Liver Failure :-(

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catonetwo

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Tomorrow will be the day we put her to sleep if she makes it to morning. This liver failure is the result of many other problems the cat has had (i've stated before. from diagnosed with nasal tumor to allergic rhinitis, to knowing she would no longer be able to survive without strong treatments that eventually have really bad side effects).

I tried and tried. I did all I could. I'm in debt but I don't regret it. I only wonder if I was selfish for trying so hard to save a life that couldn't be saved. I refused to believe that such a beautiful being could be inflicted with so much illness (she has been sickly all her life but seemed to stick it out and very strong). I'm beginning to wonder what I could have done differently. Perhaps alternative medicine is what I should have done aggressively?

Everyone feels their cat is special, but I truly feel this cat  was in our lives for a reason. I have had many cats in my life, but none compared to this, and I guess that's why I fought so hard.

There are many on the forum that tried to help me a lot despite my long rants. Thank you for listening to me and your advice.

Seeing her barely able to move but still fighting...has crushed me. Literally broken my heart.

One thing I have learned from this experience is I will NOT be getting another pet after this ever again. The pain is not worth it, though I know I wont love another cat as much as I loved this one...I can't handle this again. She was/is my best friend. She was so loving.

I am completely crushed and forever changed. I hope I can get through this stronger but it just hurts all over.

Never again :(
 
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tabbytom

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Catonetwo, I know how you feel. I'm here for you too.
Our last pet was a poodle. He passed on after 10 years with liver cancer. That was 22 years ago and we told ourselves same thing as you told yourself, no more pets. We held on from owning a pet till beginning of this year when we rescued our boy, January.
Whenever I see a thread something to this extend, I skip it and I never visit the thread 'Crossing the bridge'. It's just too hurtful but I don't know why I read yours.
Anyway, take care and I hope you get over it soon :alright:
 
catlover73

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catonetwo said:
 
Tomorrow will be the day we put her to sleep if she makes it to morning. This liver failure is the result of many other problems the cat has had (i've stated before. from diagnosed with nasal tumor to allergic rhinitis, to knowing she would no longer be able to survive without strong treatments that eventually have really bad side effects).

I tried and tried. I did all I could. I'm in debt but I don't regret it. I only wonder if I was selfish for trying so hard to save a life that couldn't be saved. I refused to believe that such a beautiful being could be inflicted with so much illness (she has been sickly all her life but seemed to stick it out and very strong). I'm beginning to wonder what I could have done differently. Perhaps alternative medicine is what I should have done aggressively?

Everyone feels their cat is special, but I truly feel this cat  was in our lives for a reason. I have had many cats in my life, but none compared to this, and I guess that's why I fought so hard.

There are many on the forum that tried to help me a lot despite my long rants. Thank you for listening to me and your advice.

Seeing her barely able to move but still fighting...has crushed me. Literally broken my heart.

One thing I have learned from this experience is I will NOT be getting another pet after this ever again. The pain is not worth it, though I know I wont love another cat as much as I loved this one...I can't handle this again. She was/is my best friend. She was so loving.

I am completely crushed and forever changed. I hope I can get through this stronger but it just hurts all over.

Never again :(
Click to expand...
I am so sorry you are going through this.  I am here for you too.  Each cat or pet we own comes into our lives for a different reason.  The bonds we form are also different and special in their own way. She is your soulmate kitty.  That is very unique and special bond that will never be broken.  You are not selfish for wanting to help your baby.  You provided your baby with all that medical care because you love her.  I am sorry you we not able to fix things for your baby.  Sometimes all the love and money in the world can not fix things.  It is very hard to accept that sometimes we can not fix things for our babies.  You will find a way to get through this because you love your baby. All she ever wanted was a loving and secure home.  You gave her that and she knows you love her.  The love you gave her will stay with her when she becomes your angel.  You will never be ready to say goodbye and no one ever is.  Even when you know it is time it never makes things easier.  Hugs to you and your baby during this difficult time.  

 
 
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catonetwo

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Thank you for your support. It means a lot.

She is finally at peace today.

I feel like I've grieved so much and I'm in shock, so I currently feel numb. But occasionally I will feel a terrible pain taking over my entire body. Especially now that I'm back in the house. Certain things remind me of her. It's hard to believe I will never see her sit at her favorite spot again.

But when I think of how much she hid in her last days, how much pain she must have been once the steroids wore off (we couldn't keep her on steroids forever and couldn't afford more testing) I guess she is no longer suffering. I'll miss the way she used to respond to me when I talked to her. Or came to cuddle with me and sleep on my arm when trying to sleep. I'll miss the feeling of her warmness too. And her big cute eyes. She was such a gentle soul and so well mannered compared to many cats I've met. If i was stressed out coming home and hugging her would be enough to just feel loved or if i was crying and she snuggled up next to me I'd feel a little less lonely.

I'm blessed to have felt so much love from another living thing and her love was so much I'll feel it for the rest of my life. And she fought so hard to stay alive in spite of her circumstances so I'll continue to fight even when I feel like giving up.

Thank you all again.
 
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LotsOfFur

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I'm so terribly sorry for the pain you are going through. My girl Sophie was just diagnosed with nasal carcinoma on Monday and in May they thought she had nasopharyngeal polyps.
I'm facing the same outcome and I know your grief! My girl is only 8 but even if she was 18 it would never be enough time with our beloved cat companions.
So many hugs sent to you! [emoji]128149[/emoji] :hugs: and please take comfort that your girl is no longer in pain!
 
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catonetwo

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Thanks guys.

I'm sorry to bother you but I don't know where to talk about this.  I seem to be okay but there will be moments where I feel extreme guilt, like I could have done something to prevent it. We have another cat who is now beginning to act strange and I never expected this because the two were always indifferent towards each other. I broke down crying randomly today since we put her down. I keep thinking over and over how surreal it is that I will never see her again.

I know I'm just having a moment and will be okay, but this is strangely hard. I keep trying to tell myself she was just a cat so why is it like this.
 
laura mae

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They are never just cats. Like you've said very beautifully, they are friends with unique personalities. Some cats really go beyond pet to dear friend. Losing them is losing a family member. And when they are extra special, it is very difficult. It's okay to mourn your friend.  I'm sad about the recent loss of my little Charlie who also was a gem of a cat but I was so devastated 13 years ago when I lost my pal Hazel who was 19. I remember feeling as you do---wondering if I could have done more. Sometimes you can't. It seems trite to say that, but when they are so very sick and not having good days, but rather bad days, helping end that is the kindness we do for our pets even though it is tough emotionally for us.

My cats mourned Charlie's passing. And Scooter mourned Estelle's passing. Even if they don't interact, there's still a social relationship and they miss that constant presence too, I believe.
 
tabbytom

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I feel for you too catonetwo and am sad over the whole thing. As much as we don't want such things to happen, but it's all beyond our control. To me, it's harder with pets because they don't have a voice to speak to us and we have to be there ever ready for them and that puts us in a way that is we are their hope.
In medical science, even for humans, there's also a limit how much medicine can do, what more is to a helpless animal.
Be of strong heart and hope you'll get over it soon. The only thing that is living are just fondmemories of her. You did your best.
The other cat must be missing her too. But do take care of yourself and also take care of the current cat. You are a good cat parent.
C ya around [emoji]128144[/emoji][emoji]128144[/emoji][emoji]128144[/emoji]
 
LotsOfFur

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:hugs: So many hugs to you C catonetwo

I totally understand. Your kitty had nasal cancer, correct? That's also my cats diagnosis. There is no way you could have prevented it! You were an excellent cat guardian, that's why you received multiple diagnosis... You took her to the vet! Nasal tumors are horrible. The only treatment is horrible and the prognosis is horrible!

Waiting for the confirmation of nasal cancer in my Sophie was agonizing and I did a lot of research. If your interested and feel like you can,read this link.

http://www.veterinarypracticenews.com/Nasal-Cancers-Rare-But-Deadly/

I hope it gives you the same peace of mind it gave me, in that,with this awful disease, there was no way of knowing or doing anything other than what we both did! It states that part of the problem is that it presents like an URI or allergic rhinitis, nasopharyngeal polyps (in my case). It also states that their outcome wouldn't be different no matter how early it is diagnosed. Those things give me some comfort through this storm.

My Sophie had a few bad days after getting the final diagnosis last week. She's still with us and has had good days since Saturday. I know we are on our journey to saying goodbye so I take comfort in knowing she's having a good day and still wants to be here.

Again, I'm so sorry you are hurting! Please take comfort in knowing you released your beloved companion from all pain from a horrible disease that you couldn't have done anymore than you did!

THIS IS AN AMAZING READ! [emoji]128149[/emoji]
http://www.thecatsite.com/t/237066/when-the-moment-comes
 
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