Second thoughts about kitten

Hi. I feel truly awful writing this, but I don't know what to do.
A few days ago I took in a stray kitten that was found behind a dumpster. Bought him all his stuff, treated him for fleas, and he's going to the vet tomorrow. He's as sweet as can be, loves to cuddle, and I enjoy his company.
However, lately I've really been having second thoughts as to whether I should keep him. I'm a college student, and while I can afford to care for him, there's not much money to go around. I also don't have an abundance of time to spend with him. I have severe depression and anxiety and I thought a cat would make this better, but it's only getting worse. Maybe it's because I've been nonstop worrying about finances and commitment and having to find apartments once I graduate. Sometimes I wonder if I should take him to a shelter.
But I'd feel absolutely awful doing that to him. The thought of him being sad and locked up in a cage when he trusted be taking him in breaks my heart. I really like him, but I'm so worried about finances and finding time to spend with him that I don't know what to do. If anyone has words of advice to give, I'd love to hear them. I just want what's best for both him and me.

Hey it sounds like things are going well. If we let ourselves we could possibly worry ourselves to death about the endless list of what ifs. You said you have enough finances so dont worry too much. A lot of working people have single cats and they do just fine. Im sure you'll be paying attention to him regularly when you can. You have a lot going on but just take it one day at a time and enjoy this new kitty addition. If something does happen you can make decisions then. No one can predict the future so thats really the only thing anyone can do. Prepare for the future but enjoy the moment too! Once you see this kitty as your companion for life he will help you with your anxiety and such.

I have several animals and I, as well as many others, can tell you from experience, usually these guys show up for a reason.  We don't know why at the time, but we all look back and are so glad that we kept them. 

My first rescue cat, KK, showed up in my yard one evening out of the blue several years ago.  I've always had dogs just show up since I live out in the country where people abandon them frequently, but a cat was the first.  Most of my dogs had not even seen a cat, so when he appeared, they immediately treed him.  Hearing the commotion, I went out and saw this orange and cream swirled cat just sitting calmly on a branch up in a cedar tree.  I got all my dogs away from the tree and then went back and called for the cat.  He made his way out of the tree and calmly walked over to me.  I picked him up and seeing his tattered ear, skinny, tick covered frame, I headed to the house to find him some food and keep him safe.  On the way there, one of my dogs, who was convinced this perp should be chased away and was very aggressive vocally about it as he jumped up, would not relent.  I worried this cat would claw me to death as he tried to escape up my head from this large barking dog.  To my amazement, he stayed completely calm.  I brought him inside, put him down and he immediately ran and hid behind the tv.  Later it was the washer and dryer.  He was scared to death for a few days, spending most of his time hidden.  In the meantime, I'd had my bf stop by the store and get some cat food, litter and a litter box with scoop.  I was going to take care of this little guy until I could find him a home.

Over the course of deworming, vetting, vaccinating and neutering him, he remained Kitty Kitty.  I tried as hard as I could to give him away for over a month.  Nobody was interested.  He was starting to come out of his shell and I was warming up to him, so instead of just calling him Kitty Kitty, because he was a male, I shortened it to the more manly version, KK. 

I cannot put into words how thankful I am that this little cat came into my life.  He opened the door to another and another and three more and another cat to come along and find a home where I cannot imagine ever NOT having a cat in my life.  KK minds better than my dogs, will follow me to the ends of the earth and die to protect me, as he's shown when he thinks new dogs are getting too rough with me playing by getting between me and the dog and going after them.

He truly is the perfect cat.  I thank my lucky stars that he came into my life and that nobody wanted him. 

Give this little guy some time and I think you'll find he came into your life for a reason.  Cat's really are pretty low maintenance and I think you'll find the love, comfort and joy you get from him is well worth any inconvenience or sacrifice you may have to make for him. 

Hello hello! So sorry to hear you're stuck in this situation. Depression and anxiety are such an insidious cycle.

Obviously, I think you are going to have to follow your heart a little bit. But I would tend to agree with the posters saying that you can probably work it out, if you give it some time. And you might be feeling especially stressed because the addition of a new pet in your life is a transition. Even though it's a good one, it's still a change, and even positive life changes can cause feelings of stress. This is even more pronounced if you're coping with depression and anxiety. My hunch is that your fears about the kitty will decrease as he becomes a normal part of your life rather than a brand new feature.

I am not sure if you're interested in this and do feel free to tell me if I'm out of line, but you might want to think carefully about what all this means to you in an existential sense...like, what it means to who you are and how you see yourself, and how your self-understanding is affecting your actions. For example, you seem to want to be compassionate toward animals. At first, it led you to take in this kitten who seemed needy. But now that you're doubting your ability to provide proper care, the responsibilities and commitments associated with pet ownership are scaring you.

I don't know you, so I don't know what kind of cat owner you'd be. But I have a feeling most people who are this worried about their abilities to provide are not going to turn around and become Bad Cat Moms. Just because you're afraid of something happening does not mean it's going to happen - I've been living with anxiety for at least 18 years now and it's a constant struggle to remember this, but it's true.

Once again, you're the only one who can decide whether this sounds reasonable, but over time, having a pet might be good for you. It's a matter of companionship, but also of proving to yourself that yes, you can balance caring for another living thing with all your other business. It's really rewarding to care for a companion and do it well for years at a time. Financial issues would have to be dealt with as they come up, but that's a boat many, many people are in - not only is there help in many places (depending on where you live - for example, we have a 'pet food pantry' in Connecticut), but you might be surprised by what can be balanced as your personal finances cycle. I'm not advocating that people who truly can't pay for pets get them, but it seems pretty clear that this kitten essentially came to you. I don't think you could say it would have been kinder to leave him behind the dumpster because some imaginary expense could possibly come along in the future.

It might help to talk in person to people you trust, who know you and your situation for real. Your boyfriend? Your parents? Friends? Maybe a conversation with them or someone else you trust, just about pet ownership and why you're nervous about it, would help sort out your thoughts. Maybe even the veterinarian would have some wisdom to offer. Sometimes discussing things out loud reveals answers in ways that thinking alone does not. Thoughts left alone can bounce around in your head in ways that distort them sometimes.

Regarding spending time, that is a consideration, yes. But as with finances, you will likely be able to find ways to make it work - might even fall into a very comfortable routine once you and he get used to each other. Remember, a LOT of people have happy, healthy cats, including some with very full schedules! I don't know exactly what your schedule is like, but even when mine is full, I  am always steal a few moments to indulge my cat. Also, while cats do need love and attention, they don't necessarily rely on your schedule being perfectly regular and having you always present in the way that other animals do - their litterbox is self-contained and they can use it alone, and they need play, but not necessarily walks outside. They need your companionship, but (in most cases), not constant supervision.

In the end, you could still feel that you're not prepared for a pet. That's okay, it happens, and it's good to try to know yourself.

As a final act of kindness, you could try taking steps to make sure the kitten will go to a good home. You could ask for assistance from a no-kill rescue - while they may be too full to house your kitten, they might help you advertise him for adoption to the public. They might be able to teach you to screen potential adopters - the right questions to ask, fees to charge (never give a kitty away for free because free cats are more likely to meet terrible ends), things to look out for, and so on. You can do all this alone, too, but having support from an experienced rescue would be helpful and depending on where you are it might be totally accessible. Putting the work in to finding a good home for him will put you at ease when you think back on the incident in the future.

I think you probably can provide more to this kitty than you think, and I hope you decide to give him a try! However, if you decide you can't provide him with stability, then you can be a gentle helper on his journey to his forever home.

Also, keep in mind that transitions in pets' lives happen, too. It would of course not be ideal for him to be your pet for, say, three years and then suddenly have to be rehomed. But these things happen, and cats can be resilient. If worst came to worst, he would be able to love again with another family, and he would still have benefited from his time with you because of the care you provided. I don't think the idea that some emergency or loss might happen is a reason to not let him make your home his home for now. In any case, as long as you're trying to push for what's best for the kitten, you're making the right decision.

Pinkhobos, as someone who has had the same dark clouds following me for the last 20 yrs...my cats are what kept me here. I couldn't bear leaving them.

Hopefully your kitten will be a lifeline to grab onto. Grab it....
lots of hugs and encouragement from a person who is at the "Maximum Dosage" of feline antidepressants...[emoji]128008[/emoji][emoji]128062[/emoji][emoji]128138[/emoji]

Depression works differently depending on the person and that time in the person's life. I know I've gone through several stages of it. So what works best for someone else may not be what works best for you. If you can talk to a counselor or therapist or someone who knows you well and can be a sounding board for your thoughts, that might help you figure out what you really need right now.

Something you could try is finding a good rescue organization in your area and see if you could foster him and bring him to adoption events. Because he's got such a loving personality and is young, I think he would probably be adopted pretty quickly, but in case he wasn't this way he'd be living with you and not in a cage in the meantime. The shelter would probably help you out with food, litter, and vet care. And if you did end up bonding with him so much that he became an important part of your life, then you could always adopt him yourself. Foster failures are happen all the time!

If your depression gets to a point where you cannot provide him with attention, food, water, and/or clean litter, then it would be best for both of you to find him a different home. That is not a selfish decision and it would not be your fault at all. Or, even if you can still physically provide for him but the anxiety of the situation is taking too big a toll on your health, then it is also fine to rehome him. Kittens really do get adopted quickly, and they adapt well to new people, so it would not be too hard on him. He has already been saved by you, and regardless what happens next, he won't go hungry or uncared for again.

My personal depression story is that animals were the one aspect of my life that I could stay interested in. Caring for them gave me a sense of purpose and responsibility, and I took better care of myself when I. was taking care of them. But there were other parts of my life that I cared about and was passionate about, like friends, family, and school, but the responsibility of those felt onerous and overwhelming and worrying about keeping up with those made things worse. And it's not that those things were unimportant to me or I didn't care about them, quite the opposite. But whereas dealing with animals was straightforward and uncomplicated for me emotionally, everything else was much more involved and taxing. I mention this because while a cat might have been the one thing that kept me or other people going sometimes, it might not be the same for you. Even though you care about it, it might be one of those things where caring makes it difficult, and the passion that helps you through things might be something that makes things difficult for me. Later, when you are healthier, you might have the energy and stability to really enjoy having a pet, but it could be that for now, it is one of those things that is more draining than helpful, and that's ok. Either way, it's ok.