RIP Sweet Sadie

sadiesdad

TCS Member
Thread starter
Adult Cat
Joined
Jun 3, 2016
Messages
105
Purraise
71
Location
Griffin, Georgia
 My little girl is gone, my best friend, my confidant, my buddy.... We laid Sadie to rest July 1st and my heart is broken.

 I can't stop the tears as I am writing this now, it's why I haven't written anything until now and she has been gone almost 3 weeks. My wife doesn't understand, she thinks I should be over it already... but some of that is because I told her that someone had told me I seemed like I was starting into a deep depression. The person really didn't even know me, was an email pen pal, so I shouldn't have told my wife what they said.

 My wife grew up not having pets because her mom was scared of dogs and cats. I had a cat when we got together, then he was killed and I waited 8 months before I could get another. Then we got Sadie and my other cat was killed... my wife was on and off with Sadie, but got real loving and close to her after we had a scare with an infection last November and thought we had lost her. Then after she was the one that always fussed and didn't want Sadie on the couch or recliner, she started holding Sadie in her lap and fell in love even more. She is still upset too... I couldn't even look at photos of Sadie up until last Friday and I put one of her on my desktop. The first time my wife walked into the room, I wasn't in there and she came out crying, said it caught her off guard... then she told me the other day, "Well, if I can get over my mamma, you can get over Sadie",  her mom passed last year.

 Unfortunately Sadie caught an infection about the 11th of May and we took her to an animal hospital. They figured out the problem in a few days and she had to have a blood transfusion. Sadie got to come home and I was relieved, but it was short lived. After 4 days, she started to get sick once in awhile and she couldn't eat the hard crunchy snacks we got her or she threw them up immediately. Then it got worse, she couldn't keep anything down, even water. We went back to the animal hospital, and they ran a bunch more test, they kept Sadie for 2 or 3 days... she was still throwing up. Finally one of the vets said, well, maybe you can take her home and can get her to eat and stop vomiting. That was on Thursday, by Monday, I had found a cat vet in another town about a 40 minute drive from us. The vet said she had to have fluids, so I was taking her to the vet every day for fluids and then they taught me how to do it and I was giving her fluids at night.

 Sadie had never ridden much at all, but she hated the carrier. So I took her out and sit her on a towel folded on the floor of the passenger side of my truck. She liked it, she would either just sit there as I talked to her the whole way or she would get in my lap and watch out the window, or just sit in my lap. She kept getting smaller, losing weight, from almost 6 pounds down to 3.7. Then the vet wanted to try a steroid to calm her irritable bowel syndrome. I was finally able to get Sadie to eat by feeding her tiny amounts, about 1/8 tspn and got it down to every 20 minutes, any more and she got sick, but my poor girl was starving.... then she gained a pound and I thought we were making progress, then she lost again, down to 3.4, then 3.1. The vet said we would see about increasing the dosage of the steroid next week, but we never made it...the thing was, the vet had given her a blood test before the steroid and said, "This little girl isn't ready to go! Her kidneys are fine, her liver is fine, her blood is fine! If we can just get her to hold her food down and put some weight on her."

 My poor girl had gotten weak, Weds. June 29th, I noticed her looking like she was having trouble getting up off the floor, Thursday June 30th, she was worse... by Thursday night, I didn't realize she couldn't get up, but noticed she stayed in her bed and was real vocal, all day Thursday and that night, every time we walked by her bed she would look at us and meow. She had been peeing in her bed, or on a rug in the bathroom a few times during the week. Then I felt really bad... I didn't realize when I got up Thursday night and had to go get a Tums, when I opened the door, Sadie was laying on the floor... but she was in a weird position, she meowed at me kind of loudly as she had been squeaky and hoarse over the coarse of the last month. I just said, "You ok girl?" and she would meow again, I said it again, you ok? and she meowed.... the next morning I realized, I think she needed to go to the box or something and had gotten up and fallen... but she somehow had pulled herself back into her bed. The next morning my wife said she won't even get up to eat, I said I don't think she can.. so I started bringher dish to her with food every 20 minutes and she was eating like crazy, I gave her a couple meds, then noticed she seemed weaker, so I wouldn't giver her the antibiotic as it made her nauseous.

 First I went and got Sadie's "string", me and her had played with the same string since she was a kitten.She slapped it with both paws and grabbed it in her teeth like she always did, usually she would walk away and pull it out of my hand and I would say, "wups! You got it away from me!" This time, I just dropped my end and said, "Wups! You got it away from me!" then I held it back up and she slapped it a few times and then seemed weak, so I stopped.... a little later I went back in there and she was just lying with her head down. I was fixing to pick her up to take her to the vet for our daily fluids, but her head was limp almost. I raised her face to look in her eyes and she was looking in the distance, then looked me in the eye and back in the distance.. I went and called the vet and told them and they said, just bring her on. When I went back in there, she was almost unresponsive, I sat with her rubbing her talking to her and then she suddenly had a heart attack or seizure I'm not sure which, then in a few minutes she had another... I called the vet and told them we weren't coming... I went and sat with Sadie talking to her, brushing her, rubbing her for about 30 minutes then her breathing got short and she was just taking gasping breaths every 30 seconds and then she was gone......

 Now I was devastated, I was lost... I had literally been with Sadie every minute of every day for the last month and a half. I have been out of work since January and am now on disability. When I was working, every day when I would go to leave, I had to put Sadie on our enclosed back porch, it's about 30-40 feet long, about 6 foot wide, she had her food, water, litter box and a four foot step ladder she could walk up to get on top of the kitchen cabinet counter on the porch to look out the window and had her towel laying right where she could sit or lay and see out two different windows. She would always meow, like she didn't want me to leave her and I would say, "I have to go to the mean place today, but tomorrow is saturday and I can stay home with you." I had hated my job the last 5 years, that's why I called it the mean place. :) So then when I was out of work, I told her, "Now I can stay with you all day".

 If I went outside I would ask her if she wanted to go, she followed me everywhere. If I didn't have anything to do for a moment, I would look to see where she was or ask my wife where is Sadie? and I would go to her and talk to her or pet her. When I had worked, in the winter when the days are so short, I would come home and she would be waiting for me, watching out the window. As soon as I come in and gave her a few snacks, then me and her would take a walk to look around the yard and garden a few minutes before it was dark. If I didn't start to go out, she would go to the door and meow and wait for me to follow her, for us to go out. Every morning I was home, she would go to the door wanting to go out, and I would tell her, "You ready to go and see what is going on out there? was anybody sneaking around on the patio last night?" Then we would go out before the sun was up, me just looking around and she would be smelling of everything, checking everything out, then in a little while she would go get in the window for a nap. She learned how to let me know she wanted me to play string with her... meowing and going into the foyer, if I didn't follow fast enough she would come back and "walk" me to the bedroom where I had to keep the string hidden because she would wake us up at 3am wanting to play string :)

 The first few days, I was constantly looking at the clock, and my mind instantly said, "It's 6am, time for this med and this one, It's 7am, time for thyroid medicine, 8am time for antibiotic etc...the first week like to have killed me, I didn't know what to do... no trips to the vet, no feedings, I sat twiddling my thumbs.... I felt bad, because she had gotten so skinny, but she was completely herself and I couldn't have told them to kill her, I would rather had told someone to kill me. I was angry, because it wasn't fair, she was so healthy organ wise, if we could of just gotten rid of that stupid IBS! I never gave up hope, not one day did I think to myself, this isn't going to work, or she isn't going to make it. I prayed and prayed.... I don't have any children, so to me Sadie was like my child....she had the softest fur I have ever felt on a rabbit or anything... I used to pick her up and hold her paw between my finger and thumb and she would curl her paw, holding my "hand". The last day we were coming home from the vet, she was on the passenger side floor sitting up looking at me, and I said, "You know your my sweetie don't you?" and she would give me that soft blink/wink, and I would say, You sure are, your my sweetie pie, I love you!" and she would give me that blink/wink again... finally I said, "I see you winking at me! I see you over there winking at me!" and she would do it again....

 I'm sorry this is so long ya'll....
 

pegleg

TCS Member
Adult Cat
Joined
Jun 16, 2016
Messages
299
Purraise
143
Location
Valencia, Spain.
I'm so sorry you lost your little girl. She sounded like a wonderful cat, the type you remember forever, the one all others are measured against.

Your grief is your own. Don't try to rush yourself through it. You did far more than most could or even would to care for her and it appears she knew. You sound like a superb cat dad and I hope one day another kitty gets the honour of calling you their human.
 

tobilei

TCS Member
Alpha Cat
Joined
Oct 30, 2015
Messages
407
Purraise
59
I am so sorry. Having lost a few of my beloved babies, I know that they each touch your heart in their own way, some are more close with us than others and your Sadie sounded like she had a very close and special bond with you. I had that with my boy Toby. It's so hard when you have to say goodbye. I won't lie, the pain is there for a while. But after a while you realize that you can think of them sometimes with a smile instead of tears. They never leave you, you think of them often even years down the track and you still miss them, but the pain does ease and more of the good memories take the place of the pain. You had some very special times with her and those times will stay with you.
 

di and bob

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 12, 2012
Messages
16,582
Purraise
22,961
Location
Nebraska, USA
Sadie was more to you, and closer to you, than almost anything else in your life. There are different kinds of love, the deep love you have for your wife and family and then the love you feel for a member of that family that just loves you back and asks for nothing in return except for a home and a place in your heart. Just like a father with many children, you love them all, but each differently and for their own uniqueness and what they bring into your life.  She never condemned you or held anything against you, or made you feel inferior, she just loved you. She became a big part of your life and now that she is gone your life feels empty and full of pain and sorrow, it is very hard to learn to live with a new routine and life order. She was your soul mate, she was brought into your life for a reason, I pray that you will learn to celebrate having her in your life for the time you did, she brought so much into it and is infinitely better than to have never known her at all. If a vet couldn't save her, there is nothing  for you to feel guilty about, you tried so hard to make everything better and went above and beyond what most would have done, and you did it out of love. She knows that, and that you were with her at the end means so much to her, she needed your strength to go on, and the love that surrounded her will be with her always. She is at peace now, secure in knowing she will always have a place in a loving heart, and the bond you formed with her can never be taken from you, use it to comfort yourself along with the precious memories you can look back on of happier times. She would never want you to be so sad when remembering her, you have to go on with your life and bring sunshine back into that heart where she now dwells. Live like you would want her to if you were the one to leave. Pass on her legacy of love to another little soul who so desperately needs someone to love, she would be pleased. It would never be the same, but your heart is big enough to hold the love for another. It is a welcome distraction from your grief and helps to heal that hole in your heart. If you can't bring yourself to love another, do good things in her name, it helps you to feel better about yourself knowing you are helping others. It doesn't have to cost money, donate your time to give attention to the cats and kittens at your local shelter, they so desperately need to know they are wanted and loved. Try not to dwell on those last horrible months of her life, it is something you had no control over and it brings nothing but heartache. I have learned that time is the only thing that helps, not days, but months and years. It will never make you forget, but it helps to soften the pain and let you think of good things instead of bad. Don't let the grief you are feeling control your life, you must find the strength to feel again, to enjoy life again, it is as she would want for the one she loved so much. Above all, surround yourself with those who understand what you are going through, there is not a time limit on grief. Try to purposely distract your thoughts, keep busy and know she will love you forever for giving her such a wonderful life. Grief shared is the first step to letting a little of that pain out, and on the path to healing.  You wrote a beautiful tribute to a wonderful little soul, thank you for letting us all know of this special girl so she may be mourned by many as she so richly deserves. Take care.........RIP precious Sadie, you left behind someone who will miss you always, but your star will shine bright in the heavens above, let your light bring comfort and the reminder that the love you shared will bind you together for eternity! 
 
Last edited:

zed xyzed

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 10, 2015
Messages
3,786
Purraise
3,740
Location
Toronto Canada
You had a remarkable bond with Sadie, I am so sorry that she passed. She was so dearly loved and I am certain she knew it. 
 

goholistic

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Feb 27, 2013
Messages
3,306
Purraise
370
Location
Northeast USA
I'm so sorry to read of Sadie's passing, @SadiesDad. She put up a good fight, and you were there lovingly fighting with her. You were so lucky to have each other. I know the struggles from these last few months are still fresh in your mind, but in time this will pass. Try to remember the good times with your dear girl. My thoughts are with you for strength and healing. 


Rest in peace, beautiful Sadie. 
 

boney girl dad

TCS Member
Alpha Cat
Joined
Mar 13, 2016
Messages
517
Purraise
695
Location
Indiana
I am very sorry for your loss of Sadie. I understand the depression, anxiety, sorrow, guilt, regret, the tears and general inability to function. My wife was also generally unsupportive through the process when my Boney Girl had leave this earth.  I think my wife was jealous of our relationship. No human death has affected me as deeply as my cat. She brought qualities to my life that my wife does not, and she is still with me. I just can't see, touch or hear her, but i can remember. There are no words or cures that I can pass along to you that will make anything any better. Time eventually hardens us, and slowly the good memories overtake the terrible sense of loss. We men can cry and it is okay. It is not weakness . It is a strength that is a product of real love. The pain we feel now is easily worth all the good days and times we were so fortunate to experience. Let it out, hang in there and may peace find you soon.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #9

sadiesdad

TCS Member
Thread starter
Adult Cat
Joined
Jun 3, 2016
Messages
105
Purraise
71
Location
Griffin, Georgia
 Thank you all so much...Di and Bob, you hit the nail on the head, thanks for some much needed insight.

 Boney Girl Dad, you also were spot on.... yes, at one time my wife was jealous, but I think and hope she learned better... she even said the other day that Sadie made her fall in love with her...I've told Sadie a few times when things weren't hunky dory with my wife or other family members, "You are the only one in the whole world I can trust, you would never lie to me, or do me wrong, or hurt me."

 I am kind of confused as far as, I would like another kitty, not sure if the time is right.... I kind of feel that it might help ease the pain, but I also feel too soon, would be disrespectful of Sadie. At exactly the one week mark, my wife all of a sudden put in for us to go to an adoption event to pick another, then she backed up, now she says we can't afford it until I start getting my social security check in Dec.

 Life is kind of strange sometimes... when I think Sadie was with us for 16 years, it kind of doesn't seem that long, then I think that I was 39 years old when we got her, and in another 16 years I will be 71, it makes it seem like 16 years is a very long time.....

 Does anyone else save mementos of their cats? I had a black string me and my first cat played with, but I think my wife lost it... I have a furry rat my grandmother gave my second cat Scarlett, she was two when we got Sadie. And I have the string me and Sadie played with and her brush, and a big tuft of her chest hair that had gotten knotted and she pulled out, one day when we were going to the vet and she got it in her mouth and was trying to swallow it or get it out and I pulled it out of her mouth for her, it was still in my truck.

 Here are a couple more pics of Sadie, one she was outside with me and found a spot of shade to lay in,


close by where I was sitting. When I went to take a picture I called her name and she looked right at me. The other one was when I would be on my computer and Sadie had to use the box, she was so ladylike, she would just come in and sit behind my chair, and if I didn't see her in a few minutes, she would meow once, and I would get up and open the door for her to go out on the enclosed back porch where her litter box was. I would leave the door cracked open and in a couple minutes after she did her business, she would come flying through the door and run about 10 feet, like she felt so much better now!
It always tickled me when she did it....
 

foxxycat

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 31, 2014
Messages
8,089
Purraise
13,358
Location
Honeybee on my lap, music playing in background
I am so sorry for your loss. you two sound like you were best friends forever. I too have lost sweet kitties to illness. I am sorry you are struggling so much.

as far as looking at a new cat=I think it would be wonderful. I always did. Its not a disrespect to her memory. Its because she doesn't want you to be lonely. She wants another kitty to use her toys and sit in the window. you never know. My Floey was picked out the afternoon after my Krash passed away. I did feel a bit of guilt but I feel that I was doing the right thing. I went to the adoption center and just walked around. I wasn't looking for a particular kitty. But Floey was screaming at the top of her lungs. She hates cages. So that's who picked me that day. That was 15 years ago. So far she is still here. Sometimes it gets dicey with illnesses but for now she is hanging on.

Maybe check out kitties on the websites or just stop in at petco etc to see if one speaks to you. you will know. I know you would make a fabulous cat daddy. Sending you hugs and prayers that you come to peace and not to feel guilt anymore. You didn't do anything wrong. She would want you to be happy however it works out.

RIP sweet girl=you will be missing!
 

hbunny

Cat herder - Pooper Scooper
Super Cat
Joined
Feb 10, 2016
Messages
1,190
Purraise
210
Location
West Tennessee
So heartbreaking....remember you are in the company of those who do indeed understand your grief and pain.  I certainly do.  All my best to you, I know it is so hard.
 

jcat

Mo(w)gli's can opener
Veteran
Joined
Feb 13, 2003
Messages
73,213
Purraise
9,851
Location
Mo(w)gli Monster's Lair
I'm very sorry for your loss of Sadie. The emptiness seems even worse when you've had to take such intensive care of an ill pet. I know that feeling of waking up and thinking about what pills have to be given, hoping they'll eat, etc., and then realizing that they're gone. :rbheart:

I've got lots of mementos of past pets - toys, whiskers, collars- that I just can't bear to part with.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #13

sadiesdad

TCS Member
Thread starter
Adult Cat
Joined
Jun 3, 2016
Messages
105
Purraise
71
Location
Griffin, Georgia
Thank you jcat... Yes, and especially since I am disabled, I am home all day alone, whereas, me and Sadie used to go in and out together... if I went to do something outside, she would go too, when I got hot and went inside, she would go too, after lunch every day, we took a nap together....glad to know someone else saves their kitty's stuff... Well, we want things from family members when they pass, I have my grandmother's meat grinder she used to make brunswick stew and other assorted things of hers and my grandads, since our cats don't "own" items, we have to save what they had, toys, hair, whiskers etc in remembrance.
 

zed xyzed

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 10, 2015
Messages
3,786
Purraise
3,740
Location
Toronto Canada

close by where I was sitting. When I went to take a picture I called her name and she looked right at me. The other one was when I would be on my computer and Sadie had to use the box, she was so ladylike, she would just come in and sit behind my chair, and if I didn't see her in a few minutes, she would meow once, and I would get up and open the door for her to go out on the enclosed back porch where her litter box was. I would leave the door cracked open and in a couple minutes after she did her business, she would come flying through the door and run about 10 feet, like she felt so much better now!
It always tickled me when she did it....
Beautiful girl, she had a certain elegance about her
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #15

sadiesdad

TCS Member
Thread starter
Adult Cat
Joined
Jun 3, 2016
Messages
105
Purraise
71
Location
Griffin, Georgia
 Thank you, she surely did.... Sometimes when I would walk up on her outside, or she was laying up in the window and she would look toward me, I would wink and pucker my lips and do a silent kiss to her, sometimes she would quickly look away in the other direction, like she was embarrassed. Lol! And I would ask her, "Are you embarrassed?" and laugh...
 
Top