Advices and helps for a one month old and 3/4 months old kitten who don't get along

panteaarman

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Hi,

Last week I got two amazing kittens. They both lost their moms at very young age. One is a 4 weeks old male, extremely polite, cute and playful called "Poothmar". He came in the morning, and the other kitten came in the evening, she is 3/4 months old, crazily hyper active and playful and she's called "Thoothmar" (means alligator in Persian). 

this is Poothmar:


and here is Thoothmar:


Thoothmar the girl doesn't like Poothmar AT ALL. The very first moment she came to my place, they were both in the same room, the girl started hissing and went to hide. She even hated me for 3 or 4 days, even hissing while I wanted to feed her. Immediately after this first encounter (and my first mistake probably) I moved Poothmar to my room and let Thoothmar (the girl) stay in the other room. Things went like this for a day or two. After the girl became friends with me and accepted me as her new mom, I tried to introduce them to each other while playing with both but the girl was hissing and growling all the time and even started to hit him with one of her hands. Poothmar was so tiny and did nothing, just stared at the girl and walked back towards me. I exchanged some of their toys till now, and let them interact from bottom of the door batting at each other’s paws. Actually just the girls does that and Poothmar does nothing but a little hissing back. I also tried to make them scent like each other by rubbing a little amount of coconut oil under their chins and at the top of their tails. Still the girl hisses when she sees his shadow from the bottom of the door and poses like she wants to hit him or attack him. I'm really worried, not disappointed but a bit worried things might not work after all. I wanted two kittens because I'll be out for working most times in the year so I wanted them to have a buddy. 

I know it's typical and normal for kittens to behave like this, I've read so many tips to make them get along slowly and I'm not disappointed but I want to be sure if I'm doing it right. Any insights? I'd be very happy to hear some.

 

kirathecat

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Hello, panteaarman. Your kittens are absolutely adorable)

When introducing cats you have to be very patient and devoted in order to succeed. It's good that they are still kittens, so, i think, it should be easier to teach them to get along.

First of all, let me correct a few things. Thoothmar did not hate you for 3-4 days, she was just scared of you and her new surroundings and it took some time for her to adjust. And she hisses at the Poothmar behind the door not because she sees his shadow, but because she smells him behind that door.

In order to successfully socialize them you should work out a plan and try your best to stick with it in order to succeed.

Here is a general idea on how to introduce the cats

1. Do you still keep them separately, boy in one room girl - in the other? Try 'side swapping': one day Poothmar is in your room and give Thoothmar the rest of the house, next day Thoothmar is in your room and Poothmar has the rest of the house. This will give both of them opportunity to explore their home and most importantly get to know each others scents without a risk of a fight breaking out.

2. Play with each of them every day but separately for now. It is very important to exercise your cats because it gives a healthy outlet for their energy and helps build their confidence. 

3. Don't let them do the swatting at each other from behind closed door. It will not solve the problem. 

4. When you feed them do the following: A door or a baby gate between two rooms, Thoothmar in one room, Poothmar behind the door in another room. Put the plates with food on each side of that door but where kittens feel comfortable, not running away, not ignoring the food. Put the bowls as far away from each other as necessary in order for kittens to eat. And every day try moving bowls just a little closer to the door separating the kittens. 

5. Get a cat tree, install some shelves so one of them can get away from the other if he/she wanted to.

The goal is to get them to eat their food without a door separating them and play with toys while in the same room. I would give it a month or so for them to start getting along. But it is very important to do it slowly and gradually and at the pace that your kittens are comfortable with. 

Reward positive behavior with treats and play. Distract one from attacking another with toys. 

Don't forget you just got them which means they are still adjusting to you, their new home and each other.
 

talkingpeanut

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I think they will adjust quite quickly because they are so young, but agree that you should go through the steps above. You'll just go at their pace until they are totally comfortable to move on to the next step.

It's also the right time to have your girl spayed, and lack of hormones setting in should make adjusting easier.
 
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panteaarman

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Hi KiraTheCat  

Thanks for your accurate and helpful reply =) You are right about Thoothmar being scared when she hisses. Well generally she's kind of a cat that hisses a lot. Even when she's playing, I find it a bit odd. 

1. side swapping seems like a great idea. Yes I keep the boy in my bedroom and the other in the other room with a lot of toys, and I let them both (separately though) come out of their rooms and explore the house (except the other kitten’s room) for some hours (the house is quite spacious for the kittens). Thanks for the idea, I’m going to try it for this evening and I’ll let you know how things worked. 


2. I play a lot with both of them! Also my friends/little brothers visit and spend time playing with them. Thoothmar is really hyper active, she always would pant after lots of play and running around the house and never seems to get tired! =)) (sitting by window is the only times she remains in one place for more than 10 minutes) 

3. They recently interact with each other from under the door (Actually most of the times I can’t do anything about it since the girl hisses when I want to distract her with any other toys) I can’t see if they are really just playing or swatting at each other. No hissing and growling but kind of looks like the girl is more hitting than playing. it’s somewhere between! 


4. Very helpful advice, but a bit challenging for Thoothmar, since she never seems to eat her food in one session. I’m trying to establish a fixed schedule for feeding her and take the bowl away after 15 minutes when she doesn’t eat and when she starts to play with the eating (she comes and eat a bit and then goes for playing and then comes back) but I tried the tip this morning, she ate a bit but went back to the door and sat there smelling and taking her paws under the door searching for Poothmar. 

5. Cool idea, It’s unreasonably expensive to buy one in my country but I thought about making a DIY one. 

Thanks again, I’ll be patient. 


talkingpeanut  thanks =) is it okay to spay her now? she's around 3 months old. 
 

talkingpeanut

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Yes, she is old enough to be spayed. Most vets in the US spay and neuter at 2 months and/or 2 pounds.
 

Willowy

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Ask your vet when they prefer to spay---but try to get them to do it before 5 months. Cats can go into heat at 4 months sometimes! 5-6 months is more common though. But, yes, if your vet is willing to do it now, she's old enough.

I don't think the little guy is 4 weeks old. Most 4-week-old kittens have very tiny little ears, almost still folded. But his are quite large :D. Also, baby kittens have stubby tails and his is pretty long. So I think he's at least 7 weeks old, which is good because 4-week-old kittens should still be nursing from their mother. When I saw the title I was a little concerned, because nobody should try to introduce a 4-week-old kitten to a 3-4-month-old kitten. But he is old enough for introductions, so just keep doing it the way you've been doing it. Cats take a long time to change their minds about anything. . .
 
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panteaarman

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Thanks for the information! Well my vet said 4 months is ok. Here in Iran they spay and neuter kittens usually after 4 months and even most people think the kittens should be at least 7 or 8 months old to have them spayed. 

I am not well experienced with kittens, but I think you're right, he doesn't have little folded ears and stubby tails. Though the vet said he's about one month old. Poothmar seems he can take care of himself and he gets stronger and more energetic everyday. 

The good news is that they seem to play peacefully from under the door. I tried the room swapping and both seemed ok with that! The girls meows all the time and when I let her out she goes behind the door where Poothmar is and they start kind of a play. I noticed that the hissing is all gone and now Thoothmar even sounds like trilling. Poothmar looks not scared, really relaxed, rolling on the ground, playing with Thoothmar's paws. I can hardly distract Thoothmar. She tends to stick to the door every time she has the chance, even in the middle of an exciting playing session with me. 

I am very happy for now. I decided to let them be at one room at the same time in some days though and wait more when Poothmar gets a bit stronger and Thoothmar a bit more curious and friendly. 

Thanks for your friendly replies.
 
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panteaarman

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Hello!

The good news is that after two weeks they finally got along. Though the situation seems to be not totally ok since after a while the game turns into a fight. The older kittens gets really excited and bites the little one, Poothmar. Poothmar wants to escape and he starts screaming because he can't. I know it's normal for cats to play aggressively but then the little one starts some real screaming. It seems he gets tired after a while but she gets too excited and starts a bit aggressive kind of game. sometimes when I don't distract them things get worse, yesterday after the vaccination (I took them both at the same time) they got somehow tired and grumpy and after an hour of being together they started growling and hissing again. I just want to be sure if the transition is gradual and I should not be worry. I am happy they made a huge progress, though the condition is a bit confusing. 
 
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