Cat Introductions - How am I doing?

Hello.

Six months ago I got a kitten, Nami - she is beautiful and we are truly bonded. She made herself at home from day one and it has been completely smooth sailing. We decided to get a kitten to keep her company when out at work all day as she is a very social kitty. Unfortunately I did not know about cat introductions. As a child growing up we had multiple cats and rescued newcomers periodically and I never remembered there being any problems, we just let them integrate at their own pace and there was never any fighting... So here was my first mistake.

When I brought home 8 week old Toffee I set his carrier down and opened the door. He was purring and welcomed my hand coming in to give him a fuss. Then in comes Nami. She went in for a sniff and even tried to lick him - all was going well. Until the brave baby started hissing at her. She backed off a bit and slowly approached him again. More hissing. He then swatted at her, starting the war we have now. She decided to sit on top of his carrier and circle it, sniffing and trying to work up the courage to try and befriend him again. Unfortunately he swatted, and she swatted back. I immediately panicked and took the baby in to my bedroom to figure it out. It was at this point I googled and immediately got upset thinking I had ruined their relationship forever by not giving them slow introductions.

Not to be discouraged, I started off as if I hadn't introduced them at all. I have done scent exchanges, room swaps and they happily feed either side of the door. They both meow at each other and lie either side playing footsie and looking at each other. This is often paired with purring. I have tried opening the door a crack and they are desperate to get at each other. There has been no more hissing. I thought they were ready to be introduced, my second mistake. Nami immediately jumps on top of baby Toffee, her whole body covering his and pins him. At first they are purring and it seems like play and possibly a show of dominance. It almost looks as if she is mounting him. When she has him on his back she is relentless - she is even nibbling on his neck and legs. I'm not sure if she is biting down. There are no argumentative noises except sometimes Toffee will quietly squeek. If he manages to wriggle away she will follow and immediately repeat the process. So a towel gets thrown over them and separated again - back to square one. This has happened about three times now. We get to the point I think it will be okay and the same thing happens.

Am I doing something wrong? Is this just normal behaviour? Both can't handle being alone so someone has to sleep in the living room with either kitten and it is causing a stressful environment generally. Both cats separately do not seem at all stressed or sad, both are very loving and playful and comfortable. I can't handle their fighting for more than a minute or two before separating - maybe I am not giving them long enough to settle their differences? Please help me!

Apologies for the lengthy post and thank you in advance.

Cassie

Hi there! 

I was in your situation a few months ago when I brought my kitten home for the first time. Your introductions sound like they've been going exactly how mine went.

After being separated for the first few days, my kitten Moscato and my roommate's cat Winston would play footsies under the door, purr at each other, and generally seemed to get along. There was hissing initially but like you mentioned, that went away after they were put in different rooms and were able to get to know each other a bit with the door separating them.

Moscato was a teeny thing when I brought her home. She seems to be a fairly small girl in general, but at only 8 weeks old she was an ant compared to Winston who at the time was 9 months older than her. When my roommate and I allowed the cats to be in the same room together, Winston liked to pounce and try to wrestle with Moscato who would tolerate it to an extent but eventually get scared and run off, only to have Winston chase her and repeat the process. They didn't seem to actually be fighting or hurting each other, but I could tell that Moscato was definitely not always happy with the other cat playing with her the way he was.

Moscato continued to grow and soon enough started standing up for herself, lol. Now she can beat the crap out of Winston when they wrestle and they are definitely the best of friends. 

If your situation is anything like mine, and it nearly identical, you're off to a great start.   Even though she's a bit older, Nami's still a kitten who wants to play with her new friend. She doesn't realize that her rough housing might be a bit intimidating for little Toffee, who I'm sure is much smaller than Nami right now. Just be sure to watch them if it seems like your bigger girl is being too rough with baby. Sometimes I'd have to come to Moscato's rescue to get Winston to back off for a bit. Something that I found helped distract Winston from constantly wanting to wrestle with Moscato was a laser pointer; both kitties loved chasing the red light around, and I think it helped them bond a lot while taking Winston's focus off trying to play fight. Eventually they'd both get so tuckered out that they'd curl up in their respective beds beside each other and pass out!

I'm certainly no expert in cat behavior, but I just wanted to lend some reassurance and share my own personal experience with the same situation. Hopefully it helps!

You have made my day - both kittens love the laser pointer individually, I am hopeful this will really help. I'm going to spend my bank holiday Monday attempting to supervise them and see how it goes! I'm so glad you've said your cats are best friends now. Thank you so much for putting my mind at ease and sharing your own story.

I went through the same thing. I have a one year old Tony and an 8 week old Olivia. After taking steps to introduce them Tony would immediately hold Olivia down and it seemed he was biting her, though she never seemed like it hurt. If I stopped him he would make excited sounds and try again at which point I would remove her. She was very tiny and I think he was just excited and possibly showing some dominance. After a week or so of off and on time together he would lick her more than holding her down/biting her and she would purr so loudly. Now 4 weeks later they are inseparable and the best of friends. She was given up way too early (4 weeks) and he is quite comforting to her when she wants to cuddle and get warm. I think another week or two and you'll see them grow on each other!

That picture makes me impatient for them to be friends, I'm glad it all worked out for you. I will keep doing as I am until I hopefully see the same changes.

Both me and Nami were feeling a bit under the weather today and she'd been very sleepy and needy, lying on my belly in bed most of the day. I made my boyfriend go and bring toffee in who was sleeping on the armchair. Everything felt calm and slow motion and he even settled himself on me for a snuggle very close to Nami. We were a happy family for about twenty seconds until he was pinned down again and we had to remove him . Patience is not my virtue. Every moment he spends meowing to be with us is breaking my heart, I feel like everyone is missing out on valuable bonding time with one another. It has caused a divide in our household as my older girl is very attached to me and it is easier on her if my other half tends to Toffee to keep him company and sleeps with him. I hope he will be my best buddy at the end of this. Luckily he is a tiny pot of love (it matters not if you are a human or a table leg) so there's a good chance all of this will be forgotten.

I lost a cat I'd had for 19 years that I found abandoned as a kitten when I was barely older than him. Someone had attached a firework to his tail and I thought he had a twig stuck to him! We took him to the vets and he was left with a stub. He should have been terrified and distrustful of humans but he was the most loving little thing. Despite having other cats growing up he was always mine and came with me when I left home. He outlived them all. This year was when I finally decided to start another furry family after being worried that I wouldn't form the same bond again. I did not need to worry. I think this is why I'm so desperate for everyone to live in harmony. I am a crazy cat lady at 25...

How long have you had little Toffee now?
Some of my biggest clues that Tony wasn't trying to hurt Olivia but was trying to show some type of dominance was the sound he would make when she was in his sight. So if your older cat makes noises you can try looking into cat noises and what they mean. It's extremely helpful to understand what they're trying to say. Also the fact that despite him "biting" her, she never showed any kind of marks or like she was in pain. Several times a day I would put them together and attempt having them get to know one another. When I mentioned it to my vet she said as long as no one is getting hurt it's ok. So I would supervise and remove Nami from the kitten a couple times before separating them. It'll give her a chance to realize she doesn't need to be doing it. I would also give Tony scratches and hold him while he watched Olivia play.
It feels like forever when all you want is for them to be best friends but it'll come!

I'm sorry for the loss of your last baby

It's only been two weeks since I brought him home (way too young, and the lady I had him off was letting him play outside ) so I know this is still early days. It seemed at first like we were zooming forward with progress as I know it can take months to even get where we are now.

They meow like CRAZY through the door. If I allow contact we have purring from the baby for a few moments and then dead silence for a minute until it escalates and he starts squeaking. Luckily I think he's very aware that when he starts to squeek I will come to his rescue. It seems more to me like he is getting fed up rather than hurt. He gives as good as he gets but is too small so the fighting/playing is unbalanced. Luckily there is still no hissing. An annoyed chirp has been the worst I've heard since the initial hissing from toffee on day 1.

It is possible I'm overthinking the whole thing. And over protective of the kitten.

The laser pointer has worked very well in distracting them when things get rough, and encourages them to interact differently as they forget to fight for a moment and chase it instead. I end the session when it loses its effectiveness.

It sounds like it's going right along. I'm glad it's working for you! You'll have to update us on their progress

We have definite progress. I actually cried tonight having them both on my lap with no fighting. Hoping the following days will bring me as much joy we've had licking over biting and purring over crying. It's silly how happy I feel about this situation!

I don't think you're being silly. Cat relationships can be extremely stressful & it's wonderful when things go well.

I have learnt in the last couple of days that toffee is most definitely a girl despite what I was told [emoji]128514[/emoji]

Haha! Surprise! I don't think it's silly either. I know exactly what you mean. I'm so glad it's going so well!!