Question of the Day - Tuesday, September 6

Hello hello! Welcome to the first Tuesday of September 

Are there any everyday forgotten manners/courtesies/etiquette that you miss or get annoyed with?

I do think society (Where I live in any case) is thankfully quite civil overall, minus the usual hiccups here and there.  But there is one thing that often grinds my gears. And it always seems to happen to me - Like genuinely a good couple times a week. And all ages have been guilty of this. Happens at a lunch or dinner outing, workplace, shopping, beach etc
 

I would be talking with someone, whether a coworker or a friend or whomever, then a third person appears by chance whom my companion knows  where they begin to greet and chat with one another, usually for a decent period of time. Topics I tend to be oblivious to. Leaving me, all of a sudden, out of the loop and completely third wheel, as if I no longer exist. Standing there or sitting there awkwardly. Sometimes they will even just walk away without saying anything.


My point is, It would be nice if there was an introduction. Like a simple "Oh Hey, Cassiopea! This is so-and-so, who is my _____, so-and-so, this is Cassiopea" That's all I want   nothing crazy fancy and don't need to suddenly become huge bonded besties or anything.

I know it might not be the hugest deal, but I was always big of making sure everyone felt inclusive (I myself have a long history of being excluded, which is another blah blah story for another day)  If I am inbetween people who are strangers with one another it was within my dutiful power to introduce everyone to each other. It used to be done all the time, and I find it a very polite thing to do. 

So that is what I wish, simple formal introductions. That is my mini vent     Hope I explained it clear enough!

i think the whole concept of common courtesy, manners, and etiquette are completely unknown to many people these days. i think it's not taught to many children by their parents, and it's not really taught in school either. i wonder whether it's been replaced by the 'i'm so cool' attitude, and being thought of as a 'bad boy/girl'.   

i miss good manners and basic common courtesy.

mickNsnicks2mom said:

 
i think the whole concept of common courtesy, manners, and etiquette are completely unknown to many people these days. i think it's not taught to many children by their parents, and it's not really taught in school either. i wonder whether it's been replaced by the 'i'm so cool' attitude, and being thought of as a 'bad boy/girl'. 

 

i miss good manners and basic common courtesy.

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I have to agree with what you are saying. 

People do not seem to have any regard for other peoples property or peace.. It is as if manners, common sense, courtesy, politeness have all gone by the wayside. It is now, 'hooray for me, who cares about you?" 

It is all about "Me"   and their comfort, not the comfort of others...

ok off soapbox  

When I was a teenager I read alllll of the Miss Manners books . They're actually very funny and entertaining. Anyway, etiquette was originally a classist way to be able to determine who was snobbish enough for another snob to associate with. Actual people's actual feelings did not enter into the picture. Which fork to use and how to hold it, rules about elbows on tables---these are things that benefit nobody and are merely code to determine who is of The Proper Class.

Etiquette can even be used to hurt and exclude people. As an example---co-workers were discussing their kids playing football, and the subject of girls on the football team came up. One said that she taught her sons not to hit girls so she doesn't want her sons playing football with girls because they would have to tackle them. That's a good example of false courtesy/false respect. If a girl wants to play football, she's consenting to being tackled, and her wishes should be respected. It's very rude and disrespectful to tell someone that they can't do something because of their gender.

I'm all for respecting other people's feelings and wishes. I'm entirely against silly rituals that make people feel bad or excluded.

Do you think that good manners (actual good manners, not classist code) used to be commonplace? Many of the older people I know are the absolute rudest. They're super unpleasant to anybody they consider "below" them and have no problem hurting someone's feelings or excluding them. Of course if someone "outranks" them they do know how to perform all the proper coded manners. But I've never met any young people who are even half as rude as some older ones. It may be different in larger cities though---small towns skew toward an older demographic.

Cellphones.

if we're out together, do me a favor and keep your cellphone in your pocket. You are with me, not with the person whom you are texting or facebooking with.

Internet trolls. They are the WORST. 

It annoys me no end when someone is on their cell phone while interacting with a cashier or sales person.    It's like saying the cashier is beneath notice and/or just an object.   One of these days, I'm going to snatch the offenders cell phone out of his or her hand and point out that there is an actual human being in front them who is trying to help them out.  

Willowy said:

Do you think that good manners (actual good manners, not classist code) used to be commonplace? Many of the older people I know are the absolute rudest. They're super unpleasant to anybody they consider "below" them and have no problem hurting someone's feelings or excluding them. Of course if someone "outranks" them they do know how to perform all the proper coded manners. But I've never met any young people who are even half as rude as some older ones. It may be different in larger cities though---small towns skew toward an older demographic.

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Nay I agree that the older folks can be incredibly rude, and in big numbers. Aside from everyday life experience, after long stints in the tourism, retail and theater world the older generation were the majority of rude or difficult/mean personalities. While I pardon having to generalize on groups, the kindest visitors or customers in my experience were younger adults (21-40).

Yes.

It annoys me when you're trying to talk to someone and they're ignoring you as they're glued to their phones. Also when kids aren't taught their much needed 'pleases and thank yous'.

Cassiopea said:

Nay I agree that the older folks can be incredibly rude, and in big numbers. Aside from everyday life experience, after long stints in the tourism, retail and theater world the older generation were the majority of rude or difficult/mean personalities. While I pardon having to generalize on groups, the kindest visitors or customers in my experience were younger adults (21-40).

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Yes, that's been my experience too. So when I hear "people used to be so much more polite!" or "blah blah kids nowadays!" I always wonder how they came to that conclusion. The stories my grandparents tell (as funny stories!) always include being mean or exclusionary to somebody they considered lesser. So, no, I don't think there is any less politeness now, although some things are different.

I think there's less emphasis on "lessers" being deferential to those of "higher" rank and class, but I think that's a good thing . We should be nice to everybody without regard for class distinctions.

Willowy said:

Yes, that's been my experience too. So when I hear "people used to be so much more polite!" or "blah blah kids nowadays!" I always wonder how they came to that conclusion. The stories my grandparents tell (as funny stories!) always include being mean or exclusionary to somebody they considered lesser. So, no, I don't think there is any less politeness now, although some things are different.

I think there's less emphasis on "lessers" being deferential to those of "higher" rank and class, but I think that's a good thing

. We should be nice to everybody without regard for class distinctions.

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That's how a lot of snowbirds act when they come down to Florida in the winter. Not all but a LOT- especially those from NY, NJ, CT and Quebec. They think that they are better than we are, that our state is a big resort and we should cater to them and they can be very condescending and rude. Yes- they (obviously) are older. They think that they are doing us this massive favor by coming down here. They don't seem to grasp that we mange to get by without them the remainder of the year.

Oh yes, the please and thank yous!! Drives me NUTS when my nieces say "Get me a glass of water" instead of asking nicely. I won't get it for them until they ask nicely with a please.

@Willowy I grew up in such a different way.  Both of my parents were the offspring of old southern "aristocracy," and both were unfailingly polite and kind to anyone who came into their sphere.  Treating everyone with courtesy was a given, and drilled into me from babyhood.  And the same was true for MOST of my friends from the same background.  I'm a stickler for please and thank you, and NOT in a perfunctory manner.  Till the day he died, my father made people feel as if he truly valued his interactions with them, and any little thing they might do for him.  You almost expected him to bow from the waist at you.  Mom was, till the day she died, one of the most charming women I've even known.  Sadly, she charmed herself to death.  She was in a rehab center, and would charm her way out of doing what she should have, and eventually it killed her.

Draco said:

 
Cellphones.

if we're out together, do me a favor and keep your cellphone in your pocket. You are with me, not with the person whom you are texting or facebooking with.

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Really, cellphones are the worse. I hate it when I'm having a meal out with someone and they have the nerve to make or take a phone call. That is so rude. One time a co-worker came to see me when I was out sick and half the time she talk to her boy friend on her phone. I think she came to my house so she could talk to her boyfriend and not have her husband get in the way.

mickNsnicks2mom said:

i think the whole concept of common courtesy, manners, and etiquette are completely unknown to many people these days. i think it's not taught to many children by their parents, and it's not really taught in school either. i wonder whether it's been replaced by the 'i'm so cool' attitude, and being thought of as a 'bad boy/girl'.   

i miss good manners and basic common courtesy.

Click to expand...

Draco said:

Cellphones.

if we're out together, do me a favor and keep your cellphone in your pocket. You are with me, not with the person whom you are texting or facebooking with.

Click to expand...

I agree with both of theses & many more here. Either basic manners aren't taught anymore, or they are just ignored!

Something I also hate is in traffic. People don't have common courtesy there either. Weather it's not getting over to let you in, especially when the next lane is clear for them to do so, or just a simple thank you wave for letting someone in, or out. I just want to yell, " You're welcome!!!"