When is it time to MOVE ON?

Because I can't seem to. My fiancé is planning to bring in a new kitty into our lives. He thinks that by bringing in a new kitty it will help ease our sadness after losing my furbaby Clyde. The thing is I still miss my Clyde. Yesterday I was crying just by looking at the new kitty's picture. i was crying bc I knew that meant Clyde was gone. But I don't want to let him go. There is this side to me that feels it's a nightmare and I'll soon wake up. I'll wake up to see my Clyde. He will wake me up as always. God I can't. I don't feel anything towards the new kitty. Everyone says to get him bc it will help but I just can't. I cried for over an hour last night at 2 am. It's not fair. My life was shattered when my baby was taken from me. Nothing feels the same. Everyone tells me to move on but I can't. I just can't.


I am a little anti social. I don't have many friends. I prefer to be at home with my furbabies. Losing Clyde was like losing my other half. My little furbaby I would sleep next to and watch Netflix with. Give me kisses. I can't just get a new cat.

fishandbones said:

Because I can't seem to. My fiancé is planning to bring in a new kitty into our lives. He thinks that by bringing in a new kitty it will help ease our sadness after losing my furbaby Clyde. The thing is I still miss my Clyde. Yesterday I was crying just by looking at the new kitty's picture. i was crying bc I knew that meant Clyde was gone. But I don't want to let him go. There is this side to me that feels it's a nightmare and I'll soon wake up. I'll wake up to see my Clyde. He will wake me up as always. God I can't. I don't feel anything towards the new kitty. Everyone says to get him bc it will help but I just can't. I cried for over an hour last night at 2 am. It's not fair. My life was shattered when my baby was taken from me. Nothing feels the same. Everyone tells me to move on but I can't. I just can't.


I am a little anti social. I don't have many friends. I prefer to be at home with my furbabies. Losing Clyde was like losing my other half. My little furbaby I would sleep next to and watch Netflix with. Give me kisses. I can't just get a new cat.

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It's not about moving on. Clyde and all he means to you and the pain of his loss will always be with you. Our Little Mercy came home 5 days after Kitten died. 3 days after I witnessed her cremation. Mercy needed a home. She does not replace Kitten in any way. I still cry for my Kitten. But I love my Little Mercy.

It is OK to be happy again. It is OK to love another pet. Just accept that the new kitten will be it's own little self. And enjoy watching that personality bloom.

One does not cancel the other out. No cat will replace what you lost. Believe me I know. But that doesn't take away from the joy Mercy has brought into our home. Open your heart.

I'm so sorry.  People grieve and heal in different ways.  You will always love Clyde, no matter what.  

I lost my Lucky five and a half months ago, and I still not only cry, but completely break down on occasion. It gets very overwhelming. And just yesterday, I lost his younger sister, Sara. But, I have other babies I have to care for already. After Lucky died, m boys - especially Oscar - missed their Uncle Lucky so much, so to honor his memory, as well as help them with a playmate closer to their age (they weren't even six months old when he died), I adopted a young female named Penelopy. She by no means has replaced him - not one tiny bit. There will never be another Lucky, and there is no replacing him. There just isn't. Pea-Pea found her own spot in my heart though. I have so much love to give, so even in my grief, I decided to share my home with another that needed one.

Trust me, you're not replacing Clyde, not at all. And your grief will work itself out in its own time. It's different for every person, and every cat. It just is. I've never in my life grieved for a pet as much as I did (and still am) with Lucky, and I've had MANY pets. He was my feline soul mate. And I dare anyone to tell me I need to just get over it, because they'll get smacked.

If you think of the new kitty as a replacement, or let others make you think its a replacement, then no, it won't feel right. It will be its own individual, with its own quirks and personality. And you will adore it because it will worm its way into your heart, because that's just what they do.

fishandbones said:

Because I can't seem to. My fiancé is planning to bring in a new kitty into our lives. He thinks that by bringing in a new kitty it will help ease our sadness after losing my furbaby Clyde. The thing is I still miss my Clyde. Yesterday I was crying just by looking at the new kitty's picture. i was crying bc I knew that meant Clyde was gone. But I don't want to let him go. There is this side to me that feels it's a nightmare and I'll soon wake up. I'll wake up to see my Clyde. He will wake me up as always. God I can't. I don't feel anything towards the new kitty. Everyone says to get him bc it will help but I just can't. I cried for over an hour last night at 2 am. It's not fair. My life was shattered when my baby was taken from me. Nothing feels the same. Everyone tells me to move on but I can't. I just can't.


I am a little anti social. I don't have many friends. I prefer to be at home with my furbabies. Losing Clyde was like losing my other half. My little furbaby I would sleep next to and watch Netflix with. Give me kisses. I can't just get a new cat.

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First let me say, I'm very sorry about Clyde, I understand how you feel, I've given this subject a lot of thought lately, as my pride & joy Simon weakens everyday.

It's not easy to lose a pet that has been a reliable companion and true loyal friend.  And when they are so loyal, lovable, and reliable, they aren't pets, they are a part of our family, an extension of ourselves.

While no cat ever will live up to Simon, I need to remember it wouldn't be fair to expect that of another kitty, those are some big paws to fill, it's like any great relationship, we just met at the right time, it was love at first sight.

I believe this is your feeling with Clyde. You both clicked and had the purrfect relationship, a bond beyond all. 

I believe there will always be a void once we lose a furry wee one with whom we form that special bond with, for no two kitties are the same.  

With that said, I believe there is much love in my heart to open it up to another kitty in need, with so many helpless kitty cats who need homes, I can't bear the thought of a kitty homeless.  And in the end, I think that's what my boy would want, for us to make room and give love and shelter to another.

No other will take the place of Clyde, but given the chance, you may form a new bond, one you never imagined.

I believe you'll find the answers in your heart.  Best to you.  

Again, I am so sorry you lost your precious boy.

Thank you for all the replies. I haven't personally seen the new kitty just yet. Just pictures. I am sort of afraid to meet him. You see Clyde was the only cat I've had in years. I am new to the whole feline thing lol Clyde completely made me fall in love with cats. I adore them now. I am just afraid to see the new kitty. I guess I am afraid to lose a furbaby again.

fishandbones said:

Thank you for all the replies. I haven't personally seen the new kitty just yet. Just pictures. I am sort of afraid to meet him. You see Clyde was the only cat I've had in years. I am new to the whole feline thing lol Clyde completely made me fall in love with cats. I adore them now. I am just afraid to see the new kitty. I guess I am afraid to lose a furbaby again.

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Clyde is very handsome, you should post more pictures.  That avatar picture is the sweetest.  

Unfortunately loss is part of life.  It was Clyde who made you fall for felines, it sounds like he prepared you to love another.  

You obviously have lots of love to give, you'll know soon enough what your heart is ready for.

Be well.

You will never 'replace' Clyde, it can never be done. He was your soulmate and will never leave your heart. The bond you forged is unbreakable, not even death can take what is a part of you. I could have filled an ocean with the amount of tears I've cried, you are definitely not alone in your grief, but sharing your anguish with others who understand is a step towards healing your heart and living again. We learn to live with our pain, until one day we accept that our loved one would never want us to be so sad when remembering them, they loved us too much to have us spend the rest of our lives in sorrow.  They will NEVER be forgotten, but as we would want for them, they want us to bring sunshine and love back into our hearts, not the darkness and pain that dwells there now. It is as we would want for them if we had to go first and leave them behind.  I went out and did good things in my Chrissy's name, I knew she would approve, and somehow it brought me closer again to her knowing I was helping some unfortunate little one who needed love and a home so desperately. I donated  the adoption costs at the local shelter for the cat that had been there the longest, several times over, I donated my time to give attention to those who crave it, all in her name.

Your heart is big enough to open to another little soul, you have already proven that. No, it will not be the same, but you learn to eventually love them in a different way, like a mother who has several children, they are not loved the same but for their own uniqueness and as individuals. It was a welcome distraction for my heart. Don't force love, just let it develop over time. I'll pray for you and your precious Clyde, talk to him, he will answer you in your dreams and through those mysterious ways that cats always have, let his love dwell in your heart and know that even though his physical shell is gone, his soul will be intertwined with yours for evermore, he will be at your side for eternity. Bless you for what you are going through, take care........ RIP sweet Clyde, you will be forever held in the heart of the one that loves and misses you so very much!

fishandbones said:

Thank you for all the replies. I haven't personally seen the new kitty just yet. Just pictures. I am sort of afraid to meet him. You see Clyde was the only cat I've had in years. I am new to the whole feline thing lol Clyde completely made me fall in love with cats. I adore them now. I am just afraid to see the new kitty. I guess I am afraid to lose a furbaby again.

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Oh, my Darlin, this post made me want to cry.  But I will tell you this...if you build a wall to protect yourself from pain, that wall also keeps out joy.  Life is a series of having and letting go.  The only thing under this sun that never dies is love, and it grows exponentially to encompass each new love that we allow in our lives.  The love you have for Clyde will never stop.  It will not lessen.  It will be.  Always.  It can, should you allow it, also be a foundation for a new, different love for this new kitten. 

The key here is not to force yourself...either to love or not to love.  Just...get to know the new one, and Clyde will look on, from the Bridge, purring.  HE would not want you to grieve for him, but to remember  him with joy.  You have not said "goodbye,"  only,"later."

For years, my favored pet was ratties.  I know, but they are such little clowns, and so very, very affectionate and smart!  BUT...they only live 3-5 years, generally.  I have come to understand that my ratties came into my life to teach me to be able to love with all my heart knowing that "goodbye" must come, and soon, and to allow myself to love again with a whole heart.  It is the biggest gift I have ever received.

Knowing that you are giving a  kitty a safe and loving home in itself can be very therapeutic. Like so many have said, no one can replace your beloved Clyde, but knowing that you are saving another cat should help the grieving process. RIP Clyde

It's coming up on two years for me and I have NOT MOVED ON.  I never will.  But that doesn't mean you can't adopt another cat.  I did, and it wasn't for me so much as it was to try to make something good come from Back's death.  I saved a life.  You can too but don't look at it as moving on or replacing your friend.  Imagine if you had never had Clyde but he was as sweet and special as you knew him to be.  Now imagine that precious little guy being stuck in a cage without a home.  Now imagine someone who has lost a feline friend -- wanting to make something good come of her loss/her feline friend's death -- adopting little Clyde and giving him a good home.  Doesn't that make you happy for Clyde?  See, adopting another cat isn't about you, or Clyde, it's about doing a good deed because you would have wanted the same thing for Clyde even if you had never known him.

Believe me, I would do anything to have Back back with me, but the sad reality is that the best I can do is help another.  So I did.

I feel your pain and I understand it. I lost one of my cats 5 years ago and I STILL miss him. I still have days where I cry my eyes out, it feels like I lost him only recently. The day he died was the worst day of my life. I am in my 40's and have lost family members but losing my cat (my baby) was my biggest loss, it broke my heart. He was the love of my life, I had him for almost 9 years. He was so wonderful, a big softie. He had the sweetest personality. He was so gentle. I too am a loner, an only child, and my parents just DID NOT get my pain. They are not cat lovers and couldn't understand why I was so upset. My mother has told me that I should be over losing him by now. I don't agree. I don't think you ever get over it. You just live with it, life goes on, but the pain is always there. The day he died a piece of my heart went with him. That may sound silly, but I truly felt like a part of myself left me.

I also had a kitten when my cat got sick. I saved her from a crazy neighbour who was going to feed her to his snake. I won't get started on that creep, I will never stop! Anyway the cat (kitten) was only 2 weeks old. I had to bottle feed her, help her go to the toilet, etc. I didn't think she would survive. But she did. And I fell in love again. She kept me going after my other cat died. She was my angel. Without her I don't know what I would have done. She is now 5 years old and I LOVE her with all my heart.

I'm not sure if you should get the kitten if you are not ready. It took me 15 months before I got another cat. I just couldn't think about it before that. But it was wonderful having two cats again. Although the new kitten NEVER replaced my deceased cat. I love them all equally. I also went on to save another kitten from harm. I never thought I would have more than two cats but my little boy (the other's are female) has been an absolute joy. My 3 cats are my family. Having them (and Tommy, the cat that passed away) has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I am truly sorry for your loss. It is so painful. I wish you happiness and healing. All the best.