My Daddy's Cat

sara222

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Whew! I hope I can get through this post.
My Daddy passed away in April 2016, after a long (7 year) decline that came about after two strokes and aphasia. From Dad, among other things, I inherited my love of animals, but especially cats. Unfortunately, due to Daddy's 6'5 stature, after his second stroke Mom and I had no choice but to put him in a nursing home. (We simply could not move him.) His sweet one year old cat, Grey Poupon, was devastated, naturally. At the time I did not realize just how many hours a day we would be away from home each day. (The nursing home became more OUR home than the house, in fact.) I noticed a decline in Poupon's demeanor, and he became very agitated as well. The cat was obviously depressed, and I didn't blame him. I spent as much time with him as possible, playing, snuggling, etc. But he became elusive and almost skittish. I blame myself. Totally. I should have tried harder, or found him a better home I suppose. But I did not. I loved him, and he was Daddy's cat... I did not want to let him go. It was selfish and stupid, I realize now.

The cat has become skittish. I have worked on keeping him social, and he still snuggles with me, but he truly avoids people at all costs. His latest vet visit was a disaster. I warned the vet he was not likely to be very happy, and would most likely scratch, or possibly bite a stranger. (He has NEVER bitten anyone, but he does let you know he is willing.) They tried to put a leash on him, a mistake. He hissed and tried to climb the wall to get away. We left with his shots, and no labs whatsoever. He did however bite the leash and cut his gum pretty badly. Otherwise he was simply PISSED, and very scared.

His behavior became even more bizarre after this visit. He stopped trusting me as much. He would not sleep in bed with me unless coaxed, and only very rarely can I get him to snuggle. He growls when I touch his safe zones, which have always been his face and neck. He began sleeping in different places. (Behind the computer, in a closet, on a dresser, etc.) He has always had specific spots, and free rein of the house truly, but this change is just a sign to me.

When Daddy passed away, obviously Mom and I do spend more time at home, which I realize may be contributing to his behavior change.

However, he is now facing some sort of medical problem. I can't imagine what, truly. He has stopped eating, stopped drinking as often, and within the past two days has not gone to the bathroom at all. Two days before that, he was snuggling, and I noticed he had pooped in the bed. It was a first for him. The next day, he did it again.

At first, I thought it was perhaps a mere behavior change, that he was letting me know he was unhappy with me for something.

He had had a bout with fleas for two weeks, when he shot out the door, the little scamp! Poor baby had never had fleas before, and he was allergic. After being treated with Capstar his fleas have dissipated, but I am careful. (Vacuuming every day, combing his hair with a flea comb, etc.) He was not crazy about the flea comb, and let me know it, is what I thought.

I do feel that he might have an underlying issue I am missing. He seems very lethargic and does not move from his chair, or the bed in a days time. While always vocal, when I pick him up, I feel he is in pain now when I do so. Arthritis perhaps? An infection of some type?

When his fleas were bad, I did believe he had a temp, as his nose, paws and ears were very hot. He would snuggle like he never had, diving under the covers as though chilly. I kept him very hydrated, bringing him iced water in bed, as he rarely moved except to scratch, poor thing.

The fleas are gone, as is the fever, but as I said, since the vet visit, he moves less and less! If I do not bring his food and water to him he simply will NOT go to it. (I have tried shaking the bowl, waiting a bit longer each time, to encourage him.) Yesterday was thd first day he simply did not go to the bathroom at ALL. (Here I thought I was upset about him pooping in bed, but I'd be happy if he did today.) I put him in the box, but he simply leaves and hops right back into his chair.

Sometimes I wonder if the vet hurt him in some way unknown to me... He has always been unhappy with petting on his sides and only tolerates along his back and spine, but to me, his vocalization has changed tone, if that makes any sense. Going from, 'You better behave yourself, sister!' to 'Please don't touch me.' Not a yelp, or anything, just a change in tone.

Perhaps I am over-thinking or just not knowledgeable enough to see the obvious signs, and that is why I am reaching out.

Please help me correct whatever horrible mistakes I may have made in his care, and help him to be the happier, sweeter, healthier kitty he once was.
 
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sara222

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Whew! I hope I can get through this post.
My Daddy passed away in April 2016, after a long (7 year) decline that came about after two strokes and aphasia. From Dad, among other things, I inherited my love of animals, but especially cats. Unfortunately, due to Daddy's 6'5 stature, after his second stroke Mom and I had no choice but to put him in a nursing home. (We simply could not move him.) His sweet one year old cat, Grey Poupon, was devastated, naturally. At the time I did not realize just how many hours a day we would be away from home each day. (The nursing home became more OUR home than the house, in fact.) I noticed a decline in Poupon's demeanor, and he became very agitated as well. The cat was obviously depressed, and I didn't blame him. I spent as much time with him as possible, playing, snuggling, etc. But he became elusive and almost skittish. I blame myself. Totally. I should have tried harder, or found him a better home I suppose. But I did not. I loved him, and he was Daddy's cat... I did not want to let him go. It was selfish and stupid, I realize now.

The cat has become skittish. I have worked on keeping him social, and he still snuggles with me, but he truly avoids people at all costs. His latest vet visit was a disaster. I warned the vet he was not likely to be very happy, and would most likely scratch, or possibly bite a stranger. (He has NEVER bitten anyone, but he does let you know he is willing.) They tried to put a leash on him, a mistake. He hissed and tried to climb the wall to get away. We left with his shots, and no labs whatsoever. He did however bite the leash and cut his gum pretty badly. Otherwise he was simply PISSED, and very scared.

His behavior became even more bizarre after this visit. He stopped trusting me as much. He would not sleep in bed with me unless coaxed, and only very rarely can I get him to snuggle. He growls when I touch his safe zones, which have always been his face and neck. He began sleeping in different places. (Behind the computer, in a closet, on a dresser, etc.) He has always had specific spots, and free rein of the house truly, but this change is just a sign to me.

When Daddy passed away, obviously Mom and I do spend more time at home, which I realize may be contributing to his behavior change.

However, he is now facing some sort of medical problem. I can't imagine what, truly. He has stopped eating, stopped drinking as often, and within the past two days has not gone to the bathroom at all. Two days before that, he was snuggling, and I noticed he had pooped in the bed. It was a first for him. The next day, he did it again.

At first, I thought it was perhaps a mere behavior change, that he was letting me know he was unhappy with me for something.

He had had a bout with fleas for two weeks, when he shot out the door, the little scamp! Poor baby had never had fleas before, and he was allergic. After being treated with Capstar his fleas have dissipated, but I am careful. (Vacuuming every day, combing his hair with a flea comb, etc.) He was not crazy about the flea comb, and let me know it, is what I thought.

I do feel that he might have an underlying issue I am missing. He seems very lethargic and does not move from his chair, or the bed in a days time. While always vocal, when I pick him up, I feel he is in pain now when I do so. Arthritis perhaps? An infection of some type?

When his fleas were bad, I did believe he had a temp, as his nose, paws and ears were very hot. He would snuggle like he never had, diving under the covers as though chilly. I kept him very hydrated, bringing him iced water in bed, as he rarely moved except to scratch, poor thing.

The fleas are gone, as is the fever, but as I said, since the vet visit, he moves less and less! If I do not bring his food and water to him he simply will NOT go to it. (I have tried shaking the bowl, waiting a bit longer each time, to encourage him.) Yesterday was thd first day he simply did not go to the bathroom at ALL. (Here I thought I was upset about him pooping in bed, but I'd be happy if he did today.) I put him in the box, but he simply leaves and hops right back into his chair.

Sometimes I wonder if the vet hurt him in some way unknown to me... He has always been unhappy with petting on his sides and only tolerates along his back and spine, but to me, his vocalization has changed tone, if that makes any sense. Going from, 'You better behave yourself, sister!' to 'Please don't touch me.' Not a yelp, or anything, just a change in tone.

Perhaps I am over-thinking or just not knowledgeable enough to see the obvious signs, and that is why I am reaching out.

Please help me correct whatever horrible mistakes I may have made in his care, and help him to be the happier, sweeter, healthier kitty he once was.
Update: We have our first pee-pee! Just a few seconds ago... IN his box, no less! Am I just over-protective? I remain worried.
 
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sara222

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Lastly, I am noticing he is making little quivering jumps with his front paws. Could this be some sort of seizure? It is not a long lasting thing, just a twitch, less than 2 seconds. I don't know if that is normal behavior, he has never done it before while in my lap.
 

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it sounds like he may benefit from anti-anxiety medication or prozac maybe. have you tried feliway plug-ins? he really needs to go back to the vet for a full work up, including blood tests. maybe the vet could give you a sedative to give him before you leave? or you could try spraying the carrier with feliway...
 
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sara222

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The vet did recommend on his next visit an anti-anxiety med before his appointment. (Apparently this will be sooner, rather than later, at the rate he is going.)

As for feliway, I know WHAT it is, but have no experience with it. They did put him in a room with it at the time of his appointment, and I must say the result was not terribly impressive. However, given the nature of his aversion to most humans, I'd say that was the most likely outcome, without drugs of some sort.

I do think it may be a good idea simply at home, my only concern is any side effects? Do cats ever have BAD reactions? Or simply no reaction? For example, I tried cat nip during play on a few occasions, and Poupon reacted just horribly to it. (Not the most intelligent idea I've ever had, I suppose.) He was exceedingly nervous and not merely hostile but aggressively so. He did not want to play or run around as I have seen many cats do. He hid, and would not come out. Hissing and growling the whole time.

I genuinely want him to feel comfortable and safe, and above all healthy above all else. Thank you for your suggestions.
 

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One thing I can say is that obviously you and your mother a grieving the loss of your father, which I am ever so sorry about your loss.  Poupon  also notices the absence of his "daddy" as well, but remember, animals live in the moment, and  do not hold on to memories like we humans do.  I would imagine his cat is picking up on you and your mom's  sadness and all.  As a result, he may be acting out in the only way he knows, which is to behave badly.  When your dad was in the hospital, the kitty was pretty much left on his own (obviously that could not be helped).  I would think his behavior problems will gradually subside with time, love and lots of hugs and kisses.  To be checked out by the vet with more tests is a very good idea.  Let him make the first moves towards you.  I feel in no time, he will begin gravitating to you, since he too is missing all that attention his "daddy" and your dad gave to the 2 of you.  You might want to think of you two both is the same boat, so to speak.
  Give it time.
 
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sara222

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I did consider Grey Poupon might be grieving. Cats must truly have a sixth sense about these things. While our behavior and change in routine has certainly tipped him off, the night Dad passed he slept in his recliner for the first time in years! I must say, it was quite eerie.
I have certainly known that cats can have a range of emotions including depression, but I must say, I was a bit surprised in his intense moodiness as of late. Poor sweet kitty!
 

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Yes you are right  Sara, animals do have that special quality about them in understanding our feelings.  Humans are SUPPOSED to operate by using our intellect but animals are creatures of instinct and emotions.    Don't get me wrong, they use their minds as well, my Katy is a smart as a whip,  but mostly get  by using  their instincts and feelings.  I find it very sweet that Grey Poupon slept in your dad's recliner the night he passed.  Very touching.   Again, so sorry for yours and your mother's loss.  I promise, all 3 of you will be alright!
 

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What a cute picture!!  I love that position he is in, rolled over onto his back.  precious!!
 
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sara222

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Poupon had decided for awhile that he was no longer a lap cat. It disturbed me, for selfish reasons mostly. One day out of the clear blue, he decided he wanted to snuggle.

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sara222

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He looks sooo snuggly! I truly have to restrain myself from a complete cuddle fest. In time, I hope I will get my chance.

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sara222

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Sent from my LGLS740 using Tapatalk
 
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sara222

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Oh, is this YOUR chair? Surely you jest...

Sent from my LGLS740 using Tapatalk
 

mazie

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He looks sooo snuggly! I truly have to restrain myself from a complete cuddle fest. In time, I hope I will get my chance.

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You will get your chance, I can just feel it.  The 2 of you are becoming closer, I just know it, and why not go for that "snuggle fest".  What are you waiting for, girl??
 Just let him come to you.   He will, be patient.
 
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stewball

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One thing I can say is that obviously you and your mother a grieving the loss of your father, which I am ever so sorry about your loss.  Poupon  also notices the absence of his "daddy" as well, but remember, animals live in the moment, and  do not hold on to memories like we humans do.  I would imagine his cat is picking up on you and your mom's  sadness and all.  As a result, he may be acting out in the only way he knows, which is to behave badly.  When your dad was in the hospital, the kitty was pretty much left on his own (obviously that could not be helped).  I would think his behavior problems will gradually subside with time, love and lots of hugs and kisses.  To be checked out by the vet with more tests is a very good idea.  Let him make the first moves towards you.  I feel in no time, he will begin gravitating to you, since he too is missing all that attention his "daddy" and your dad gave to the 2 of you.  You might want to think of you two both is the same boat, so to speak.:D   Give it time.
Animals do grieve. They don't just live in the moment. I nearly lost a cat from grieving when the dog died.
 
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sara222

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awww look at that expression-does he like treats? My Honeybee will do ANYTHING for a treat. Temptations are not the best but hey whatever it takes to get them on my lap!
He likes treats a bit. I have also had him turn his nose up on the wrong day.
 
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sara222

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The vet did recommend on his next visit an anti-anxiety med before his appointment. (Apparently this will be sooner, rather than later, at the rate he is going.)

As for feliway, I know WHAT it is, but have no experience with it. They did put him in a room with it at the time of his appointment, and I must say the result was not terribly impressive. However, given the nature of his aversion to most humans, I'd say that was the most likely outcome, without drugs of some sort.

I do think it may be a good idea simply at home, my only concern is any side effects? Do cats ever have BAD reactions? Or simply no reaction? For example, I tried cat nip during play on a few occasions, and Poupon reacted just horribly to it. (Not the most intelligent idea I've ever had, I suppose.) He was exceedingly nervous and not merely hostile but aggressively so. He did not want to play or run around as I have seen many cats do. He hid, and would not come out. Hissing and growling the whole time.

I genuinely want him to feel comfortable and safe, and above all healthy above all else. Thank you for your suggestions.
While we are making progress on eating and drinking, I am afraid there was another accident in bed last night. One new thing is whereas the last two times he did so while I was not in bed with him, this time I am pretty certain it is because I moved him closer to me. Behavioral? (He is not crazy about being picked up, or at least very vocal.) Or something more? For some reason Mom has it stuck in my head it might be arthritis causing him to put off using the box. I do know he dislikes to be touched in his hips and backside, so that seems to fit. She also mentioned perhaps it was dementia related somehow, which I do believe is her transference from my Dad's illness before he passed away, but I won't rule it out just yet.
I am currently searching for a new vet, after our last debauchle, I am not sure the one I have used for 7 years is appropriate for him anymore. While I try to keep in mind that he IS very skittish, I don't feel they made good choices in handling him.
Until I find a new one, I will just worry and watch!
 
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