Little boy lost

Hello all,
I've actually been on this forum many times in the past talking mostly about my boy kitty Jasper. Because of a move change, an email change and loss of password, I wasn't able to log in and had to start from scratch.

I lost my guy yesterday at the age of 11. We had him 10 years. He was such a little cat with the biggest personality. He took so much of my time. So much effort. He was really a huge pain. A huge pain that I loved with every fiber of my being. I can't stop crying. I see him in every room. In all the places he should be Ina morning like this. I miss him so much it hurts. And I can't imagine my life without him in it. So much of what I did, and when I did it, on a day to day basis , revolved around this little peanut of a cat. We had been through so much. From making him an indoor only kitty ( which he cried about for two whole years) to nursing him back to health through very serious issues. And then there was the long period we went through with him marking everything in sight ( which had come to a much needed end years ago).

I dot know what to do with myself. I have another kitty. A girl named Tess. She has kidney disease pretty bad. End stages really. I kind of prepared myself for her not being around much longer, poor girl. So when Jasper got sick suddenly (or so it seems, I was shocked and horrified. He stopped eating and drinking just a couple days prior, and I knew I didn't want him to suffer. Now of course, I second guess my decision, like we always do. I in the beginning stages and it's beyond tough. I read another post about someone not being able to sleep in her room. I do get that. I feel like I can't be in any room at all. Have missed two days of work. Boss is not happy with me and k couldn't care less. I just don't care about anything.

So many people don't get it. I just wanted to share my broken heart with people that do. Thank you.

Lori J

I am so sorry for your loss, it seems that the ones that are the big pains are the ones we bond with the most. I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are in. RIP sweet Boy. Many people don't understand how much these little furry creatures mean to us. The people on this site get it and grieve with you.

Thank you. I can't believe how painful this is. And the guilt, omg the guilt. I know in my brain that there wasn't a choice, but my heart is telling me something else. My house feels so empty , even though right now there is a cat on my lap. I'm afraid to look to her for any kind of feeling right now, as I do know she is sick, and I'm going to have to go through this yet again. I can't stand the hurt and I dread what's to come.

Sending hugs    

What you are going through is grief. Guilt seems to always play a part in it, no matter how hard we worked to save our little ones. You could not have let that sweet boy suffer, you loved him too much to let him have pain and fear from something that was not going to get better. It is tragic that your little girl will reach this stage to in the future, but in time we all have to find the strength to do what is needed to ensure they don't suffer. Your little boy would never want you to be so sad when remembering him, he loves you too much for you to spend the rest of your life in mourning. You would want for him to go on with his life and to be happy again if something happened to you, so please try not to dwell on the end but celebrate having him in your life. You will have to purposely try to concentrate on something else, keep busy and fill your mind with something other then the pain of your loss, there is plenty of time to let yourself grieve when your heart demands it. To lose your job right now would not help the situation, you need consistency and a routine right now that it gives to you. Do good things in your little boy's name, pay for the adoption of a shelter cat, so that they too can know love and a family, give your time to the kittens there that so desperately need attention, they can help to distract you from your grief. Do it all in Jasper's name, he would be pleased that you are passing on his legacy of love to others who so need it.  Your life has changed, and time is the only thing that will help to fill the emptiness and loneliness you feel right now.  Your little girl needs you right now to be strong for her, concentrate on making her remaining time here on earth full of love and comfort, she needs you for she is grieving too and fears what lies ahead.  Your pain is equal to the love you had for that sweet boy, you will be blessed from hurting so bad from loving so much. I wish I could take away your pain, but each of us has to travel that road in our own way. Don't travel down the road of unending grief, know your Jasper will always be nearby, the 'essence' of him is a bond that can never be taken from you. As with love, it is something we know is there but it can't be explained or physically touched, it just is. He brought love and companionship to your world, he was in it for a reason. To know him was a privilege and an honor, it was a fleeting moment in your life, but will be with you always, honor him by remembering him and learning to live again. My heart goes out to you, I know the pain you are going through and would not wish it on anyone, but you are stronger then you think, let your precious memories comfort you, not bring you pain as he would want for the one he loved so very much.Take care of yourself......RIP sweet little Jasper, you were so very loved on this earth and will be greatly missed. Rest knowing you will be securely held in a loving heart forevermore! 

The 2nd guessing is a big part of it. I think it is because our cats are innocents and their care is completely up to us. So it feels like a terrible decision to euthanize them. I remember that with my long time pal, who was 19, that I couldn't stop going over a list of things that could have gone different. There wasn't anything that could have gone different on my end. 

I think it's all part of coming to terms with the loss of a good friend. When you are completely focused on health issues, or behavior issues and suddenly you aren't doing that, it can feel like you are "neglecting" the kitty that needs you-even when the kitty isn't there.

It's so amazing really that they can be such a big part of our hearts.

My condolences on your loss of Jasper.