Feral can't make the last steps to trust!

theyremine · May 2, 2016

I have gotten very good advice in the past and am hoping someone can help me now. I have socialized feral kittens before; this is my 8th.   I know socialization is one step forward, two back but we haven't taken any forward steps in over a month.   I got her when she was 6 months old, newly trapped and vetted. She had been with her mom and a new set of kittens when she was trapped. Mom I believe was TNR and the kittens were socialized (not by me) and adopted out.

I kept her caged for 2 weeks.   At first she was climbing the sides, but better if I kept the cage covered. Another foster a month older was in the same room but free to roam (He had socialized pretty quickly).   After 2 weeks, she would eat in front of me, after some hissing I could touch her, and the two kittens were interacting through the cage (toys exchanged) at night.  The philosophy of our rescue is not to keep the cats caged any longer than necessary, so I let her free into the room.

Two months later, I have a bonded pair now 8 and 9 months old. The male has been ready for adoption for awhile. The female is not.   She runs to her bed as soon as I come in the room.   Most times she will hiss at me when I reach to start to pet her but 2 seconds later is moving her head so I can rub her chin just the way she likes it. Then she stretches out and falls asleep.   If I stop petting she'll open her eyes to see why I stopped.   Her bed is up on a cabinet so when I sit to pet her, we are eye level . She doesn't hiss when I reach in to give her treats after a petting, or if I stop and start petting again.

Picking her up is completely out of the question.   I can scruff her., but only do when I have to (vet visit)

She readily plays with her "brother" but won't play with me and just watches when I play with him. Once or twice she has tried to join in, but he is a "ball hog" and she stops.

Ideas anyone?

bex99 · May 3, 2016

Hey!

I've only had the one feral but I also got as far as you and then nothing. I kept him in a room and he also would run to the bed every time I went in and eventually he would eat in front of me and let me pat him. I got a bit over it after a month of no extra progress. I ended up carrying him down to the couch in the lounge on his bed every night and patting him. Half the time he would run back to his room and half the time he would stay and let me pay him. He eventually started purring and would roll on his tummy. Then I started leaving the door of his room open when I was home. Later at night when everything had calmed down he would come down the stairs and watch us on the couch. He one day came and sat with me and from there every time I was on the couch he would come down. Now he follows me around everywhere and is just like a normal 6
Month old kitten!!! Maybe my ideas could help, good luck!

msaimee · May 5, 2016

You have made extremely good progress in 2 months for socializing a 6 month old kitten. Many feral cats this age never feel comfortable being petted, so the fact that yours allows you to pet her is very encouraging. It can take many months for an older feral kitten to fully settle in, and many of them remain somewhat skittish and get stressed when being handled. This may not change, so the question is whether you or whoever takes her can accept her on her own terms. You can further bond with her by interactive play with a wand toy. But the reality is that if she's adopted out, she may have to go through this process again to bond with a new human. I hope you're able to find someone patient and willing to take the time to work with her. It's great that you're helping these cats.
.

StefanZ · May 5, 2016

Theyremine said:
I have gotten very good advice in the past and am hoping someone can help me now. I have socialized feral kittens before; this is my 8th.   I know socialization is one step forward, two back but we haven't taken any forward steps in over a month.   I got her when she was 6 months old, newly trapped and vetted. She had been with her mom and a new set of kittens when she was trapped. Mom I believe was TNR and the kittens were socialized (not by me) and adopted out.

I kept her caged for 2 weeks.   At first she was climbing the sides, but better if I kept the cage covered. Another foster a month older was in the same room but free to roam (He had socialized pretty quickly).   After 2 weeks, she would eat in front of me, after some hissing I could touch her, and the two kittens were interacting through the cage (toys exchanged) at night.  The philosophy of our rescue is not to keep the cats caged any longer than necessary, so I let her free into the room.

Two months later, I have a bonded pair now 8 and 9 months old. The male has been ready for adoption for awhile. The female is not.   She runs to her bed as soon as I come in the room.   Most times she will hiss at me when I reach to start to pet her but 2 seconds later is moving her head so I can rub her chin just the way she likes it. Then she stretches out and falls asleep.   If I stop petting she'll open her eyes to see why I stopped.   Her bed is up on a cabinet so when I sit to pet her, we are eye level . She doesn't hiss when I reach in to give her treats after a petting, or if I stop and start petting again.

Picking her up is completely out of the question.   I can scruff her., but only do when I have to (vet visit)

She readily plays with her "brother" but won't play with me and just watches when I play with him. Once or twice she has tried to join in, but he is a "ball hog" and she stops.

Ideas anyone?

I think its not as bad as you perhaps think. Cats are individuals. some are easy, practically naturals. Some are quite more difficult to foster and socialize competely. Her littermates were easier to foster, you got the difficult one. Probably because they knew you were both experienced and good at fostering.

Her easier taking pets and love when on her bed, or somewhere comfortable, is typical. And apparently THERE it works nicely. THERE you see you had essentially succeed already.

A radical advice may be the trick of "breaking in". Not as unpleasant as with horses, but a much nicer version. This is most effective on young ferale kittens, but its my theory it can be tried on older cats too.

Thus. You wrap the cat in a thick soft towel (or a fleece blanket), alike a burrito. All paws, tail, up to the chin. Wrapped up so and immobilized, they usually become submissive and cease any resistance. You take the cat to your chest, so it feels your body warmth and heart beats, and carry it around, talking softly, making crooning sounds, singing softly if you can and want. Half an hour, perhaps even a full hour... After a couple of such sessions it should be done.

msaimee · May 5, 2016

I'm not sure that it's necessary to "break a cat in" in order to satisfy our own desires to make a feral cat into a completely submissive cat. Overpowering a cat can take away it's dignity, and could also have the opposite effect of setting you back several steps in terms of trust. You've only been working with the cat for two months and she is already allowing you to pet her. Why not be patient and allow her to trust you in her own time? People have various views about socializing ferals, and you'll néed to go with your gut since you know this cat best.

StefanZ · May 5, 2016

MsAimee said:
I'm not sure that it's necessary to "break a cat in" in order to satisfy our own desires to make a feral cat into a completely submissive cat. Overpowering a cat can take away it's dignity, and could also have the opposite effect of setting you back several steps in terms of trust. You've only been working with the cat for two months and she is already allowing you to pet her. Why not be patient and allow her to trust you in her own time? People have various views about socializing ferals, and you'll néed to go with your gut since you know this cat best.

My expression of "breaking in" a cat carries bad vibrations, so that pic has both advantages and disadvantages. While the point of breaking in a horse is to make it submissive - you have right! - the point of this maneuver with a cat is to learn it, its fear arent necessary. What you fear, isnt your enemy, its your best friend, really nothing you need to be afraid of. Nothing bad happened, it was just pleasant.

But I can agree, if you arent forced by running time, you @Theyremine arent forced to try this. And your fostering IS going nicely well, considering.

After all, the great charm of having a shy cat, is the moment when it itself comes to you, and gives you his friendship and trust. Not because its thursday or even because you have the food with you, but because you are worth it and deserve.

This is why, being a friend with a shy cat, having a shy cat, is a much greater pleasure than having a fully socialized home cat... The rare gem you must work for is more precious than a gem whom everyone have as soon they wish to have it.

theyremine · May 5, 2016

Thank you both bex99, StefanZ and MsAimee for your advice and support. I guess I'm a bit impatient because her foster brother socialized so quickly. But he is quite the confident kitten and thinks the world revolves around him!

I agree that "winning" a kitten over is the greatest joy. My first feral fosters (and foster failures) were a very aggressive 6 month old male and his shy sister who were quite sick. Despite many scratches, (he attacked every time I came near him or his sister) I was able to get them healthy and today (They just turned 3 years old) he is more affectionate than his sister! And she is a lovebug who loves kitty massages. Of course, they are bonded only to me.

I can't keep this kitten. Unfortunately, I'm getting up there in age and I worry that I won't be there for my 3 years olds. That's why I foster. However, the rescue I work with will allow as much time as needed to socialize this kitten. And I'm willing to put the time and effort in.

Yesterday, I noticed she reacts differently to the eyeglasses I wear. There is one pair (silver rimmed) that seem to freak her out. The Feliway diffuser had run out so I changed that. Also, I have some Calming treats that I tried today.

In an effort to expand her comfort zone, I intend to start to pick her up in the bed and put it on my lap and pet her. She is quite sweet when you pet her. Her purr is loud and as she naps, she moves her head, body around so you pet her in just the right spot.

bex99 · May 5, 2016

That's what I did, my feral loved his bed and hated leaving it!!! I just started moving him in the bed and sitting him on my knee or next to me on the couch. I think this really helped because he eventually got comfortable enough to move around the house!!! Good luck [emoji]128522[/emoji][emoji]128077[/emoji]

Feral can't make the last steps to trust!

theyremine

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bex99

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msaimee

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StefanZ

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msaimee

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StefanZ

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theyremine

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bex99

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