What should I do? Scared of cats

Hi everyone! I am new here and I just wanted to share this situation... I myself dont have a cat but my Fiance does. He just got it the other day.

Me and my Fiance been together now for almost 6 years. The first year of being together we got a dog as a new add up to the family. And we are very happy about it.

Right now me and my Fiance are not in the same roof yet in the states where he is in. I am moving soon.

To make the story short my Fiance got a cat and I didnt liked it. I am not a cat fan (sorry guys). Few years back I told him that I had a trauma about cats when I was a kid. while I was 7 years old i was scratched by the cat while I was swinging my legs while sitting down at the dinning table, i got startled and screamed and cried. I dont think the cat intended to hurt me back then but since then i started to be distance with them. its not that I hate the cats , i love animals but Just in my thoughts that something would happened bad like it happened when i was a kid.

We talked about this but still he got his self a cat and it surprised me. I am so depressed that he didnt consider the fact that I dont like it. He didnt even asked me and decided together but yet he just decided it for himself.

Now he's pointing at me and bitching about me having a dog while he cant have a cat? He told me is unfair. The reason why he's getting a cat is because he said he is depress and lonely.

I dont know what to do. Is there any way that this would work? I needed advice please....

Childhood trauma is hard to overcome, but a scratch must have been raised to an obsession with you to the point that you can't function by rationalizing it normally.  You needed to understand that the cat had no anger towards you and was most likely trying to get into your lap.  Cats are wonderful creatures, much more mysterious and independent than dogs, you have to take it one step at a time. You should sit quietly with a cat and watch them, eventually when you get more comfortable you might stroke their fur and hear that wonderful purr that results. They are hugely misunderstood animals because of their independence, and people hurt and maim them every day, so they are afraid of people who are unknown to them. Because of this hurting and the fact that people dump them every day to starve and fend for themselves is why I became a champion of cats. I love dogs to, who belive me can inflict a LOT more damage to a person then a cat. Just try to force yourself to speak friendly towards your friend's cat, don't ever attempt to corner it, but don't scream or yell at it either, neither will do any good and will just bring fear. Sit quietly and observe, the cat is a tame creature just like a dog and craves affection just like they do.You must remember that your boyfriend has a right to picking the pet he wants JUST LIKE YOU DID,  because obviously he agreed get a dog even though he likes cats, now he wants his choise too. There must be some give and take in a relationship. I know I don't trust people that have anger towards a certain species and will not even try to learn more about them. Lastly, try to remember that dogs put MANY more people in the hospital than cats, in fact i have never known a cat to actually kill someone like dogs do, so try to relax and open your mind, I think you will enjoy cats one day if you try to get over a scratch that happened so long ago.  All the luck and please keep us posted, in fact have your boyfriend know you are trying to get help, that will make him feel better!

When I was 14 and volunteering at the humane society for the first time I didn't know what I was doing. I saw 2 cats in the same cage fighting so I took one out and carried it over to the person in charge to ask what to do. Well, it was a very frightening environment for the cat who apparently had a personality more on the fearful side, and something spooked her and she started to panic, yowling and scratching and biting. The more experienced volunteer took her from me and she received most of the damage including a bad bite, while I just got a few scratches. (I still feel really guilty about that!) She'd been working with problem cats for years and this wasn't anything new to her, but I'd never seen a truly panicked cat before so I was slightly traumatized.

For months afterwards I felt that panicky feeling every time I had to reach into a cat's cage to set down a water dish or food bowl, even around the sweetest cats. I tell you all this not to scare you more, but to give you the perspective of someone who has gotten over that fear.

I could have quit or went to work with the dogs, but I'd always wanted a cat and could only recently be around them without wheezing because I'd started allergy shots, so it did not occur to me to give up on cats so soon. I kept volunteering and I saw hundreds of cats with incredibly diverse personalities and through experience, I learned more and more about them, which helped a lot. But what helped the most was repeated exposure to cats. Every time I interacted with one and nothing bad happened, that instinct telling me to flinch and be afraid got less and less until it faded away all together.

It is perfectly natural for you to have this fear of cats. It doesn't matter how rational it seems to someone else. You were young and you experienced a trauma. Doesn't matter if you weren't really seriously injured, your brain perceived it as dangerous and now it is trying to protect you by sending out those signals of fear every time a situation reminds you of that incident. It's very ingrained in your nervous system, but it's also very possible to rewrite and unlearn, with lots and lots of tiny steps.

Your fiance may or may not understand this if you explain this to him. Either way, he's going to have to be patient with you as you go through the process.

The first step is to look at things from a cat's perspective, and really understand how they see the world so you can understand what makes them afraid. If you know what could make a cat upset, you can avoid causing or being involved in any situation that would make the cat react negatively. This is really important so you won't have any experiences that remind you of that scared cat from so long ago and inadvertently reinforce your fear. Don't be around for things that cause the cat stress, like vet visits or medicine time. Cats are smaller than dogs as a species, so they are naturally more wary because it's more likely that a predator could eat them. This influences a lot of the differences between cats and dogs. In general, they cannot afford to be as trusting as dogs because they are less able to defend themselves, which is why cats are sometimes seen as more standoffish. Many cats are wary of children because they are loud and not too gentle and move around lot and are uncoordinated, which is exactly what made that cat scratch you. It's a cat way to warn you not to try to come after it, because he thought your legs were being aggressive. Now that you're an adult you are much calmer and more likely not to scare a cat, but there are still a couple things that can cause a negative reaction. Loud, sudden movements, cornering them, towering over them, staring at them directly in the eye, are all potentially frightening for a cat. Once a cat knows a person well and trusts them, they might have no problem with any of this, but usually cats are more wary when they don't know someone well. Cats are also very individual about their likes and dislikes, so have your boyfriend give you a thorough rundown of everything that might bother his specific cat.

The next step is just repeated exposure. Now that you've taken care to make sure you won't have a negative experience, all you have to do is be around the cat. You don't even have to touch it until you feel ready. Just be in the same room as the cat at first. It can be as short a visit as you like before you go to another room and close the door. Just do it over and over again. Every time you're with a cat and nothing bad happens, that fear instinct is going to lessen a little bit.

If you don't live near enough to do this with his cat right now, any cat will do. You can go to a friend's house who has a cat, or start volunteering with a rescue group. You can work with the dogs, but go over every now and then and watch the cats some. Kittens are great to watch because they seem much less threatening and also they're much more likely to be comfortable and unafraid themselves. Even at a cat only rescue place there's a lot of stuff to do that doesn't involve interacting with the actual cats themselves (mostly cleaning!), but you can still be near them. Be sure to explain this when you sign up. They likely won't mind, because way too many volunteers just want to play with and per the cats and too few want to do all the other stuff.

I'm sorry your fiance doesn't quite understand. He can't fully, because he hasn't experienced what you have. It's going to take a lot of work on your end to learn to accept his cat, but he's going to have to work hard as well to be understanding and work with you to make this as easy for you as possible.

I understand where you are coming from, as I was scared of the family cat when I was about 5 years old.  I was afraid because he could go anywhere that I could; he could jump on the bed.  He never tried to hurt me.  I was just scared of him.  I was attacked by a dog at about the same age, but I don't remember being afraid of dogs as a child, even after that happened.  Now I am one of the biggest cat lovers on the planet.  

Please give your fiance and his cat a chance.  You might find that you like cats more than you thought.  I wish you the best of luck and keep us posted.

Catandfurious said:

To make the story short my Fiance got a cat and I didnt liked it. I am not a cat fan (sorry guys). Few years back I told him that I had a trauma about cats when I was a kid. while I was 7 years old i was scratched by the cat while I was swinging my legs while sitting down at the dinning table, i got startled and screamed and cried. I dont think the cat intended to hurt me back then but since then i started to be distance with them. its not that I hate the cats , i love animals but Just in my thoughts that something would happened bad like it happened when i was a kid.

 

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You're getting a lot of really  good advice here and I don't have anything to add.  But the paragraph I quoted made me wonder about something.  You were swinging your  legs under the  table and the cat could have been sitting or lying near your feet where you couldn't see it.  So maybe you accidentally kicked the cat and then it scratched you in an attempt to defend itself.  Things like this happen and  it probably seemed worse than it was since you were a child.  Please try to relax and give this cat a chance.