My kitten is obsessed with our neighbours!!!!!

Hi everyone

I am writing to you from Cape Town, South Africa with hope of some advice! Our beautiful 7 month old male kitten Marley (from a rescue centre, neutered) has recently learned the ways of wandering and making friends, in particular Sabastien from next door who has been visiting over the wall since we got Marley in February. The two of them play so nicely, I almost feel like a proud parent watching Marley play so sweetly with this massive cat from next door. He is a Russian Blue and apparently also about 7 months old but he is triple the size of Marley! They have become best of friends, they climb the trees, go walking and roll around on the grass its so cute to watch!!! We used to have our front gate boarded up so that Marley would not wander into the streets when he was a baby but in the last few weeks we have opened it up and he loves going outside and watching the birds & climbing the tree etc. He of course found his way to Sabastiens home next and regularly goes there to play. The family are lovely and give him treats but we notice recently they are feeding him and they mentioned Marley loves to eat Sabastiens food so I told them just to shoo him away if he does. In the last week or so Marley has become very irritable with us at home. He doesnt come & sit on our couch next to us anymore or sleep on the bed, he hates being picked up all of a sudden and all he wants to do is get out and go next door. We boarded up the gate again in hope that he will just want to stay with us & we play with him all day but this poor boy is crying constantly to go out. the minute we take away the board he is gone through the gate next door. Yesterday I went calling for him and when he didnt come I rang the neighbours bell and there he was fast asleep on the couch with their daughter broke my heart!!!! He doesnt eat very much at home any more and i'm wondering if the reason for him wanting to go all the time is because they are feeding him yummy food (boiled chicken & rice or fancy feast & rice is what Sabastien is fed!!!) I'm annoyed if they are because he is still small and his tummy may not be able to handle that yet. Also he is not their cat so they shouldn't be feeding him!! We buy him expensive Royal Canin pellets which he used to love and now he just turns his nose up unless he hasnt been next door at all that day!! the other thing is I thought maybe he just pines for Sabastien? When Sabastien came over earlier today to play Marley was just so happy!!!!! but then we had to go out & so we put Marley inside and now he's back to his grumpy self and crying. Could he possibly be lonely and that's why he's desperate to go next door all day so he can play?!! I work from home my husband owns his own business so i'm here all day so its not like he has nobody around. His favourite place to sleep was next to me on the desk but now he's nowhere to be found all day and some evenings we have to go search for him. I get upset a bit with the neighbours because firstly they shouldn't be feeding him and surely they notice him being there all the time they should put him outside instead of closing their doors and letting him play with sabastien? So when time comes for us to call him he's locked in their house. they have a cat flap at the back but I don't think marley knows how to use it yet and get home from there!! he's still too small to climb the wall too.

Should we get another kitten who can keep him company? We are currently looking for a puppy actually but have not found the perfect pup and we don't want to rush, so thinking maybe we should go and get him a kitty friend from the same rescue centre they do such an amazing job and they have so many kitties who need homes!! 

Please help!!!! feel so broken hearted that our sweet little boy doesnt want our love anymore!!! i read some posts that maybe we should just try ignoring him for a bit, but its so hard!!!!! 

Thank you in advance
Nicola xx

So sorry to hear your litthe guy doesn't want to be home anymore. It sounds like two things are going on that you may be able to easily fix.
Try feeding him canned food at least once a day. Sounds like he likes that more than his kibble. My cats would probably never be home either if they knew they could get their favorite food elsewhere.
Also, maybe getting another kitten would be helpful. Sounds like he's very sociable and needs friends. In my experience of introducing new cats, my first cat, Loki, really loved his new companion, Chirp, from the start. They played and slept together all day. Where one cat was, the other one was. As i aquired more cats, he became kind of annoyed, but he is still best buddies with Chirp. Chirp is the only one Loki will play with. So maybe one more woild.fix your problem.
I would also ask the neighbors to not feed him. If they are feeding him, and he has a problem with any of the foods, you won't know which one made him sick or that he can't tolerate. I have a cat with food allergies. If someone was to give her something she s allergic to, she would scratch her ears raw.
Good luck. I'm sure others with more experience will be giving you more info. Hope this helps you.

Kittens absolutely LOVE other cats, so I think adopting another kitten would be a great idea. It's wonderful that the next door cat knows how to play with a much smaller animal, but not all cats have learned that, so just to reduce the chances of one kitten playing too rough with the other it's best to get one about the same size as your current cat. A kitten's main goal in life is to play, which can best be accomplished by having a playmate that wants to play just as much as they do. Many kittens don't become very affectionate until they get older and settle down, just because they always want to be on the move when they're little! It does sound very much like Marley has discovered the joys of playing with another cat and does not want to go back to his old life without that playtime.

There's a small chance that there could be a medical issue as not wanting to be touched and not eating are symptoms, but your theory that he is just frustrated and being fed elsewhere could account for that. A vet check-up would be good to rule anything out if he hasn't seen a vet recently, just in case.

The only way to be sure he is only eating what you give him is to keep him inside with you. It sounds like the main draw of the outdoors is this other cat, and if you get a second kitten he will have someone to play with and not need to go outside (although they're likely to still be interested in watching the cat next door from the windows from time to time). Indoor-only cats are also much safer and live much longer, healthier lives. There are so many potential dangers outside that it's worth the adjustment period to acclimate a cat to indoor life. Even with another cat, he might take some time to adjust to not seeing his other friend, but he will eventually accept it and move on. Cats can be very stubborn, but they can also be very adaptable.

Thank you both!!! Ok well it sounds like a new kitty is the best idea We've kept him in our house/garden all day today so he has not been out into the road or neighbour at all and guess what now at dinner time he wolfed down his food...so he is definitely eating next door! we are going to speak to the neighbours when we see them next and just ask them to shoo him away if he tries to eat Sabastiens food, and ask them NOT to feed him under any circumstances! We took him to the VET two weeks ago and they said he looks fine except for a bit of gum disease so they are treating that, but otherwise he's a healthy boy! I do give him canned treats once every few days but i'll start giving it to him more often now then

Do you think he will adapt to a puppy as well as he would adapt to a kitten? we are desperate for a puppy but we want a small breed and most of the rescues we come across are wire haired and medium breed and we are really just looking for a little daschund cross or something so would rather wait for the perfect little pup to come our way! but hoping if we get another kitten that he will adapt to a canine friend just as easily!!

Thank you again! I tried to add a pic of him as my profile pic but its not showing not sure why! but you'll see how beautiful he is!!!

xxx

It's crazy, but all of our cats like dogs. They get very annoyed with small ones though. I think it's because the small breeds are usually yappier and more hyper than the bigger ones. We had a golden retriever stay with us for a month. He was about 9 months old. The cats didn't mind him at all. They would sleep with him and only get mad when he tried to sniff their behinds. Then we had our sons shitzu for a few months, he was 5 years old. Drove the cats nuts. They were very annoyed with him. Some of them have also been around other labs and bulldogs and never seemed to mind them. But if anyone visits with a small dog, the cats get irritated.
I'm not sure if I just have weird cats or if others have had this kind of experience as well.
But your boy is still young, so he probably will be pretty accepting to any dog, as long as you introduce them slowly.

nicolafordham said:

Thank you both!!! Ok well it sounds like a new kitty is the best idea We've kept him in our house/garden all day today so he has not been out into the road or neighbour at all and guess what now at dinner time he wolfed down his food...so he is definitely eating next door! we are going to speak to the neighbours when we see them next and just ask them to shoo him away if he tries to eat Sabastiens food, and ask them NOT to feed him under any circumstances! We took him to the VET two weeks ago and they said he looks fine except for a bit of gum disease so they are treating that, but otherwise he's a healthy boy! I do give him canned treats once every few days but i'll start giving it to him more often now then

Do you think he will adapt to a puppy as well as he would adapt to a kitten? we are desperate for a puppy but we want a small breed and most of the rescues we come across are wire haired and medium breed and we are really just looking for a little daschund cross or something so would rather wait for the perfect little pup to come our way! but hoping if we get another kitten that he will adapt to a canine friend just as easily!!

Thank you again! I tried to add a pic of him as my profile pic but its not showing not sure why! but you'll see how beautiful he is!!!
xxx

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I don't really think you can ask your neighbor to monitor your cat's food. If he is going next door and eating his friend's food, that is technically your problem. They shouldn't have to change what they are doing for their cat. If you want total control over what he's up to he shouldn't be allowed to wander. I think a friend at home is your best option.

Thanks Rhondalee!!! Wish we could get a beautiful big lab but our garden is just too small!! will sit on the idea of a puppy and see But def keen to get a new little kitty now!

Talkingpeanut...personally I disagree! I have Sabastien coming over here all the time and I don't feed him because I know he has a lovely family and he gets fed next door. Even when he tries to nibble on Marley's food I shoo him away. In fact I shoo him away out of the house (with a spray bottle!) as much as possible so that they only play in the garden and he knows now...he sits on the mat and rarely comes in. I do agree that if we want to let Marley out into the open then its our problem if he wanders, but the neighbours don't have to feed him and if he comes wandering into their house all the time they should chase him out!!! That way he knows he isn't allowed, just like i've taught Sabastien! I mean they would just let marley play inside with Sabastien and if they were popping out they would lock their doors and leave him inside and then he just chills there and falls asleep! that's not fair!!! and I know he shouldn't be going there but I don't feel its fair cooping him up inside when he's had a taste of the outdoors so really I think they should be chasing him out rather than enticing him back in every time and feeding him Sab's chicken & rice!! 

anyway its all a learning curve I guess and we will chat to them because they are really lovely so want to keep the peace! My husband told me that I can't get upset like this over a kitten imagine when we have kids hahahha!!!!

thanks again for the advice will keep you updated xx

Please do keep us posted. Also, when you get a new kitty, read up on how to introduce them so you'll have an easy time of it. There's lots of good advice on here. I hope I didn't scare you away from the getting a dog. Sometimes a dog can be all the friend a cat needs.

No not at all!!!! We are also just thinking about finances too and we definitely want to get a puppy so just wondering whether to just hold out for one of the pups rather than getting another kitty right now, otherwise then it will be three animals and costs rise which we just need to be careful of! But we will see how it goes! Marley has been ok the last few days, still not very affectionate but eating his food and just playing in the garden. Sabastien now comes over and plays for a few hours and then goes home and thats fine for Marley it seems. Although today he is very subdued. He didnt come and wake us up this morning as he usually does, found him fast alseep on the couch at 7am which is unusual, and he has been sleeping most of the morning now. Maybe he's just feeling tired!! 

I can see your neighbor's side, cause if they have a cat door that he can get through then I think it would be hard for them to keep him out. I think a 7 month old cat is old enough to use a cat door, he's practically full grown and he'll be able to learn it from Sebastian. I feel like that's probably what's happening, he's wandering through the cat door and eating their cat's food and they're just not stopping him. Personally I could see myself doing that, I wouldn't want to be mean to my neighbor's cat or make him scared of me.

I have a young cat and most of the time the only thing he wants to do with me is play. It's really bonding to play with him with wand toys and balls. So, adding more play time might help your cat bond with you that way too. I disagree that a puppy would be as good as a kitten to play with. I knew a family that got a puppy, and it scared their cat so much that the cat moved to the basement and refused to go upstairs where the puppy stayed. Puppies don't really understand cat body language, they can be really loud and erratic, and they can really ignore personal space, so you have to be really careful about considering that. Make sure your cat would have a lot of places he can jump up on to get away from the puppy and watch it from high up (like cat trees, shelves, window sills - places he can be where the puppy can't bother him).

Have you thought about scheduled play dates as well. You could have your neighbors cat come over for a few hours and then another day have your cat stay at the neighbors for a few hours. That way you know where he is and it's more structured, they can put the food up before he gets there because they know he'll be there.

Hahaha. Now I've heard of everything! Play dates for cats! That's just too cute. Lol. And a good idea.