Let's Babble Our Way to Post #4,000,000 And Win Prizes Too!

Margd said:

 
How awful.  My heart goes out to the young @Kittens Mom and your siblings.  Your siblings would undoubtedly feel so much better if they could make the break that you did.  Parents who are this cruel to their young children deserve to spend their last years alone.  Actually, parents who are this cruel to their young children should have those kids taken away.  It's easy for me to be an armchair expert, but I really hate to see kids mistreated. Much the way that mistreatment of animals affects me - they are young and innocent.  (Not to say that young children are animals...) (I've got myself in a tangle here and am now going to slink off quietly)

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I never had a bond with my mother. Certainly not with my sperm donor. As siblings we were so busy surviving that we never formed close bonds either. It was incredibly easy to walk away and never look back. My brother showed up out of no where about 4 years ago. It was brief and uncomfortable and we pretended for about a week after he got home that things were good. I really resented him hunting me down. And I probably showed. It got worse when he kept mentioning all the things mother would disapprove of. I was also a bit shocked because a family member told me in 94 my mother had died of a stroke. She's had several so it wasn't a big surprise.

It is the reason as I walked by that nasty mother yanking her little boy around I told her to knock it off and just kept going.

Handsome Kitty said:

 
I understand completely.  It's curious, in my family there were 9 kids (Irish Catholic) and the older ones had it rougher.  When they were older they would help us hide our misdeeds and keep us out of trouble.  My mother also finally threatened to have him arrested if he hit her or any of the kids again.  They finally separated when I was 16.  It took my dad sitting in a chair in the front room with his hunting gun and said I'm gonna get this one for that etc. We had all left and one sister returned home unaware he was on a tear and heard him as she was hiding in the bedroom off the front of the house. 

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I asked a favorite Aunt about my parents once. She confided they had always fought. My parents were horrible to each other. And when ever they fought really bad my mother would pack her bag and announce she was taking my baby sister but not me because she didn't want me around either. It's amazing that the short note I got from her 4 years ago she says she doesn't understand why we were never close.

The good news there are people who intervened and took care of me. And many of my friends are as brothers and sisters.

Your father sounds like a real peach. Women in my mother's generation were afraid to leave. Often being left with nothing but the children. I don't believe my mother ever wanted children. it was just expected then. She is in spite of my dislike for her personally a highly intelligent woman who often turned down jobs that would have been equal to my fathers pay. He outright forbade her to work. After all who was gonna pour his bowl of cereal in the morning. ( another long sad story)

On the topic of abusive family members:

My grandfather (my mother's father) was both physically and mentally/psychologically abusive. My mother had four siblings, 2 sisters and 2 brothers. The oldest of her brothers was hit by a car when he was 5 and survived but he was a little mentally challenged from then on. My mom and her siblings think that my grandfather may have sexually abused their mentally challenged brother as well.

My great-grandfather on my mom's side was much the same as his son, except he was for sure 100% a child molester and every time he came to visit my grandmother would literllay camp out in front of my mom and her 2 sister's room (my mom and my 2 aunts shared a room the entire time they lived together) she would sleep sitting up against the door just to make sure my great-grandfather wouldn't go in there and molest them.

My grandmother got into a car accident when she was 18 and got her top 4 front-teeth knocked out and had to wear dentures for the rest of her life. Well, one night my grandfather came home drunk and knocked her dentures off of the kitchen counter and broke them in half. Then when he was sober and she confronted him about it, he outright refused to buy her new ones. When she protested, he shoved her down the stairs. She then had to work her butt off at the supermarket to pay for her new set of dentures.


There was another story about my grandfather that really stuck out in my mind:

I can't quite remember what my uncle Bill (the non mentally challenged uncle) did that made my grandfather so mad. But My mom and my aunts said that there was one time when my grandfather chased him up the stairs and into one of the 2nd sory bedrooms and cornered him by the window (which was open and my uncle was trying to get out the window). He grabbed my uncle by the throat and held him out over the edge of the window (so his head and torso were out in the open air while his legs and feet were still barely inside the house) and my grandfather basically almost strangled him to death right there. My mom said he had ligature marks on his neck for quite a while.

And I've heard SEVERAL other stories about him.

My mom's family cut him out of their lives. I only met him once when I was very young and I remember he gave my sister (who looked like a literal clone of my mom at her age) a toy orca and I remember wanting a toy as well (he had sooo many) and he would not give me one. 16 years later I found out that the reason he refused to give me a toy was because I looked too much like may father and that my grandfather didn't think I was my mother's child (he outright told her that)!!! Which is ridiculous!!! I mean I can see someone doubting who a child's father is, but the mother??? What???

but anyway he died a few years ago and literally nobody in his family went to his funeral or even cared at all.



ANYWAY, Back to the topic of cats:

This poor kitty showed up outside my house tonight (I was on skype with my boyfriend- sorry, I forgot to edit his face out of the pics):

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I went to put some food and water out for it and by the time I got back it had gone. So I left a bowl of dry food and a bowl of water out for him/her just in case he/she comes back.

UPDATE: I just went to check and see if any of the food had been eaten and the bowl was totally empty!!! The poor thing must have been starving!

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ANYWAY, Back to the topic of cats:

This poor kitty showed up outside my house tonight (I was on skype with my boyfriend- sorry, I forgot to edit his face out of the pics):

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I went to put some food and water out for it and by the time I got back it had gone. So I left a bowl of dry food and a bowl of water out for him/her just in case he/she comes back.

UPDATE: I just went to check and see if any of the food had been eaten and the bowl was totally empty!!! The poor thing must have been starving!

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Starving and   dehydrated from the looks of it!

Well, about my night at work; I don't know whether to be disgusted, or impressed. When I was cleaning the men's room I discovered that some enterprising man had written "Deadpool" on the wall--in urine. On the one hand--ick! That's urine! I hate cleaning that up and off of a wall? On the other hand, the writing was legible (I'm not thinking about why too hard), and the sheer volume  of urine that was needed to write that out was--astounding. And guess what? I get to do the whole thing over tonight!  I was supposed to be off until Sunday! (Still on  for Sunday!) Still--could be worse. I've learned how to stock, make coffee, do returns and manual coupons and how to force my register to restart (it locked up last night and I had to call the assistant manager to help me out). So--I'm learning new things, which is always good. 

Tallyollyopia said:

 
Starving and   dehydrated from the looks of it!

Well, about my night at work; I don't know whether to be disgusted, or impressed. When I was cleaning the men's room I discovered that some enterprising man had written "Deadpool" on the wall--in urine. On the one hand--ick! That's urine! I hate cleaning that up and off of a wall? On the other hand, the writing was legible (I'm not thinking about why too hard), and the sheer volume  of urine that was needed to write that out was--astounding. And guess what? I get to do the whole thing over tonight! 

I was supposed to be off until Sunday! (Still on  for Sunday!) Still--could be worse. I've learned how to stock, make coffee, do returns and manual coupons and how to force my register to restart (it locked up last night and I had to call the assistant manager to help me out). So--I'm learning new things, which is always good. 

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When you are giving interviews and writing your autobiography as a famous author, these are the kinds of stories that will come in useful.  Sometimes, that is the only way to look at certain experiences.   I think you have exactly the right attitude - disgust with reluctant admiration.  Humor often comes in very useful! 

@Raina21 I hope we'll get to see and hear more about your kitty visitor.  Poor little baby. 

kittens mom that was horrible what you went through. I have my mom but my father, I've not talked to him in 10 years. The last time I talked to him was only because my sister got married. After that, I cut all ties. He was mentally abusive and the really sad thing, he doesn't understand why we say that. It's complicated and not gonna go into it, but it was pretty bad, and out of five kids, he only has two that talk to him. And of those two, only one (my sister) really likes to see him. My brother that still talks to him just tolerates him.

raina21 awww what a poor little kitty that came up there! I have a feeling you'll be having a visitor on a regular basis now. And as for the other thing (pee on the wall), after what I saw last night (some people post way too crazy things on FB) I can totally imagine someone having that volume of urine.

Motoblot today! I'm so excited! I had to print out my ticket for this one (they don't take it from the phone for this show) so have to remember to bring it with me.

I am hoping that now we the survivors are speaking up, maybe this will shame some people to stop their behavior. I remember just 10 years ago we never talked about sexual abuse that goes on. Especially the older generations. Many of them took those secrets to the grave. Unfortunately it just created another generation of abusers. They learn from someone. I am thankful for people being so courageous and speaking up against these things. I don't know what I would do if I found out someone in my family has hurt a child.

I have tried to move on from the past but sometimes I want to cut them all out of my life. There are new people who get involved in other family members lives but they don't know the history. These are the people who make snide remarks about disrespectful children. Oh I just want to slap them. They don't know what we went through or how we managed to save ourselves. I remember a person who kept saying I have to forgive so and so..I said I would if this person changed their behavior but when they make demands on the adult children who both work a lot of hours you would think they would be more understanding.

I know a family member kept hinting to move in to someones home and we all ignored the question. This person was pretty brazen by saying it would be no big deal. Ummm no. There's a reason we all moved so far away from each other. I can't change people so I look for other people to be around that don't have these bad behaviors. I know most of the time I am quite content to sit in this room at home by myself. I never miss big family get togethers. We do get together a few times a year but it's usually very uncomfortable and we talk about whatever but this family member gets impatient and is always saying, "you already told me" so of course makes me not want to talk..so I love this online community. I can step away and come back whenever.

I am sorry for all who had to live through what you lived through. You know that none of it was your fault, right? We were kids who just wanted to be loved and accepted. We did the best we could with what we had. I never want to go back to being younger. The older I get I love it. I feel like age has given me wisdom and strength that I didn't have much of as a younger person. But I also want to say that I don't know it all and some things still confuse me. I think its very healthy to cut people out of your life if they are harming you. You don't have to put up with disrespect even if they are "family". that doesn't give them a free pass to harass you. Cut them loose.

@foxycat  and all the rest. Much like talking about the pain of losing one of our felines sharing these experiences opens up the door for anyone who has been lived through any abuse. You really were never alone.

It's been uplifting to hear everyone's stories and how you support each other. I came from an abusive home myself and married an abusive man. I don't know that I can describe any of it because it's like reliving it. My sons and I did cut off my husband pretty much, and after he moved out of state, neither of them would have anything to do with him. It was a good thing. His final six years were miserable, and his mistress (the cause of our divorce) repeatedly begged my sons to come there and take care of him, but they refused. No one showed up until he was on his deathbed. I got there an hour before he died. In the end, the man who bragged about how much money he had and how successful he was died alone and destitute. His estate was insolvent, and my sons were not able to pay all of his debts.

It helps to write about all of this. I kept a diary for years that I used to vent about the frustration and terror I felt. I still have PTSD to some extent, and 30 years later, my dreams are still full of my husband verbally and emotionally assaulting me.

No abuse in my family that I know of apart from what was considered normal (slapping,smack on the backside, being sent to bed without supper etc).

However, I don't speak to my sister who lives just 12 miles away. Apparently she has always felt that my father considered me his favorite  and that I "got away with everything". As a younger sister I was probably a pain in the neck to her but that does not give her cart blanch to insult me every chance she gets.

When a bowling meeting is more important to her than the graduation from university (I'm the only one in the family to do so at the age of 33 while raising a family as a single parent) that rankles but I looked past it. The insults continued over the next decades, belittling me over anything she could think of. Still there was a tenuous relationship.

My daughter passed away and my sister had to be dragged to my house by my older daughter to just express condolences.

The final straw? Her youngest son got married, my older daughter, who is her godchild although she has never done a thing for her, was invited but I was not. My brother came from overseas, the other two siblings, also overseas but in different countries, could not come although they had been invited. Insult to injury: some weeks later I received an e-mail with a huge pile of photographs from the wedding sent to me by her oldest son. I decided then that I did not need  such a person in my life. My brother told me via e-mail that I am not the only one she treats like that, that her alienating people is going to be her loss and she is going to die a miserable and lonely old woman. I seldom think of her and I don't miss her one bit. 

I also do not have any relationship with my second son. He is intelligent but has not done anything with his intelligence worth while, blames everyone and anything for the things that are not right in his life, picks verbal fights and then says in an injured tone of of voice "I know, it's always me" when called on it. I don't know if he does that elsewhere but he sure does it within the family. He has a huge vocabulary and might be pulling the wool over people's eyes who don't know any better, but family knows and are not taken in by him so I think that makes him mad and thus he picks the fights.

He also takes advantage of the good heart of people, asking for favors that he says he will pay for but then only pays half of the agreed on price; but if he  does somebody a favor he will remind them of it forever saying they "owe" him. Who needs that?  My older son who lives close to him has distanced himself as much as he can for just that reason and I don't need his niggling remarks.

It's too bad when family members feel like that about each other but it is better to just stay apart with one's chosen friends or even just stay alone instead of making each other miserable. 

All right, so I'm up. AWM woke me up because Rose was smelling like infection from her tail, and we needed to take her to the vet. We called, before we ever went, and explained our financial situation to the clinic. We explained it again at  the clinic. The vet told us that the entire procedure to clean, disinfect, and give Rose antibiotics would be two hundred and fifty dollars. So, attempting to be reasonable, I explained our financial situation (again!!!) and asked if there was some way that we could make a payment plan, just to make sure that she got the care she needed. The vet--the prick!!!!--said, "No, we only allow payment plans for big procedures." 

Well, we got the antibiotics, but the wound still needs cleaned and flushed. Luckily, between AWM and I we have medical experience. (AWM was a combat medic and an OR tech, and I'm a trained EMT-B). So--what do we need to know to do it ourselves? We know the fur around the wound needs clipped, we know the wound needs washed (AWM's preparing a saline solution for that now), and we have the antibiotics that she needs once a day for a week. Is there anything we can use as a sedative, or do we just need to resign ourselves to scratches? Advice would be appreciated (we can  do this; it was covered in both of our trainings), I'll be checking again when I get up to get ready for work. (Times like this makes me wish RB also had some kind of medical training, but he doesn't have the stomach for it--his words, not mine.)

Tallyollyopia said:

 
All right, so I'm up. AWM woke me up because Rose was smelling like infection from her tail, and we needed to take her to the vet. We called, before we ever went, and explained our financial situation to the clinic. We explained it again at  the clinic. The vet told us that the entire procedure to clean, disinfect, and give Rose antibiotics would be two hundred and fifty dollars. So, attempting to be reasonable, I explained our financial situation (again!!!) and asked if there was some way that we could make a payment plan, just to make sure that she got the care she needed. The vet--the prick!!!!--said, "No, we only allow payment plans for big procedures." 

Well, we got the antibiotics, but the wound still needs cleaned and flushed. Luckily, between AWM and I we have medical experience. (AWM was a combat medic and an OR tech, and I'm a trained EMT-B). So--what do we need to know to do it ourselves? We know the fur around the wound needs clipped, we know the wound needs washed (AWM's preparing a saline solution for that now), and we have the antibiotics that she needs once a day for a week. Is there anything we can use as a sedative, or do we just need to resign ourselves to scratches? Advice would be appreciated (we can  do this; it was covered in both of our trainings), I'll be checking again when I get up to get ready for work. (Times like this makes me wish RB also had some kind of medical training, but he doesn't have the stomach for it--his words, not mine.)

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I don't have any words of wisdom about cleaning and flushing the wound, but there might be a way for you to get a payment plan.  There is something called CareCap that sets up payment plans with vets for you, after you've been turned down.  http://carecap.com/consumer/how-it-works/  I've never used them so don't know much about them, only that they exist.  I'm sure you have to pay someone a fee at some point so obviously it would be better if your vet would work with you directly but if it turns out you do need additional vet care...well, you might try them. 

Good luck with everything.  It sounds like you and AWM are certainly up to the job with the backgrounds and training you both have. 

RAD RAW RECALL...PLEASE READ  I just found this on one of my rescue sites. 

I'll be back later to "really" post.  I thought here would be the fastest way to get word out.

You'll have to copy and paste...I can't get the link function to work.

http://blog.theanimalrescuesite.com/radagast-cat-recall/

you can also try CareCredit. I used that when I was hit was a $3,000 bill for Panthera. CareCredit can be used for any kind of medical expense, human or animal. For the first 12 months there was no interest so it behooves one to pay off the bill within the 12 months (which I did). However, one warning: if the bill is NOT paid within the 12 months then you owe interest not only on the remaining balance but on the original amount. This is in the very small print and is why I made sure I would pay it off within the 12 months. This was 3 years ago so you may want to check if they still have 12 months without interest.

Seems to me that CareCap may be a better deal if it takes more than 12 months to pay off the amount. 

Its hot as heck in the house. I think we will put the AC in the window but the air in the shade is not hot at all. I so much prefer fresh air. air conditioning dries my sinus out, the girls insisted on going outside. Each kitty found a piece of shade to stretch out. Theres no humidity so its not too bad. I shut the windows shut the blinds and a fan is running. Its not bad. I think I will dip in the shower to cool off if it doesn't cool down soon. I should be outside but I did a ton of weeding last night and today is my I'm going to play on the computer day. 

Originally Posted by Margret  /img/forum/go_quote.gif
>HUGE SNIP<

She was widely criticized by know-nothing strangers when we were little for using a harness and leash on us in stores, so we couldn't be kidnapped or lost -- "How dare you treat your child like a dog?!"  But we were never kidnapped, we didn't get separated from her, and we weren't scarred for life by it.

Margret

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I love those.  I'd so much rather see a child in a harness roaming safely to the end of the leash than being grabbed by the arm and hauled around...or worse, running amok as Mom tries desperately to shop and  ​keep up with their child.  Grocery stores with carts aren't so bad, but malls and department stores are horrid!  My dad was practically reared on one.  In fact, there was a runner in their back yard that his lead could be attached to.  Before anyone has hysterics about this, the family lived near the Tex/Mex border, out on a ranch and there were mesquite bushes EVERYWHERE.  A grown man could easily get lost in a mesquite thicket, and since small children can get away so quickly, this was an additional safety measure to keep him from getting lost and dying in the Texas heat (or night cold), 

Mamanyt1953 said:

 
I love those.  I'd so much rather see a child in a harness roaming safely to the end of the leash than being grabbed by the arm and hauled around...or worse, running amok as Mom tries desperately to shop and  ​keep up with their child.  Grocery stores with carts aren't so bad, but malls and department stores are horrid!  My dad was practically reared on one.  In fact, there was a runner in their back yard that his lead could be attached to.  Before anyone has hysterics about this, the family lived near the Tex/Mex border, out on a ranch and there were mesquite bushes EVERYWHERE.  A grown man could easily get lost in a mesquite thicket, and since small children can get away so quickly, this was an additional safety measure to keep him from getting lost and dying in the Texas heat (or night cold), 

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The desert looks flat even if there aren't mesquite. We had a woman get lost and her child ended up dying of exposure. They were not that far from the highway.

It might be a good idea for those adult hikers up in the Sandia Mountains. They seem to go lost on a regular basis on trails.

Out of curiosity I looked on Amazon. There are lots of them advertised and just as many with excellent ratings.

I think this is an excellent trend to start. Rather a child on a leash than a missing child. So its getting later in the day and I still didn't do anything other than read all day. I also have weird stomach ache and not feeling all that well. I am glad I can stay home and lay down-hopefully it will clear up soon.

I could have used one for my youngest child.  He was off in a flash in parking lots and was unaware of the cars around him.

It feels warm today.  I missed my walk this morning so am off to wander in the pool.  I can't swim - my shape is too unwieldy and I just get stuck in one spot and can't seem to move forward. 

A swim sounds heavenly. I always loved laying on my back watching the sky. I cant float well unless I keep moving. The water has a way of soothing the soul...