him to play and then feed him if you think his stomach will handle it. Make sure he knows that you (and whoever is close to him) still loves him and if you can get him to purr that could be helpful.

Talk tomorrow.

This is typically 'I'm mad at the situation' behavior for him. The loose stools is not normal.

The loose stools are nerves I would imagine.

Have you spent less time and attention with and on Gil since Aus has arrived? Given you mentioned that he is very attached to you this could be creating some of the issues (going outside of the litter box) but the loose stools has more to do with the new addition most likely. But he could be fearing that he may be losing you. (I am assuming that because of the new addition and time constraints that you are not able to focus on Gil like you did before Aus but that may be incorrect).

Having a new addition can cause stress. Combining that with a loss of territory and an existing cat can get more stressed. Then because of all this, stress levels can elevate in the humans which is understandable. I truly believe cats take on or feelings so when we are stressed they can sense that and be more stressed themselves. 

So I think I would do a couple of things.

The first thing I would do is try to stay as calm and confident as possible. I know it is easier said than done with everything that is going on but I truly believe it may help as cats can take on our emotions. Also, it is something we can try to directly control so it is a bit easier to achieve. I deal with ferals all the time. I have found that if I am calm and confident a hissing feral can calm down and be a little easier to feed, trap, etc.

Next I would try to ask any other family members (if possible) to help out with the new cat. Anything to allow you (the person Gil is most attached to) to spend as much time and attention with and on Gus as you were before Aus' arrival so that Gil feels confident that nothing will change regarding his lifestyle (access to food, play, love, etc).

Then I would actually try to spoil him a bit more whether it is through play (if he likes to play), food (if his stomach allows it), or just love (spending time with him, petting him if he likes it, holding him if he likes it, getting him to purr if possible). Let him know that even though there is a new addition nothing is going to change and he is still loved and wanted. 

Then I would consider allowing him access back to the territory he had before the addition of Aus. Taking territory away can cause stress levels to increase. I know because of his not using the litter box this is an issue but I am hoping that if things are dramatically changed then maybe he will get over being upset.

I would keep Aus (if at all possible given the needs of your son) in the room and then begin going through the formal introduction process. http://www.thecatsite.com/a/the-ultimate-yet-simplified-guide-to-introducing-cats

Aus I am sure would be fine with this and I suggest this for the benefit of Gil and not subjecting him to too much change which can cause elevated stress levels. Now the complication may be that Aus is for your son and needs to be around your son more. 

I would then monitor to see how Gil is doing with these changes. The key is trying to make any change (the introduction of a new cat) as small as possible. I have introduced a lot of cats and I found that the existing cats are more likely to have issues then the new cat. Because of the changes (cats are creatures of habit and typically do not like change and sudden and large change can cause health and behavioral issues) I tend to focus as much on the existing cat than I do on the incoming cat.

Let me know what you think and please feel free to ask anything. I hope this helps and reduces Gil's stress levels and that his health improves. Given his behavioral past I am hoping this will help ease his anger towards the change and maybe get over it and start using his litter box. But I guess one step at a time and I'll be with you on this as long as you like. I hope this helps and feel free to ask anything and question any ideas I have presented. I want what is best for Gill and everyone in your family.

Thank you so much for your advice. I will use all of it. As soon as my son left for school I tuck Aus into his room and let the big cats out. So he'll get a few hours to roam. He's happily purring in my lap watching tv with me. I'll keep you posted.

You are very welcome. Thank you for the pic, he is incredibly handsome!!

It is great that you have him in your lap and that he is purring. Terrific. Purring is a great sign.

If he goes by Aus' door watch how he reacts and feel free to give him a treat or food (if his stomach can handle it) or do something positive for him to associate Aus with something good.

I'll be with you through this for as long as you like and we'll see what is working and what is not and try to adjust as needed. Given the love I know you have for him I think he is in great hands to get through this.

Quick update:

Today I let the 'big cats' out to find Gil has resumed litter box use!!! Still loose, but it's back in the box!

Small steps!

Great!!

I am hoping that if he is less stressed he will resume normal functions.

Have you noticed if Gil has been drinking more water (or eating less vs water intake)? Sometimes when cats are stressed they do drink more (or eat less vs water intake) which can cause issues. Has he been eating a greater mixture of wet food vs hard food vs before Aus' arrival?

I am guessing it is probably stress and hopefully over the next few days his stress levels are reduced and he resumes normal functioning. But it could be driven by drinking more or eating less vs his water intake (which should normalize as well as he is less stressed).

Do you sense that he is less stressed and acting more like the Gil you know?

Please keep up what we talked about and try to make things seem as normal (least amount of change) as possible so that he can de-stress.

As always I will be here for any questions you may have.  I'll keep my fingers crossed, good luck.

Cross your fingers! Gil will be spending the night out of his room for the first time in a couple weeks. He's giving off relaxed vibes, so I'll give him the chance. He still hasn't had much interaction with Aus. Just some sniffing under the door. I'll try feeding him breakfast at the door tomorrow to see if we can start moving in that direction.

The most important thing is too stabilize his stomach so that he goes back to functioning normally. Then gradually start the introduction process. We don't want to shock him. Just take it slowly. Go through the introduction process slowly. Start feeding a bit away from the door. Maybe 6 or 8 feet to start. I would not let him see him for a while if at all possible. And keep up giving him a lot of love and attention and play if he likes it. It will be a process and take some time but it should help him adjust successfully.

Feel free to ask anything anytime. Good luck. I am hoping he is doing well and getting back to normal. 

Back to normal. He's even taken a turn chasing the new kitten. They get a break at night from him.

Great that he is back to normal. 

Try to associate Aus with good things so that Gil gets to think of Aus in a positive way and vice versa. I am a little worried that they have been introduced a bit too quickly. Please try to watch the chasing so it is just play and each of them take it as such. We want Aus to have confidence and we want Gil to have confidence. Chasing can at times turn a bit negative and troublesome. Just watch how they respond and behave afterwards (if anyone is hiding, going low). Confidence is built via play, food, height (cat trees, anywhere high) and love (purring).

So glad to here Gil is doing better. Great job!!

I'll be here if you need anything. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed all goes well. 

I forgot to mention the wonderful picture you included. What a wonderful picture. Not only is he adorable he looks confident and safe. WONDERFUL!! Thanks for sharing.

Just an update.
Aus (B&W) has officially been accepted into the pack. Kel(white) has started to mother him. Gil still swats and hisses, but it's getting better.

AWESOME picture!

Please keep working on building Gil's confidence. Play, food, height and love. Also some scent swapping. A confident cat is more likely to accept.

I love hearing this news. If you need anything please let me know. Well done, keep up the great work.