Our furry friend 8/9/2016

Everyone, I am a wreck, but wanted to share this anyway..

5 years ago my wife found a stray kitten under a bush at her job. We took him to the vet, go him all his shots, and brought him him. We bottle fed him, got him all kinds of toys, a comfy bed, and he even got along with all our ferrets, which was awesome. He was like their big furry brother .  We named him Jaya, after one of my favorite bands, Jaya the Cat.

In 2014, shortly after my daughter was born, we noticed that Jaya wasn't right. He was unable to urinate, so we took him to the vet, they fixed him up. A day later, he was blocked again. We brought him back, and they suggested to do a PU surgery, but we decided to try again, so they kept him over night and released him. 2 days later, he blocked, again . We brought him back, and decided to get the PU surgery done. He even had to spend a night at the emergency vet before his surgery. It was rough. Jaya really HATED the vet, it stressed him out, made him cry, and you could tell he didn't want to be there...even if they were helping him . It was scary to see him so distressed and angry, but we had to help him out.

After his PU surgery, he seemed fine. We got him a water fountain, prescription food, wet food, multiple litter boxes, natural medicines for his kindeys/urinary tract. Nothing seemed wrong. He peed, played with his laser, slept with us in bed, ate, and was always our little baby boy. He did have 2-3 episodes (UTI) but the vet fixed him up with some antibiotics and expressing his bladder. They did xrays and urine analysis as well, just to make sure, but nothing was out of the ordinary each time he went. 

Moving on.....

On August 6th, Jaya just seemed out of it. He peed, pooped and then ate a bit, but I noticed he threw up a couple times. He was exhibiting the same things as before, so I gave him some apple cider vinegar, some antibiotics,  and let him sleep. That day, we had to go out, so we let him stay in there with his own water, litter box and bowl of food. By Sunday, he just didn't seem up to anything. He was peeing a lot, but there was a lot of blood mixed in with it as well, and the antibiotics didn't seem to be helping. We kept giving him fluids, and trying to feed him, but he didn't care. He just wanted to sleep. I was working that day too, so I was really stressed out. My wife cared for him while I was at work, and kept me updated, but I still came home at lunch to check on him.  Monday, he did drink a bit, peed, and slept. He even jumped up on the bed and tried to drink out of the toilet, but then went right back to sleeping. That night, we gave him a bath and got him nice and clean, but I knew....

On August 9th, I woke up 2-3 times to check on him in the bathroom (one of his favorite sleeping spots). At 6:00 am, I went in again, right before I had to go to work. He was covered in blankets, breathing really slowly.  I brought him outside, held him, pet him, told him I loved him, that I was sorry, and that didn't have to hang on anymore...right after that he passed away in my arms while on the porch.

Jaya, I am sorry buddy. I tried, I am sorry I didn't have enough money to help you out again. I am a terrible person, and even though you arent suffering anymore, I won't ever forgive myself.. I don't think me or my wife will ever get over losing you. If I was rich, I would have done anything I could to help you . I am still paying off all the vet trips and surgery . 

We still got 2 other cats, and 4 ferrets to keep us company, but it's still not the same . Jaya was the King of the House . I remember when lost my other orange cat (I was 18) named Morris. My dad started working at this golf course and he saw him walking around and asked one of the guys how long as he been there, he said over 10 years! My dad opened his van, brought him home, and we gave him a good home. He was quite old though. He got sick, and died in my Mother's arms....I was out of town at the time, but cried my eyes out. Does this ever get easy? I just lost a ferret from cancer a couple months ago, and I am still not over that..... 

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss of handsome Jaya. While I have not gone thru PU surgery (my cat is female), I have dealt with crystals in my cat and know a little of how hard managing urinary crystals is. It is a continuous battle and you did so much to get Jaya through them. He knows that and loves you for all you did for him. He passed in the comfort and love of your arms. Please take comfort in knowing that Jaya is no longer in pain over the Rainbow Bridge. Jaya would want you to be kind to yourself as you grieve.

[emoji]128149[/emoji]RIP sweet Jaya[emoji]128149[/emoji]

You gave Jaya the most treasured gift of all, your love.  That is all he wanted in this world, and he would be the last one to want to see you so sad at his passing. He died at home, surrounded by the love of the one he loved the most, he would not ask for more. The crushing guilt is a part of the grieving process, it would not have mattered if you had all the money in the world, it would be there in another form.  You did what you could with what you had, everything you did you did out of love and caring. You know he hated being away from you at the vets, there comes a time when the suffering has to stop, please know in your heart that after all he went through, it was not to be, the suffering would have continued and gotten worse, there is no way you could let that sweet boy suffer. Now you have to concentrate on what he brought into your life, the joy and happiness that little boy gave to you and your wife. and how much he meant to you. Although it hurts so very much right now, he was in your life for a reason. and if you had never known him think what a loss that would have been. He will never leave you, the love I feel pouring from your tribute will tie you together in a bond that will be with you forever, it was forged link by link in a chain that not even death can take away. Use this bond, and your precious memories to comfort yourself, send your love to him and he will send his back. My heart goes out to you, I know the pain of a broken heart, and only time helps to heal that emptiness in your heart and home. It would be an honor for that little boy for you to pass on his legacy of love, for in that way you keep his memory alive. Help another desperate little soul in his name, pay for an adoption, or donate your time at your local shelter, there are so many who need to feel the love of another, if only for a little while. It helps to make you feel better, and helps to heal that hole in your heart. Take care, and know you are not alone. RIP beautiful Jaya, your star that shines so bright in the heavens above will send comfort and love to those who miss you so very much, you will be held in loving hearts forever more!  

I'm so very sorry about your loss of Jaya. From the sounds of it, you did everything in your power to help him. He surely felt and appreciated all the loving care he got from you. RIP, Jaya.

Jaya was so loved and you were there with him which I am certain comforted him as he moved on to his next journey. RIP sweet boy 

astrolux said:

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• astrolux
• Aug 11, 2016

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Jaya is beautiful.  I am very sorry for your loss.  You did everything you could for your baby.  You were with Jaya till the very end and he felt your love when it was time for her to go.  You gave Jaya the one thing he wanted in life which was a loving, safe and secure home.  Please stop beating yourself up over this. You are not a terrible person and you have done nothing to need forgiveness for.  Money can not always fix everything.  A close friend of mine lost a cat to the exact same thing you went through.  They have a lot money and did everything under the sun that the vet recommended.  They went through countless ER vet trips and expensive emergency surgeries for their baby.  In the end they could not fix her and she was allowed to cross the bridge at home while feeling their love.  My friend's cat was easy going with vet trips and it still got to the point where their money could not save their baby.

Our baby's are never with us long enough and we are never ready to say goodbye.  Jaya is now an angel looking down on you from the rainbow bridge. The guilt you feel right now is a normal part of the grieving process.  You will move through this process in your own way and pace.  There are many stages to this process and you will feel a whole range of emotions as you go through it.  This process is different for each person.  I wish my words could take away your guilt.  Please be kind to yourself while you are grieving.  Also do not be surprised if this process is completely different for each of you.  Please allow your love for each other and Jaya to help you through this very difficult time.  Hugs to both you and your wife.

So very sorry for your loss and you didn't fail him. He decided to go on his own terms. Some cats are like that. You didn't do anything wrong. You medicated him. Gave fluids. Gave meds. you kept trying to figure out what was going on. For some reason Heaven needed another angel. He will always be your guardian Angel as he watches over you from the Bridge.

Run free Jaya at the Rainbow Bridge. He loves you and forgives you. Please let the memories help comfort you in the coming days.

Ode to my Pi

So very sorry to hear of your loss of your precious little Jaya, and like the others have said you don't have anything to feel badly about, it is the stress of the grief making you think that way, you took him in years ago, had you not done that he most likely would have not lived long outside so you took him in, took care of him, gave him a GREAT home and life and for some reason it was his time to leave you even though we are NEVER convinced that it was enough time. 

Also, when we have a cat that passes away in our arms, it is VERY difficult to deal with, but with time you will look back and say "I am glad that I got to hold him" his last few moments on this Earth. When I came home last November and Sebastian was at the end of his life and I held him and about 15 seconds later he died I was a wreck, the grief was overwhelming and I didn't know if I EVER would truly get over it, it stuck with me for many months, but with time and now looking back I am so very glad that I had the chance to hold him, that he didn't leave this life alone, that I was with him. It does get easier.....

Please take care, realize that you did more than you could, and probably even if you DID have more money he would've passed anyway, it was probably just his time to leave here but he is in a beautiful new place and you will be reunited again someday and then he will tell you "THANK YOU for saving me, I love you"!!!!

God Bless, he is an Angel now.....

astrolux, you are not a terrible person. You are a wonderful person. I am so sorry for your loss of Jaya. So many things are beyond our control in this world. Many of us are limited monetarily and can only wish that we could provide unlimited health care. You have provided what is the most important---Love. The love and care you did provide enriched the life of Jaya and he knows it.

Thanks for your kindness and compassion everybody..I know I shouldn't feel guilty, but I am always beating myself up..

After a few days, I am starting to feel...somewhat better. My wife is about the same. It's hard to go to bed at night without him jumping up there and waiting for us to lift up the covers (he'd run right under them and fall asleep near your belly).  My aunt sent us a card in the mail, which meant a lot to us. She just lost her cat of over 15 years or so, so it's very hard for her right now too .

Right now, I am just doing what I normally do trying to keep myself occupied. Sure, I cry, I think about Jaya a lot, but that's normal. Last night I saw his food bowl in the room and got back to the couch and cried . My wife is a wreck too. Our two year old daughter, she just says "Jayas sick, Jaya's outside", breaks my heart, she loved him. Her first word was Jaya . She tries to pet the other cats but they are a bit skittish lol. Hopefully they become a bit more welcoming :/ in days to come.

Jaya will be missed, we love him a lot and no other cat can replace him. I am trying my best to grieve but still get back in the swing of things. I still have to take care of myself, the house, my family, my other pets, go to work, pay bills, and all that crappy stuff: Life never stops..I just hope in time, we will heal. It's hard to come home and not see him waiting near the door, or in his litter box....leaving me a surprise .

LOVE YOU JAYA

Jaya was a precious boy.  I am so very sorry for your loss.  RIP little angel.  

I am so truly sorry for your loss of your precious Jaya. He was a beautiful kitty, simply beautiful! It is so hard when we lose such a special kitty. It is truly heartbreaking. Just know that Jaya knew how much he was loved and loved you just as much. You gave him a warm, loving home with you and he gave you all his love in return. Your sweet Jaya will always remain in your heart, where he will always feel your love.
RIP Sweet Jaya!
You will always be loved and missed!