RIP Lola, 7/15/16

I lost my 8 yo cat Lola to polycystic kidney disease/chronic renal failure this evening. I have been a wreck for the past few weeks, because her behavior had changed and a trip to the vet resulted in a lot of tears when I was told that nothing could be done/the end was near. For the past couple of weeks, I slept on the couch with her every night--she used to LOVE sleeping in my room, either on my bed (sometimes even on me!) or in one of her little nooks or crannies, but lately, she'd been avoiding my bedroom like the plague. She eventually stopped eating and became weak, and then today, she passed away peacefully in my arms. I'm a complete mess right now, and I don't even know what to do with myself. I don't even want to sleep in my own bed again, so far away from where Lola and I hung out every night for the past few weeks, but I also don't want to sleep on the couch without her.

I feel like I lost my best friend--the one who was there for me through thick and thin the past 8 years. The one who saw some of my lowest lows and some of my highest highs. The one who lived in 4 different apartments/homes with me as I moved around during school and for work. She was my very first pet (I adopted her 'brother' Norm a year after I adopted her), and she became my child whom I love(d) dearly. I've read a lot of posts on this website the past few weeks, and I am so thankful for all those who shared their own experiences with declining health and end of life issues. Deciding whether or not to have her put down was the most difficult decision I've ever had to make. I ended up letting her die naturally, and I don't know if that was the right decision or not, but I sure did enjoy every last moment I had with her (and I spent just about ALL my free time with her these past few weeks). 

I know I need to be strong for Norm, and be as good of a mother to him as I was to Lola, but I literally feel numb right now. My whole life has been in limbo these past few weeks, and now I don't even know what to do with myself. I have the whole weekend to grieve and process this monumental loss, but I don't even know what to do other than sit around and cry and look at some of the hundreds of pictures I took of her over her lifetime. Do y'all have any suggestions? It's so comforting to read the posts on this website and know that I'm not alone in my feelings. Thank you for letting me share, and I welcome any advice you have for me.

I cry for what you are going through, what you are feeling is not unusual or different, it is called grief. I couldn't sleep in my bed for a week after my Chrissy died, I couldn't bear the sight of that empty spot where she slept for so many years. Eventually you'll learn to live with the emptiness in your heart, time is the only thing that helps to soften the sharp edges of grief. One day you will realize that your precious girl would never want you to be so sad when remembering her, she would want you to use the memories of happier times to bring you comfort instead of tears. None of us are destined to live forever,we all need to learn to live for the moment, to savor and to live life to the fullest, in the present, there is no way to change the past and the future is formed by our actions today, do not take away from life on something you have no control over.  Of course you are grieving, you lost an important part of your life, but you gained something far more precious, knowing that little girl and what she brought into your life during those years is one of the most valuable things you will ever posses.  She is at peace now, she crossed the Rainbow Bridge while in the arms of the one she loved the most, thanking you for the home you gave her and the love that she will value above all else. The bond you forged from rings of love and happiness can never be taken from you, use it to bring yourself comfort, knowing she will never be far, love is something that knows no earthly boundaries.  Her sweet little face will be burned onto your memory forever, do good things in her name, she only wanted to bring good into your life and would be honored to have you pass on this legacy of love she left you. Don't be hard on yourself, you gave her what she wanted the most on this earth, your love. and now there will be many who will have her in our thoughts and prayers today as she so deserves.Take care......... RIP sweet Lola, you will be greatly missed, but will live on in a loving heart that will hold you tenderly forevermore. Rejoice that your pain and fear are replaced with peace and angel wings, fly high sweetheart and soar across the sky in a blaze of glory!   

Lola was such a beautiful girl. I am sorry for your loss. Being with her during this time and showing her how much she was loved no doubt gave her comfort. RIP sweet Lola 

I am truly sorry for your loss. My heart aches for the pain you are going through, as I know that pain all too well. I understand completely when you say your Lola was always there for you. She helped you through everything, good and bad. My Mickey was always there for me as well. He helped me cope with the loss of my Mom, and that was huge. My Mickey also passed naturally at home in my arms. That was the right decision for us, as I am sure it was the right decision for you and Lola. Treasure those memories of you and her always.
I hope that in time you can think of your sweet Lola with more smiles than tears. Hug Norm and give him extra love, as I am sure he is also mourning Lola's loss.
RIP Sweet Lola!
You were so very loved and will never be forgotten!

I'm so sorry you lost your beloved girl. The thing I've found with grief is that, really, the only thing that eases it is time. The initial, overwhelming grief that feels like that's all you are will pass eventually, and you will be left with a softer grief and eventually a kind of shadow grief, where you don't think about it as much but it still comes up sometimes. Write here if you find that helps, even momentarily. Everyone here understands how you're feeling.

My condolences on the loss of your lovely Lola. It's so hard to part with somebody who shared so much of your life.