Thank you all for coming to this final meeting before our departure. It's good to see so many of you have come here to the SPAM Museum in anticipation of our up-coming road trip! The poll having been closed, it appears we'll be heading for that part of the Orient which lies in the Southern Hemisphere.
Now, before we go any further, I've an important announcement. Remember the Boy Scout motto, "Be prepared"? Well, I'm not so sure any of us are fully prepared for what I'm about to say--but at least we're all sitting down.
We'll be making a slight detour prior to commencing our agreed-upon route for the road trip. This is unfortunate in some ways, as nobody likes such surprises, but I've decided it's an opportunity we can't afford to pass up. Thanks to some top-secret technology, this detour I mentioned will only take two days; and then we can settle in for what you'll agree will be a much more normal tour back here on Earth.
That's right, folks: For the next two days we'll be visiting . . .Mars!Mars
Why us? you may ask. Why not trained astronauts and scientists? Well, in fact there are already such people on Mars. It's all been kept quite secret due to something which took place recently. You've heard all about the two unmanned rovers which landed on Mars? Well, one of them made this photograph:Martian
Yes, that's right: It's a Martian! And this Martian sent a message here to Earth, requesting "an ordinary tour group" be sent to meet with a committee of Martians studying human behavior. Well, guess what? That tour group is us!
I had to keep all this quiet until now, because otherwise thousands of people would have showed up here wanting to go along. Don't worry, though: Everything's all set up for us; and we'll be leaving today aboard this space vehicle:Inter-planetary conveyance
Instead of the usual several-months' trip each way, we'll be at Mars within two hours of our departure. The in-flight movie will be Apollo 13
, I think. Either that, or Flash Gordon and the Attack of the Political Men
. Anyway, when we land on Mars we'll go first to the living complex:Human habitation complex
Whilst we're indulging in a nice Martian meal, scientists--humans--who've been there for a few weeks will tell us what to expect and will lay out a schedule of activity. For getting around in the immediate vicinity of the living complex, we'll be using transportation vehicles such as these:Unloading ground conveyance from descent vehicle
For going longer distances we'll be riding in larger, enclosed vehicles. And we'll always be accompanied by people highly trained in coping with all contingencies.Field-research conveyance
During our travels on Mars, you'll see various activites taking place. For example, considerable geologic data are being compiled by scientists in the field:Geological field research
You'll also notice the presence of maintenance teams, which make sure everything is in good repair. Now and then these teams are accompanied by a Martian observer, but you probably won't encounter any Martians youselves until the appointed meeting time.Periodic maintenance of robotic rover
Remember, the Martians are quite friendly! They're not those bad guys so often depicted in human literature. Anyway, we'll meet with the Martian study group on a small plateau with a great view of the surrounding countryside.Remote observation post
By the way, you can make all the photographs you want! And the Martians have assured us you're welcome to ask as many questions as you like. Well, gather up your belongings and your companion animals. Yes, they're going too!