Please help! My cats won't get along! :-(

I got a spayed female cat who is about one year old. I named her Cinder due to her all black appearance. Although I love her, she did not turn out to be the lap cat that I was so hoping she would be. Since she often seemed to be bored, I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone by getting her a play mate, but also make sure the new cat was an affectionate lap cat. I thought a kitten might be really nice since they tend to imprint on their owners at a young age and become super attached.

Well before I could get another cat, some friends of mine surprised me with an adorable little six week old fluff ball who I named Nutmeg. She's perfect! She sleeps with me every night, and will often sit in my lap as I use the computer or read. Waking up to kitty licks in the morning is one of the best experiences I've ever had. Cinder HATES her though. I've had the kitten for almost two months now, and although the situation has settled down quite a bit from what it was at first, they remain mortal enemies.

I have to admit that at first I almost stopped paying attention to Cinder. Then I got annoyed with her stubbornness and began to snap my fingers and loudly say no every time she hissed. This only caused Cinder to begin fearing me which is not what I wanted. Now I've stopped snapping and saying no and begun to pay more attention to her and she no longer acts afraid around me, but she still hates Nutmeg.

I've given them separate food and water now since feeding time has been a point of contention since day one. I had hoped that forcing them to share and in so doing experience each other's scents and company would speed up the process but that didn't work. I also have begun trying to supervise them both being close to each other while I speak softly to and pet Cinder in an attempt to assure her that everything is okay.

Most recently, I saw Nutmeg chase Cinder upstairs as she hissed and ran. She's effectively been cowed and defeated by an invader in her own territory, and I don't know if the situation is even salvageable anymore. :'( Any advice is welcome. I love them both and don't want to choose between them.

I have the same problem (which I have shared a few times here), and so far I have done everything by the book. Separated them, not letting them get into a fight and I have to say they eat together no problem. But as soon as the kitten starts playing, the older cat goes full on kill mode. 

The situation has gotten worse. No matter how much attention, love and space I give them both, the older cat started peeing everywhere, attacking me and hissing all the time. Now, I have no constructive advice for you. If they don't fight to kill you have a good situation. Swap rooms, keep them separated and hope for the best. But, sometimes, all advice in the world isn't worth much.

Unfortunately introductions can take weeks or months and some kitties will never be friends. My 2 co-exist but my male often bullies my female and I still have days a year in where I have to separate them sometimes during the day.

Have you tried Feliway at all? Or a sentry calming collar on both, just during this stage?

Keep them separated, keep feeding them together, the fact they'll eat together is a good sign.

Continue to swap their area's with each other so they can smell each other and have time out and time with you.

I bought an outdoor enclosure so if one of mine is being extra bothersome I can put one outdoors for time out and the other stays in with me and then I rotate them.

Also make sure they're each getting playtime. I've noticed if my male in particular doesn't get his routine nightly playtime he's extra awful to my other girl.

Good advise, above, I'd like to add that Cinder is annoyed by the fact of a ball of energy in HER domain, and all Nutmeg wants to do is get along and play. All is perfectly normal, and time is the only thing that will help. Two months is not long at all, and the only thing to do is make sure Nutmeg gets so much playtime she is tired, and that Cinder gets some attention in the way of yummy snacks and extra stroking. Kittens are always lap cats and crave closeness, That usually changes around that year mark, and she will get much more independent. Two kittens in the household usually works out better, because they have each other to play with, those older cats are just no fun. Then the older cat can observe all the roughhousing and be left alone. Cinder will have to teach that kitten it's manners, 6 weeks is too young to have learned any play limits, which usually is taught between 6-12 weeks by mama and littermates. I feel for Cinder, she feels betrayed and annoyed. She won't mind the kitten getting attention as long as she gets some alone time too with you, although at her age she doesn't demand it as much. You have learned that punishment does not work with cats, it just makes them afraid, and that is good. Let Cinder have some control in teaching the kitten some manners, there is a lot of squealing and hissing when this is done with their littermates, you don't want Nutmeg to turn into a little bully because Cinder is too afraid to correct her. Like all youngsters, Nutmeg needs guidance and lo learn limits.   Really, it sounds like everything is pretty normal, time is the only thing that will help calm everyone down. They may never be bosom buddies, but they will eventually accept each other and become a family.