My boyfriend adopted a two-year-old cat at the beginning of the year. She has a skittish personality, but is extremely sweet and affectionate when she feels safe. After a couple weeks of hiding constantly and hissing/screaming whenever anyone came near, she settled in and became a pretty friendly cat. She would hop up in our laps, play, roll over for belly rubs when she saw us, purr like a motorboat, and give out lots of head butts, kneadings, and rubbings. All was well in the world. Unfortunately, shortly after this, she was lying on my boyfriend's chest while he was petting her. She decided to gently mouth on one of his fingers, but he's never had a cat before and thought she was attacking him. Before he could even think about it, he reflexively booped her on the nose (he has assured me he did this very gently, although of course one should never, ever hit their kitty in the face, no matter how softly - he understands this). She immediately hopped off of him and hid under the bed. Feeling absolutely horrible, he tried to apologize, but ever since then (several months), she has run away from him whenever she's seen him.
On the other side, her affection for me has only grown. She absolutely loves me now. She comes running to see me and loves to cuddle me and love all over me. When I'm with her, he can come over to her and she acts just the same with him: nothing but love. She rubs on him, exposes her belly to him for rubs, head butts, the whole nine yards. If I leave the room (usually) or if I'm not there (almost always), she runs and hides. I am confused as to why she seems to trust him when I'm there, but goes back to running when I'm not. Unfortunately, this is absolutely breaking my boyfriend's heart. He wants her to like him too and want to be with him (especially since she's "his" cat), and he loves her. He has been so gentle with her and tried sitting on the floor just talking softly to her, giving her treats she likes, petting her when she lets him, and basically doing anything he can think of to win her good graces back. Because she is so relaxed and trusting with him when I'm around (and will sometimes stay that way with him when I leave the room), and will run over to him whenever it's feeding time (which he does by himself, making this the exception) and let him pet her while she eats, I have difficulty believing she's actually terrified of him. Is there anything we can do to help her feel more willing to like him again even when I'm not there? I know it can take a very long time, but it seems to me that there is so much potential there already. I simply don't understand why she transforms from "I love the boyfriend!" to "MUST HIDE NOW" based upon where I'm located. I just feel so bad, because he loves her very much.
I appreciate any help or advice that can be offered.
On the other side, her affection for me has only grown. She absolutely loves me now. She comes running to see me and loves to cuddle me and love all over me. When I'm with her, he can come over to her and she acts just the same with him: nothing but love. She rubs on him, exposes her belly to him for rubs, head butts, the whole nine yards. If I leave the room (usually) or if I'm not there (almost always), she runs and hides. I am confused as to why she seems to trust him when I'm there, but goes back to running when I'm not. Unfortunately, this is absolutely breaking my boyfriend's heart. He wants her to like him too and want to be with him (especially since she's "his" cat), and he loves her. He has been so gentle with her and tried sitting on the floor just talking softly to her, giving her treats she likes, petting her when she lets him, and basically doing anything he can think of to win her good graces back. Because she is so relaxed and trusting with him when I'm around (and will sometimes stay that way with him when I leave the room), and will run over to him whenever it's feeding time (which he does by himself, making this the exception) and let him pet her while she eats, I have difficulty believing she's actually terrified of him. Is there anything we can do to help her feel more willing to like him again even when I'm not there? I know it can take a very long time, but it seems to me that there is so much potential there already. I simply don't understand why she transforms from "I love the boyfriend!" to "MUST HIDE NOW" based upon where I'm located. I just feel so bad, because he loves her very much.
I appreciate any help or advice that can be offered.