I feel guilty about Mamushka

mamushkas boy

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I just came across this forum. I had to put Mamushka, my beloved cat and companion of 12 years - who showed up one night in 2004 demanding to be let in. Our family vet said she was about 5 yrs old. She was incollared, unchipped, clean - no owners were ever found - so i figured she came from heaven. She was a mix between a Maine Cokn & a Siberian. She was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, sometimes id catch a glimmer of angelic twinkle, as though she had a secret. In 2006 i had a severe bout of depression and was 99% ready to be done with life, but the 1% that was more important than the 99% was "who will take care of Mamushka? No one will care for her the way i do 'the way she demands to be cared for'." She saved me.

Now i have guilt over having to make "the Choice". She went quick - i wasnt prepared for that. I thought it would be minutes, but it wasnt.

I don't think the pain will ever go away. We were supposed to go together paw in hand to heaven.

In a post, i came across "The Rainbow Bridge", and it fits. Shes waiting for me, while i 'go the long way around' and we meet up to cross the bridge.
 
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betsygee

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I'm so very sorry to read about your loss of Mamushka.  How wonderful that you two had each other to take care of.  RIP, little Mamushka.  
 

roguethecat

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Don't feel guilty. You did it for a reason - to spare her pain and suffering. I wish I had done the same thing for the Rogue had I only known he was dying (I dragged him from one vet to the next instead, who insisted they could fix him). 

The pain will never go away, but it will dull and hide if you let it. The only thing that helps, I've found, is to love other cats, too. This would not betray the memory of Mamushka or trying to replace her. This would be, if you are ready, to help another one that needs a home. Coming home to an empty home is about the worst thing ever. 

That said, she's in a better place now, having fun, probably with the Rogue if she's up for that. She's being taken care of. Now you need to take care of yourself.
 

nurseangel

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I am so sorry for your loss.  You made Mamushka's world special, as she did yours.  And you made the right decision for her, even though it was the hardest road for you to take. You are brave and kind.  Please don't feel guilty.  My prayers are with you.  
 
 
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catsknowme

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  Condolences on losing your heart's treasure. You showed the truest love in releasing her from her earthly suffering. Her little soul is free now. She left this realm having known comforts and affection and love and happiness, Thank you for sharing your story - it will help others here who are also on the rough journey of grieving,

please know that being in the TCS community means that you are in thoughts and prayers worldwide.
 

di and bob

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Dear Mamushka saved you and showed you what true love could be, she had to go now but the bond you formed with her will always be connected between the two of you, so in one way she will never leave you in spirit. Her earthly body is at rest now, no more suffering thanks to the strength you somehow found to give her that peace, she will love you forever for it. Concentrate on the good she brought to your life, don't dwell on the end, she would never want to bring you sadness, she would want you to have happiness in your life once again, as you would want for her if something would have happened to you. She went to that Rainbow Bridge so quickly because she was ready, she was secure in knowing she left behind someone who would continue to love her through memories and that she would be held forever in a loving heart.

The pain you are feeling is equal to the love you shared, the greater the love, the more painful the grief. But think, it was still better to have known and loved her and go through all this now then to have never had her in your life at all and all that she brought to you. You are stronger then you think, let us help you through this chapter in your life by sharing that pain, it makes the burden lighter,lets some of it to escape with the telling. I know of that pain, I, too, suffer from it almost 4 years later, it never goes away but it becomes bearable in time, you never forget but will start remembering good times instead of bad. One day you will smile again instead of crying. It does help to share your baby's love with another little soul, it distracts you from your grief and in time you will learn to love again, not ever the same, but with another special kind of love, like a mother with many children has for each.  I'll pray for you both, take care of yourself.......RIP beautiful Mamushka, you brought so much to the one who misses you so much, you will be mourned by many as you so richly deserve, you will be held in a loving heart even as you are held on the warm laps of angels!
 

shenny

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Mamushka came into your life for a reason, she made your life whole and you made her life whole. She gave you a reason to go on because there's no greater force than love and now it was her time to leave having done a wonderful job of giving you a reason to live. Love can't be broken and she'll be waiting for you. Your bond was special. So sorry X
 
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