Devastated with Pain

My beloved Harry died post-surgery on July 20. (His photo is my avatar.) He was born 9/6/15 & named for Prince Harry of England (another redhead & also a Virgo).

He was recently diagnosed with juvenile gingivitis & had to have all his teeth extracted. My vet said this & the dental surgeon at a nearby hospital concurred. Surgery went very well & the surgeon called to tell me that Harry was fine & would be a healthy cat in the future. Five minutes later he called to say that Harry had gone into cardiac arrest & they could not save him.

I am racked with guilt. Harry had had a recent incident in the vet's office of working himself into a tizzy & having to receive oxygen. Apparently he had an undetected heart condition.

Why did I put him through this surgery? Why was I assured he would be perfectly fine? I am angry at everyone, including myself.

This week was really bad. I miss him so much & though I have two female cats to take care of, I still desperately miss him. I didn't even say goodbye when I left him at the hospital.

The video is the day he got his very own feed bowl on 10/26/15. The other cat is his mother.


[VIDEO][/video]

I am so sorry for your loss of Harry. You did everything you could for Harry because you loved him. You did nothing wrong here. This could have been a heart issue he was born with and you have no control over that. As far as the incident at the previous vet appointment is it possible that was a stress reaction to the situation? Some cats just do not deal with being at the vet's well.

The anger and guilt you are feeling are part of the grieving process. We all move through this process differently at our own pace. I hope in time these feelings are replaced with thoughts of the great memories you and Harry shared during your time together.

Please allow your other cats to comfort you. They will never replace Harry but they are in your life for other reasons.

Hugs to you during this difficult time!

Have you had a consult with the veterinarian since losing him. Often this helps close the gaps in how this happened to your cat.

If you feel that there is something amiss you can ask for his complete chart and find someone to consult with . I know about the anger and you have to find it within yourself to realize you would have never ever in a million years hurt Harry.

So very sorry to read this awful sad news, not even a year old yet. But like others said, you can't blame yourself even though you feel "I should've done something else", or "I shouldn't have done that" etc. You did what you felt you had to do, and for some reason something bad just happened to him, like our Skipper a week ago, started crying for reasons we don't know, took him to the vet, and he was dead the next day at 8 years old. I am so so very sorry for your loss, I pray time heals your hurt and broken heart and it will.

Rest in peace little one......he is playing in Heaven now......

As far as the incident at the previous vet appointment is it possible that was a stress reaction to the situation? Some cats just do not deal with being at the vet's well.

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Harry's 1st visit to the vet (post-neuter) stressed him out for some reason. We had to go on a city bus, I forgot to Feliway his carrier, & the relief vet took him to another room to draw blood. She brought him back to me & he was lying prostrate in his carrier. He had arrhythmia & needed oxygen. They drove me home & he lay on his side on the floor until the next day.

Three weeks later they let us return for the bloodwork. My vet kept him with me & there were no problems. His bloodwork & everything else was fine. She told us that we could throw a lot of money at Harry's dental problems, but, ultimately, they would all have to come out.

I had originally taken him in for blood in his poop one day, but we never found the cause of that & it never returned.

Kittens Mom said:

Have you had a consult with the veterinarian since losing him?

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We've talked about it ad nauseam. I have not spoken to the surgeon since & I don't want to. He said at the time that he did not know why this happened.

Les26 said:

like our Skipper a week ago, started crying for reasons we don't know, took him to the vet, and he was dead the next day at 8 years.

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I am so sorry you lost Skipper. That's the things with cats - they are fine until they are not.

That is heartbreaking I am sorry, he was such a sweet boy. 

There is nothing that can be done to take away the pain of a broken heart, time is the only thing that dulls it so that we can live with it. Something that happens like this is heartbreaking and unforeseeable, you did what you did out of love and concern, that can not be wrong. Please don't beat yourself up over something you had no control over, all those should haves and could haves bring nothing but pain and change absolutely nothing.

That sweet little boy came into your life for a reason, don't remember him with sadness and guilt, he would be the last one to want you to do so. Try to celebrate what he brought into your world, you were all of his and he loves you so much for giving him a home and the joy of knowing love. He is at peace now, don't let him feel your anguish and pain through the bond that will always tie him to your heart, send him love and comfort, just as he is trying to do for you. Embrace the legacy of love he left you, he gave it to you freely and would be honored if you would pass it on in his name.

 Bad things happen to good people, I will never understand why we have to lose someone so precious and wanted, it creates a void in our lives that can never be filled. You will heal in time, the scar that remains will always remind you of your loss, but the precious memories you carry will also bring you comfort and the 'essence' of that sweet boy will surround you for the rest of your days. He will always be nearby, you will feel his presence in the quiet of the night, and receive his kisses on the summer breeze. 

I offer you my sincere condolences, I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. I'll pray for you both, and I'll cry for what you are going through. Please know we understand and  want to share the pain in your heart to make it more bearable. Try not to dwell on the end, let the memories of what you two shared fill the emptiness in your life until you can once again fill your heart with love and joy as he would want for the one he loved above all else. Take care........RIP precious little one, you will never be forgotten and will be held in a loving heart for evermore!  

I'm so sorry for your loss, @Primula. Try not to be too hard on yourself.     Heart conditions can be really tricky to detect, and in a cat so young, it is often congenital. I know the anger and guilt you are feeling is taking over right now. I hope, in time, you find some comfort in the good memories.

You will always be loved, sweet Harry. 

Primula I am truly sorry for your loss. How tragic, especially in a kitty so young. My heart is breaking for the pain you are going through. Any kind of surgery is so risky. One just never knows what may happen. You had no control over what happened. I can sure understand the guilt, though. We always tend to blame ourselves, even though all we do is try to do what is best for our kitties. That is what you did. You only wanted the best for your sweet Harry. Try to remember that, and know that Harry knew how loved he was.
I hope in time you can think of your sweet Harry with more smiles than tears.
RIP Sweet Harry!
You were so loved and will always be missed!

I'm so sorry for your loss of little Harry. Please don't blame yourself. Tragically, sometimes kittens or cats (as well as other animals, including people) have a very bad reaction to anesthesia and don't survive an OP. It's a horrible experience for all involved, but especially for bereft caregivers.
RIP, Harry.

<3 ((((((((^^)))))))) <3 Fly free, tiny angel Harry, forever Loved, whole, healthy, and strong! 

Some year back, we lost a baby girl at just about 3 months old.  She had been a playful, happy, healthy little girl when she came to us after being rescued on the streets by a neighbor.  We took her in for her initial checkup and vax -- and seemingly overnight, she developed wet-form FIP and was gone.  I had had the FIP vax administered because of having lost another beloved cat to dry-form FIP and never wanting that to happen to anyone else in my care.  But in this case, I believe it was the vax that resulted in our baby losing her life.  I never had that vax again for anyone, and it was and is very controversial.  Of course, I was inconsolable, and I remain so.  

There are things we do not know or understand, no matter how much we are told we are all-knowing.  Some of these things are very painful to have to deal with.  No cliche can sugarcoat or lessen the pain.  But know that you are not alone in your feelings.  

And always, know that little Harry was LOVED and knew it.  He watches over you now, and you will be reunited in due time. 

Thanks to everyone who has posted. I appreciate very much the kind replies. Life sucks sometimes, but we have to move on. Harry would not want me to be sad.

I read your last post about Harry's last day. I hope you found writing your feelings and his story helpful. Just remember we all move forward at our own pace. No one can push you not even yourself.

Thanks. I do feel better since I wrote it all out.