When is it time for such a young cat...

Just before the start of April, my usually crazy little bat cat Pusscat started to seem different. Upon taking him to the vets, they could feel his kidneys had almost doubled in size, they did some blood work and noted that there were problems - being a young cat they assumed he had eaten something toxic (perhaps antifreeze) and he was hospitalised and put on a drip to try and flush the toxins out of him.

His levels, which were horrifyingly high, did intact drop back to normal, however after further tests and a scan, 6 days later he was diagnosed with lymphoma on both of his kidneys and also on his stomach. 3 days before his 3rd birthday..

I took him home on the 5th of April, after spending 6 days at the vets on a drip. He was now anaemic and had lost a lot of weight.

He was prescribed steroids to help with the anaemia and I booked to see an Oncologist the following Tuesday, about 1 hour 20 minutes from my house.

The oncologist was very helpful, gave me a lot of information. I researched online and trawled through the forums for all the information I could find on Chemotherapy and I decided to go ahead with the chemotherapy pills that I could administer myself at home, twice a week, using gloves etc. For me, the thought of having to drive him to this unfamiliar place twice a week to have the chemotherapy injection treatment just didn't seem right for him - I would not be able to put him through that without him understanding why this was happening.

He's now been having a Chemotherapy tablet twice a week, along with steroids twice a day, since April 12th. He started picking up, eating a lot, talking a lot, and I started to feel a little bit more hopeful.

Then at the start of last week, he began vomiting, and then he stopped eating. I have managed to give him some food, as I know that it is extremely dangerous for cats not to eat, and the vicious chain of events it causes, but I feel guilty making him eat when he does not want to.

He is not the same cat that he was - he has always been a bit mad, running crazily around the house, out hunting and bringing me home presents, pouncing on me in the dark, and that is no longer him. 

It is breaking my heart to see him change. I know that he is still the same cat that he always was, but to see such a dramatic change in behaviour signals to me that he isn't happy anymore.

This is my first cat that has been my own, I have known him from birth as my friend's cat had a litter of kittens, and as soon as i saw him I fell in love.

I am unsure on where to go from here, as I only want what is best for him, and his quality of life. I have discussed euthanasia with my vet, and I have an appointment booked for tomorrow evening. My main concern is he clearly is not responding to the treatments, he isn't eating, he's lost a lot of weight and he generally seems like he isn't comfortable.

But, the thought that the life of the animal I have sworn to keep safe and love and treasure is in my hands, and I am deciding to end it, fills me with enormous amounts of guilt.

Has anyone had any experience in putting a cat to sleep that is still so young, that was just a month ago so happy and hyper?

Is there any way that you can be certain it's time?

People say 'you will know when it's time' - what if it never feels like it's that time?

I have been blessed with 3 years of his incredible presence, but I wished and hoped and prayed for longer, I have absolutely fallen in love with him. The thought of him not being here with me breaks my heart.

I am so very sorry to hear this. It is incredibly difficult to deal with these sorts of things, especially when your cat is so young. You feel that he should have been alive for at least another decade, and we can feel so guilty. I understand, in a way, of the stress, guilt, and worry you are dealing with. Cleopatra may have cancer, although it is undiagnosed, and it could possibly be something else. But the stress, anxiety, fear, and worry have hounded be for the several weeks that I have known. I feel so bad for her, and yet, so very, very selfish. But we CAN be selfish in that way. I do not have much experience in this, and all I can really add is my support. In the end, you will make the proper decision.

In a way, we will never be certain when it is time. We will always doubt and ponder. And usually, it may NEVER feel like it is time.

There are so many complicated situations where you have to ponder if it IS really time. I know that in the end, you may have to PHTS. I do have to ask a few questions, though. Could it possibly be that he has quite a while with you left? Only you can truly know. If he is barely moving, and he looks absolutely miserable, then you should still follow through with your appointment tomorrow. I am wondering, though, maybe, since that horrible disease is spreading, he is feeling a little worse. Have you tried any appetite stimulators, or pain relief? I think that it is also a possibility that he could have started vomitting, and since it is an uncomfortable feeling, he has associated that with his food, so that is why he is refusing it.

I would have one last talk with your vet before you commit to it, and ask how long he would realistically have in the end, if you gave him pain relief or appetite stimulators. If the vet said that he could have a relatively pain-free life for at least several more months, I would go for that.

But in the end, whatever you choose WILL be the best decision for your kitty. I wish you lots of luck, and I will add my support and prayers for you.