Making the time last

Hello,

I am fairly new to this site although I have read articles on here before. My current situation requires a lot of thinking and I was hoping fellow feline lovers could help.

In Sept of last year I had to say goodbye to my cat Felix. I had adopted him when he was about 8 so that made his final age around 21.

Now, I have Oscar. I found him outside as a kitten 16 years ago. He is the first cat I have ever had and the first pet since living on my own. To say he is my baby is an understatement. Everyone who has met him has stated they never met a cat with so much personality. He has been Velcro on my side since we first met. I have to pick him up and carry him around, we have conversations, he has to investigate everything (and I mean everything), and I can't leave a room without him getting up and following me. He is my shadow.

I noticed over the past month or so he looked thin. We went to the vet (he is a stellar patient) and there was nothing out of the ordinary found. An ultrasound of his intestines was suggested since he was losing weight.

The ultrasound revealed some type of mass in the vicinity of his liver/kidney/gallbladder but without exploratory surgery (at around $2000) there is no way to determine exactly what it is.

Unfortunately, I don't have $2000 to spend on the surgery. Oscar has a heart murmur, which I have known about for quite some time, and I also fear putting him under anesthesia. There is a possibility he may not wake up and this is a risk I'm not willing to take.

We have been doing weekly b-12 shots to help his appetite and any malnutrition in addition to daily prednisone. This has been going on for about 3 weeks. In his prime Oscar weighted around 11 lbs. Today, he weighed in at 6 lbs even. That is a loss of 8 oz from last week.

His personality still seems to be ok, with the slight slowing down associated with age. He does have very loose stool, though not frequent, so I don't want to change his diet and upset him.

I am at a crossroads. Oscar has been my best friend and buddy for the past 16 years. People may say you can't get that emotionally attached to an animal, especially a cat (since they are often viewed as aloof and independent) but I know fellow cat lovers will understand the bond. He is my life. He is, for all intents and purposes, my child. We have been through so much together.

What are any suggestions on how to do a bucket list for cats? He, as all my cats are, is an indoor only cat so I won't let him wander outside. I want to give him everything I can in whatever time we have left together. I can't imagine coming home without him running to greet me. Any suggestions are welcome. I'm hoping to attach a picture of him. He's one in a million.

Thank you for listening,
Nancy

I'm so sorry to read this.  Many of us have been in the situation you're in now.  It's heart-breaking to know our best friend is fading and there isn't much we can do about it.  

Have you tried supplementing his regular food with baby food to get more calories in him?  Here's a thread about it, and which ones are safe for cats:  http://www.thecatsite.com/t/225595/anyone-else-have-an-only-gravy-licker/60#post_3749885

If you haven't already tried it, adding canned pumpkin--plain of course, not pumpkin pie filling--may help with the diarrhea, if he will eat it.  

It sounds like Oscar is getting all the love and attention a cat could possibly want  so I know you've got that part covered.

I'm so sorry to hear about Oscar. I completely understand when you say that Oscar is your life, your best friend, your baby. My cat is the same to me. My heart is breaking for you.
I found this link for a bucket list for cats:
https://www.petpremium.com/pet-health-center/care/amazing-bucket-list-ideas-for-cats/

And this one:
http://mashable.com/2016/03/23/tigger-the-cat-bucket-list/#YyIbToNWQuql

I hope they give you some good ideas for Oscar's bucket list.
If you are able, please post a photo of your little man and please keep us posted how the two of you are doing [emoji]10084[/emoji]️

Hi,

Thank you for your kind words. I have not tried supplementing baby food as I only give canned food twice a day since I work a lot and I was afraid it might not agree with his system. I have tried some canned pumpkin, though, but he eats around it no matter how good I mix it in. My cats currently eat Earthborn dry and dave's canned (both of which are grain free). The Dave's brand is more of a pate with gravy and they enjoy it. At least I know Oscar will eat it. I will look at the article on baby food. Perhaps it will help.

Thank you!
Nancy

There he is! My baby! Snuggling with mom.

ndyer1 said:

There he is! My baby! Snuggling with mom.

20160113_092347.jpg

• ndyer1
• Jul 14, 2016

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Sweet little Oscar [emoji]10084[/emoji]️[emoji]128571[/emoji][emoji]10084[/emoji]️[emoji]128571[/emoji]

One of my favorites.

What a sweet boy.  I had a 19 year old cat and I ended up letting him eat whatever he wanted near the end--baby food and organic deli turkey, that was his favorite.  

I'm so sorry. We just lost our 16 yo cat and then, very suddenly, our 9 yo, so I am freshly familiar with what you are going through. 

Cats like consistency. Especially when they're not feeling well. It is the nature of cats to hide their illnesses as long as possible, so he's probably not up to doing a lot more than he already is.  The kindest thing you can do is just be there for him. He has clearly chosen you to be his 'rock' as well as best friend. What do we need from our rocks? Comfort and security. He is very grateful to you for giving him that. To now give him unfamilarity wil only distress him, even if he has spent a life time dreaming of stowing away on sailing ships and catching all the fish in the sea.  

So - no bucket list. You have given him the full and loving life every cat longs for, and that is all that matters to him.  You have been his hero. You are all he craves. Just enjoy him in as familar a way as your breaking heart allows - don't distress him by starting him going on walks now or by clinging tighter or crying - cats understand crying and that will only stress him out, which is bad for fighting tumors. Don't feel guilty about anything, including not doing surgery. Surgery is VERY hard on cats, physically and emotionally - worse than for humans because they can;'t be made to understand that you are trying to help. Imagine if you were told that you would get an extra year of life - not your best year either, if you will submit to a week or two of torture that nobody explains to you. Gives new meaning to quality of life, vs quantity, doesn't it? 

You do want to keep him eating as long as possible. Someone else mentioned baby food. That was great advice, BUT...... Don;t start it until the day you find he no longer wants to eat atall. Let it be your secret weapon - a welcome surprise that reminds him that food is nice. If you start it now, you will forefeit that option. I have gotten cats to rally and live a few days -and in a couple cases, several more months with that bit of magic. Gerbers is the brand I've always used, and I've had the best luck with the flavors that are not typically found in pet foods.Offer it on a teaspoon. If he won't eat readily, lightly bop him on the nse with the food ( not the spoon) just enough to get a bit on his nose he will lick it off his nose and likely begin laping a the bit on the spoon. 

You are about to learn just how big your heart really is, and how selfless you are. Our kitties teach us some amazing things. 

All my best

His bucket list has you at the top. You have given him what he wants the most in the world, your love and attention. I have an almost 16 year old going through the exact same thing. He, too, has a heart murmur and has been losing weight the last year or so too. I, too, have decided not to subject him to vet visits anymore, surgeries and even vaccinations are just too stressful for him. Please don't ever feel guilt for not having the exploratory surgery, that would be like giving it to a hundred year old, it will not extend the life for any significant amount of time, and would make the remaining amount of time full of pain and fear.The elderly are frail and have accepted that life is coming to an end, it is for us to accept that too, no matter how much we would like it to be different.  When the time comes, no matter how well we think we are prepared, it is going to be horrible. You are losing a huge part of your life, one that has been there for you for 16 years. Allow yourself to grieve, he has been by your side, your friend and your confidant. never blaming, never condemning, just loving you as you are.  Hold on to that little boy for as long as you can, tell him you love him and that love has formed a bond that will connect the two of you forevermore. That bond, like love, cannot be touched or seen, but it is there and nothing can take it from you, not even death. Surround yourself with people who understand what you are going through, those that state it is 'just an animal' are to be pitied, for they have not experienced one of life's greatest pleasures and do not have the empathy to comfort you when you need it. Celebrate what you two share now that he is here to share it with you, have a party for being together, give him what he wants to eat, whether it be tuna or some other special treat, now is not the time to worry about nutrition, now is the time to indulge and be happy. I agree with the advise above, withhold something special for the time that comes when he refuses all, it will help. I got some liquid canned cat nutrition for senior cats on Amazon, and my Burt does drink it, it gives extra nutrition and calories and extra liquid too, which helps.It is highly digestible and he has had no problems like he does with a lot of other foods.  

There will come that time when we will need to be strong, strong enough to take away the pain and the fear and take it on as our own. It is a last act of love that only we can give. and they will depend on us and let us know when that time comes.  In the meantime I pray that our precious babies will go peacefully in their sleep, at home, surrounded by our love. it is as I would wish for us all.  My heart goes out to you, you are not alone in your fears  and insecurities, I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers!

I'm very sorry to hear that, in my experience, it's best to spend more time bonding with him than giving him gifts or foods. Bonding is a therapy for them and it's good for them actually. It's one i can highly recommend. Secondly, engage him with some toys and sleep beside him. Cats enjoy sleeping lots and lots. i hope these few things can help. i'm very sorry but hang in there..

Thank you all for the kind words and suggestions. Right now he and I are relaxing in the bedroom with the ac on. I brought his canned food in here hoping he would get a little bit more of an appetite not being in the heat and humidity. I shut the two girls out but they usually prefer other spots anyway. He's curled up next to me on the bed and he can spend the night if he wants. I typically don't let the cats in the bedroom when I'm sleeping because I need my uninterrupted sleep or I'm pretty useless. Also, they like to knock things over and hide them. I've always kept them out and, honestly, they are fine with it. No meowing, scratching, etc and they have the whole house to lounge in. Beds in windows, in front of the radiator, etc. But Oscar gets the special treatment from now on. No more b-12 shots since they don't really help. Just possible re-weighs if I feel he has gained weight or lost more. He doesn't mind car rides and just chills on the way.

I will get a little chicken for him to eat. I am a vegetarian so I don't eat chicken or have any meat in the house. The cats are not vegetarian. I just don't agree with doing that.

I will keep you all updated on how we are doing. In the meantime, here is a pic of Oscar with his buddy Felix from last summer. It kind of shows their opposite personalities. Oscar liked to lick the screen and Felix just shook his head.

Nancy

It sounds perfect.  Sweet that he can sleep with you now if he wants.  

I'm in the same boat--I'm a vegetarian, but provide my kitties with whatever meat they need.  I got suggestions for my old kitty on this site for the organic deli turkey or chicken, and baby food.  Whatever he would eat.   

Enjoy the snuggles.  

I think him being up on the bed with you getting love and affection is his bucket list.

I had a cat that meant to me what your friend means to you. It's very difficult to face the end with someone who has been such a huge part of your day, every day. I think cats don't anticipate the end the way we do and just really appreciate that the day to day things are there. A reassurance and a comfort. It is what I am presently offering my Charlie along with pain medication. Like Oscar she has a tumor in her abdomen.

The thing with cancer in cats is that unless it is somehow found very early, surgery is the only thing that can give them a few more weeks or months. I've read a lot about things like chemo and radiation and I personally wouldn't choose to put a cat through that. Also it doesn't seem to extend their lives long enough to make the stress of it worth it. Surgery would probably be way too much for Oscar at this point too. And at this point, I wonder if it would even do any good. I looked at the ultrasound for my Charlie with the vet and the cancer is in her liver too. So wherever the tumor is, it's aggressive and affected other things. While every cat is different, is it possible that your vet is offering surgery at all because they want to offer all options to owners about extending life? Have you talked about what the vet would do if they had a cat in the same state? If you open up that discussion then your vet may feel more free to say what she really thinks about Oscar's prognosis.

It could be that even if you could afford the surgery it won't give you a different outcome. And your beloved Oscar would definitely be uncomfortable from the surgery. The best thing you can do now is just what you are doing, in my opinion.

I am sorry that you are going through this difficult time. spend as much time as you can with him; let him he is loved and will always will be, and tell him how special a boy he is and what he means to you. I hope you have many more days with you beautiful boy.

Hello,

I actually had the ultrasound done with a different vet since only a couple places in the state do them. It was that vet who suggested exploratory surgery. My vet thinks the best thing to do is either have a second ultrasound with a fine needle aspirate or just make his time comfortable. We both agree that surgery, while an option, is stress on Oscar and chances are there would be nothing we could do anyway. I'm going to pick up some fresh chicken tonight for him since he is showing less of an interest in the canned food. He still licks the gravy but doesn't eat as much. I also wonder if the heat and high humidity is getting to him as well. It's sure getting to me!

Nancy

Laura Mae said:

I think him being up on the bed with you getting love and affection is his bucket list.

I had a cat that meant to me what your friend means to you. It's very difficult to face the end with someone who has been such a huge part of your day, every day. I think cats don't anticipate the end the way we do and just really appreciate that the day to day things are there. A reassurance and a comfort. It is what I am presently offering my Charlie along with pain medication. Like Oscar she has a tumor in her abdomen.

The thing with cancer in cats is that unless it is somehow found very early, surgery is the only thing that can give them a few more weeks or months. I've read a lot about things like chemo and radiation and I personally wouldn't choose to put a cat through that. Also it doesn't seem to extend their lives long enough to make the stress of it worth it. Surgery would probably be way too much for Oscar at this point too. And at this point, I wonder if it would even do any good. I looked at the ultrasound for my Charlie with the vet and the cancer is in her liver too. So wherever the tumor is, it's aggressive and affected other things. While every cat is different, is it possible that your vet is offering surgery at all because they want to offer all options to owners about extending life? Have you talked about what the vet would do if they had a cat in the same state? If you open up that discussion then your vet may feel more free to say what she really thinks about Oscar's prognosis.


It could be that even if you could afford the surgery it won't give you a different outcome. And your beloved Oscar would definitely be uncomfortable from the surgery. The best thing you can do now is just what you are doing, in my opinion.

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Hang in there, sending  for Oscar

Hello,

It has been a little while since I posted last and I want to start by thanking everyone for all the kind words and suggestions.

Yesterday when I came home from work Oscar was on a pillow on the couch and it appeared he had urinated slightly on himself. I opened a can of yummy food and brought it to him but he didn't have the strength to pull himself up to stand to get it. I picked him up and gently put him on the floor to see how his walking was. He was very wobbly and weak. When I placed him in front of his bowl he sat down to lick the gravy but his back end slowly slid from underneath him. That was when I knew. He had never been this weak before even though his strength was slowly disappearing. I looked at him and knew my baby had given up. I scooped him into my arms, he was now a slip of a thing, and called the vet.

Oscar peacefully crossed the Rainbow Bridge last night with me there to give him love and kisses. My house is not the same. This is the first time in 16 years no one has run to the door to greet me, no one is asking to be picked up, no one bops me on the head ever so gently asking to curl up under the blanket.

He was my first cat and truly my child. I was his mom. We had such a strong, special bond like nothing I have experienced. He was very smart, as soft as a rabbit, afraid of his own shadow, and didn't possess a single mean bone. Never did he hiss, growl or bite at me, the other cats, or any of the fosters I brought home over the years. He had such a curious and investigate streak and needed to know what was going on at all times.

He took a piece of my heart with him when he drifted away but he left me with years of memories that I will forever cherish. I let him sleep on the pillow next to me these past couple weeks so we could be together as much as possible.

I wanted to express my gratitude to everyone who contributed and/or wished us well. It helped to know that I had done everything I could within reason and I didn't feel guilty for not going ahead with surgery. The cancer snuck up very quickly and I know nothing would have improved his quality of life.

He will be returning home to be placed on the mantle next to his buddy Felix. I like to believe he is looking down with love knowing we had the best 16 years together and one day we will have many more.

From the bottom of my heart I thank you and appreciate all the support everyone has provided.

Nancy

I'm so, so sorry.  I enjoyed reading about what a good friend he was to you and you to him. My deepest condolences to you. Take care.

So very sorry to read this.  As is our practice, we'll close this thread now out of respect for your loss.  We invite you to post a tribute to your sweet kitty in our Crossing the Bridge forum.