Saying goodbye....

bringportiahome

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Aug 6, 2016
Messages
37
Purraise
2
I think I have to start my grieving process. Portia's not coming back. I don't know what's preventing her from being found but I know she's not coming back now.

How do I move on? Everytime I think of her I want to cry. I want to go back in time and not let her out, but that doesn't exist. Sometimes I wish I'd never moved out and gotten married, or I'd still have her. But it's too late now. To people who have had cats go missing, how long before you gave up and said goodbye? I think my time has come but I want to do something to help me close the book on it and move on. I'm never going to know what happened so how did you get through that and be okay again?
 

Norachan

Moderator
Staff Member
Moderator
Joined
May 27, 2013
Messages
32,666
Purraise
32,854
Location
Mount Fuji, Japan
It's funny that you should have started this thread today. I've been feeling the same about Gin kun. He's been gone almost 3 months now and even though he's taken off before I'm starting to feel like I might not see him again this time.

It is really difficult to know when to give up. Of course you hear stories about cats coming home years after they first went missing and want to believe that the same thing could happen to you. Even though a little part of you never stops hoping after a while you start to realise that they've gone. I can understand why it's important to get some closure.

I think if you put off grieving for too long you get to the point where you are unable to grieve properly. I think it would be useful for you to do something in Portia's memory. I like to make little gardens for the cats I've lost. Plant a tree or make a flower bed with some plants that will bloom every year. Something to remind you of your cat as well as to show you that life goes on. Maybe you could get some nice photos of Portia and make an album or paint a picture of her. Anything that you feel would be a nice way to remember her. Just the act of putting something together in her memory would be an important step in grieving.

That's why we have funerals. Not just a way of taking care of the dead, but also a process to help those still living come to terms with the fact that the loved one has gone.

I'm sorry you weren't able to find Portia. I know how dreadful that feels.

 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #3

bringportiahome

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Aug 6, 2016
Messages
37
Purraise
2
 
It's funny that you should have started this thread today. I've been feeling the same about Gin kun. He's been gone almost 3 months now and even though he's taken off before I'm starting to feel like I might not see him again this time.

It is really difficult to know when to give up. Of course you hear stories about cats coming home years after they first went missing and want to believe that the same thing could happen to you. Even though a little part of you never stops hoping after a while you start to realise that they've gone. I can understand why it's important to get some closure.

I think if you put off grieving for too long you get to the point where you are unable to grieve properly. I think it would be useful for you to do something in Portia's memory. I like to make little gardens for the cats I've lost. Plant a tree or make a flower bed with some plants that will bloom every year. Something to remind you of your cat as well as to show you that life goes on. Maybe you could get some nice photos of Portia and make an album or paint a picture of her. Anything that you feel would be a nice way to remember her. Just the act of putting something together in her memory would be an important step in grieving.

That's why we have funerals. Not just a way of taking care of the dead, but also a process to help those still living come to terms with the fact that the loved one has gone.

I'm sorry you weren't able to find Portia. I know how dreadful that feels.

It must be awful for you. For you to lose George and then to lose another cat that way. It's horrible. :(

I think after Effie I'll be keeping my cats as indoor cats. I guess I just need to think of it as Portia wanted to go out, or she wouldn't have gone out when I opened the door. She was sitting at the kitchen window crying to go out...whether she was actually crying to go 'home' I'll never know. :/

People have told me I'm selfish for giving up but I can't do this anymore. It's exhausting. I don't think she's still in the area or she would have been found as in the early weeks I had everyone out looking for her. I tried my best.

I'm thinking of doing a flower box for Portia that will have her name on it.
 

shadowsrescue

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Apr 27, 2011
Messages
7,022
Purraise
5,083
Location
Ohio
I have found some wonderful plaques on Amazon that I use to place in my garden.  I attach a picture to the bottom and cover it with clear packing tape. 

I am so sorry about your dear sweet Portia. 
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #5

bringportiahome

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Aug 6, 2016
Messages
37
Purraise
2
 
I have found some wonderful plaques on Amazon that I use to place in my garden.  I attach a picture to the bottom and cover it with clear packing tape. 

I am so sorry about your dear sweet Portia. 
Thank you. I feel so guilty that I'm treating it like a death...which in a way it is. It's the death of our time together.


What aggravates me is people asking "Have you found your cat yet?" Because it almost sounds like "You should have found her by now."

That and if I'd found her everyone would know about it because I'd be screaming it from my roof.
 

shadowsrescue

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Apr 27, 2011
Messages
7,022
Purraise
5,083
Location
Ohio
 
 
I have found some wonderful plaques on Amazon that I use to place in my garden.  I attach a picture to the bottom and cover it with clear packing tape. 

I am so sorry about your dear sweet Portia. 
Thank you. I feel so guilty that I'm treating it like a death...which in a way it is. It's the death of our time together.


What aggravates me is people asking "Have you found your cat yet?" Because it almost sounds like "You should have found her by now."

That and if I'd found her everyone would know about it because I'd be screaming it from my roof.
I have 3 of my feral cats go missing.  One was gone for 5 months and another for 8 months.  The 3rd one was gone for over a year.  He just came back the beginning of this month.  I know that feral cats are different than a domestic indoor/outdoor.  Mine were all neutered, but wandering was in their blood.  I think they knew my home was always home and eventually they find their way back. 

I had a very special feral cat that it tore me apart when he left.  After he had been gone for quite awhile, I decided it was time to say my goodbyes.  I bought a plaque and buried one of his favorite toys underneath it. 

I had another who was gone for 8 months.  On the 8 month anniversary of him being missing, the weather was warming.  I decided to purchase a plaque for him too.  I went to my special garden area and said a few words and cried some tears.  I just needed some closure.  He came home that very night!  It was the most special day.  I believe he heard my pleas and heard me saying goodbye. 

The universe works in strange and magical ways.  You just never know.

I wish there was something I could do to take your pain away.  I know the feeling and it is a most awful one.  I wish you peace and light.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #7

bringportiahome

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Aug 6, 2016
Messages
37
Purraise
2
 
I have 3 of my feral cats go missing.  One was gone for 5 months and another for 8 months.  The 3rd one was gone for over a year.  He just came back the beginning of this month.  I know that feral cats are different than a domestic indoor/outdoor.  Mine were all neutered, but wandering was in their blood.  I think they knew my home was always home and eventually they find their way back. 

I had a very special feral cat that it tore me apart when he left.  After he had been gone for quite awhile, I decided it was time to say my goodbyes.  I bought a plaque and buried one of his favorite toys underneath it. 

I had another who was gone for 8 months.  On the 8 month anniversary of him being missing, the weather was warming.  I decided to purchase a plaque for him too.  I went to my special garden area and said a few words and cried some tears.  I just needed some closure.  He came home that very night!  It was the most special day.  I believe he heard my pleas and heard me saying goodbye. 

The universe works in strange and magical ways.  You just never know.

I wish there was something I could do to take your pain away.  I know the feeling and it is a most awful one.  I wish you peace and light.
Stories like that give me hope but I don't want to risk too much hope because it leaves me hanging, if you know what I mean? Portia had a feral mother and she inherited a lot of that so I think she probably is fine and I need her a lot more than she needs me. :(
 
Top