I'm so blue

blondiecat

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
May 29, 2003
Messages
3,956
Purraise
4
Location
So far out in left field I got lost
As many of you know Dad passed away in October. I have been thinking about Valentines Day coming up. Every year Dad would ask me to be his Valentine.

Even the year that he was in ICU and had all of the tubes and things on him where he couldn't talk he asked in his own way by drawing a heart on my chest
I can't seem to stop crying tonight I miss him so much
I don't think this pain of losing him will ever stop as it feels just like he died again today for me. I will never hear him ask me that or call me Kitten again.

Sorry for the vent here but I needed to get this off my chest
 

hissy

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Feb 19, 2001
Messages
34,872
Purraise
76
I am so sorry, but you were and are so lucky to have been so close to your father that he would do such an endearing thing with his daughter. Hold on to the fact that while he was in your live, he was IN your life and in your heart. He still is there, in your heart you know? And I'll bet when it is really quiet and your mind is still you can hear him talking to you with all the love he has for you.

I am sorry for your pain and your loss and hope the healing journey begins for you soon.
 

tulip2454

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 16, 2003
Messages
1,208
Purraise
1
Location
still practising the Dharma
I am so sorry. It never gets 'better' just more acceptable. You were and still are very lucky to have had such a great relationship with you dad. As hissy says he is still with you which can in time be a real source of strength. He sounds like a great bloke.
 

rosiemac

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Dec 3, 2003
Messages
54,358
Purraise
100
Location
ENGLAND... LAND OF HOPE AND GLORY!
Blondiecat i know how you feel. My dad passed away over 10 years ago and i still miss him!. As Tulip said you do learn to accept it- eventually.

Its still early days for you, so you cry all you want "Kitten"
(My dad used to call me his "Poppitt").

Sending you a huge hug and a massive headbutt from Rosie.

Susan x
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #6

blondiecat

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
May 29, 2003
Messages
3,956
Purraise
4
Location
So far out in left field I got lost
Thank you for your comments
I am feeling somewhat better.

I didn't sleep at all last night but that is okay I had to cry myself out. Now with swollen eyes and a little lighter heart I sit here at work. I really don't know if it will get easier for me and the family to deal with him being gone, but we all are trying.
 

valanhb

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Mar 2, 2002
Messages
32,530
Purraise
100
Location
Lakewood (Denver suburb), Colorado
From experience I can tell you that the first year is so incredibly hard. You already know. The pain of losing someone that wonderful never goes away, but honest it does get less intense, less....urgent. One day you will be able to think of your Dad asking you to be his Valentine and smile, instead of cry. More happy memories will come to you when you think of him instead of ones that make you sad. You will be able to celebrate his life instead of missing him so bad that nothing else can get through.

(((HUGS))) from someone sharing your tears right now, who also lost her best friend, aptly named Mom, 4 years ago.
 

pollyanna

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 23, 2001
Messages
2,051
Purraise
18
Location
Right here! :)
I am sorry for you pain, and glad you are feeling a bit better. This must be so hard when you have lost someone so close to you. ((((((HUG))))))
 

3blackcats

TCS Member
Super Cat
Joined
Oct 2, 2003
Messages
973
Purraise
1
Location
Black Cat Palace
Cathi, I'm so sorry you are going through this awful pain. I am thinking of you


A big (((((HUG)))))) from me and Headbonks from the girls.
 

kitkatz

TCS Member
Alpha Cat
Joined
Oct 1, 2003
Messages
643
Purraise
1
Location
Saskatchewan, Canada
I know how you feel blondiecat, my grandfather just passed away last week and my great-uncle last night. And all we have been doing is crying. I hope it gets better. Sending a big hug and headbonks from Shadow to you (and the Sammycat
)
 

Anne

Site Owner
Staff Member
Admin
Joined
Oct 23, 2000
Messages
40,207
Purraise
6,095
Location
On TCS
Losing someone close is so painful! I am sorry about your dad - may time bring you peace in the knowledge that you shared a very special relationship with him.
 

wellingtoncats

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 17, 2003
Messages
36,207
Purraise
24
Location
Wellington City, NZ
Cathi, I sit here and share your tears. I haven't lost anyone closely to me recently but I know how you feel, You're definitly in my thoughts and I'm sending you major healing vibes. You're memories of your dad are so special and that's so lucky for you to have. Take extra special care my friend, and remember we're always here.

 

debby

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Nov 5, 2000
Messages
10,983
Purraise
4
Location
Iowa
Cathi, I know how you feel...my dad passed away three years ago, and I was very close to him. I miss him terribly...it never ends...but it does get easier to handle.
I guess we just get used to them being gone after awhile.
If you need to talk, I am here...and I will be your valentine.
 

mzjazz2u

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jun 6, 2003
Messages
10,133
Purraise
4
Location
The Beehave State!
Aww (((((Cathi))))) Hang in there Kitten! I'm sure Daddy's looking down on you and still thinks of you as his valentine.
 

angelsmike

TCS Member
Kitten
Joined
Feb 9, 2004
Messages
12
Purraise
0
Location
Lafayette, Indiana
Cathi,

Your father lives on in your heart and in your memories. As much as the memories may hurt you now, don't ever let them go.

You are in my prayers.

Peace,
Mike
 

littleblackcat

TCS Member
Young Cat
Joined
Sep 24, 2003
Messages
30
Purraise
1
Location
Minnesota USA
Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. What a wonderful relationship you and your father must have had. I lost my father a little over a year ago and it is so hard. Little things will hit you when you least expect it and all of a sudden you are crying like a baby. My thoughts are with you.
 
Top