RIP Black Kitty

alphagrrl

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noracatowner101

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I am so sorry for your loss. May your cat R.I.P.
Stay strong, 
love from Nora, Jet and Luna. 
May God protect your cat [emoji]9829[/emoji][emoji]9829[/emoji]
 

Norachan

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I'm so sorry to hear you lost Black Kitty. I have been following his story from the start. I know how much he meant to you and how much you did for him.

Life can be so unfair. You and Black Kitty are in my thoughts.

 
 
 

di and bob

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He needed you and you him, he helped you after you lost your beloved dog just by being there to comfort and distract you. You helped him find love and gave him care when he needed it, for that you will be blessed, I'm sure of it. Now you are left behind to mourn their passing, I pray you can be comforted by your precious memories. They were in your life for a reason, you are so much for richer for have knowing them, Black Kitty needed you and loved you very much, he taught you to open your heart to another and learn to live again. I know for certain neither one of them would want you to be so sad when remembering them, they love you too much for that, they want you to find happiness again, as you would have wanted for them. Life is fragile, we must live in the moment because we never know what is in the future, and we cannot do anything about the past ,except to treasure the good and learn from the bad. Black Kitty left you with a legacy of love, do good things in his name so that he will be remembered, it will help to comfort you and to help soothe the pain in your broken heart. We are here to help you in any way we can, it helps to talk to people who understand and lets some of the pain out. Please accept my sincere condolences for your losses, I'll pray for you all. RIP sweet Black Kitty, you will never be forgotten in this world, and will forever be held in a loving heart!
 

dreablink182

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I stumbled across these forums looking for help in my grief with the loss of my own Minnie cat and read all of your story and am so sorry for your loss too but also am so happy you took the chance of taking him in and gave such great love to your black kitty ♡♡♡
 

shadowsrescue

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Rest in Peace sweet Black Kitty.  You brought the joy and love of having a cat to your Momma.  You will remain in our hearts forever.  Run free my sweet one.
 

mamacat23

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I am so sorry for your loss---your heart must be breaking.  I feel your pain and hope that the wonderful memories and love you shared with Black Kitty will give you some comfort.

MaryAnn
 

mservant

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I still have floods of tears rolling down my cheeks from reading the updates on Black Kitty's earlier thread and have to get my self together to think of him running free with all the other 
 cats out there.    

@Alphagrrl   Black Kitty found love and health through you, and it was clear for all to see as you kept us updated how much of a difference you made to his life.  You are more than 'worthy' -  Black Kitty chose to stay and spend his life with you - the greatest honour a person can have is the unconditional, honest love of a cat.   You immediately saw the beauty within Black Kitty, and fought to bring him in to good health.  Your photographs are a wonderful testimony to what an amazing impact you had, and your updates of Black Kitty's time with you will continue to be an inspiration to others who are struggling through similar things.  

I am so sorry that you did not have longer together.  May your heart heal with time, Black Kitty is with you in spirit, close to your heart.  
  
 

zed xyzed

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I missed your original post, but I went through it just now. I am heartbroken, Black Kitty was such a beautiful cat. I hope you take comfort in knowing that he wouldn't have known what it was like to be loved, have a warm dry home,  if it wasn't for you taking him in and giving him a loving home. RIP Black Kitty you will be missed and always loved 
 

msaimee

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You showed Black Kitty so much love and care, and made his life happy. I pray you find comfort during this loss and feel his presence in your heart.
 
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alphagrrl

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I just wanted to thank everyone here and on Black Kitty's other page for all your replies. I really do appreciate them all.  

It's only been two weeks, but I am still really, really struggling.  I know it's because his death was just so unexpected.  I've had dogs all my life, and I've had to put three to sleep just in the past 10 years or so.  While their losses were devastating to me too, it was something I "had" to do, so it was "planned" and "expected".  

I have played the last few weeks over and over in my head, and I just feel so GUILTY about everything that happened!!!

The last day I let BK out to play was when he got attacked by the other cat that evening.  I had two chances earlier that day to get him in the house where he would be safe.  He was on the back steps with me and pretended he wanted in, but when I reached for him, he jumped down.  Then when I was so close to getting him that evening, I had my hands on him, but the other cat came out of nowhere and scared us both.  I had him.  Twice.  And I screwed up.

When I finally got him in the next morning, I decided that was his last adventure outside.  I wasn't ever going to let him back out again unless I found some kind of cage for him to play in.  I didn't get the chance to teach him that being indoors all the time was going to be OK.  I cried about that for awhile.  I found his collar outside a few days after the fight, but I didn't put it back on him because I was going to give him a bath once he got well.  After he was gone, I cried about that too.

I keep trying to find something online to connect all the dots so I can say, THAT'S IT!  THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED!  But it's not working.  I just keep coming up with more and more theories that really only make me regret NOT getting a necropsy done.  I think he might've had a seizure, but I'll never know the cause of it.  I think no matter what might have been wrong with BK that I DIDN'T know about, the combination of the fight + the stress + the medicine is what killed him -- plus the fact that I didn't take him back to the vet the minute he lost his appetite.  I never should've believed the tech who told me it was normal with the meds he was getting.  I probably won't ever forgive myself for that.

The first day coming home from work without him here was horrible.  I've realized that this is the first time in my life I've ever truly been alone.  You think you don't usually know when a cat is even around....but you sure do feel it when he's not.  I probably had $200+ worth of cat food, toys, and perches he sat on by the windows, but I gave it all to my daughter, who has two cats and two dogs.  A few days later I found two balls under the TV.  Yep.  I cried.

I have to force myself NOT to think about him all the time and try to keep myself occupied with work or whatever.  If I don't, I just start bawling again.  That happened again last night when I THOUGHT I was going to bed early.  I couldn't keep my mind from wandering and replaying every little thing, and I think I cried for about an hour.  It's exhausting!

What really hurts a lot is the fact that while I saved Black Kitty from being an unwanted stray cat for the rest of his life, I didn't save him from the pain and sadness that he must have felt in his last week.  He deserved a much longer "rest of his life", but I couldn't give it to him. 

I'm done.  Thank you all again.
 

shadowsrescue

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Oh my dear sweet girl, please please do not blame yourself.  You did so much for Black Kitty.  You gave him love, a home and more love.  He enjoyed his time outside so much.  It would have been difficult to take that away from him. 

It is natural to look back and say what we wish we could have done or should have done.  But in reality, you did the best you could at the time.  Sometimes things are just out of our hands. 

Grief is so very very very hard.  I have been through the pain so many times and time is the only remedy. 

Please know we are here for you.

One of the things that always has helped me is contacting an Animal Communicator.  I love a very special kitty last year.  I did my best, but in the end I could not save her.  When I contacted the Animal Communicator it gave me some peace and also a smile.  I know it is unusual, but some people find it comforting.

You are in my thoughts.
 

msaimee

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I understand your grief, second guessing yourself, and the guilt. I still have some of these feelings about my feral cat Muffin's passing 3 months ago. It took me four and a half years to catch him to get him to a vet, and then I found out he had advanced AIDS and had to be euthanized. I left him at the clinic alone with strangers for 6 hours thinking he was just going to get treated for a mouth infection and get neutered, and then I got the call. I wasn't with him when he passed. The only comfort I have is that I feel his presence around me quite often, like a guardian angel. I hope that you're able to feel Black Kitty's presence with you soon, or perhaps you will meet him in a dream. I think it will really help you to sense that he is at peace and in heaven, and also close to you while you grieve. This is what has been helping me deal with my loss. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
 
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mservant

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MsAimee is right, grief is horrible, and mean, and it leaves you going over and over things and questioning yourself and beating yourself up.  BK wanted to be outside, he was loved, and he was healthier than anyone could have imagined from when you first brought him in to your home.  Remind yourself every minute you can of how many wonderful things you did to improve Black Kitty's life, it was far longer than it would have been without you.  


He is at peace, and he would want you to be at peace too.  Sometimes infections are just too overwhelming for a cat to fight, even with antibiotics and other drugs to help, and it sound like this was BK's time however much you wanted to keep him with you.   Feeling your pain and sharing your tears.

 
 
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Norachan

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@Alphagrrl  I know how you feel.



I've been going over the last few hours I had with George and the first few weeks after he went missing over and over again in my head for three years now. I think there are endless variations of "If only" and "What might have been" to play out in our imaginations. I guess we do this because we want to think that we had some kind of control of the situation. Somehow blaming ourselves is easier than accepting that there is nothing we can do to bring them back.

You loved Black Kitty and you were there for him right until the end. Of course it's never long enough, but you gave him so much more than he had when you found him. For Black Kitty you were his Forever, his Happy Ever After. I know he's grateful to you for that.

I wish there was something I could say that would make it easier on you. I know you're going to miss him terribly and cry a lot more over him yet. I hope you can find a few moments to smile over happy memories of him as well. Sometimes the only thing to do is cherish the memories you have.
 

msaimee

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grief is horrible, and mean, and it leaves you going over and over things and questioning yourself and beating yourself up.

Yes, this is the worse part of the grief process for anyone when their cat dies unexpectedly. You keep going over and over again in your mind what you could have done differently to have had a different outcome. When we care for feral and semi-feral cats, we walk a fine line between allowing them the freedom and independence to live life on their own terms, and trying to protect them from all the bad things that can happen to them. While feral cats under the age of one can often be domesticated to live indoors only, older feral cats often can't handle the stress of confinement, it's not in their nature. So it often means allowing a feral, or semi-feral cat, or a cat who's lived his life mostly as an outdoor cat, the freedom to make a choice about how to live their lives, even if it means more stress and suffering for us at the end. I personally believe that it's important to not break their spirit or cause them to lose their dignity during the process of trying to socialize them. In the end, the "what if" games we play in our minds are useless, because in reality we don't have complete control over the life and well-being of any creature--and certainly not of feral cats. They come to us for care on their own terms, and we care for them the best that we can, and even though their lives are generally shorter than that of our domesticated pets, the bond of love and friendship that we forge with them lasts beyond the grave.
 
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