Stubborn adult cat mad about newcomers

We just adopted two kittens this week. One is about 5 months old. Four days later we adopted a kitten that is 3 months old. The introduction between the kittens was painless. Jax, our 5-month old who is a love bucket was smitten with Gemma 3-month old in about 30 seconds. Maybe they both realized they were rescued from the same shelter or perhaps because they're so young it was easy. they are already cuddling and grooming one another.

Our Gracie girl who is about 8 years old has something else to say about this. She's been the only cat in our home for the past 3 years. We've had Gracie for about 8 years. She got along fine with our old timer, Spunky before he passed away. However, since brining Jax in and then 4 days later Gemma, our Gracie girl has been on a hunger strike. She's drinking water but refuses to eat and pretty much stays far away from my husband and I. Which is so out of character for her. She's beyond mad at us. She is mostly angry with my husband. She hisses and growls at him if he tries to pick her up. I understand her anger towards him. She had selected him as her personal "human."

I was able to coax her into a little wet food yesterday morning. She's talking to me again when I talk to her but she still wants to be isolated. She literally is staring out the window or sitting on the back patio. She's probably writing her entry in the sad cat diary as I type this. She wants nothing to do with us. We've been making a habit to pick her up and bring her in whatever room we are in. We try and play with her and sweet talk her. Reminding her that she still is our #1 kitty. I'm concerned that her hunger strike could go on too long or that depression will set in. She's stubborn!!

Our new lover boy Jax just wants to be her friend. She did let Jax walk near her the other day and she didn't hiss at him. But she's still so angry. Any suggestions on how to help Gracie accept the newcomers while maintaining her position in our household?

This picture is typical Gracie girl. Where she looks at me and says, " what? I AM helping you with your paperwork so NO I won't get off your desk."

Can you isolate the kittens in a room by their selves? She may need an introduction period to get use to the idea. Here is a couple articles

http://www.thecatsite.com/a/how-to-successfully-introduce-cats-the-ultimate-guide

http://www.thecatsite.com/a/bringing-home-a-new-cat

Thank you Louann. We actually have set the kittens up in a spare room. They spend most of the day there. My husband and I go in several times a day to play and love on them. We live in a two story house and just started to leave their bedroom door open for a few hours here and there so they can explore upstairs. Just yesterday Jax ventured downstairs for the first time. Now that we have Gemma they're not too interested in coming downstairs yet as we have two goofy Lhasa Apsos that the kittens aren't too sure of.

Thank you for sharing an article. I haven't read the article yet, but I will. Do you think we need to keep them secluded 24/7 for a while longer? We do keep our Gracie girl's food upstairs so the dogs won't get to it. But even if I offer her food in the kitchen or carry her upstairs Gracie still refuses to eat.

Is there anything that she loves to eat that there is now way for her to refuse? Mine loves Temptation treats and will go to the moon and back for them. Maybe feed those as close to the door where they are as she will allow. Jackson Galaxy does talk about this. Finding something that she just wont refuse is the trick to the eating I think. Whether it's tuna, boneless chicken or treats. Maybe an adviser will come along soon and give more tips. 

She loves the special dog food we give our Lhasa Apsos. She bullied her way to Maxie boys food bowl this morning so I allowed her to eat the food. A few minutes later she was asking for more so I gave her a little more. It's progress!!! [emoji]128077[/emoji][emoji]127995[/emoji][emoji]129303[/emoji][emoji]128149[/emoji][emoji]128571[/emoji]

First, it is very important that she keep eating regularly. You probably already know this, but hunger strikes can become life-threatening very quickly in cats, especially if she's a bit overweight. Search for "fatty liver disease" or "hepatic lipidosis" and you'll see what I mean.

Second - and it sounds like you're already doing this - make sure to give her lots of extra love and attention. Give her some "normal" time, where old routines are followed, she doesn't have to see the kittens, and life goes on just the way it was a week or two ago. You've only had the kittens a few days, so move slowly with introductions. Patience is key.

Third, consider trying a Feliway diffuser. This is the type I use and they make a huge difference in my multi-cat household:

CEVA Animal Health D89410B Feliway MultiCat Starter Kit, 48ml
Given the short time you've had the kittens, it's normal and understandable that Gracie isn't ready to welcome them with open arms. Adopting two at once was a fantastic idea, though! They'll play with each other and likely be willing to leave her in peace most of the time. And I bet that she'll eventually accept them as part of the family.

I hope this helps!

Hello @darra  and welcome!

A friend of mine has a theory about situations like this, so I am going to share it with you:

When you have a pet for so many years and suddenly you bring along another pet, the resident one gets the impression that you've just brought their "substitute".. 

You said you got Gracie, when you already had an older cat, Spunky, and Spunky later passed away.. Gracie lived through this.. I don't know how Spunky accepted Gracie when she first came in.. But Gracie lived through a situation were she came into a home, there was an older cat and that older cat stopped being there.. So, it sounds kinda like she thinks you've brought her substitutes and that she won't be around any more..

That sounds a lot like depression.. The key, in my opinion, is to deal with these signs of depression.. I am saying this, because there are cases of resident cats who exhibit their denial of the new cats with aggression (towards humans and cats), or hiding-refusing to go out. But they still eat. Gracie exhibits food disorder on top of the rest.

Maybe you brought the little ones a bit earlier than she had the chance of letting the whole idea sink in.. This was a lot easier on the little ones, cause (as you said) they were  in the same shelter, so they must have -at least- smelled each other.. They were brought in around the same period and they are both very young. Their brains are literally set on "play-all-day-long-worry-about-nothing" mode   So, for them, Gracie is just a new friend they want to play with. Or a new mom, even!

But the little ones for Gracie, is a bit more complicated case.. I mean, if Gracie was like 3 years old.. or 4-5 years old even, she would still be a very young, energetic kitty, who wouldn't mind some company to play with when you're not around, groom each other, vent etc... She's 8 years old.. Not that energetic any more.. Not that "young" (although, she's not a granny!) and she is more on the "grown up" side.. Plus, as I said above, she lived through the same situation with Spunky, a few years back.. And Spunky is not around any more..

Animals tend to stop eating 1. when they're sick, and 2. when they believe there's no point.. that is, they feel they're threatened and they see no point in trying to survive.. Kinda like when mom cats stop taking care of the weakest babies.. 

I think Gracie, has mistaken the whole situation and acts like the 2nd case.. There's no one better to get into her head, than you guys, who have had her for 8 years..

It's good progress the fact that she had to bully to get to the dog food and that she asked for more, though!!   Means that this "2nd case" is maybe leaving her mind at ease.


If I were you:

1. So, now that you have a small "handful" of kitties, you have to act like Gracie is the "boss".. Not the boss of YOU. But show that SHE is No1.. I know you're "taken away" with the kittens and they are so cute and all.. But when -for example- you prepare their bowls for food and water, make sure you prepare hers first and that she sees that. Call her, pet her and encourage her to approach the bowls, just to see that these are there for HER. 
2. I don't think "hiding" the little ones will make any difference. She already knows they're there.. But try and have play-sessions with all 3 of them.. I would use ONE toy and not multiple toys.. So that they all have a "common target".. This might help her realise that she's no different from the kittens. They all like the same activities, more or less.. She might even get the chance to "show off" to the little ones and built up her confidence, which she trully needs right now. 
   BONUS: if you increase your play-sessions with her (and the kittens), she will get more "YOU-time", which will help her feel like "hey, this is a good thing, after all!"
3. Playing WILL get her tired. It will trigger the "hunting instinct" that's in her, thus, she WILL get hungry sooner or later.. Trust me, "hungry" is stronger than anything 
   
4. Let nature handle some of the aspects.. Let the kittens go up to her and try to earn her love. They're kittens. They know how to be cute and irresistible!
   
    Without putting pressure on her. Supervise. Be there. Pet her while this is going on, but not during the whole process. Let the 3 of them do what will come natural.. If she gets aggressive, remove the kittens immediately. Don't yell at her. She will see that you intend to "relieve" her and that you want what's best for her.
5. While she's in visual contact with the kittens, I wouldn't try to offer her food/treats, if she still associates the kittens with something "bad". This might discourage her from eating.. I mean that, normally, a common practise is that you give your resident cat some treats or food, while the new cat is there. That way the resident cat associates the new cat with something "positive", which is food. 
   Gracie, in your case, tends to avoid food, because of the kittens. So, you have to try and allow her to associate the kittens with something "good" first.
6. I don't think she's "stubborn". She got a bit depressed for a while there.. Work on THAT and her apettite will come back, eventually.

Hope I helped, just a bit   

P.S.: Get us some photos! What are you waiting for?? 

Thank you for the wealth of information. We continue to make progress with all three. This evening the kittens and Gracie were all within about 3 feet from each other. Little Gemma slept while Gracie and Jax just stared at each other. When Gracie got up and moved away Jax just followed her and settled about 3 feet away. They just watched each other some more.

We have brought Gracie back into our bedroom with us this evening. Against her free will of course. But this is where she has spent every night for the last several years. I have left food and water for her. While I type this post I can hear her nibbling on food. That makes me happy. l will open the door for her a little later. For now I hope she begins to realize she is wanted and not being replaced.

Here are a couple pictures of the kitties and our beloved Gracie girl.

1. Gracie girl. My husband is a photographer. He took this close up of Gracie not too long ago.
2. Gemma Snuggled on my lap.
3. Lover boy Jax. I think he's settling in really well.

Play with them like GrizzlySapien said!  Not sure if you have this toy but I do and with my cats.....they go PRIMAL!!! Get it if you don't have it, trust me! They must think its alive, lol!

Thanks for the link. I have something similar and out teeny tiny girl Gemma loves it. In fact once she catches it she tugs until I let go and then she walks around the house carrying it around with his.  My 5-year old granddaughter said, "look a catfish!"  She's a cat, and she caught a fish.  ::::giggle:::

Update on Gracie girl. She actually ate some food today. Yahoo!!!!

We keep making strides with Gracie girl and the new kittens Jax and Gemma.  This was the first time they all sat and ate a little mid-morning snack.  This is a HUGE step for Gracie!  Yay!!!!!  She's not only eating,  but she's  doing so near Gemma and Jax.  Gemma attempted to walk over to Gracie's bowl and well...she was met with a very stern "Hisssssssss" from Gracie and then backed off.  I was so happy that didn't cause Gracie to give up and walk away.  She continued to eat.  Yahoo!!!!  

That's wonderful news! That picture makes me really happy! You've made a ton of progress really quickly and I hope things continue to improve. The way things are going, I wouldn't be surprised if they're all playing together by next week. :-)

So excited for such great progress!! Eating near each other IS big progress especially for Gracie. You and your husband must be doing a marvelous job with helping Gracie feel loved and secure in her place in her home. Thanks for sharing the wonderful news....I'm so happy for all of you that things are heading in the right direction [emoji]10084[/emoji]️

Although Gracie is still keeping her distance, my husband found the three of them like this a few minutes ago.  Yahoo!  It's getting better each day.  

It's turning out OK, @darra! 

Looks like Gracie has been figuring out ways to accept the newcomers and hang out with them! It's a good thing she hisses at them when they go over the line. This will teach the little ones some boundaries and respect her space. From what you say, she doesn't try to exclude them from anything. She's just drawing the line and teaches them how they can co-exist without anyone getting into trouble.

This is the absolute testament of what nature teaches us.

Supervise them as much as you can, so you can avoid any "wrong turns" in this ongoing process.. Soon enough you will be able to trust them to be alone in the same room 

Hi Darra - just wanted to check in and see how things were going...how are Gracie and the two kittens getting along?

SuzanneF said:

Hi Darra - just wanted to check in and see how things were going...how are Gracie and the two kittens getting along?

Click to expand...

Oh yes...I'd love to hear how Gracie, Jax and Gemma are getting along [emoji]128522[/emoji]

Hi there! Thanks for checking in.  We're making progress.  Gracie girl is eating regularly now and she is coming around more and more as the resident cat. But she still isn't really back to herself.  One thing I actually noticed today is that if she encounters the new kitties outside on the patio she is fine. She doesn't hiss and she allows them to sniff and come near her.  However, when they are all inside the house Gracie girl will hiss at the kitties if they come near her.  Here's a picture of the new kitties from this morning.  

Jax and Gemma are always snuggling together.

Oh, Jax and Gemma are so precious together! Gemma looks tiny! Or maybe it's that Jax looks giant! [emoji]128521[/emoji]

I'm glad that Gracie is coming around, even if it's slower than wished. It's really only only been a few weeks, and she's made a lot of progress given the timeframe.

Thanks for giving us an update. For some strange reason I was thinking your cats today. As if I don't have enough of my own to think about! Ha! [emoji]128516[/emoji]