Hi guys,
I wanted to share mine and Bailey's story. It's sad but I think it's beautiful... Forgive me, I'm sure it will be long. For anyone dealing with loss of a pet from CHF, it may be a good read. Writing this has been very cathartic for me, now that it's been 3.5 months since she's passed, and I haven't really thought about all of these details in the last month or so, so thank you for letting me get it all out here. Oh Bailey. [emoji]128149[/emoji]
Bailey has been my girl for about five years. An older cat around 11, she loved being outside. She was overall pretty healthy. Super vocal, a total prima donna, she loved to be the center of attention. Cuddles all the time, conversational about everything. She was the best roommate! smile.gif Best friends.
When I would go away on vacation, I would have friends stop in and check in on her daily. This was normal. This one particular vacation, my friends stopped in and mentioned that she was breathing funny. They took a video and sent it to me, told me she was making a funny sound when she breathed. While she looked like A little skinny in the video - she doesn't eat much when I'm not home - that was her normal purring sound. I would be returning in 2 days anyway, so I figured I'd check it out upon my return.
That's when everything changed. I got home and it was awful - she was so frail, lost so much weight, and her breathing was subdominal, though at the time I didn't know that was bad. She was acting strange, SO QUIET, for a moment I actually thought my friend lost my cat and replaced her with one she picked up at a shelter. That was the worst. Eventually she came around, I figured she was mad at me for having left her for a week - my girl had an attitude about everything when she was her normal self. (funny how I love that now, right?) However, she wasn't being snippy with me so I knew I had to take her to the vet. It was really late at night when I'd returned, so I couldn't take her then. We had an appt the next afternoon.
The next day she was being more of herself, cuddling with me during the night, being a little more chatty, maybe she really was just angry at me and couldn't eat because I was gone! She normally eats JUST enough to get by when I'm out of town.
She was still declining herself to the bedroom though and acting funny off and on. So I took her to the vet. It all just happened so sudden from there. The vet Heard her heartbeat, told me about subdominal breathing, told me their fears about potential heart failure. They took her back to an oxygen mask and they told me about the possibilities. Apparently they believed there to be fluid build up around her lungs. I was shocked. I felt so guilty that my leaving for vacation could have caused this, and he clarified that this has probably been an issue for months, and that cats are experts at hiding when something is wrong with them. It's what they do. And he reminded me that any stressful event would have caused this - whether it's me leaving and her having different people in to see her or something further down the line. He reminded me that this was inevitable, just depended on what stressful event for her would have set it off. Either way, I feel so lucky that we caught it when we did. That I came home when I did. My boyfriend came to the vet to be with me while we discussed potential options, I was a mess. She was my life. He went back to check on her and talked about how happy she seemed in the oxygen mask and recommended she go to the hospital to spend the night in an oxygen tank after he withdrew 50 mL of fluid from her chest. 50!! Wow. That poor little girl. The vet said she may be able to survive at home and he could give me diuretics, but I opted she go to the hospital. I didn't want to chance it - she hated traveling and he made it pretty clear that another stressful event (like driving again, in my mind) would have not been worth the risk.
So we took her to the hospital. They were just fantastic. I was a wreck, and they weren't totally sure what it was. They thought it was heart failure or sometnng else I can't remember. So. They kept her in an oxygen tank and took some X-rays and realized how bad the fluid buildup was and withdrew another 130 ML!!! HUNDRED AND THIRTY MORE. In this little cat's body. I was so upset, the poor thing. My Bailey Bean. [emoji]128542[/emoji][emoji]128542[/emoji][emoji]128542[/emoji] After they drained that, she seemed to be doing much better. Still not chatty but up and moving around. The next day they started to wean her off of the oxygen. That was Jan 2nd. I went in to pick her up in the afternoon, and the doctor recommended, depending on my budget, keeping her another night to monitor her without any oxygen. They had still been giving her diuretics because they still thought she could have had a certain type of heart failure where essentially the water she drinks goes straight to her cavity and fills her chest or if it was cancer. I let her stay. Again, I didn't want to risk having to take her back! The last morning - it had been 3 nights - I was going to pick her up. Then the doc coming on realized they could do a special test that would determine which kind of heart failure it was - because sending her home with diuretics, if this were the OTHER kind of heart failure or cancer, would actually hurt her. It was a damn $400 test to run, but I had to know. I'm so glad we did it!! This memory is actually super fuzzy right now so I may be getting some points backward, but the point is that we determined I could bring her home and did NOT want to prescribe the diuretics.
They told me they didn't know how long she had and that we could have weeks and that some patients get years. I had no clue what to expect, but I knew I had another vacation coming up in 3 months that I planned on canceling. No way I'm putting her through that again!! She came home with me and that was the best feeling ever. I was relieved when the doctors said she was doing better, had finally eaten something (apparently when there is fluid in their chest cats don't eat because they can't), and her spirits were better.
Oh my god I was so happy to have her home. Fortunately, I own a business and work from home, so I basically checked out - got the essential work done and just focused on her. Making her comfortable, cuddling her, laying with her, watching movies, counting her breaths, and she would lay on my chest and sleep on my arm. She always slept at least partially on me, we loved that. It was the best week. If I had to bartend, my boyfriend would go and spend a couple hours with her and watch tv so she'd only be alone an hour or 3 max. That was maybe 2 or 3 times. Her breathing was back down super normal!! By the end of the week, she was chatty, doing so well, having fun, eating! I gave her the best food, she loved it. I am just SO thankful we had that week together. She had gotten a little quiet the last couple days, but not bad, and her breathing was still great.
That Sunday, my boyfriend and I went shopping for a couple hours, and I freaked out telling him I'm not ready to lose her... Something in me just knew. He told me I wasn't going to yet. But something in me knew. And I was angry. Not at her, but at life, that I wasn't ready. I just wasn't ready.
We got home, and she was acting funny. Her breathing was so fast. My heart fell. I called the ER and they asked if I wanted to bring her in. I just started crying. I was so scared. Seth went out and got the car, and I wrapped her in her favorite blanket. It was raining outside, bad, and even on a good day it's a solid 15 minutes to the ER. She was walking around the truck when we got in, panicking a little, but I was telling her it would be fine, we'd be there soon... I saw her struggling to breathe. She was trying but just couldn't. She walked into my lap and tried nuzzling my hand the way she did when we'd cuddle and she'd tell me she loved me, twice... She was trying to hard to breathe and she just couldn't. At this point, I was sobbing. I was just holding her, sobbing, demanding Seth go faster. It was just the worst experience in the world. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I lost her at some point in my arms and I just held her tighter, telling her I love her... And we made it to the ER. She was laying on my lap the way she always loved to fit with me. We checked, and she was gone. I just stayed in the car with her for a good 20 minutes... Crying...heaving... Holding her... Telling her I loved her... And apologizing for not getting her there sooner... And Seth had gone in to talk to them. He came back with information about cremation... And he carried her in, in her favorite blanket. I asked if there was any way they could cremate her in it.
That was the hardest night of my life, in 28 years on this earth. We went home and I asked Seth that whenever she passed if we could pick up her stuff so it wouldn't be a constant reminder, so while I was making calls on the couch, he wa great and handled it... The next morning though, the place felt a little empty... So I took rhe bag and sprinkled her toys around. smile.gif [emoji]128524[/emoji]
It's been 3 and a half months since January 10th. But I fully believe that she was ready. I feel SO LUCKY that I got that last week with her, she knew to keep alive and to not have to have me make that decision for her. We got that last week of bonding, love, and pure joy. And our five years together before it were a hell of a ride. She was who taught me how to love unconditionally, what it meant for a mother's love. i fully believe that she felt like Seth could take care of me from there. She loved him, she knew he loved me. She just knew she could pass on and that he would be there. She had taken care of me Emotionally through everything before him. And she was right.
There were so many things that were happening in 2016 that I didn't know how we'd deal with, but I just knew we'd figure out somehow. I picked up a second business, and I knew I'd want to spend time at my new office for my normal business (even though I didn't have to - I'm much more productive there!) Not to mention, Seth has a dog and we'd be moving in together at some point. And there are coyotes where he lives, so I didn't think she'd be able to go outside. So many variables. It all would have worked itself out, but I think this is the beautiful way it did. It was her time. I miss her EVERY day. I probably think about falling asleep with her once a week. I look at hr Ashes and her paw print and I miss her. A tear rolls down my cheek. But just recently, a friend of mine whose dog she was friends with passed away. I think they're together now. Losing her taught me so many things, how to be vulnerable. And accept sadness. And embrace it. I was so lucky to have her, and she me. So lucky. [emoji]128149[/emoji]
I wanted to share mine and Bailey's story. It's sad but I think it's beautiful... Forgive me, I'm sure it will be long. For anyone dealing with loss of a pet from CHF, it may be a good read. Writing this has been very cathartic for me, now that it's been 3.5 months since she's passed, and I haven't really thought about all of these details in the last month or so, so thank you for letting me get it all out here. Oh Bailey. [emoji]128149[/emoji]
Bailey has been my girl for about five years. An older cat around 11, she loved being outside. She was overall pretty healthy. Super vocal, a total prima donna, she loved to be the center of attention. Cuddles all the time, conversational about everything. She was the best roommate! smile.gif Best friends.
When I would go away on vacation, I would have friends stop in and check in on her daily. This was normal. This one particular vacation, my friends stopped in and mentioned that she was breathing funny. They took a video and sent it to me, told me she was making a funny sound when she breathed. While she looked like A little skinny in the video - she doesn't eat much when I'm not home - that was her normal purring sound. I would be returning in 2 days anyway, so I figured I'd check it out upon my return.
That's when everything changed. I got home and it was awful - she was so frail, lost so much weight, and her breathing was subdominal, though at the time I didn't know that was bad. She was acting strange, SO QUIET, for a moment I actually thought my friend lost my cat and replaced her with one she picked up at a shelter. That was the worst. Eventually she came around, I figured she was mad at me for having left her for a week - my girl had an attitude about everything when she was her normal self. (funny how I love that now, right?) However, she wasn't being snippy with me so I knew I had to take her to the vet. It was really late at night when I'd returned, so I couldn't take her then. We had an appt the next afternoon.
The next day she was being more of herself, cuddling with me during the night, being a little more chatty, maybe she really was just angry at me and couldn't eat because I was gone! She normally eats JUST enough to get by when I'm out of town.
She was still declining herself to the bedroom though and acting funny off and on. So I took her to the vet. It all just happened so sudden from there. The vet Heard her heartbeat, told me about subdominal breathing, told me their fears about potential heart failure. They took her back to an oxygen mask and they told me about the possibilities. Apparently they believed there to be fluid build up around her lungs. I was shocked. I felt so guilty that my leaving for vacation could have caused this, and he clarified that this has probably been an issue for months, and that cats are experts at hiding when something is wrong with them. It's what they do. And he reminded me that any stressful event would have caused this - whether it's me leaving and her having different people in to see her or something further down the line. He reminded me that this was inevitable, just depended on what stressful event for her would have set it off. Either way, I feel so lucky that we caught it when we did. That I came home when I did. My boyfriend came to the vet to be with me while we discussed potential options, I was a mess. She was my life. He went back to check on her and talked about how happy she seemed in the oxygen mask and recommended she go to the hospital to spend the night in an oxygen tank after he withdrew 50 mL of fluid from her chest. 50!! Wow. That poor little girl. The vet said she may be able to survive at home and he could give me diuretics, but I opted she go to the hospital. I didn't want to chance it - she hated traveling and he made it pretty clear that another stressful event (like driving again, in my mind) would have not been worth the risk.
So we took her to the hospital. They were just fantastic. I was a wreck, and they weren't totally sure what it was. They thought it was heart failure or sometnng else I can't remember. So. They kept her in an oxygen tank and took some X-rays and realized how bad the fluid buildup was and withdrew another 130 ML!!! HUNDRED AND THIRTY MORE. In this little cat's body. I was so upset, the poor thing. My Bailey Bean. [emoji]128542[/emoji][emoji]128542[/emoji][emoji]128542[/emoji] After they drained that, she seemed to be doing much better. Still not chatty but up and moving around. The next day they started to wean her off of the oxygen. That was Jan 2nd. I went in to pick her up in the afternoon, and the doctor recommended, depending on my budget, keeping her another night to monitor her without any oxygen. They had still been giving her diuretics because they still thought she could have had a certain type of heart failure where essentially the water she drinks goes straight to her cavity and fills her chest or if it was cancer. I let her stay. Again, I didn't want to risk having to take her back! The last morning - it had been 3 nights - I was going to pick her up. Then the doc coming on realized they could do a special test that would determine which kind of heart failure it was - because sending her home with diuretics, if this were the OTHER kind of heart failure or cancer, would actually hurt her. It was a damn $400 test to run, but I had to know. I'm so glad we did it!! This memory is actually super fuzzy right now so I may be getting some points backward, but the point is that we determined I could bring her home and did NOT want to prescribe the diuretics.
They told me they didn't know how long she had and that we could have weeks and that some patients get years. I had no clue what to expect, but I knew I had another vacation coming up in 3 months that I planned on canceling. No way I'm putting her through that again!! She came home with me and that was the best feeling ever. I was relieved when the doctors said she was doing better, had finally eaten something (apparently when there is fluid in their chest cats don't eat because they can't), and her spirits were better.
Oh my god I was so happy to have her home. Fortunately, I own a business and work from home, so I basically checked out - got the essential work done and just focused on her. Making her comfortable, cuddling her, laying with her, watching movies, counting her breaths, and she would lay on my chest and sleep on my arm. She always slept at least partially on me, we loved that. It was the best week. If I had to bartend, my boyfriend would go and spend a couple hours with her and watch tv so she'd only be alone an hour or 3 max. That was maybe 2 or 3 times. Her breathing was back down super normal!! By the end of the week, she was chatty, doing so well, having fun, eating! I gave her the best food, she loved it. I am just SO thankful we had that week together. She had gotten a little quiet the last couple days, but not bad, and her breathing was still great.
That Sunday, my boyfriend and I went shopping for a couple hours, and I freaked out telling him I'm not ready to lose her... Something in me just knew. He told me I wasn't going to yet. But something in me knew. And I was angry. Not at her, but at life, that I wasn't ready. I just wasn't ready.
We got home, and she was acting funny. Her breathing was so fast. My heart fell. I called the ER and they asked if I wanted to bring her in. I just started crying. I was so scared. Seth went out and got the car, and I wrapped her in her favorite blanket. It was raining outside, bad, and even on a good day it's a solid 15 minutes to the ER. She was walking around the truck when we got in, panicking a little, but I was telling her it would be fine, we'd be there soon... I saw her struggling to breathe. She was trying but just couldn't. She walked into my lap and tried nuzzling my hand the way she did when we'd cuddle and she'd tell me she loved me, twice... She was trying to hard to breathe and she just couldn't. At this point, I was sobbing. I was just holding her, sobbing, demanding Seth go faster. It was just the worst experience in the world. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I lost her at some point in my arms and I just held her tighter, telling her I love her... And we made it to the ER. She was laying on my lap the way she always loved to fit with me. We checked, and she was gone. I just stayed in the car with her for a good 20 minutes... Crying...heaving... Holding her... Telling her I loved her... And apologizing for not getting her there sooner... And Seth had gone in to talk to them. He came back with information about cremation... And he carried her in, in her favorite blanket. I asked if there was any way they could cremate her in it.
That was the hardest night of my life, in 28 years on this earth. We went home and I asked Seth that whenever she passed if we could pick up her stuff so it wouldn't be a constant reminder, so while I was making calls on the couch, he wa great and handled it... The next morning though, the place felt a little empty... So I took rhe bag and sprinkled her toys around. smile.gif [emoji]128524[/emoji]
It's been 3 and a half months since January 10th. But I fully believe that she was ready. I feel SO LUCKY that I got that last week with her, she knew to keep alive and to not have to have me make that decision for her. We got that last week of bonding, love, and pure joy. And our five years together before it were a hell of a ride. She was who taught me how to love unconditionally, what it meant for a mother's love. i fully believe that she felt like Seth could take care of me from there. She loved him, she knew he loved me. She just knew she could pass on and that he would be there. She had taken care of me Emotionally through everything before him. And she was right.
There were so many things that were happening in 2016 that I didn't know how we'd deal with, but I just knew we'd figure out somehow. I picked up a second business, and I knew I'd want to spend time at my new office for my normal business (even though I didn't have to - I'm much more productive there!) Not to mention, Seth has a dog and we'd be moving in together at some point. And there are coyotes where he lives, so I didn't think she'd be able to go outside. So many variables. It all would have worked itself out, but I think this is the beautiful way it did. It was her time. I miss her EVERY day. I probably think about falling asleep with her once a week. I look at hr Ashes and her paw print and I miss her. A tear rolls down my cheek. But just recently, a friend of mine whose dog she was friends with passed away. I think they're together now. Losing her taught me so many things, how to be vulnerable. And accept sadness. And embrace it. I was so lucky to have her, and she me. So lucky. [emoji]128149[/emoji]
