New cat has fear of abandoment...what to do? Please help.

Hello all!

Some background - We have 2 beautiful cats - Lucy and Garrus. Lucy is a 1 year old female Lynx-Point Siamese that we adopted from the Humane Society in April. She is very high energy and playful, and we love her so much. We decided we wanted another cat and just 2 Sundays ago (8/14) we adopted Garrus, a 3 year old male black and white tuxedo cat with a bobbed tail. He is a big boy but very, very sweet and Lucy and him get along quite well which I am very happy about, even though she does chase him around sometimes, but all in all, they seem to do very well with each other, which I was worried about because Lucy does have a very strong personality.

Anyways, the point: When I took Garrus home, I knew immediately he was afraid of boxes as he managed to break out and claw away at the one the Humane Society gave me to take him home in. We ended up carrying him in the house. No problem. He hid for about a day or so but started coming out, trusting us, getting along with Lucy and is very sweet, mellow and calm.

Fast-forward to this past Tuesday, we take Garrus to the vet to use the $250 that the Humane Society gives for the first vet check-up. Garrus is totally freaked about going back into the carrier (which I warned my fiancé about, but he didn't know how bad it was). We ended up having to carry him into the vet after 3 unsuccessful attempts to get him into the carrier which resulted in a very frightened cat.

The vet examined him, said he looked well, except for a slight ear issue and respiratory infection for which we are now administering meds. However, the vet worried me - he asked if Garrus was OK at home behavior-wise, I told him yes -  he did tell me Garrus had been returned twice to the humane society twice. Once from a family he was with for 2 years (couldn't believe it) and then a second time from a lady who adopted him but returned him after a week because her daughter had allergies (that time we knew about). I told the vet I was really worried because he seemed so upset and he was like "well no wonder he won't get into the carrier, he's been returned twice."

I left with feelings of upset, I can't imagine returning a cat after having him in your home for 2 years since he was a tiny kitten, what are people thinking?

Since Garrus has been home (2 days now) he is still really freaked out and I'm very worried he thinks we were trying to return him. I absolutely have no intentions of doing so - we love him already and I have always understood that once you take in an animal, it is for life, not just dumping them away like a piece of garbage.

We are also moving in about a week and half....so this presents another problem. I'm worried he is once again going to be upset and think we are trying to take him back, YET AGAIN, when we have to move into our new apartment.

I'm sorry this is so long. I love this new cat so much and I just wanted any advice that anyone could offer. I don't want him to think we would ever try to get rid of him. Any tips, advice, help at all for now to calm him down and then when we do eventually move?

Thank you so much!

I have also attached some photos of Garrus and Lucy :-)

awwww... what cuties!

it's going to take time, and yes, garrus is going to be freaked out when you move.  but you might want to move some of his favorite things with him rather than packing them - stuff that has his smells on them - to the new place.  that way, you can have them set up se can spend time with them and feel a little less strange.  and hopefully once you move the cats, you can spend time sitting near them so they know you're there before you get to the unpacking.

btw, while i'd live in my car with a cat rather than give him/her away, there are sometimes reasons.  our across the way neighbor tried to keep a really sweet local abandoned cat, but her daughter had allergies that they decided to try to deal with and her daughter permanently lost her hearing in one ear as a result.  still, they made sure to find the cat a great home and still visit periodically to make sure he's doing okay.

good luck with the move!

Thank you so much for responding!

Your orange cat is super cute as well!

We were planning on having all their things moved over to the apartment and put out by the time we brought them there, but it's a great idea just to reinforce that's what we should do. He got scared though even when we just brought boxes in to pack away a few things...poor thing is so afraid of being returned. I'm worried he just hates and doesn't trust us now. I've been trying to feed him some extra special food and give him more cuddles. I just don't want to trigger anymore of these feelings inside him.

I do understand about the allergies, and wasn't too worried about that, and was glad the lady brought him back sooner than later but found it very odd that a family kept him for 2 years and then surrendered him. But now we have him, so we're lucky.

Thank you again for your response and the well wishes!

Perhaps you could try using Feliway wipes on the carrier next time before you put him in it.  I have a cat just hates the carrier and car rides.  When I switched vets a few years ago the new vet we went to told us she sprays Feliway on herself between patients.  My cat was much calmer with her during the exam and was not scared of her.  Starbuck is scared of everyone except us.  She gave me a Feliway wipe sample and told us to wipe down the carrier before putting Starbuck in it.  My hubby did this for her last vet appointment while I was at work.  He said she did fight him a little bit getting her in the carrier.  Once she was in the carrier she was much calmer.  She did not scream in the car or pee on herself. She meowed a couple times and that was it.  Hubby told me it was like she was a different cat. When he put her back in the carrier to go home she slept in the car.  She has never done that.  Maybe this product could help your baby. Starbuck was thrown out a window of a moving car when she was a baby by some ass. She has never been comfortable being in the car. A friend's family rescued her immediately after if happened.

It is going to take time and patience for Garrus to realize that he is in his forever home.  I adopted my cat Sonny from his foster mommy after he was returned to her.  When I got Sonny home he wanted a ton of attention and was constantly talking for about 2 days.  He is still vocal but not all the time now.  I am really good friends with his foster mommy so she hangs out at our house sometimes. Sonny would usually visit any company we have.  However for some odd reason he would hide from my friend and we think this is because he was scared of being moved again.  My friend just ignored him and gave him his space.  It took some time but he did realize he was home now and he comes to my friend for cuddles all the time now.  My friend is also our cat sitter to so I am glad he enjoys being around her again.

Your baby does not hate you at all.  He is just really scared of the boxes. It is just going to take time and patience for him to realize he is not moving anywhere without his family.  This is probably something that will need to be worked through after you move into the new apartment.  You are doing things right  and I really believe that once you guys are settled in the new apartment and he see the boxes being unpacked things will begin to get better.  Just keep giving him treats and cuddles when he wants them on his terms.

Thank you so much for your response and the suggestions!! I will definitely try the Feliway...was thinking of getting it but was unsure. Starbuck sounds like she might be a little bit like Garrus. What a horrible person, throwing a cat out the window!! Who does that?!Thank you for saying I am doing the right things, I've been feeling so guilty about taking him to the vet (even though it was for his own wellbeing) and am super nervous about the move. I am now realizing it's just going to take a bit of time for him.I just came home from work and he is pretty calm now and acting more normal, and playing with Lucy. So very happy about that. Thanks again for your response and I will definitely take your advice and try the Feliway. :-)

mslaura1003 said:

Thank you so much for your response and the suggestions!! I will definitely try the Feliway...was thinking of getting it but was unsure. Starbuck sounds like she might be a little bit like Garrus. What a horrible person, throwing a cat out the window!! Who does that?! Thank you for saying I am doing the right things, I've been feeling so guilty about taking him to the vet (even though it was for his own wellbeing) and am super nervous about the move. I am now realizing it's just going to take a bit of time for him. I just came home from work and he is pretty calm now and acting more normal, and playing with Lucy. So very happy about that. Thanks again for your response and I will definitely take your advice and try the Feliway. :-)

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I think the bond he has already formed with Lucy will help too in the long run.  I understand about feeling guilty about taking Garrus to the vet I have been through that with Starbuck.  Just keep reminding yourself that taking him needed to be done for his well-being. Taking him in for his first check-up is the right thing to do even if our baby's do not understand that.

The key factors here are time and patience. Garrus will come around after the move once things are settled.  He just needs to do this at his own pace in his own way. I also had an abused cat that I adopted years ago and it took her quite a while to realize she was in a safe place.  I just had to let the relationship develop in her time frame.  Once she learned to trust me it was an amazing relationship.  I have no doubt that you will get there.

Rest in peace Baby-T mommy and daddy miss you.

Aww thanks so much for your kind words! I appreciate them more than you know.

First of all Garrus looks just like my Marley!

Poor Garrus, don't understand how people can abandon animals in this way! You did a good deed taking him in and also looking for ways to help him overcome his troublesome past!
I've had Marley since he was born (from my cat) so it's not really the same but everytime we take him to the vet he freaks out to a point of pooping in the carrier- we tried feliway spray and pet remedy but it didn't really work for him but you could try spray those in the carrier an buying a plug in for home so that he can feel calm when he comes home? What worked for Marley was taking his momma cat with him as she takes to the spray very well and he seems to think we're abandoning him everytime we take him out of the house but this reassures him that he's not alone I guess. I mean you could try getting another cat but some don't like living in a multiple cat household!
You could also try putting one of his favourite toys in the carrier that smells like home?

Also like catlover said- marleys momma Cat Cocoa was a stray when we found her and she looked like she'd been through the wars- covered in abcesses, fleas and an ear&eye infection. It took her a while to trust us and from her loving nature we guessed she may have been dumped previously. (Not feral at all) it took her about 3 months to fully adjust to her new home and she was very shy but soon came out of her nervous disposition after soon care and patience! She used to hide for hours after a vet visit etc. She's very extrovert now and in a perfectly healthy condition too! Good luck with Garrus I'm sure he'll come round if you stick by him
This is cocoa now

Oh my goodness! Marley and Cocoa are sooo cute! Both beautiful kitties. :-)

Actually we have decided to try the Feliway, but my fiancé definitely thinks if we stick Garrus along with Lucy in the same (big enough) carrier to move into the new apartment that he will feel more calm. I am hoping this is the case, since he absolutely doesn't wanna be enclosed inside a box of ANY sort lol. We are hoping that will be a good solution, also bringing along his stuff, some toys, maybe a blanket with his scent on it. My biggest concern right now is the stress were putting on him as he moves, but definitely don't want him to feel abandoned.

Thank you so much for your suggestions and your kitties are beautiful!

mslaura1003 said:

Oh my goodness! Marley and Cocoa are sooo cute! Both beautiful kitties. :-)

Actually we have decided to try the Feliway, but my fiancé definitely thinks if we stick Garrus along with Lucy in the same (big enough) carrier to move into the new apartment that he will feel more calm. I am hoping this is the case, since he absolutely doesn't wanna be enclosed inside a box of ANY sort lol. We are hoping that will be a good solution, also bringing along his stuff, some toys, maybe a blanket with his scent on it. My biggest concern right now is the stress were putting on him as he moves, but definitely don't want him to feel abandoned.

Thank you so much for your suggestions and your kitties are beautiful!

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yours are adorable too! I really hope all goes well! Fingers crossed! Good luck to you and your babies!

mslaura1003 said:

 
Oh my goodness! Marley and Cocoa are sooo cute! Both beautiful kitties. :-)

Actually we have decided to try the Feliway, but my fiancé definitely thinks if we stick Garrus along with Lucy in the same (big enough) carrier to move into the new apartment that he will feel more calm. I am hoping this is the case, since he absolutely doesn't wanna be enclosed inside a box of ANY sort lol. We are hoping that will be a good solution, also bringing along his stuff, some toys, maybe a blanket with his scent on it. My biggest concern right now is the stress were putting on him as he moves, but definitely don't want him to feel abandoned.

Thank you so much for your suggestions and your kitties are beautiful!

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I would save a piece of your dirty laundry and put it in the carrier with them.  It will help them feel more comfortable also having something that smells like you with them. 

M mslaura1003

I like the Feliway suggestion, but I have to ask- Are Lucy and Garrus microchipped or do they wear a collar? Because if Garrus is an escape artist when in the carrier and you plan to transport both cats in one carrier- I would make sure they are wearing collars with tags with your phone number on them, just in case Garrus opens the carrier door unexpectedly while you are transoprting them inside.

Hi Raina-

Thanks for your concern, yes Garrus and Lucy are both microchipped and both wear collars. The humane society wouldn't let us leave without them I guess you can't really see in the pix but Garrus has a little green collar with a tag and Lucy has a pink one. Lucy has actually done this- ran out of the door a few times, scaring me to death. So we are very cautious, especially with her. She is fast and will dart out and around you. That was one very important thing I made sure of - that they both are microchipped and wear their collars. I will especially make sure they have it on, on moving day (if for whatever reason we may have taken it off, which we don't usually do).

Thank you again for your reply!

M mslaura1003

Okay good! I'm glad they wear their collars!

How long is the trip for the move? I wonder if he would do better with a harness that straps into the car seat. He wouldn't have to go in a box that way. I would also recommend having him on a harness and leash if you walk him to/from the vet, etc. you never know when something could spook him.

Thank you for taking him in!