Simon's Story: A Cat's Tail... "a life celebrated".

kittens mom

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Simon's ashes came back to us today.  A day earlier than originally thought, and  I actually had a strange day today leading up to the phone call from the vets office.  I feel as if Simon was trying to tell me something all day, beautiful, sad and very strange.  As soon as I can gather my thoughts, I'll share.  
It is cold comfort but having their ashes is somehow essential .  I am glad he is home safe.
 
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2Cats4everLoved

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I was just thinking of Simon and the moving diary you kept for him when I came across this beautiful tribute.  There really are no words to describe the sense of loss a special cat like Simon leaves behind but you have come close.  I feel as though I knew him too, and like many here, I miss him and am grieving with you.  He was such a strong, determined kitty.  RIP darling Simon.  There are many sad hearts left behind but joy for having known you. 
 I tried to read Simon's Diary and haven't been able to make through one page without getting upset.  Looking back it seems like a dream, I feel like I've been in a fog.   I'm so happy to have shared Simon with you all, and through my words you were able to see what a strong willed kitty he was.  A bit stubborn at times, but so playful and loving.
 
It is cold comfort but having their ashes is somehow essential .  I am glad he is home safe.
Yes, @Kittens Mom  it's a strange feeling having him back in a cherry wood box.  It's peaceful yet bitter...  My husband picked him up on his way home today and when he walked through the door, I said, I can't believe that Simon's in that tiny bag.  And my hubby said, He always liked fitting himself into the bags. LOL  We chuckled but laughter was short lived.  Too soon perhaps.

I just wish I took more pictures and videos.  Thanks again.  I know I say this a lot, but I really appreciate all the support and words of wisdom.  

Hugs back...
 
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Simon's Story:  A Cat's Tail... "a life celebrated"

You all have written such kind words and offer much needed support.  

I feel as though I've been in a fog for the past week and in truth I couldn't bring myself to respond back to the beautiful responses you have all taken the time to post.  I just wanted you all to know how much I really appreciate every word, I'm so moved, will address them tomorrow when my eyes dry.

Now that Simon is back home, I feel as if the fog has cleared a little and I can see a bit clearer now.

I look forward to sharing Simon's happy times with you as well.

Thank you all again.

@GoHolistic  - I was so moved by your tribute to Sebastian.  I used to sing You are my Sunshine but after seeing your tribute, out of respect for Sebastian and the fact it didn't feel right, we went back to Sunshine on my Shoulders.  Thank you for your kind words.

Thank you, Hope & Chestnut

Below, Simon in is favorite blanket fort.

 

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Du bist mein Sol, mein nur Sol
Du machst mir froh wann skies sind grau


I used to sing "You are my Sunshine" to Lucky, but in my own Gerspanglish way.

I was reading your thread, crying all over again. Feeling the pain you have felt, although not as bad as you are feeling it, because this was your baby. I am glad he is back home too. It is very bittersweet indeed. With Lucky and Sara, I walked over to my vet's office to pick them up. In the evening, when there was no one else there. And I had them close to me as I walked home, walking carefully so as to not trip and drop them. I also remember thinking how tiny the bag was with Lucky. Less so with Sara since Lucky was still fresh in my mind. Somehow I found it comforting to see their ashes themselves. I know a lot of people would be eeked by that, but I wasn't. Not one bit.
 
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Du bist mein Sol, mein nur Sol
Du machst mir froh wann skies sind grau


I used to sing "You are my Sunshine" to Lucky, but in my own Gerspanglish way.

I was reading your thread, crying all over again. Feeling the pain you have felt, although not as bad as you are feeling it, because this was your baby. I am glad he is back home too. It is very bittersweet indeed. With Lucky and Sara, I walked over to my vet's office to pick them up. In the evening, when there was no one else there. And I had them close to me as I walked home, walking carefully so as to not trip and drop them. I also remember thinking how tiny the bag was with Lucky. Less so with Sara since Lucky was still fresh in my mind. Somehow I found it comforting to see their ashes themselves. I know a lot of people would be eeked by that, but I wasn't. Not one bit.
No as a matter of fact, I was thinking about unscrewing the box to make sure there was something in there.  I made my hubby pick him up, I would have cried all the way home too.  Especially since he said  the vet had many many bags waiting to be picked up.  

I don't want you to be upset.  I'm better, I just have those moments about twice daily.  It's that wave of reality that he's not behind  me checking out my every move.

If I knew then, what I know now, I would have nicknamed him My Shadow. LOL, It's strange turning around and not having him under my feet.  He made life in this tiny apartment fun beyond words, that 's the bottom line.

I love hearing everyone's experiences.  It makes me feel less lonely.  I'll get there.  
 

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No as a matter of fact, I was thinking about unscrewing the box to make sure there was something in there.  I made my hubby pick him up, I would have cried all the way home too.  Especially since he said  the vet had many many bags waiting to be picked up.  

I don't want you to be upset.  I'm better, I just have those moments about twice daily.  It's that wave of reality that he's not behind  me checking out my every move.

If I knew then, what I know now, I would have nicknamed him My Shadow. LOL, It's strange turning around and not having him under my feet.  He made life in this tiny apartment fun beyond words, that 's the bottom line.

I love hearing everyone's experiences.  It makes me feel less lonely.  I'll get there.  
If you really love hearing everyone's experiences, I'll share a story about how much it can mean to have our cats' ashes.   A couple of years ago, I had to move to a much smaller apartment.  Come moving day, I left behind about 90% of my belongings, including Wesley and Milo's ashes.  I had moved about an hour or so away but didn't have a car to go back for them.  After tossing and turning all night, I called a cab and spent $200 (every dime I had) to retrieve those ashes.  They were my boys, my family and they needed to be with me.   It had been like like losing them all over again when I realized the ashes hadn't made the trip first time around.  Now they are where they belong - with me.  It does help to have them.  I ate a lot of peanut butter sandwiches for the rest of the month, but it was worth it.
 

kittens mom

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If you really love hearing everyone's experiences, I'll share a story about how much it can mean to have our cats' ashes.   A couple of years ago, I had to move to a much smaller apartment.  Come moving day, I left behind about 90% of my belongings, including Wesley and Milo's ashes.  I had moved about an hour or so away but didn't have a car to go back for them.  After tossing and turning all night, I called a cab and spent $200 (every dime I had) to retrieve those ashes.  They were my boys, my family and they needed to be with me.   It had been like like losing them all over again when I realized the ashes hadn't made the trip first time around.  Now they are where they belong - with me.  It does help to have them.  I ate a lot of peanut butter sandwiches for the rest of the month, but it was worth it.
To not have them with us always would be the final insult. Kitten lived in the house her whole life. It is the only place she belongs.
 
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2Cats4everLoved

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If you really love hearing everyone's experiences, I'll share a story about how much it can mean to have our cats' ashes.   A couple of years ago, I had to move to a much smaller apartment.  Come moving day, I left behind about 90% of my belongings, including Wesley and Milo's ashes.  I had moved about an hour or so away but didn't have a car to go back for them.  After tossing and turning all night, I called a cab and spent $200 (every dime I had) to retrieve those ashes.  They were my boys, my family and they needed to be with me.   It had been like like losing them all over again when I realized the ashes hadn't made the trip first time around.  Now they are where they belong - with me.  It does help to have them.  I ate a lot of peanut butter sandwiches for the rest of the month, but it was worth it.
@Margd  I had a lump in  my throat for a moment not knowing how your story would end.  I agree, whether  they are buried in the yard or in an urn in the house.  They need to have a resting place where you can visit and reflect.  I would have done the same thing.  Thanks for sharing. 


PS.  How come I'm an Alpha Cat.  I was Young before, I'm aging too quickly. LOL

Also, how do you put the names of the kitties under your posts?  thx
 

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@Margd  I had a lump in my throat for a moment not knowing how your story would end.  I agree, whether  they are buried in the yard or in an urn in the house.  They need to have a resting place where you can visit and reflect.  I would have done the same thing.  Thanks for sharing. 


PS.  How come I'm an Alpha Cat.  I was Young before, I'm aging too quickly. LOL

Also, how do you put the names of the kitties under your posts?  thx
I've never told anyone before that I spent my last dime to retrieve their ashes but knew everyone here would understand. 
  

You became an alpha cat because of your wisdom and experience!  Also because of this:  http://www.thecatsite.com/t/242191/promotions-and-benefits   Soon you will be a Top Cat!

Go to your profile and scroll down to the bottom where it says "Your Forum Signature"   Click on "Edit Signature" on the right.   Then go to town! 
 
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@Margd   That is the great thing about this website.  Being able to express our thoughts about our furry loved ones, has made this process less lonely.  I have a few friends who understand, then others that just don't get it.  I feel a lot better with Simon's ashes here.  I think now when I write about him, I'll be able to celebrate him instead of being sad.  But...  it is nice to know that there are people here to support me in those down times when I'm missing my boy.

@mrsgreenjeens  I realized the other day,  what I thought was a hatred towards Chestnut for that one moment actually wasn't.  I was walking to the market the other day, and this rage came over me for just a split moment where I missed Simon and hated everything around me.  Again, I say like a wave...  Then it was gone.  So I think Chestnut just happened to be in front of me at the wrong time.  She has been a sweetie pie and my personal cuddle pillow. LOL  I know it's only been  a couple of weeks, so I won't be too hard on myself.

One thing that I was sad about and I mentioned this before was the realization of not saying the name Simon 100 times a day.  To make myself feel better, I say good morning to him, and have a quick chat when I run the shower and I say good night.  I know that may sound crazy to most, but I'm sure most of you here will Get It.  It helps a little.

Anyway, thanks for letting me rant. LOL

@Edwardthefirst, how are things  across the Pond...  & @nerdgirl5, how are things across the  River. LOL  Hope all is well.
 

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So glad having Simon's ashes home has been a comfort!  I definitely felt that way when I got Lamont's back. Or, when I thought I wasn't going to get them, I nearly lost it.  

I think the anger thing is part of grief.  Hopefully, it will pass.

I'm better, thanks for asking.  Still think about Lamont every single day--I talk to him too! Luckily I live alone so people don't think I'm crazy lol!  I miss him TERRIBLY. Today, the plumber showed up and said, "Where's the cat?"  I told him and the whole time he was fixing my tub, we talked about Lamont. He had that type of personality. Was very hard to forget. 

I'm still in grief (and again, partly because I'm also in the process of selling my mom's house which has been wrenching and awful.) But as the weeks go by,it gets easier.

Time does heal. 

Allow yourself to rant and know we're all here for you!  

Sending you {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}} and 
 from across the river. And tonight, I'll be on the roof of my building with a few friends having drinks. I'll think of you and Simon and have a toast for him.
 

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I am one of those who put off coming here, but I am glad I have read through this thread, and can join in the tributes, both to Simon and to you and your wonderful care of him. Your story moved the hearts of all who followed it, and I think it will change the lives of some who come after. You approached Simon's journey with fear, hope, courage, compassion, humour and practicality, and never lost your sense of perspective. A lesson to us all. Above all was the love that came shining through, even at the worst of times. It is not surprising that it is taking time for you to come down from those peaks of emotion, though I know that you, your husband and even Chestnut, are all helping each other through this most difficult of times. And do not worry about feeling rage - anger is one of the recognised stages of grief, and has to be lived through if you are going to eventually come out the other side as a balanced person, able to remember and grieve and laugh, all at the appropriate times, and always with love.
 

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So sorry to hear. Losing our pets is never easy. I've lost 3 golden retrievers and had to put down my cat that lived to be 18 years (Gizmo). Gizmo was to the point where I did need to feed him by hand and also hydrate him with an IV. He was a difficult loss because he was my husband's and my first baby when we first got married. He was such a good cat with all of us and tolerated my kids as they played with him and dressed him up like a baby. Such a patient cat and so calming to us all. It was a hard choice to put him down, but now looking back, I feel guilt that I didn't do it sooner. Yes, we miss him to this day, but I feel a sense of peace that he is no longer suffering (as with my dogs). We will always miss our beloved pets, but we will always have their memory and love in our hearts. Know that your kitty is always with you.
 

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@Margd   That is the great thing about this website.  Being able to express our thoughts about our furry loved ones, has made this process less lonely.  I have a few friends who understand, then others that just don't get it.  I feel a lot better with Simon's ashes here.  I think now when I write about him, I'll be able to celebrate him instead of being sad.  But...  it is nice to know that there are people here to support me in those down times when I'm missing my boy.

@mrsgreenjeens  I realized the other day,  what I thought was a hatred towards Chestnut for that one moment actually wasn't.  I was walking to the market the other day, and this rage came over me for just a split moment where I missed Simon and hated everything around me.  Again, I say like a wave...  Then it was gone.  So I think Chestnut just happened to be in front of me at the wrong time.  She has been a sweetie pie and my personal cuddle pillow. LOL  I know it's only been  a couple of weeks, so I won't be too hard on myself.

One thing that I was sad about and I mentioned this before was the realization of not saying the name Simon 100 times a day.  To make myself feel better, I say good morning to him, and have a quick chat when I run the shower and I say good night.  I know that may sound crazy to most, but I'm sure most of you here will Get It.  It helps a little.

Anyway, thanks for letting me rant. LOL

@Edwardthefirst, how are things across the Pond...  & @nerdgirl5, how are things across the  River. LOL  Hope all is well.
@2Cats4everLoved  & @nerdgirl5  Oh my gosh, I do that all the time too. But I don't think we should be hard on ourselves.  When its something that you've been doing every day for *years*, its hard to just stop that line of communication. I have to talk to Eddie, just to let him know that I'm thinking about him. I can't remember if I said this before so sorry if I'm repeating myself but the night he passed, even though we'd buried him in a lovely spot in the garden, when I went to bed I felt weird and awful about him being outside. I couldn't think how to remedy this so I lit a fancy candle that a friend had given me and put it on his grave. I could see it twinkling from my bedroom window and when I woke up at 6am It was still burning. This really stunned me in the nicest of ways (esp as I live in the UK lol).

I'm taking flowers in to my vets tomorrow to say thank you. Specifically for the incredible job they did with Eddie's tail removal back in November (he had a gangrenous lump on it). I could have lost him then but my vets hard work gave me 8 extra months that I have truly treasured.  I'd literally just lost my mum and parting company with my boy so soon after was too much.

Through all of this, I feel grateful that gratefulness is my over riding emotion, despite everything. I am so grateful to have had that cat, that mum - and this lovely forum.
 
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2Cats4everLoved

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I am one of those who put off coming here, but I am glad I have read through this thread, and can join in the tributes, both to Simon and to you and your wonderful care of him. Your story moved the hearts of all who followed it, and I think it will change the lives of some who come after. You approached Simon's journey with fear, hope, courage, compassion, humour and practicality, and never lost your sense of perspective. A lesson to us all. Above all was the love that came shining through, even at the worst of times. It is not surprising that it is taking time for you to come down from those peaks of emotion, though I know that you, your husband and even Chestnut, are all helping each other through this most difficult of times. And do not worry about feeling rage - anger is one of the recognised stages of grief, and has to be lived through if you are going to eventually come out the other side as a balanced person, able to remember and grieve and laugh, all at the appropriate times, and always with love.
As always, you bought tears to my eyes...  in a good way.  I don't see any of that in myself.  Perhaps over time I'll be able to make an objective assumption of all that has happened.  The fog is lifting a little everyday.  It's been 15 days yet seems like months.  I know all will be well soon enough and Simon will be remembered with happy thoughts instead of his illness.  

Thank you for your words.  They really mean a lot.
 
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@2Cats4everLoved  & @nerdgirl5  Oh my gosh, I do that all the time too. But I don't think we should be hard on ourselves.  When its something that you've been doing every day for *years*, its hard to just stop that line of communication. I have to talk to Eddie, just to let him know that I'm thinking about him. I can't remember if I said this before so sorry if I'm repeating myself but the night he passed, even though we'd buried him in a lovely spot in the garden, when I went to bed I felt weird and awful about him being outside. I couldn't think how to remedy this so I lit a fancy candle that a friend had given me and put it on his grave. I could see it twinkling from my bedroom window and when I woke up at 6am It was still burning. This really stunned me in the nicest of ways (esp as I live in the UK lol).

I'm taking flowers in to my vets tomorrow to say thank you. Specifically for the incredible job they did with Eddie's tail removal back in November (he had a gangrenous lump on it). I could have lost him then but my vets hard work gave me 8 extra months that I have truly treasured.  I'd literally just lost my mum and parting company with my boy so soon after was too much.

Through all of this, I feel grateful that gratefulness is my over riding emotion, despite everything. I am so grateful to have had that cat, that mum - and this lovely forum.
@Edwardthefirst  - I realize my dates from Simon's last days were off.  In my notebook I wrote June 6th for three days in a row. LOL clearly from lack of sleep and emotions.  When did Eddie pass?  Was it the same night as Simon or the day after.  

It's a strange feeling...  That's all I can say.  How else can you describe a little creature who made life fun.  
 

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@Edwardthefirst  - I realize my dates from Simon's last days were off.  In my notebook I wrote June 6th for three days in a row. LOL clearly from lack of sleep and emotions.  When did Eddie pass?  Was it the same night as Simon or the day after.  

It's a strange feeling...  That's all I can say.  How else can you describe a little creature who made life fun.  
Eddie passed Wednesday June 8th, two weeks tomorrow.

I have the funniest picture of him next to my bed. It makes my heart hurt and makes me laugh all at once...
 

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I gave my vet a nice handwritten card when I went to pick up Lamont's ashes.  I think bringing yours the flowers is a lovely touch. 
 

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As always, you bought tears to my eyes...  in a good way.  I don't see any of that in myself.  Perhaps over time I'll be able to make an objective assumption of all that has happened.  The fog is lifting a little everyday.  It's been 15 days yet seems like months.  I know all will be well soon enough and Simon will be remembered with happy thoughts instead of his illness.  

Thank you for your words.  They really mean a lot

Thank you. Embrace your grief. Don't fight it. Live through it as a mark of respect for Simon and all he meant to you. This is all still a part of the journey. You have not yet reached the end.
 
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I gave my vet a nice handwritten card when I went to pick up Lamont's ashes.  I think bringing yours the flowers is a lovely touch. 
@nerdgirl5  and @Edwardthefirst  - I have to make an appointment for Chestnut and will bring Italian cookies for the girls and guys in the office.  I thought of flowers but the receptionist said he has really bad allergies so that idea went out the window.  They were so comforting throughout this process and in the end, I'm glad they took care of Simon's remains.  

You were right @nerdgirl5, trusting the vet was absolutely the correct move on my part.  I've never written a Yelp but will write one about that horrible cremation place in Ozone Park, NY and the hell they put me through, and a positive one for my vet.

Thanks again ladies for being there...  means a lot. 
 
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