My kitty, Punkin passed

Give yourself credit, you are in a hard situation and emotions are normal. Its ok to feel overwhelmed, just try to walk away from the kitten and take a moment to take care of yourself. Be patient with him and don't expect too much from him as he is still young and scared, and don't expect too much from yourself at first as you are still grieving. If it happens again remember that its ok to walk away and give both of you a moment to calm down. It's a big adjustment for both of you, take it one day at a time and know that it's OK to give each other space. You both have the love to give each other but it will take time for both of you.

clmgordon said:

Give yourself credit, you are in a hard situation and emotions are normal. Its ok to feel overwhelmed, just try to walk away from the kitten and take a moment to take care of yourself. Be patient with him and don't expect too much from him as he is still young and scared, and don't expect too much from yourself at first as you are still grieving. If it happens again remember that its ok to walk away and give both of you a moment to calm down. It's a big adjustment for both of you, take it one day at a time and know that it's OK to give each other space. You both have the love to give each other but it will take time for both of you.

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I couldn't agree more with all of this. Adopting a new kitty after the loss of your Punkin was always bound to be bittersweet and filled with second guessing and anxiety. You have a big heart and with time and patience, I know Zachary will earn a spot in it. I think it's very brave of you to take this step and I've no doubt that Punkin is proud of you.
Try to relax and be as calm as you can when around Zachary so that he is more relaxed. Your instincts are right that he's scared and adjusting to his new surroundings. I know you are an experienced cat owner but I'm giving you this link to a TCS article about helping a new cat adjust to a new home in case it has some tips that will help you and Zachary:

http://www.thecatsite.com/a/how-to-help-a-new-cat-adjust-to-your-home

Please keep checking in to let us know how you and Zachary are getting along [emoji]10084[/emoji]️[emoji]10084[/emoji]️

Thank you for tbe support and the link. It helps drive home that we both need time. I was so focused on Zach that I didnt care for myself. I actually felt rejected. Sounds silly. Well he has moved from the bathroom to the closet and ate his food after I was in bed and the house was dark. More importantly he used his litter box. Then he peeked his head out today like a turtle and accepted some treats. Ill keep posting. Hugs. Thx

First of all, I'm sorry to read about your loss.  It is very frustrating to deal with cats that are sick and not understand what is going on.  It  is natural that your emotions were raw. 

I think you have some very good advise.  Give the new kitty lots of space. Put food and water out and go about your business.   I have one that didn't move from the dining room chair for six months (obviously she did eat and go to the bathroom but I rarely saw her).  Magically she decided to join the rest of us one day and became a big Mommy's girl 

lisa1706 said:

Thank you for tbe support and the link. It helps drive home that we both need time. I was so focused on Zach that I didnt care for myself. I actually felt rejected. Sounds silly. Well he has moved from the bathroom to the closet and ate his food after I was in bed and the house was dark. More importantly he used his litter box. Then he peeked his head out today like a turtle and accepted some treats. Ill keep posting. Hugs. Thx

ZACH.jpg

• lisa1706
• Jan 8, 2017

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It doesn't sound silly at all that you felt rejected...I would have as well! It's hard to not have expectations of yourself and of Zach. It's going to take time for both of you to build the trust that will be the foundation of a wonderful relationship.
Progress might be measured in baby steps (like Zach
accepting treats from you) but it will come in time.

By the way, Zach is so adorable [emoji]10084[/emoji]️[emoji]10084[/emoji]️

Its so nice to hear from other cat moms. Other people just dont undetstand.

lisa1706 said:

Its so nice to hear from other cat moms. Other people just dont undetstand.

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This is why I love TCS so much! Know we are always here [emoji]10084[/emoji]️

lisa1706 said:

Its so nice to hear from other cat moms. Other people just dont undetstand.

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Well I'm a cat "daddy" so I hope that I count too lol!     But you are right, either people understand or they don't, but people here DO!

Les26. I love cat daddies!! The foster mom said she will take Zach back but says she is sure he will grow to love me once he gets used to his surroundings. Im single living in a one bedroom apartment with no other animals. Not much to get used to. I was hoping a kitty would help my stress levels not contribute to them. Gessh. Its a tough call.

I obviously dont know what Im doing!  Foster mom #1 who rescued Zach was here yesterday and he came out his shell some with her but not me. Later I texted her and his current foster mom that its not working out. I didnt say this part to them  but I dont feel emotionally attached or ready for a new cat. I thought I was. They are coming to get him today. Well this morning, he actually came over to me and rubbed on the chair near my
legs. But now he is walking around meowing. I know he is homesick. His foster mom loves him and there are people there and cats. At my house he spends most of the day alone sitting in a dining room chair. I just accepted a part time job too. Although at my age its tentative if it will work out and or for how long. I want to try it at least to earn a few extra bucks. its 20 hours per week.  I think I should wait and maybe get a cat later this spring. Going thru menopause, I can not even make this simple decision. sorry if that's TMI. I dont take adoption lightly. Im so lonely. But I dont feel a bond with this kitty honestly. My heart normally melts around most cats. maybe its too soon after losing Punkin. I feel terrible. He's a nice guy who derserves to be #1 in somones heart.
My anxiety is thru the roof. I was OK with with decision of giving him back until he curled up in front of me today. Maybe Im just nuts. The rescue said they had another cat who may be more suitable for me but she is FIV+, older (but not senior), very friendly. They said I could meet her next week. I just got done caring for an elderly terminally ill cat. If I get another cat now, why not keep Zach?  What do you guys think? Im heading to work but ill be checking my messages.  Ill sound like an idiot now if I tell them I want to keep Zach. I know he would be happy with foster mom. I can see how much she loves him. I dont know if she would ever consider keeping him for herself.

Thanks.  Be well.

Lisa   

#1 - you mentioned that you might not be ready for a new cat. Maybe you aren't. Remember that you can't care for others if you aren't OK yourself. And if you need time to take care of yourself and get yourself to a good, healthy, happy place first, that's OK. Don't feel guilty about taking care of yourself first. When you are ready, then you can get a new kitty. If you feel that you should wait a little longer before adopting a new cat, then maybe you should.

#2 - you stated "if I get another cat, why not just keep Zack?" Timing is important, and if you aren't ready, its not fair to either of you. As we all know, each cat has his own personality and sometimes certain people and cats just aren't a good fit for each other. Maybe, with your current situation, it just isn't meant to be right now. I completely understand the feeling of wanting to say "someone please just tell me what I should do!"but only you know if you are ready for a new kitty, and it sounds like you dont think you are.

I was really hoping that you and Zach would work out, but it kinda sound like it's just not good timing, etc.

I suggest you meet the older cat at the rescue, but if it doesn't feel right, remember that it's OK to walk away and take the appropriate time to take care of yourself before adopting. I appreciate that you don't take adopting lightly. When the time is right you will find the perfect kitty for yourself and your situation.

I really wish you the best, your story and compassion has really touched me.

In my opinion you are trying to fill a void in your heart that cannot -- and should not -- be filled by adopting another cat.  You need to concentrate on yourself, not another cat, and you need to let time do its thing.  Then, and only then, will you be emotionally ready for a new friend.  You don't ever want to find yourself regretting the cat, or comparing the cat to Punkin, or wishing the cat was Punkin, or being angry with the cat, etc.  Time...

Hi Caatan,

Thanks for your candid post. It took me awhile to figure it out but I agree with you.  That's what I'm doing. Just working on myself and let time tell what should happen. Adopting should be a happy time, but it was stressing me out! 

UPDATE

Just wanted everyone to know I appreciate your kind words and well wishes. I decided to return Zach to his foster mom. I take comfort in knowing he is in a place  where he is loved and is well taken care of .  

I really wasn't ready. If I was, I dont think I would have felt the need to ask everybody else what they thought. Adopting should be a happy time. I was a wreck!  I am going to work on getting through my own grief so I can be a better cat mom when the time comes. 

Thank you!!

Take your time. I am in a similar position. Cat love will find us both again.