The process of grief

This summer we lost two good cats, Charlie and her sister Etta. Charlie was first noticeably ill July 11 and the diagnosis was probably some kind of cancer. We brought her home for a few more days of sitting in the window and pets. She was gone by the 23rd of July. Days later, I noticed Etta was ill and we tried very hard to help her but it was probably cancer as well.

For me when I washed the dish they last used, the blanket they last slept on, it is really tough.  Yesterday I brought Etta's ashes home. I feel better that she's back here, but I really want a do over. I tell myself that her last day she couldn't really breath well and that had to be terribly scary to her. I know I made the right decision. It's just that I wish it didn't happen. 

I know that our pets have shorter lives that us and that it's part of the deal we make. But I miss them. I miss Charlie's aqua blue eyes and her cute little personality. Sometimes I think I see her in her favorite room.

I really miss Etta's wise presence and her quirky personality. A day or so after she was gone, I had to change the litter box she used and even that was sad.  I feel like every day there's something else that erases her presence more.  Today I ran across the frozen portions of chicken that I ground up in the baby bullet for her. 

It's not like losing pets is new to me either. Every day they are there, part of your life and then they just are not.

I don't feel like I failed her. I know I tried very hard to help her get well. I know I didn't take unnecessary steps that clearly wouldn't have made a difference given how quickly things went down hill for her.  But my heart is still broken.

I'm so sorry for your losses of Charlie and Etta.  I am glad that you know that you didn't fail your cat.  I hope with each day, your grief lessens and you can focus again on the happy times with you shared with your cats.

There is no way you failed either one of those precious babies. Clearly they wanted to be together, in death as well as in life. You gave them a wonderful home full of love and care, they had warm beds, ground food, and you, they would not want for more. What you are going through is grief, we humans ALWAYS find something to feel guilty about, it is one of the steps to healing. Even if everything was perfect, there would be fault somewhere that we would find. Try to look at the positive side, they went relatively quickly, surrounded by the ones they loved so very much.  You all gained so much by sharing a life together, try to celebrate having them in your life and know you meant so very much to both of them. It would have been far more tragic to have never known their sweet presence in your life at all.

They would never want you to be sad when remembering them. For now the tears will fall because they are gone from our homes and lives, but in time the happier thoughts of good times will take over and you will realize they will never be gone from your precious memories and from your heart,  the bond you all three share can never be taken from you. You can receive and send your love along that bond, like love it is not a physical presence, physical means leaving this earth at some point. But rather spiritual, an 'essence' that is the soul of those we love and what makes them special to us.  This is something that will never die as long as we embrace it and hold it in our heart.  

That 'essence' is what you are likely seeing now, their love is so great it lingers on and they can send us signs that they will never really leave us. Some are subtle and received unconsciously, as in our dreams, others are dramatic like my Chrissy's sideways shooting star when I was crying for her to come back. Look for hairs in odd places and open your heart to their messages of love. It can appear with the appearance of a beautiful bird that gives you a message on a sweet song. or as a kiss on a gentle breeze.

My heart goes out to you, you have a big heart that is broken at the moment, but that is because you loved so much. You will be blessed for giving so much to those special little ones in your life, don't ever think you failed because of loving. That can never be wrong and they would be the first to tell you thank you for such a wonderful home full of love. Take care, I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers,.........RIP Charlie and Etta, you couldn't be apart because of the love you shared, may your journey to the Rainbow Bridge be swift , and may the beautiful light from your shining stars beam down comfort and love to the one who misses you so very much. Goodnight precious ladies, find comfort on the laps of angels!    

It hurts tremendously to lose these little darlings, they are our kids, we take care of them, love them, scold them when needed, laugh at their antics, just like kids, and yes they are not here as long as we want them to be, but the time we are together is precious. Perhaps one day one will come along that needs your help, and you will open your heart to them like you did these two.....

God Bless......

Really sorry to hear about this. I recently (yesterday) lost my cat Spyro for the first time, its very painful to come to terms with. When I got cats I accepted that they would all pass over eventually, however my Spyro was only 1 year and 3 months and died instantly, I could not say good bye.

If you are worried about forgetting them and their presence fading then make a canvas or picture frame with the best pictures of them both, hang it up on the wall so they are never forgotten. Dedicate new life to their memory by getting house plants and caring for those plants with the same love you have for them both.

Stay strong and may they rest in piece.

I am so sorry about your loss