How do I forgive myself (and should I)?

My 17 year old cat died in June of thyroid storm with congestive heart failure. (I had two other cats at the time.) I had always been diligent about yearly checkups, but missed  three years due to losing my job and the resulting money problems  and last year I was going to take the two then-16 year olds when I suddenly had to rescue a young cat being abandoned by the store she chased mice for.(The store was across the street from me and I'd known her since she was a kitten.) I got her to the vet right away for testing and shots, etc,

before letting her mingle with the others and so she had a rather high initial vet bill. I was planning on taking them this summer even though everyone seemed fine, no signs of anything, but he died before I could. Now I am wracked with guilt that if he'd been diagnosed with hyperthyroidism in the last few years, he could have lived longer. The vet confirmed this.

I looked up the signs of hyperthyroidism in cats and he showed none of them prior.

I loved this cat with all my heart and am just wracked with guilt that he could still be here. I don't know how to come to terms with it. I usually think of myself as a good cat owner - and in addition to yearly exams, they've always had vet care when needed - but I don't think so anymore. I let him down.

I should add that he had a full blood screening at 12 or 13 and everything was fine - do they do them every year on older cats if there's no sign of anything?

I'm so sorry for your loss.  The important thing is that you loved him and made his life, his world, special.  He would have never had that without you. One of my cats died under similar circumstances and he was on medication for his heart and thyroid.  He was staying overnight at the emergency vet when it happened.  Please forgive yourself.  You did the best you could for your cat.   Bless you.

Brokenheart, no matter what you had done, losing a pet will ALWAYS leave you with feelings of guilt and "what if".  I once took my beloved senior dog to the vet for a check up after she had more trouble than usual getting up from sitting or lying down.  The vet prescribed some meds that I just blindly gave my dog, which ended up killing her.  I'll never forgive myself for being so reckless with her life and wish I'd done things differently.  You just never know. 

From your post, you sound like a wonderful owner who did everything you could do with the means you had.  I think that speaks for itself that your cat lived to 17 years old.  I know the pain you are feeling, and I wish I had some words that would help.  The only thing I can tell you is that time does ease the pain and guilt, but from what you said, it doesn't seem like you have much, if anything to feel guilty about.  Try not to beat yourself up.

There is usually no testing done unless something changes. My 15 year old was tested after losing weight  and nothing was found, although an x-ray disclosed an enlarged heart and he was put on lasix two years ago. I informed them this year that I would not be bringing him in for vaccinations, it is just too hard on him. He is frail now and I want him to be as happy as he can in these last few years. 

With nothing to show you your boy was failing, there was no reason for you to put him through testing and the fear it brings. He obviously was not suffering or you would have known or observed some kind of changes that would have alerted you to a problem. Older cats have changes that are normal too, and are very good at hiding problems, but to someone who loves them and is around them all the time, SOMETHING would have showed up if he was suffering.    Older cats bring their own set of problems, you want to make their remaining time full of love and happiness, but have to balance it with how far to go on prolonging life. Your cat was 17 years old, a testament to the loving care he received. He was happy and loved and died at home near the one he loved above all else at an old age. I can only wish this for all of our little ones. There was no guarantee that early diagnosis would have given your boy a longer happy life, it would have meant unending invasive tests, medicines or injections, surgery to remove part of the thyroid, or radiation treatments to destroy part of it. It would have been a miserable time for him and had no guarantee of how long it would have given him. With heart problems he may not have had the strength to endure it. 

Please try not to dwell on the end, and all those should haves, could haves. I know how hard that is, but there is nothing to be done now that can change the past. Concentrate on how that sweet boy came into your life and shared it for so many years. He would be the last one to want you to be so sad. he loves you too much and only wants for you to go on with your life in happiness and sunshine. To share that legacy of love he left you and to remember him eventually with smiles instead of tears. We always find guilt where there is none, it is called grieving and it comes because we can't change what happened so we find someone to blame, and that is ourselves. That is called being human. We can not accept what has happened, so it is us that has failed. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Everything you did you did out of love and necessity, so that can't be wrong. Don't condemn yourself for a crime you had no intention of committing. Your remaining babies need you, they are grieving too. Concentrate on their love and sending your love to the one you miss so much along that bond that will tie you together forever. He will never leave you, he is living in your heart until the day you die. He is at peace now after a wonderfully full, long life. Let him comfort you with those precious memories that you have. Let people that share your grief help you overcome the grief and sadness you feel, it helps to let some of the pain escape when you share the burden. I'll pray for you all, don't beat yourself up for something you had no control over. Take care.....RIP beautiful boy, you will not be forgotten, let the light from your shining star bring comfort to the one who loves you so much!   

The above people have said it already with their compassionate posts, but you have done no wrong, you showed your kitty love and care and affection so that was only right, nothing wrong. And taking them to the vets does not mean that things will be caught and diagnosed and cured, trust me I know, it is just like human beings who have a complete physical and are told "everything looks good" and pass away soon after, we never know, all we can do is live life to the fullest and do the best that we can.

I completely understand how heartbroken you are, but please remember that you did nothing wrong, and with time the heartache will heal. Please love another kitty or more like you did this one if you can, there is a cat out there who needs someone like you.

God Bless....

Thank you all so, so much!

Your babies made it to 16 because of your love for them. Do not feel guilt.  I will tell you that even if you took them to see the vet this might have been unavoidable. 

I had my Simba die at the young age of 10 due to an agressive type of cancer that took him in 3 months (no cure).  I took him every year for checkups.  Never missed one. 

Gave him the best of everything.  it didn't matter at the end.  At first I blamed myself just like you but the vets even told me there was no way for me to know this was going to happen as this was an agressive type of cancer that appears out of nowhere.

Be happy you gave them the best live possible. And that they lived 16 loving years which wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for you.

I am sorry for your loss, please be kind to yourself you sweet kitty wouldn't want you to suffer.  

You should forgive yourself. Even if you had continued to take the cats in every year, the vet still may not have caught the hyperthyroidism. When I take my cats in, they ask the same questions. (Have you noticed any changes in he/she? What  is he/she eating? Is he/she using the litter box okay? Do you have any questions or concerns?) A tech weighs the cat. The vet comes in and feels the cat up and asks the same questions the tech already asked. The vet administers the shots. That's it.  In my experience, the vet only runs extra tests if they notice something like significant weight loss from the prior year. That happened with my stray rescue last year in May. I had to say good bye to him 2 weeks ago. It was the saddest I've felt in years. My original 2 are seniors and haven't had any extra tests done at their annual checkup. Since you didn't notice any signs or changes, you wouldn't have known to mention them to your vet for them to run a T4 or blood work. I don't really think it's your fault. I hope your vet didn't make you feel like it was. Also, 17 is a pretty long life for a cat. Great job getting him that far! I know it's always heartbreaking to lose a pet.