the loss of my two best friends, still hurting

I feel like maybe I should not be here or should not be writing, Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m not sure which. I want to tell the story of my two best friends, Buster and Snowflake. Buster was a cocker; he lived to be almost 16 years old. He was a very special puppy. 2 1/2 years ago when he got sick we were sure we would be able to save him. He had no failure to see or hear he had no real problems that we knew of, until that night... We had just brought him back from the groomers. He looked so handsome, but about ten minutes after letting him outside he made a whimper. When we went out he was just lying on the ground, he back legs would not move. We took him to the IEVC (Indiana emergency veterinary care) and really thought he would make it. He was in some pain, but a surgery could fix that. So we got Buster ready and he underwent a surgery that would put him in a wheelie. The vet had told us that he could live quite well this way and still have a pain free life. So the day of the surgery we all went down and took him to the vets, he almost made it. The vet was putting in the last stitch when Buster passed on. Alone. I never thought we were saying goodbye, so I didn't and now he was gone. We took him there and left him with strangers (though trying to save his life) they were not his loved family, what had we done? When I came home without him Snowflake (our 13 year old cat) I think she knew something was wrong. Soon she became ill, stopped talking and playing so much, the vet said it was depression, e could understand, we too were depressed. Within two months snowflake went fast, and one day when I woke she was having a hard time breathing, we again rushed to the vets, hoping that my friend could be saved. They couldn't figure out what was wrong with her, may be asthma, or lung infection, put her on steroids and sent her home, but she only got worse. We took Snowflake to a specialist who said she had cancerous palups down her throat, we never even thought it was that bad. But my dear Snowflake had to be put to sleep. I couldn't bear it. It hurt so badly. But worst, I wasn't there for her, to tell her goodbye. I had finals that day and could not miss my classes. So again, my loved one, dear friend, these animals who had always been there to cheer me up and snuggle when I was having a bad day, they both had to go without me there. I did not get to say good-bye, or how I love them more than anything, they left without knowing that I understood. I knew that it was time. It was hard but in my heart of hearts I knew. I was just a terrible friend to let them go through this alone.
It has been almost three years now and I still hurt. I still miss them. I started a feral colony that keeps me busy, and have gotten many more animals (all alive and well) but my heart will always belong to the 2 that started it all, Buster and Snowflake. I feel like I should be over this by now, but then I run across a picture or one of these message boards and the hurt just comes back. My memories are not all I have left; I have a lifetime of thank you's that are owed to these two wonderful furry friends.

I'm so sorry for the terrible loss of Buster and Snowflake. Even though you weren't there at the end, believe it when I tell you that they did know how much you loved them. No matter how much time passes, or how many more animals come into your life, some creatures can affect your heart so strongly that their loss is always painful. Buster and Snowflake are waiting and watching for you from the Bridge, free from all pain, friends together, always.

You showed your love by doing the right thing and taking these animals to specialists to help them. They knew that it was the end, for animals always know. You further extended this love by creating a living memorial to them in your heart and taking on a cause that is worthy- saving ferals. I am sure both of your beloved pets are looking down on you and smiling. They helped to instill this special type of love within your heart.

I'm sorry that you have lost both of them so quickly. I'm sure they understood your love for them.

Thank you so much for all the support, I was feeling a little down. Every once and a while it just hits me again like it was just a few days ago. If any one is looking for new fur babies please let me know there are five at my house right now who really want their forever homes, although they have not yet realized that they aren't already there. We just have so many right now (16) and we are starting to feel like we may not have enough love to go around to all of they. We understand that these animals all desearve one on one time, we just don't have that much of it.
Again thanks for the support, I feel alot better today.

Phen,

Believe me when I say your beloved pets know how you are feeling right now. I too lost my baby at the vets office while I was at work. But I still feel her around. I'll wake in the middle of the night to feel her against my leg or hear her purring. And my grandfather recently came to me in a dream to let me know he has been appointed the guardian of all our animal angels.

A psychic was recently asked if those who have crossed miss us. His answer is NO. They're beside us all the time so they have nothing to miss. You can only miss something that is not there.

Sandy

Poor Buster and Snowflake, and poor you!.

I dread the day Rosie leaves me, even though she's not even 2 years old.

To think though that our babies are with us all the time is a comforting thought.

It doesnt matter if its three years since they passed over or 23 years
Phen, you still have your feelings for them, your only human, and like you say, they were your 'best friends'.

I know you can't replace them, but have you thought of giving another baby a loving home, who can give you just as much love back in return?!.

Susan