Still mourning my beloved Merlin

Is this normal?  It's been almost 10 years since he crossed the bridge and I can't stop crying when I see red classic tabby cats that look like him. He would have been 23 this year. He was a really pretty boy.

I do have a handsome kitty boy named Digby who will be 11 this year, and I'm dreading when he goes to meet Merl. I wish our kitty babies would stay with us forever, but I know it's not possible.

This was Merlin 
And this is Merl and Digby

It's not at all unusual for people to continue to grieve for pets years after they've passed on.  If it's interfering with your functioning 10 years later, then maybe some therapy would help, but it sounds like you only feel the terrible loss when you see a ginger tabby that reminds you of your dear Merlin.  That strikes me as normal.  My Milo was a ginger tabby and he left me about 5 years ago - I still grieve for him.  I still miss my dog who died over 20 years ago.  

I'm so sorry you are going through this.  Merlin was really a very beautiful cat.  Digby is beautiful as well - I hope you have many more happy years together.  

I think it would be more abnormal to not cry over those we have lost.  Do you think some of the grief is related to your fear of losing your other cat /

DigbyLove2016 said:

 
Is this normal?  It's been almost 10 years since he crossed the bridge and I can't stop crying when I see red classic tabby cats that look like him. He would have been 23 this year. He was a really pretty boy.

Click to expand...

they are beautiful, both of them!

And of course it's normal. I will probably faint when I see a cat that looks like the Rogue (thankfully, not many do).

What helps me is decent facts like 1. his body was failing and there was nothing to be done to help, 2. he for sure prefers to be without the pain associated with the last days of his life, 3. breaking out in tears now doesn't help him and smells suspiciously like feeling sorry for myself for having to live without him. Don't  forget 4., he was loved and had the best life I could offer him, and 5. there are living cats that deserve and need my attention more than the Rogue, now.

That's just for me. I don't mean to be disrespectful to anyone grieving out there, there are many ways to deal with things. But maybe it can be of help... 

have you ever thought of getting a companion for Digby?

Merlin was so handsome, love his face. When you lose a loved one, you never truly stop grieving. I still shed a tear for my dog Tuffy and she has been gone for 15 years.  

I'm sorry about your kitty Merlin.  I love those yellow (or red?) kitties!  Some cats you just bond closer to than others and it sounds like you had that kind of bond with Merlin.  What is "normal" grief anyway?  It is whatever it is.  

There is, or should be, no time limit on grief so just remind yourself whenever you start to think otherwise.  Don't let people who don't like pets influence you.  Just tell those who understand losing a beloved pet.  Protect your heart!  

Thank you Margd.  It is only with ginger cats, I'm fine when I see other pretty kitties. A month after he passed, I went to our local animal shelter and saw a pretty ginger kitten. I broke down because it was too soon after he went to be with my other kitties over the bridge. And his color is so uncommon, I feel it's a little worse when I see classic tabbies like Merl.

Kittens Mom, that may be it.  Digby is almost 11, and I know some kitties can live a long happy life.  But he has some health issues that have me freaked out now, but the vet told me they aren't really that worrisome and to keep an eye on him. But I'll save that for a thread in the appropriate forum section. And I can't bear to lose him too, he's a sweetheart. Even if he only has 2 canine teeth left.

roguethecat, I have thought about it.  And there are some really cute kittens at the shelter. Mom isn't sure how an older cat will do with another cat the same age.  So she suggested maybe a baby from 8 weeks to a year old.  And there is an adorable ginger mackeral tabby.  I just don't know if I'm ready for another ginger baby. But I'm sure whatever companion I get, he or she will be very much loved, snuggled, kissed and given kitty treats for as long as they are around. And of course he or she would play with Digby.  After Merl turned 15, he started to go downhill. He got really skinny, and he could barely hop up on his favorite chair. Before he was put to sleep, I gave him a last meal of his favorite tuna juice. 

Zed, thank you. I know he is in good company, I lost a kitty named Mungo before we adopted Digby. Merl loved Mungo, he tolerated him resting against him and sleeping with him. But he got along well with Digby, and both shared my lap. After Merl died, I think Digby made himself my cat because he knew I was sad. If cats can comprehend human sadness, I don't know. But I still love them.

I did have a really close bond with him, Ginny. He followed me around, loved being with me outside and slept with me at night. And he liked taking over my chairs, like my picture of him shows.  He had goldish eyes, not quite the orange ones I see on other ginger kitties. Sort of a mix between yellow and gold.

You were very close to someone you loved very much, of course it's normal to grieve for the loss to your life and your soul. I still cry once in awhile 3.5 years later, it's a sign that you miss them in your life. The only thing that helps me is to think that my departed one would never want me to be so sad when remembering her, she is at peace now and I should let the hole in my heart heal. I do good things in her name and it does make me feel better, I pay for the adoption of some older cats at the shelter so that they may find love and a good home, and donate time and money in her name. Merl loves you very much and only wants the best for you, don't live your life in sadness, he would never want that for you. You gave that beautiful boy a wonderful home for many years, and your love and devotion, that is all he ever wanted, and he holds that piece of your heart he took with him close to his own. To pass on his legacy of love to another little soul who so desperately needs you would be a wonderful thing, it distracts you from your grief and you will eventually learn to love this new addition in your own way. Never the same as before, but with a new love as a mother loves all her children differently but only as a mother can. I'll pray for you all, know we are all here to help in any way we can and support you whenever you need us. Take care........